People you regret letting slip away
 

Does anyone else ever regret letting a S.O. go?

I for one, definitely miss this cutey I used to see. I was a Sr. in College and she was a Freshman, so I had a lot more complex feelings, thoughts and emotions than she did or so i thought I did. At the time we were hooking up, I never really gave her all of me. But I'll never forget one morning when I woke up after a passionate night, and we started fooling around, I pinned her down, and in the cutest way she said, "You win." With a big goofy grin.

She's happily with someone else now, and I'm 850 miles away in law school. Pretty frequently, I wish that at the time, I gave her a lot more of me, and tried harder to keep her than let her go. I guess in short--this was one time I definitely should have let my guard down--and now I totally missed out.

Anybody care to share their experiences?

At times I regret breaking up with my first and only girlfriend [thus far]. We had been together for a year and a half, and as I started my second year of college and putting more into investing myself, I had less time for her, so I somehow figured the most logical decision would be to break up with her. I felt as though she was a bird in a cage, especially knowing how much she loved me and how dead set she was that I was the one. I'm sure there are others like her.

It's like this: Imagine you have perfect piece of steak at home, but instead of eating that steak that you are happy with, you leave it at home to go out and eat at some crap fast food restaurant.

Sometimes, the thought of never finding a piece of steak like her makes me regret leaving her, even though I felt it was in her best interest. Oh, and no, I'm not sexist or insensitive, I just felt as though using the steak analogy was a good fit.

Maybe it would be easier to find another great girl if you stopped comparing them to meat.

Only once, but I got him back. :)

There is one woman. It isn't so much that I regret losing her rather I wish things could be different. You see I had to choose between her and my current wife. I know chose well... not even a question of that.

This is the case in my life where I wish polyamoury was an easier option.

If I could have had both women in my life I would have been doubly happy. Sadly, I don't think either of them would have been up for it.

I was seeing this girl in college. She fell for me hard, and I wanted to keep my options open. By the time I figured out I wanted to be with her, she was ready to move on. I don't know if we were right together, but I wish I would have come to my senses a bit earlier and given us a real shot.

No. The man I'm with now is absolutely the man for me. He complements me so well it's ridiculous. In fact, he makes me look back at my past relationships and shake my head. None of them come close to what I have now. It's like the difference between sunlight and artificial light, or butter and margarine, or whipped cream and Cool Whip. He's the real thing.

I have two.




One was my fault and the other wasn't.

I know that I'm the woman that my exes regret breaking up with. Their fuckin' loss. :D

As for me? Nope. I married very happily, and haven't looked back since.

I have thought about an ex off and on during the first few years of my marriage. I don't know if I truly regretted it as much as wondered. I really shouldn't have. It only took away from my true giving to my hubby. I made a choice one day my life is great and wondering what was or if it could of been was not worth the brain activity. I put that love and attention back onto the people around me and enjoyed their company. It is what you make it.

i am not sure. thus far, no. but i am about to make this very tough decision and i don't know if i will ever regret this........ :(

No. For me, I regret not letting them go sooner, heh.

I have one of those in the past too...

It's not so much a person I miss as much as all the women I've known that I've been friends with and never even tried to take it to that next step. Too many girls I've wished I'd just asked out or who have come up to me later and said, "all you had to do was ask..."

i regret not being bolder in high school and college. Life is ok now, but I'll always wonder what could have been.

I regret the same of high school. Now I'm in my 2nd year of college and try my best to be as daring as I can. It amazes me how difficult it is for me to randomly walk up to someone and talk to them, yet I've had people die in my arms and fires nearly kill me. I need some of that adrenaline when I'm about to talk to the cute girl in the bookstore haha.

I did about five years ago. We got back together and it was not the same and could not get the chemistry going again.

There have been a few about whom I've always wondered "What if?" as they approached me, but nearly all of them when I was already taken - although I would never have said yes in those circumstances and don't regret my decisions. There was one however who I wished the timing could have been a little better with.

