Still in Contact with your 1st?
 

How many people out there are still on friendly terms with the person with whom they lost their virginity?

I started thinking about this when I was reading the recent virginity threads. it's a special, unique, passionate, and somewhat awkward experience to share with a person. It could make a solid friendship stronger, or perhaps something else.

In this thread, I'd like people to share what happened after:
Do you know where your first is?
Are you still in touch?
Do you speak reguarly?
Perhaps you did for a while and lost touch.

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I've listed two firsts because I see both as significant.

My 1st orgasm:

While I started masturbating at age 10, I didn't experience my first earth-shattering orgasm until I was 19. I was visiting D.C. with a close male friend on a break from school and we decided to explore. It was a fun, liberating experience. We're still close friends. He even came to my wedding. I definitely see our sexual experiences as a boon. The level of trust between us is unlike any other friendship.

My 1st vaginal penetration:

Somewhere between age 20 and 21 (I don't recall the exact date but it was around our birthdays). My boyfriend at the time, a close friend since age 11. We were both pretty nervous. After we broke up, we lost touch for a couple of years. We regained contact after some time and we currently interact professionally on a daily basis.

No. My first girlfriend has tried for us to be friends for a long time. Last time was early last year, about 4 years after the break up. Nothing personal against her, but I want to keep the past in the past and therefore want nothing to do with her.

Nope the son of bitch is dead god rot his soul

Lost it around age 16, dated for 2 years and then broke up. We hooked up twice during the next 3 years and then lost contact after she got married. I saw her about a year ago in a mexican restaurant with her new fiancee. I told her we could hang out (the guy included) and gave her my number but never heard anything from her.

Mine was a predetermined 30-day friends-with-benefits arrangement at 19, and she's still peripherally in my group of friends (on my facebook/myspace/linked-in, see her at parties occasionally). My wife has met her and has no problems with her being around, she's held my daughter, etc etc. Not going to a movie with her or anything, but she's still around, and not a source of drama.

Her last contact attempt was via Facebook.

Fail.

Nope, and thank goodness for it; he wasn't good for my sanity.

Yes. Sort of. We talk sometimes with gaps of about 4 to 5 years between conversations. The last time we talked she was on her way to becoming an OB/GYN in San Francisco ... I think.

Oh, Hell, no! We were 16, and he turned out to be a real creep. We were from different schools, so I didn't run into him for a while after we broke up. I ran into him one night, after we broke up, at the skating rink (think 80's) He said he wanted to talk. His friends were chuckling, and I had the feeling he was spreading stories. I basically said, "Look, I've told you twice now. You-and-me is never going to happen. You're too creepy. Bug me again, and I'm turning my boyfriend loose on you." Skated over to my friends, grabbed the biggest guy by the hand, and went skating with him. And I did tell him what was up. He thought it was funny.

And that, my friends, is how you fry an ex.

We talk every now and then (being couple of months apart each time), just on msn, and thats all.... after we broke up (A VERY BAD ONE) it was just too weird for us to talk again. Last time I talked to her on msn she call me a "female dog" and logged off ....
i didnt take it seriously.

although we talked, it was just like .... oh hi how are you doing? Good, how are you doing you bitch? Oh im doing good too? Ok. Bye bye now, Talk to you later? Okie, talk to you later Bitch.

That just how things goes .......

p.s. .... she's in Thailand and Im in Canada

No, I've not heard from her in about 12 years, and that was a phone call. Before that, it had been the biggest part of 2 decades since I'd seen or talked to her.

I wouldn't mind chatting/emailing her sometime--we had some common friends, but I don't think we'd discuss my (not her) first time.

Definitely not. I'm a firm believer in 'when it's over, it's over'. I don't think either of us had strong feelings for each other, anyway. It was years ago and he's married, now.

No, he went a bit psycho when I ended the relationship.

No we haven't spoken and I have no idea where he would be today.

Speak to him daily, hourly even, hes my fiance.

