Dom/Sub & BDSM not kinks.....
 

Hey TFPers,

I have participated in these (BDSM) activities at least only once and I think I enjoyed it?? Well, to me I don't think that BDSM is a kink. I categorize a kink as something that brings you sexual pleasure. When I was being a submissive party, I got no pleasure at all, and note, I have no desire to be a dominant person, I just cant imagine bringing anyone any sort of pain.

When I was being a sub, I WANTED to be humiliated. I had met the girl over the internet so I mentally prepped myself. And my GOD she was beautiful it was easy. I thought all kind of great over the top thoughts about her, you know, stuff like how pure she is and put her way over there on the pedestal!!! The only rule was no cursing, then you loose value.

Anyway, point is, I WANTED her sharp reprimand, I WANTED to be punished for whatever reason and also, I WANTED to feel like she was better than me. I was willing to endure pain both physical and mental. But here's the thing though, I NEVER once felt ANY sexual pleasure at all...... I did enjoy it, but much like a sport. TFPers, whats your take on this. Do you do any BDSM stuff, do you enjoy it, and finally does it bring you the same sensation akin to an orgasm?? I know I never got one, but I am really starting to think I like being a sub.....hmmmm

Many people, especially those who do cannot relax authority in their career, family, social groups etc., find great (non-sexual) release in the total submission of their will to another.

I have seen it expressed that the desire to be submit to a Domme is equivalent to the desire to submit to God that some people feel.

In essence, you do not get rewarded with an orgasm, but your do achieve the same sense of release and excitement that people refer to as religious ecstasy, or nirvana.

For me submission is more then a kink - it is something I NEED. The first time I took my role as a sub and let myself put my entire heart and mind and soul into someone elses hands was such a release, it was something I had been looking for my entire life but had never realised exactly how deep that need ran. It was the type of happiness and bliss that balls up in a knot in the centre of your chest and brings tears to your eyes but you can't stop smiling.

You guys and girls probably know me alot better then most of the people that know me in real life, you know I am human that I have weaknesses and insecurities, that I have problems just like everyone else.

People that know me face to face don't always realise this, to them they see the good job, good relationship and the outwardly happy face. They see something more then they are. My friends will often commiserate over the issues in their life and then look at me and ask why I hang around with them when my life seems so much better then theirs, that everything is working for me.

In some ways that's great but in others it's terrible because unwittingly by expecting my life to be as good as they think it is they put pressure on me to have that perfect life. To be strong and in control all the time, even when all I want to do is curl up in a bath tub full of bubbles and have a good cry I feel that I can't. On top of that is the guilt from not being as good and wonderful as everyone seems to think I am.

When I assume my submissive role, all of that just falls away. I am allowed to be weak, I can cry and scream and just feel for that period of time and I know that my Dom will always be there to catch me, physically, mentally or emotionally. I know that I'm really truly safe.

I can just give all my fears and worries, all the pressure I feel is sometimes to much to bear, into the arms of another.

Do I always get an orgasm out of it - no, sometimes the entire point is that I don't. To me submission is about more then getting sexual release it is about acknowledging a part of my soul that craves peace.




Despite all that I have just written it still doesn't truly sum up the emotions in me when I decide to submit to someone else, the vulnerability, the intimacy the knowledge that this person has seen all the things that I have been raised to believe are flaws in my character, they've seen all that and accepted it and even love me in a way because of it. A sadistic Dom/me is even better because they understand that the pain leaves me feel exhausted and hurting but contented and cleansed. In the aftermath of a good whipping or beating I feel with the purity that I associate with being a child, I feel like a blank canvas just waiting to be turned into a masterpiece by life.

I guess the Dom/ sub relationship is one of those rare things that you either understand deep down inside you in your heart of hearts, or you don't.

Sorry if that seems a bit rambling - I can't really find a way to compress my thoughts on the issue though.

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I think Xerys that you might be confusing masochism and submission - they are not the same thing. Masochists find pleasure in physical pain, submissives do not necessarily do so. Same as you can have a Dom / Domme who hates to cause physical pain you can have a submissive who dislikes being in physical pain.

mas-och-ism
-noun

1. Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.


Sub-miss-ive
-adjective

1. Inclined or ready to submit; acknowledging one's inferiority; yielding; obedient; humble.

"Not at his feet submissive in distress, Creature so fair his reconcilement seeking. --Milton."

2. Showing a readiness to submit; expressing submission; as, a submissive demeanor.

"With a submissive step I hasted down. --Prior."

Syn: Obedient; compliant; yielding; obsequious; subservient; humble; modest; passive.

Your right, I have confused both, but I've also participated in both activities. The term BDSM is ..... well,

>>from wikipedia<<

I have once been the submissive party, been bound, whipped, spanked, chained ..etc but I simply cannot place myself in the other half of the participants mindset hence the lack of understanding of the total dynamic. Thanks Hyacinthe and Daniel_.

Why only 2 replies out of 61 views? Should this thread be in off the wayside or is this topic that insurmountably incomprehensible without experience?

What I've experienced (very limited) falls more into the category of hankyspanky to spice things up than BDSM. I can understand, or at least think that I do, BDSM as part of a sexual experience, but that's about it.

Xerxys, though its not quite the same, I'd like to direct you to something I wrote about the lifestyle awhile ago though I didnt post it here until 2007, 621 views and it got there are 10 replies lol. I have been in the lifestyle for a very long time. By nature Im the dominant, meeting Dave allowed me to tap in to the submissive in me and for that I will always be thankful, there is something soooooo freeing about it for me, hopefully you wont find it to long to read, but I think it will give you some insight to "me" and how I view the life.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/general...ts-master.html

Yeah, I actually think it's the latter.

The first people lurkette and I "were poly" with, the husband is a classic submissive masochist. Literally cannot orgasm without pain. And it was... incomprehensible to me. Even after watching it several times, I still just can't really fathom it.

I like the way Hyacinthe says it--it really is something you either get or you don't. In his case, he's very clear the incidents in his early childhood that associated pain and arousal for him. It's a hard-wired association for him, and it's not for me, and ultimately, we all concluded, that's just the way it is.

He'd actually be very happy being a lifestyle submissive, but she wants a partner, not a pet. Still, she finds it useful; when there are dishes to be done, for instance, the right kind of sharp instruction from her gets them done very quickly.

Wow, Shani, thanks for the article, awesome post, I wonder why it got such little response though.... It defintaley brings A LOT to light. I have so much to learn.

In my years here, I have found that there really aren't enough of us to really carry on the kind of conversation you're looking for lol. Some people really just dont get its not always about sex (even though that part can be fantastic) it about a way of life that you need to be hard wired to understand the depths to which it can take you to in your life.

Yeah, sadly if you don't have any real frame of reference for B&D/S&M things, you really don't understand it at all.

Heck, I can't even get either of the women in my life to understand my B&D desires. They'll let me tie them up, but they don't really want to submit to anything. So, I think of the majority of folks who read this, they just don't know what to say.

Pretty much, but that doesn't mean it isn't interesting to read about. I'm just not sure that I have anything to contribute to the conversation.