I had just separated from my wife, but was still living under the same roof with her as I hadn't had time to save up to set up my own place yet. At that time, in preparation for an overseas posting with my job, I went to hospital for a CT scan. The operator was training a young Canadian student who to me was absolutely gorgeous, and I got the impression that she thought something similar about me, as we chatted up a storm and when I went to leave, she followed me out into the corridor where we kept talking. I sooooooo wanted to ask her out, but really, what could I do? When we're out on our first date and she asks me about where I live, what happens when I tell her that I'm separated from my wife but we still live in the same house? Oh yeah, I'm also about to disappear overseas for six months... I can just imagine how well all of THAT would have gone down! :D

Are we talking about the one that escaped from the box I had her locked in in the old abandoned cabin? She got away, but I still have her her hair from when I tied her in a chair and shaved off all her hair and left her in the desert all alone. And sometimes in my dreams I can still her her screams, and I wonder if she ever made it home.

I once spent an amazing two hours chatting to a girl on a train. We didn't swap contact details. Nearly 20 years later I still regret that. Crazy huh?

I had that same problem in college. In high school, I had really great chemistry with this girl but we never quite got things going. Then in college, I had an opportunity to date her and played it perfectly and successfully and we started happily and passionately dating.

And then it decayed almost immediately into a mess. We spent a lot of time trying to pretend we were still in high school when neither of us was. It was bad for a lot of reasons.

I regret letting her slip away when things between us would've been healthy and cool, because by the time I had another chance, it was too late. I still feel embarrassed about how that whole thing worked out. I don't think I've had a conversation with her since (she's a good friend of my sister's and we're on amicable terms) that I didn't feel like a total jackass about after I thought about it later. Ugh.

My other slip away was abhorrent timing on both of our parts, but it kind of ended up in me meeting my wife instead of being with her. So I can't say I really regret that one too much.

Er, I don't think that's what the OP was talking about.



There is one that I often think about. It wasn't a healthy situation. He didn't slip away, I intentionally ran and did my best not to look back. But I still wonder what he is up to, how he is doing. I wonder if he has hurt another woman, or if it was just me. I wonder if he is happy. I wonder if he is still pursuing men.

I think I see him every now and again. I wonder what I would say if we really did cross paths. I'm not sure I could say anything. I would probably just stare and let the moment pass.

I've had a couple good ones get away from me. I used to regret it but we were obviously not meant to be together at that time. They both hold a special place in my heart and were strong influences on who I am today.

well now that i made the decision, i can say i don't regret it. not now anyway. that may change over time, but i know we aren't meant to be together at this time. doesn't mean we're not meant to be together period... we'll just have to find out in time.

A lot of people miss their first, but I found out how wrong that feeling is when I met up with my first. I realized that all of the terrific things were just my perceptions and memories. I think it is better to forget who you don't have and focus on who loves you.

found myself in that situation twice now (other way around, being a guy....) another great one was a fling and we are still in touch as friends. sometimes i might have a little regret but on the whole i´ve done pretty well and seem to do better each time (not that i started badly) :)

I had one in college, though I was "cured" of this regret several years later when I had a very "High Fidelity" moment. I somehow got back in touch with her (magic of the internet) and explained the feelings I had had for her (we never dated, but I was pretty much in love with her for about 9 months). She pointed out several times when the door was open to her and I was stupidly naive and didn't take advantage. I was glad she broke that spell.

As it turns out, I probably dodged a bullet with her; she's a pretty damaged woman

I also dodged a bullet. Became a "monk" for five years. I ended up stronger and smarter. Still wonder how much of a mess if I had "taken the bullet".