So unless things change drastically I think I will continue to talk to him. How much he talks to me depends on his mood and what time of day it is. :p

My first and I don't exactly speak anymore. We're "Facebook friends", but we have no contact. We were friends for a long time...years, in fact...after we broke up. Now, not so much. I hate that we can't speak, since we're from the same small town and live in the same small city. I wouldn't say I'm raw about it anymore, but for a long time it bugged the hell out of me. Now I just sort of regard it as a closed chapter. I'll never forget him, and I wish him well, but I don't suppose we'll ever be in each others lives again.

My first and I had a very wide circle of friends and family that kept hooking up, marrying, impregnating each other (you get the point) so we couldn't really get away from each other. It wasn't all the time, more a run in at kids birthdays or whatever, but we always knew what was going on with each other.

Then 10 years after our break-up we got this wild idea to hook-up again.....big mistake. Now 8 years later the relationship is still referred to as; "The Cold Sore Era." Yep that bad....

Then about 3 years ago he took his own life and I was able to put all the bad stuff to bed and remember the innocence of first love.

don't talk to my first boyfriend at all. i tried to add him on facebook to no success. he did apologize once after our relationship and while we were still talking. and i do wish him the best.. but i just don't think he's interested in being friends and wants to leave the past to the past..

don't talk to guy i technically lost my virginity to either. i have no interest in talking to him again. i do wonder how he's doing from time to time, but i see no benefit to talk with him again.

trying very hard to give my latest ex space. i consider him the person i really lost my virginity to, in a way, because my first time with him was more meaningful than my first time... AND he broke my hymen whereas the first guy did not. he spoke to me a couple days ago, which makes me think we can still eventually be friends. but right now, i definitely need my space.

Nice. I just kissed my first goodnight. Still going strong for allmost 14 years. She's both my wife and my best friend - so we talk alot :)

I got back in contact with her recently and it was HUGE. I posted about it here... I'll see if I can find it.

Edit: Here it is.

I feel like a horrible person everytime I talk to her (like i'm not good enough, like i was a terrible bf, even told me "I never was and never will be a man" last time we talked). She knows how to push my buttons and for some odd reason--seems to enjoy it?

I find it's not good for my health to talk to her, besides, she's dating who I thought was a good friend (and still is, but I guess I can feel disappointed, can't I?).

In my mind I lost my virginity twice. I haven't spoken to or seen either person in many years, and prefer to keep it that way. Let the past stay in the past.

Yes. Still with him, never been with anyone else and quite happy with the situation.

A few times a year because we work and play in the same circles.

I always feel a bit awkward because I didn't really feel that strongly about her and we broke up shortly after.

But that was a long time ago and we've both moved on

Dang ShaniFaye........... glad that wasnt me!!!

Yeah, kinda sorta, like the OP said, it's awkward. I've been known to cut and cauterize all my ended relationships but I don't know why I hang onto this one!!

I'm still in contact with my first girlfriend. But we weren't sexual. I am in contact with the girl that gave me my first orgasm though.

We talk daily. We've been married 9 years.

No, she move to the Midwest shortly after my first "summer of love." We talked on the phone and wrote letters for a while. Then nothing for 25 years or so. Several months after moving down here I decided to see if I could locate her. Few e-mails and a couple phone calls and I found her. Sent her an e-mail. We traded a few e-mails and one phone call. From the info traded I found out she was married, lives near St. Louis, has five kids, husband drives long haul truck, they live in a trailer and according to her the hubby has a meth problem. From the one phone call I'd bet she does too. It was really sad. She was the sweetest, most fun loving person I knew in HS. The person I spoke with didn't even sound like her. She sounded bitter and hardened. Much of what she said didn't even make sense. I started taking longer and longer to respond to e-mails and she stopped sending them. I prefer to remember the fun loving teenage girl I knew years ago.

Thank you, everyone for making this thread a memorable one for me. Ratbastid, that's such a beautiful account, thank you for linking it here. Tully, it's sad to watch people fall apart. Sometimes it's best to remember people at their happiest.

Yep... We're meeting for dinner next week. She's been one of my best friends since 7th grade.

Do restraining orders count?

Much like Shanifaye I hope the guys in question rot in hell.

