Kissing - when they don't get it right
 

What, when you kiss someone for the first few times, do you not want to encounter?

Kissing is wonderful and I think it's hard to kiss badly. But every so often I am proved quite wrong. Turns out I'm quite specific about how I like to be kissed.

Here are some things I have come across:

1) The slobberer - yeah, when he can't keep his saliva in his mouth and it goes all over you. I mean the occasional wisp of it outside the inner mouth area is ok, as is a lick here or there in the heat of making out, but constant slobbering on my face, is a BIG no no. Like if his tongue is already sticking out before your faces have touched, it makes me want to scream. I also wonder if sometimes it's due to mouth sizes not quite matching?

2) The dishwasher - The kind of kiss where his tongue doesn't do much else besides rinse, repeat. It goes in your mouth but no further forwards or back at any time and it just keeps on going, round and round in your mouth, until you feel like you're trapped in a whirl of salivary boredom...but you can't get out! Or in for that matter.

3) The lip sucker/biter - where he won't stop biting or sucking on your lip. Too much, and too hard. Some women may like this, but I don't appreciate it. I like it occasionally, but when it gets to the point where I have to say OW quite loudly and he still doesn't get it, I've had enough.

4) The hicky nut - ok, I'm not a 16 year old kid anymore. I don't like hickies. I don't like going to work and having people stare at my neck. No it's not a badge of how far we got. Yes it hurts. Bloody stop it already.

5) The pecker - when he will only give you little kisses on the mouth and when you make advances he won't let you get very far before pushing your tongue back out and resuming his preferred mode of kissing. I like variety thanks.

What are your bad kissing experiences?

You nailed it with #2, the dishwasher. The tongue is not a propeller, though some ladies obviously feel otherwise. Some girls have actually done that so much, that I had to stop because I started laughing. No mood-breaker there...

I hate when he tries to swallow my mouth with his. It's inadvertent; he has a big mouth and big lips while I have a much smaller mouth and lips. Not a good match sometimes, especially when he's feeling lazy.

:lol: Those are great, lt. You missed the huge open mouth sucking your entire face in one "kiss". I've had them all at one time or another. When I was younger, I'd go along and try to lead and eventually tamed the long-term guys.

It must be that too many ladies don't open their mouths when they need to. We all need to teach our men (or ladies, as the case might rarely be :orly: ) how we like to be kissed, so when they're back on the market, they'll be ready for the rest of us. :lol:

My man had been married for over 30 years when we got together and he was a horrible kisser at first. Yuck. Since I don't have those inhibitions any more, I just stopped him and said something like, "How about we try this? Doesn't this feel good? Mmm yeah much better" and within a couple of days, he began was kissing me a lot more often. He's a fantastic kisser, I must say. One sweet kiss from him and I'm ready for anything. ;) And to think it was almost a dealbreaker.

And please don't get us wrong, guys. There's a time and place for that deep passionate French kissing. Hone in one those cues from your lady.

I don't mind a hickey if it just happens in the throes of passion, and is low enough so it's not visible with a collared shirt or turtleneck. But if it's done as a marker, fuggedaboutit!

you forgot the "lizard" I think thats explanation enuff lol I do NOT a tongue darting in and out of my mouth all hard and pointy and fast like you're trying to catch bugs

I have found for the most part men kiss like they fuck.....and if I cant stand the way they kiss they dont get any farther lol

Is kissing really a dealbreaker? I mean, I agree with everything that LT posted in the OP, but I guess I've never seen it as being a dealbreaker. Isn't kissing as open to communication as the rest of sexual activity?... gentle suggestions here and there, nudges along...

Teaching someone how to kiss can be a lot of fun. So long as they can take the constructive criticism. The promise of what's to come can some times be just as erotic as the encounter. That said, there are some instances where the kiss can go awry:

6) The 1950s housewife: ever kiss someone that simply can't take the initiative no matter what? The indecisive, always waiting for you to lead the kiss no matter what type bugs me. Show me you actually want to kiss. Show me you enjoy it.

7) The super moaner: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM....MMMMMMMM.... Seriously, we're at your parent's house and you're really, really loud. And they're standing at the doorway. Maybe we can keep it under 140 decibels?

I think it has to be a dealbreaker, if you don't like it, and he keeps doing it. I mean, it's not like it's something small like leaving his socks on the floor once in a while. It's kissing damn it! If you don't like the kissing most of the time, you're better off as roommates at best.