I don't know if this falls under the original idea from the OP but here goes. I met this girl while I was in college and I'll admit it here, I fell HARD for her. I was dating a girl at the time, but after she broke up with me I went for her. She was everything I wanted in a woman; beautiful, smart, funny, and wild as hell (I like that to a point). We became friends after we realized we had alot in common and lived in the same apt complex. She was the exact opposite in relationships as I was, I liked to date monogamously and she wanted nothing to do with dating anyone (though she would go out on dates every once in a while). After 6 months of being friends or so, one day we started watching Fight Club (one of our favorite movies) while cuddling on couch. When the tyler/marla sex scene came on I made my move. We messed around and I ended up getting used in a way I never knew possible. I got her off with my hand and she stood up and said, "That was fun, but I got a date in an hour and I'm hungry." Even after that we ended up fucking and two days afterwards she asked me if I had slept with this girl we both knew. I had a few weeks before and told her the truth. She went off on me, as she hated this girl and thought she was full of STDs. I tried to defend myself but failed and we hardly spoke after that. I hated the fact that I slept with the other girl and wished I could have not done it, but didn't know the girl I wanted accually would have sex with me. We saw each other at times, but there was nothing there.

I still think about her to this day.

Maybe slapping the living shit out of him would help? Probably not :no:.

I think we more miss/regret the windows of oppurtunity we didn't jump through, and then that feeling gets stronger if we end up knowing that person longer and valuing them even more as time goes on.

"I still remember" by bloc party is a great song/video that captures that feeling if you feel nostalgic.

There is one person who I regret never telling about the feelings I had for him.

Not sure if that counts, but there you go.

I don't know if I would go back and change things necessarily, but there were a couple of relationships that went sideways that might have been very different if a litte energy was expended, and who knows.

As it is, I'm happily married for 11 years now, so there's no doubt about where I belong now.

Just once in a while, my braind kinda goes "what if..."

Peace,

Pierre

He was my best friend for two years in college. He helped me with homework, took care of me when I had pneumonia, walked me to class, drove me to get a neck-brace when I got whiplash (staircase fall), went to the lake with me just so I could feed the ducks, filled my days with wonderful memories, smiles and laughter. A wonderful guy. I told him I loved him during school break. He said the same. But I chickened out when we got back to school. I was afraid if it didn't work out, I would lose my best friend (him). He waited over a year for me to come around, watching me date other guys. It broke his heart, and in the end I lost one of the best people I have had the privilege of knowing.

There's definitely one that I regret losing, but it wasn't my fault. Knowing that makes it a little easier I suppose, but still keeps me up at night from time to time.

In Highschool there was a girl in one of my classes who, from an objective standpoint, pretty much fit every quantifiable criteria I can name. Intelligent, not orthodox but still very much a jew, and at least in my opinion stunningly beautiful.

Now the backstory is that after about 10 years of literally having maybe one person I would interact with outside of the internet and abuse of varying brutality from teachers and often not much better from students I wasn't exactly up to speed on things like romance, seduction, and various basics of human interaction. This school was not much different and at the time I was desperately trying to get transferred to an online school where I'd be out of their system's reach.

That meant instead of trying to fit in I had to crank all my existing upfuckness to 11 to convince the administration I wasn't worth keeping around to screw with anymore. A not insignificant number of people basically figured it out from the start and wound up being good friends and helping me learn the ropes of positive human interaction. She wasn't one of them, she hated me, or at least feared me and found me as disturbing as half the faculty did. Being as incompetent as I was I didn't notice and actually thought the proper course of action was (compared to current skills) bad poetry and asking if she wanted to go see a movie.


The worst part I think is that being where I am now it's undeniable that I was in no condition to be in a relationship with someone, at the time I just wasn't really even capable of that kind of feeling or positive interaction. It just makes it so much worse to admit that she really was justified in her assessment. Especially since i rolled on my Charisma check so bad that to this day I'm on her block list and can never even apologize for how headsmackingly awkward and stupid that was.

Not emotionally, I get burned there and I can't stand to feel for them again without that seed of doubt and distrust, it's just not possible.

Sexually though? there was one that was just... seemingly built for me. That's rare.

I wonder how KirStang will react to this thread after he gets back from where he's currently doing pushups and puking up peas and carrots.