Oh what I would give for a deserted area, a trailer (Camper van doohickey) the people in question and a blowtorch - or a few other bits and pieces after all can't have everything I want now can I?

We keep in touch, actually. We don't really hang out much or anything, but we are actually on pretty good terms.

Thank you for validating the sheer joy I got out of "escorting" many friends of mine
throughout the years, I can, and do, enjoy very platonic relationships with women.
I'm tall, decently built by nature and sports only, and loved taking out a girl I liked mostly as a friend, even if I was only to be used as a "beard", a cover for some other action.

My first, her last name, believe it or not, was Cox. I was 14 by only three months.
She was 15, plus 6 at least.
She totally introduced me to the whole thing called sex. Blew me before I even knew orgasm was an option.
Masturbation occurred within a week after that, and I was off to the races.

About Her, actually, I am curious. I have no idea.

Do you know where your first is?
Sadly yes.


Are you still in touch?

Sadly yes.

Do you speak reguarly?

I do everything I can to avoid it.

Perhaps you did for a while and lost touch.

I wish. We divorced, but have a cild in common, so have to have contact to do with care (daughter lives here and visits ex). If I could never see my ex again, I'd pay extra for it happily.

My first lives an hour or two away. We haven't spoken regularly in 4 years or so, but we did on and off for a few years initially. After losing my virginity to her, I came to find out she was dishonest and promiscuous. I still hooked up with her sexually a few times over the years afterwards, but I never developed any attached feelings.

She has a wonderful heart for animals and is a ton of fun, but her promiscuity and corresponding lies has lead to her being involved in unhealthy relationships.

I have moved on and am in a committed relationship, but I have thought about reaching out to 'the first' so we can hang out casually from time to time as friends in group settings.

i am curious, to cross-over and others who still have or would like to still have contact, what is the appeal? what do you get out of hanging out with them again and not keeping the past the past?

Good question. It is not a strong desire, and just something I have thought about in passing. As I mentioned before, she is a lot of fun. To expand on that statement, we both share common interests such as sports and the occasional binge at a speakeasy. Obviously the latter could be potentially dangerous, so thats why I mentioned hanging out in group settings. With alcohol involved, I would want to make sure we established boundaries related to it strictly being a friendship.

It is something I would talk about with my current girlfriend before hand, and I am pretty sure she wouldn't mind because she still has a platonic relationship with her first.

My first and I were never in a serious relationship and there are not any real scars remaining. On the other hand, there is a past relationship of mine that was serious and ended poorly. Though her and I still talk over the phone (long distance) and have met for dinner once, the occasional and unfortunate rehashing of those scars has made us both think about cutting off communication and not being part of each other's lives.

For me, it appears to be dependent on the degree of emotional involvement and the way the relationship ended that determines the desire to form a platonic relationship with an ex or first. In addition, the amount of work required and whether it is even possible to heal old wounds affects my motivation and desire to transition into a friendship.

No, and I intend to keep it that way unless she's interested in giving things another try (which i doubt will ever happen). The breakup was messy and I did what I needed to remove her from my life as much as possible. The only communication I've had from her was two emails, on both of my last two birthdays. I didn't reply to either.

I've heard from a mutual friend that she's doing fine, as I expected. But I cannot get in contact with her again. If I do, I'll probably never "move on" enough to find someone else. Luckily she lives at least 2.5 hrs away by car and I've already physically moved once since the last time i saw her (soon to be twice).

If we were friends, I'd want a relationship again. :(

I am in constant touch with my first! she is my wife :)

It's easy enough to keep the past in the past when you mutually realize you make an incompatable couple.

I walked into work several years ago and ended up in a meeting about a new case involving a child molester. One of the concerns was how to get him from the jail to court and ensure his safety. Can't exactly remember what I said but it prompted the agency/dept. head to ask what would you do if it were your child? I told him "50lbs of lye, some black plastic and a shovel- there's a whole lot of empty forest around here. Fern beds have really soft ground, makes it easy to dig a deep hole." The young lady we'd just hired for clerical support, who was taking notes, looked up and said "Umm, you've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

Sounds like you put a lot of thought into your plan too.