I haven't had many bad kissing experiences but there was this one girl who in mid-kiss would lay her tongue flat against the bottom of her mouth. As if I was supposed to entertain myself while she took a break.

Vaga.

she turns me off when she kisses. As if she wants to eat or suck out my mouth. I hardly know what is a good mouth kiss.

I sometimes think some real hot bigirl should teach her how to kiss :)

Slobberers really get to me. Thankfully my husband isn't the sort.
This one experience - a first kiss with one guy and he threw his tongue in, slobbered, and groped me like mad. Dangit- that just ruined the fun. Any potential relationship ended right there. It was a complete turn-off. Even with my husband I still enjoy a bit of pecking before getting hot and heavy. I don't go from zero to 60 in two seconds, thank you very much.

I have had a few of those types of kisses before.

The worst one was like the dishwasher. He stuck it in and it was like he was doing battle with my tongue.

I also had a bad sloppy eat you face kind of kiss, from a guy with a tongue stud. It made me not like like tongue piercings.

A kiss should be nice and soft, slow movements of the tongue in and out.

When she just leaves her arms at her side. If a kiss is more than just a peck, it should involve more than just your mouth.

Picky picky!

Here's my list..

1. Bad breath - Ewwwww.

2. Dead fish - Once more, with FEELING..

3. Excited dog - I don't like being licked all over my face.


Just give me warm, soft lips and I'm good.

Ah, bad breath. Good point.

Seeing the tongue before the lips make contact is icky! Soft lips first, then open a bit, then some tongue, but watch the slobber!

Meh, I guess I disagree... it's not a huge deal. But yes, I agree with others here that seeing/feeling the tongue before our lips have touched, does not go well with me.

We've been working on it for years, and it's not a dealbreaker. He's quite the good kisser when he thinks about it. An awesome kisser. I just have to remind him to slow down and not swallow my face. Like you said, suggestions and nudges.

For me, the repulsion factor would have short-circuited the chemistry so, yes, if he wasn't responsive to my needs, it wouldn't have developed into what it did.
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I'll confess that he does it, too, once in a blue.

Do you think maybe they're just at a different level of passion than we are when they do that?

Well, yeah... of course, it's all about the responsiveness and willingness to adapt to each other's needs as best as possible. I would imagine that both partners want to remain as attractive as possible to each other, in the long run. That's why I've never seen it as a dealbreaker, I guess.

I'm not sure how this would work for you abaya, but say you've been dating someone for about 3 weeks. And every time you kiss, he slobbers on your face. Or he always has his tongue ready before your lips have touched. Or he constantly bites down on your lip and it still hurts from last time. And you told him, gently, to not do it so hard because it hurts, or to try something different to get away from the saliva bath. But it's not working. Wouldn't you start flinching slightly every time you kissed, thinking "here we go again"? And seriously thinking about "what if it's always like this and I can't stand it anymore"? Would this not be a dealbreaker to you? If it gets to the point where it puts you off and is not workable, how could you stay with someone whose kissing turns you off?

In any long-term relationship I've had, I've always had a compatible kisser. I couldn't do it otherwise. If I had to remind him often not to "swallow my face" I'd get tired pretty fast.

I don't know... I'm pretty lonely these days so I'll look past a few things just to have some sexual contact with someone...

Quality kissing can be trained. It just takes a willingness to stick with it (or, I guess them). And practice, practice, practice! :icare:

What I don't want to encounter:

His lunch. Eeww.

The Choker. The one that tries to lick my tonsils, triggering my gagging reflex.

The Clasher. The one who kisses so hard his teeth clash against mine. It hurts.

I do love it when he touches my face with his hands, but not my ears. That puts me to sleep for some reason. And I don't mean it bores me; it literally starts putting me to sleep.

ROFL. Kissing for us is usually about who can outdo who. We hardly ever take it serious. She'll try to get my face from chin to nose in her mouth sometimes just to aggravate me, and I'll do the same. Sometimes we end up trying to mouth each other and bat back and forth getting ready to strike like a couple of snakes LOL. It's flirting at its finest.

Sometimes we make out for real while we're really into the sex, but usually when we kiss it's either small affectionate kisses or goofy sloppy smooches. As for technique, we've never even discussed it.