I guess I have two. I'm talking with the one now, have been for a few months. We'll see what happens. I'm not trying to reinvest again if the bank is going to be broke. The other girl...I still think about her. Alot. I've tried explaining it to her, but she never really answers me. Not that it matters, I no longer have any means of getting in contact with her but...damn.

I don't feel regret because they are not in my life anymore. I do feel regret that the way I acted pushed them away. And that goes for more than just one person.

I'm a different person now, I like to think that I'm a better person. I'll always remember those that slipped away but I refuse to get hung up on them. I want to be able to finally give all of myself to someone else without holding back. I just don't have the energy to keep my shields up because of this fear of being hurt, rejected, or loosing it all. I figure it's just easier to dust myself off when thing get rough than constantly being afraid and never experiencing anything.

So yeah, I miss them, but I don't regret anything that's gone down. It all brought me to where I am now, and I'm getting ever so close to where I want to be.

Maybe it's sad, maybe it's healthy but there's no one I regret letting slip away. I've been married twice (once when I was young and stupid, the other when i was older and stupid) and good riddance to them both. The only special someone was my first love in high school who died in a car wreck and there was nothing I could have done about that.

I'm seeing someone now and we seem to have some very special chemistry. I'm looking forward to seeing where it's going. It's better to look toward the future than to wonder about the past, I think.

With two partners it resembles regret in that "Well, I should have seen that coming!"

I enjoyed "living" with them and they were good activity partners. Genuine female sputniks.

With the rest? A more simple motivation: lust. Given a chance I'd still tap that ass like a GBU-28.

Oh, yessir. I just wouldn't want to have any long conversations with them afterward.

After going through and witnessing a couple of rough breakups, I think a lot of guys confuse lust with Those Other Emotions.

You don't really miss your exgirlfriend, bro... you just miss the hot-damn kinky shit she did for you without asking.

I don't regret letting any ex-boyfriends slip away. The relationships ended, and we moved on.

There was one guy, though, that was interested in me directly prior to starting my relationship with the most recent ex. He was smart and funny and talented... he was interning at a hospital and played piano on the weekends. We got along fabulously, and had a lot of fun together. But...N was making it clear that he wanted to be exclusive, so I told E he'd be better off just walking away. He did.

I'm happy in my current relationship (:D), but I sometimes think if I'd spent three years with E instead of N, I wouldn't have the self esteem issues that I deal with now. Ah, well. Hindsight's 20/20, as they say.

Letting someone 'go' sounds like releasing a kidnap victim.
People come & go out of our lives on their own volition.

...like an atom smasher. Yes.

Should I post in here, or is there a more specific people-you-regret-not-fucking thread?

Throw your hands in the air if you're a true player.

You don't understand. There are a few people I probably should have fucked.

You and every other guy. I didn't fuck my buddy's ex even after they'd be apart for a zillion years.

Bad juju. And she had an ass that'd stop traffic and could do the splits. No regrets, though.

Are you're suggesting that you should have engaged in more playtime before you settled down?

truer words have never been spoken. i have no regrets. only thing i would do differently, if i could, is more, more, more. i look back at the opportunities i did have and walked away from, and think - damn - should have went for it - but i don't regret any of the stuff I've done, girls I've been with, or anything else. Life - it is what it is. Go get some

---------- Post added at 09:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:07 PM ----------

fuckin-a right

I have only loved one girl and that relationship was the only relationship that meant something and I really do regret letting her go. However, at the same time there were some trust issues in the relationship regarding her breaking promises about her drug problem, but still for some reason I would probably go back to it.

She is interested in being friends with benefits though in the future when she's single, so I'll see what happens there, but I know the chance of getting together as a couple again is slim.

I used to wonder what if , but I dont anymore , now I just look back and am glad that I left who I left , and only regret not leaving sooner , no regrets , I know my boyfriend looks back on the one that got away, and his other exs , and it tortures me . its been a long time, , people need to focus on who they are with right now and leave the past behind where it belongs .