Having a plan can be a good thing.:eek:

Sadly, no. A drunk driver killed her while she was walking home about 2 months after we got engaged.

I am not. Sadly after 3 years together things did not end on a happy note. What made it worse was his behaviour after we broke up. There are things that are unforgivable. So I am not in the least interested in being in touch with him. In fact I'm sure that if our paths crossed, I would not even talk to him. Today, I don't regret having lost it to him, but I do think it was too soon and I wasn't entirely ready at the time.

i have no idea what happened to the girl who i lost my virginity with. nor do i really care.

my first (and possibly only true)love, the girl whose virginity i took, we are still in contact. we stayed loosely in contact over the last many many years, and only recently we re-established a friendship. it took so long because we still had feelings for each other but were in seperate relationships, but we are now both "over each other" enough to where we can send emails and not get little spiteful digs in.

Do you know where your first is? Not a clue.

Are you still in touch? God, no.

I haven't seen her since 1983 or 1984. I have no idea what's become of her.

Yes and we're still together.

I'm still in touch with my first, we dated on and off for awhile and when we ended it I wondered what I ever saw in him. I'm not attracted to him at all anymore.

Yes I am still in contact. I married her, but not before we broke up went our seperate ways for 3 years dated others were both engaged to other people broke those off and happen to run into each other on a busy crowded street one Halloween night, and the rest as they say is history

After a 30 year hiatus, I am in contact with him now, thanks to the wonders of the internet. At the time, I was 15 and he 19. When summer was over, he went back to college-I was still in high school and things drifted.

We've discussed the past at length and put it aside. Over the past year, he's become a good friend and confidant. I value his friendship immensely.

I married my first :)

No. Haven't spoken to her since the night in question and have no idea how to track her down. Don't see any reason to, either.

I still keep in touch with my first. Its been over 20 years. We seem to go in phases-there will be times when we talk every week and then we will go through a phases where we won't talk for a year or more. Right now we are heading into the year or more phase and I think that maybe this will be the end of us keeping in touch. We live about 200 miles apart now and we are both married and my wife doesn't care for her. I don't know how her spouse feels about me since I've only talked to him in person once. Part of me would be happy with not talking to her again-I'm all for keeping the past in the past but other times I wish we would talk. We were best friends before and even shortly after we dated and I always enjoyed talking with her.

yeah, we still talk. i dont know if were going to lose touch. we just broke up and pretty much had sex every weekend we were together and that lasted for 4 months.

I like ratbastid's post; I'd like to type out a similar extended reply with explanations for it all, but I spose I won't cos I've already doubled-back inside my own head about it for months. We mutually broke up; the thing is though, we were teenagers. I'd been into pornography, sex, and all related trades since I was 7-years-old, and I have a lot of suppressed memories about many things. Having sex with them was for my own venture in which I decided to manipulate them. Then I ended it with a lack of sex in the relationship then felt like the biggest suck since. Then I went religious, & became the top student of my school. Hopefully, life pans out for me, I'm trying to move on from the part of my life that was tainted by sex. In addition, I'm on the look out for that special someone. I have the perfect person in mind, but I'm open-minded, and hope I can find someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Nope. It was back in '78. She got po'd when I didn't recognize her sober. she had this Amy Winehouse thing going on when she wasn't sober, but cleaned up well.

I actually just made contact with mine after more or less 25 yrs.... it's a weird feeling. At first I was kinda walkin' on air for a day or so, just cause the emails were friendly. Then some of the exchanges reminded me a bit of why things didn't work out in the first place. Which makes it a lot easier not to build up any stress over it. And we are both happily married with kids, which also makes it easier not to care.

As to what gratification? Um, I cared a lot about her once upon a time, and the breakup wasn't so harsh as to scour that completely. I would rather be friends... and they say that as you get older, the people who "knew you when..." get more important. It's nice to know where she is and that she's ok.

Anyway, we're planning to get together sometime soonish. My wife is fine with it, we see her exes every year -- her mom usually has people over during holidays and there'll be like 3 of them there. Which is odd if you think about it too much, but again, it was all 20-25 yrs ago.