Amazing, kiss him with the other mouth! you will sure enjoy all that tongue work :)

Be in 69, while he kisses the other mouth, have his balls in your mouth and reciprocate his biting...

I hate bad kissing (as a victim).

When I kiss I use my tongue tip like an other lip.

Also I love the reaction when I kiss unexpectedly where the Lips, the Chin and the Cheek all meet. It is hard to say whether the kiss is on the lips or chin or cheek.

Totally a huge deal. It would take a lot to overcome a terrible kisser. I've not gone further with good looking girls before because their looks and personality weren't enough to get over the pressure washer kissing.

And do you sneeze when he touches behind your knees?

Maybe I was unclear in my previous post, but my point here was: ... which means that yes, effort is everything, and the person's willingness to try and change his/her kissing behavior is really important. If no change was happening, then of course, that would get annoying. But hey, not everyone is good at everything right off the bat, and people also change over time. As ratbastid (and Snowy) said, good kissing can be trained... as long as both people are open and willing to change, I think it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. Essentially, we agree here, don't we?

I mean, for the opposite perspective, what if you married a really great kisser who was in an accident, or was attacked by a dog, or something that really messed up their lips and therefore kissing ability? Would that still be a dealbreaker for you? Most likely not, right?

Funny that you mention that. I had an accident in high school and had a couple of teeth go through my bottom lip. The outside portion of the hole it left was numb for years and left a lump in my lip along with a scar inside and just under my lip outside where they went through. I had an issue with kissing for a while because of the numbness and small lack of lip control right there. It didn't mess me up much, but you know how you exaggerate those things sometimes.

Didn't keep me down though, because my wife thought the scar was hot when we met lol. She loved that I was rough around the edges like that...go figure.

I don't think that's a good example. I'm talking about someone you're initiating a relationship with, who kisses in a way you don't care for much, and who is unresponsive to your attempts to let him know you'd like something a little different to what he's doing.

In that case you mention, there is a prior history with the person and they have come to be in those circumstances through no fault of their own, and likely are willing to work at it too, if they can.

I'm not saying we totally disagree. But where you see a training possibility, I don't want to be anyone's teacher, grooming them till they fit my requirements. I think some people will work well together despite small points of friction, and others don't have a chance in hell. If things in the beginning aren't pretty awesome, then what's the point in prolonging something that is hard work from the get go? It either works, or it doesn't. To me, kissing has to work quite early on.

Okay, I guess I wasn't clear enough before. Nowhere did I say that if someone is "unresponsive and unwilling to change," that you should continue dating them. I said the opposite, which is that as long as someone IS responsive and willing to change, then why not just keep going along with it? Do we not agree on that point? I did not say that I wanted to be someone's "teacher," and in fact I am willing to see myself as possibly someone who needed "training" as well (I certainly don't think that I'm the best kisser in the world, and it depends what the other person likes, too)--it's a mutual experience, both people learning together about how to please each other. That has been my point all along. And hey, it's perfectly okay if kissing is super important to you, right from the get-go. Everyone has their standards. For me personally, it just isn't the most important thing when I'm getting together with someone, UNLESS the person is obviously a jerk who doesn't want to learn and change his kissing approach at all. But that's more about personality than kissing style, to me. Hope that's clear now.

I think you two should kiss and make up.

I guess I'm with little_tippler here. I don't want to be a teacher - chances are, if I'm on a first or second date with someone and the kiss is icky (given decent conversation and at least SOME anticipation of a kiss), there won't be another date. If I REALLY like the guy, sure, we might try again.. but I am not a big fan of being a teacher in a relationship. Been there, done that, didn't find it enticing.

Look, when it comes to physical intimacy, everybody want something different. Literally, no two women I've EVER been with have liked to be touched exactly the same way. For that matter, every woman I've ever been with has felt different to me. Stella and lurkette are built different, feel different, and want different things. lurkette is physically much more sensitive than StelllaLuna, and StellaLuna is what we call more "responsive". If I touched lurkette the way Stella wants to be touched, I'd be pulling her down off the ceiling. If I touched Stella the way lurkette wants to be touched, she'd be like, "when are you going to start doing something?".

What it is to begin a physical relationship with someone is to start from scratch regarding your presuppositions about "what works", set down all your "tricks" that did the job with earlier lovers, and learn THAT PERSON from the ground up.

I think the red flag here, the REAL dealbreaker, would be if a new partner didn't treat it like this. If they have a "way they kiss" that's set in stone, and they're not awake enough to adapt and learn, THAT'S the problem, and the way they kiss is just a symptom.

Yes. But if you're not really "commencing a relationship" but are instead just dating (playing the field, perhaps), there's less room for adaptation/teaching. Yes, if you have decided to commence a relationship with someone, by all means adapt, teach, learn all you want and can stand. But if you're in the "I'm not sure if I really want another date with this person" stage, and you have no previous friendly relationship to refer to for attraction, isn't it reasonable to be turned off by certain types of slobbery or probing kisses and not necessarily desire to continue and commence a relationship?

As an addendum to ratbastid, I would feel very self-conscious if I had to correctly gauge how a woman wants to be touched from the start. I might be a good kisser to my current relationship, but that doesn't mean every girl will like it. Can I change? Hell yeah! I'm a man for every occasion.. I just have to know what I'm supposed to do first.

Maybe we can take something useful away from this. I seem to gather that its worse to be overzealous than it is to be mellow. In any case, if a guy were to start out tame and disciplined, his partner can clue him in to how he can increase his activity. If he starts out in 5th gear, it would be a presumptuous risk.

I have no problem vocalizing what I do and dont like from everything to kissing to thrust lol I dont expect a guy to be able to read my mind, same as I dont expect every guy I blow to like it the same way, BUT I do expect him to be responsive to my suggestions same as I would be to his....if not then I dont put myself in that position with him again.

I think if a girl can't adequately kiss, there's a problem, and here's why:

I'm sure one or two people remember the Mormon I dated. Well, she had never kissed before until she met me. Guys had kissed her, but she didn't understand how to kiss back, leaving them very irritated. It took me all of five second to explain how to kiss, and she was a pro almost immediately. It's not hard, and if she makes it hard, I'm not getting hard.

Hell, even I can kiss really well, and I spend months without any form of kissing. It's not like they're mastering the art of the samurai or some bullshit.

I'll also note (as an addendum to the addendum) that some of us have the great luck to have relatively frequent occasions where we're called on to switch styles literally every ten seconds.

I want to kick you in the balls so hard.

I don't think anyone here has talked about "wanting to be a teacher" in a relationship, other than Willravel. So I still don't see what we're supposed to be disagreeing about, frankly. :orly: I mean, this right here is a type of "communication" about kissing that I'm talking about...
It's not "teaching," it's talking about what works and doesn't work for each person, just as ratbastid explained. Isn't that kind of basic communication, just like talking about what you do/don't like in bed is basic communication? One more time--as long as all parties involved are open and willing to talk about what they like/dislike about physical actions, then really, what is the problem? No two people are going to be magically compatible (with kissing, sex, or anything else for that matter) 100% of the time. We are all different creatures, and I don't know that any of us are mind-readers, as Shani said.

I've been in a relationship where I've literally had to TEACH the guy how to kiss - not tell him what I want or what I prefer, but teach him how to use his mouth and the various parts of it. It drove me batshit crazy after he reverted back to "muh" every.single.time. That relationship did NOT last long.

That is what I'm referring to. Not having to tell someone I prefer for them to keep their tongue away from my tonsils, but teaching them how to physically do it each time because they can't figure out how to do that.

Yeah, well that would drive me batshit crazy, too!!! :lol: Which is why I don't see what anyone is disagreeing about, here. Teaching in a relationship sucks. Communication and helping each other to learn what each person needs, is good. :thumbsup:

NO, that's a huge ticklish spot. I do sometimes sneeze if he encounters a tangle while brushing my hair, though.

I didn't know people could be so picky about kissing style. As long as he isn't impeding my breathing or hurting my mouth, I just go with the flow. If it's too hard or aggressive, use your hand to apply a little pressure on his face to back him off a tad. Just enough to make it more comfortable/enjoyable.

I thought this was kind of funny, a how-to-french-kiss with diagram. I had to laugh when I saw the pictures. How to French Kiss

And...a kissing survey
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Maybe we can compare some of our answers (that are relative to the OP question) later?

I completely get that. What I'm saying is, the problem REALLY was he was disinterested what you wanted and learning to have your mouths (and presumably other parts) mesh well. Being a chronically and untrainably bad kisser was just a side-effect.