I'm married to her. The contact is pretty regular. :)

yeah...we see each other a lot. He has a wife and two kids. and we're friendly and talk and have fun together...but if there was one thing in my life that i could take back, it would be that.

I know my first is living somewhere in Tampa. We stayed in contact for the first few years after we briefly dated. She cheated on me, but I didn't really care, I just used that as an excuse to break it off with her to date a girl I was madly in love with. She even gave me some good date ideas with said girl. The last I heard from her(must have been a good five years now) she was preggers and had dropped out of school. I really do wish her all the best and I harbor absolutely no ill will towards her, but from the very beginning I knew she would be one of life's failures. Just one of those chicks who thinks she can skate through life on her good looks.
Her friend sent me a pic of her in a bathing suit a few years ago, and I must say, she must have paid very good money for that amazing boob job. Made me want to hit it again haha.

It seems like there is a pattern here that the women regret and despise their firsts. I kind of cringe to think that there's a woman out there who thinks of me as a huge mistake. Why are you women so bitter against your firsts, if you don't mind me asking?

I am not in contact with my first, for she is my abuser.

highdro69 not all women are - infact many of them seem to feel a certain fondness for their firsts. My first time involved some not pleasant things, the type of stuff that requires a trip to hospital, restraining orders and multiple sessions in court.

Am I bitter about it? Most definitely

I doubt the women who you were a first for had anything along the lines of what I did so I doubt that they would feel about you the same way i feel about my first.

I am not. I was 16 at the time and she was 20. We kept in touch and hung out quite a bit until a couple of years ago.

I'm not bitter against him, he really went crazy. Started saying things like he was going to kill me and himself. NOT COOL!

Yep...I married her.
Yep.....only when it comes to splitting assets
Nope....only when it comes to the divorce.

I am friends with my first on facebook but that's really it. We haven't spoke in quite a few years. We didn't date for long, only about a month or so, and when we broke up we didn't remain good friends. We just kind of went on with our separate lives. But we don't hate, or hold any bad feelings towards one another. And I'm sure we could have a friendly conversation.

The sex was boring and quick. It was awkward and we didn't communicate. I don't regret it or anything, but my sex life has definitely evolved from there! I was very young though, 13, so I will still very immature.

Havn't spoken to her in ages. Absoloute train wreck of a breakup (not intentionally, just kinda ended that way), which is a shame, but life goes onwards.

Now, her first wasn't good, to the extent where he left town for a month or so when i found out his name and gathered a lynch mob :)

I still keep in contact with my first and I think we will always be good friends. It happened 6 years ago and we have remained friends ever since. Obviously since we keep in contact I know where she is. She is moving to Canada soon with her boyfriend whom shes been with for a long time now. I plan on visiting her again eventually but I'm not sure when I will get the chance.

We've kept in touch online but that's it. We didn't talk for a long time but we've caught up recently. Nothing serious really just the usual "so what have you been up to?" "married?" "kids?" kind of questions.

Update: I did locate her on MySpace. We had a nice exchange of a few notes, and I got around to telling her she was my first. I found out I was also hers! She had talked tough, I called her bluff and we swapped virginities without knowing it. Now, I can explain some things I didn't know how to process at 16--like how still she was, and the blood on my underwear I found the next morning (thinking she had done it, I thought I'd caught her at "the wrong time of the month").

Since then, we've seen each other three times--twice at her place of employment and a lunch meeting. We're both happily married (she's going on a trip next week for her 30th anniversary), but we exchange e-mails several times a week, and we're glad we are friends now. And glad the truth has finally come out after 1/3 of a century!

I barely remember my first, so no.

My first has a Ph.D in making me feel like shit. So, I avoid her if at all possible.

My first was the same height and weight as me. In fact, we could have been weird male/female clones if not for the fact that she had big dumb cow eyes.

I have not seen her since the one night stand that marked my "first."

It's better if you lose your virginity that way: slam, bam, never-see-ya-again.

Yep, I married him! High school sweethearts, I was his first... we're so sappy.