What about when your both really into the moment, near climax, and your just sucking eachothers faces off. Your practically drinking eachothers saliva. Come on now... thats fun!! :D

This girl I am seeing now was sloppy at first. I told her after like the third time kissing that I wasn't really into that. She had no complaints. Was a little blown back my audacity though.

Girls with long tongues practically touching the back of your mouth and not letting you reciprocate :p

In order beginning from the worst turn-off.

1. Bad breath.
2. Plaque.
3. Depositing saliva in my mouth.
4. Swallowing my face.
5. Touching the tonsils.
6. Tongue blocking.

one girl kept scratching my lips with her teeth during the whole time we were making out. didnt have the heart to tell her, so i just suffered the pain and didnt ask for her number at the end of the night. :thumbsup:

To most hot blooded people, you're right, it's not the art of the samurai, but then there are the other brigade, the ones who think all there is to French kissing is to put your tongue in someone's mouth and twirl it round. Some people have no imagination and no passion. An ideal kiss, to me, would start gently, lots of licking and lip sucking, a lot of tongues, become more and more passionate, and involve a meaningful embrace and touching. It may not lead to sex, but a proper kiss should be a sexual experience in itself.

Agreed...it should at least be sensual!

My number one annoyance is my date wanting to kiss mouth to mouth for too long and not not changing it up enough. If we're making out for longer than a few minutes then kiss my neck, nibble my ear, etc...guys like that stuff too!

And similarly along that vein, eventually it gets boring. Don't try to make out with me the entire night. Quality not quantity.

Not sure if anyone asked this yet, but what do yall think of exchanging breath during a passionate kiss? Sometimes that will happen to me on accident. If it's the right moment and the right girl its very...intimate. If its bad technique and a soso girl its gross.

I've dated two guys recently that were excessive tongue suckers....to the point where my tongue actually felt SORE the next day. NOT GOOD, dude, NOT GOOD.

As far as the "to teach or not to teach" discussion, I've never had emotional compatibility with someone I don't have physical compatibility with....so any opinion I have would be completely uninformed. I've have physical compatibility without emotional compatibility...I've had great kissing/sex/etc. with people I can't stand IRL....but never the opposite.

Or you could refer them to this

Gosh, I dated this girl a few weeks back that was a Pecker. What a total turn off. I mean, your trying to get your groove on and all all you get peck peck peck peck.. She was really hot, but its really hard to develop an emotional attachment to someone when the kissing compatability isn't there...

The Smotherer: She seems to enjoy hanging her hair in your face and breathing all over you...

I fell out laughing at this comment -- thanx RetroGunslinger -
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Hell, even I can kiss really well, and I spend months without any form of kissing.
It's not like they're mastering the art of the samurai or some bullshit.
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Which comes first - the mindful/emotional/spiritual connection -
or physical pleasure morphing into mind connections ?

or is there more to consider ?

I hate guys who slobber all over you. I dated this guy once who literally cleaned my face with his tongue.

The worst kiss I ever experienced was when I met this guy from a online dating site. The date didn't go very well, so I just wanted to give a good-bye peck kiss. But he shoved his tongue down my throat! I felt sick for days after that.

my most recent ex didn't really like to french kiss. it sucked cos i love to make out but he wasn't good at it :P i hate the excessive sucking.. it actually hurts! and the rhythm of the kisses was just all off. felt weird.. sometimes he would try to french kiss me in the middle of the night while i was sleeping. i would wake up and take me a while to respond and actually kiss back. was i being violated? it felt very strange.. i didnt know if i should enjoy it bcos i never get to kiss him or repulsed because it was so awkward. bah.

-If he goes in too fast and your teeth collide.
-If your not paying attention and he goes in for a kiss. I've caught glimpses of some pretty repulsive pre-kiss faces. -shudder-
-If a guy kisses too hard. I'm into rough, but kissing has a limit to what is sexy and what is scary.
-When you can't break it off. Some guys just won't quit.

This whole thread intrigues me... I'm 37 and still don't know if I'm a good kisser or not! I know what I like but just don't know if I'm any good :oogle:

To be honest, it's not something I've ever thought about much or ever had much feedback on so I'm guessing I do an OK job :confused:

I shall have to solicit some feedback :) well it will be fun trying.