I dont think I really have any regrets since my current SO is more than I could have ever asked for, but there is one I'm curious about:
We were childhood friends and grew up together. We went to the same schools, but never talked to each other there since he was a grungy skater kid and I was class president (I know, I know, RIDICULOUS, but I was pretty lame several years ago). When we would hang out in private both of us were different people than when we were in public. Once he asked me out and I never gave him a chance since I wondered what people would think of me. It makes me mad and makes me wonder what would have happened if I wasn't so stupid.

Alas, I am happy where I am so I don't dwell on the curiosity too much :)

I think I've got a second chance...

Yes, someone leaves of their own volition. Me "letting go" means I quit giving them free rent on the empty space in my head or heart.

Lindy

Well said.

This topic always kicks my ass. For me it goes like: I enjoy relationship A and care for the person but it doesn't work out because of X,Y,Z. Usually a case of me being a clueless douchebag and them cheating. So then with relationship B I'm doing all the stuff I learned in relationship A and everything is going really well but I'm still thinking about relationship A because I had invested so much into it and it's still fresh in my mind. Eventually things break down because I'm a clueless douchebag-rinse-repeat. But I get over it and move on. I'm pretty sure this process has happened like four or five times.

The bad news is that I haven't had a relationship that has lasted to the two-year mark yet.

The good news is that I'm getting to play harpoon the velvet sea monster a lot.

...

To the women that used to be in my life: My longing for you has a half-life of an unhealthy duration.

And in most cases I don't really want you back, I just want my time and effort back.

I'm quoting myself from a thread a couple of years ago. It seems hoky and corny, but was just what I needed at the time. It is sometimes still hard to stay in Chapter V.

i just watched tom hank's cast away and i feel so shitty right now. i've never had a movie make me feel this before.

I've posted this elsewhere on TFP, but it definitely fits here:

Aaah, that's the stuff.

I can't say I regret letting anyone go. Granted I do regret wasting my last ex's time and mine as well but that's about it. Anyone I have been with that I wanted to be serious about always got my all, I just never got that in return in the end. Thankfully I'm in a wonderful relationship now where I actually feel appreciated for once.

Lindy---the "Five Short Chapters" is great---I have copied that to my computer.

Having been married three times, divorced twice so far, I would have to say that I do not necessarily regret letting them go. I would do things differently, and maybe regret the way in which things ended. I did learn from each, but probably failed to apply what I learnt. I am in odd situation right now in that I am separated from my current wife---have not seen her in almost 2 years, and we have only spoken twice in that time. There is nothing that can be done...and I would have to say I regret not applying what I had learnt in order to prevent this situation.

My ex gf. In a way I am glad I let it slip away, because I liked her more for the sex and oral pleasure. I never had any mind blowing oral pleasure from any girl before her and after her, and I love how small (she's about 5'1) and flexible (and bendable) she is. I liked her more for her physical attraction. If I would of stayed with her longer it probably wouldn't have lasted, so I'm glad I let her go with someone who will love her more than I did.

Like Plan 9 said, I should have appreciate each person I dated for who they were at the time more than I did. But there was a reason we broke up, and the nostalgia (sunscreen song) part of your brain covers that up. (one day must have a drink with 9 and talk life).

I actually forgot WHY I broke up with a neighbor girlfriend I dated for a few weeks. We were chatting a few years later and I just sat there wondering how it ended. Then she reminded me she went apesh*t psycho on another friend of mine at a work party and embarrassed the hell out of me. I suddenly remembered, ooooh yeahhhh THAT'S why we broke up! My nostalgia of here was good and I had happy memories of her, until she reminded me WHY we weren't still dating. Phew, thanks for that, after she reminded me, that nostalgia on the size of her tatas went away quickly.

The one I regret? Was the one that I never really had a chance with kinda sorta.
She lived in CO and I lived in TX but I am military and cannot move 9-11 just happened and a long distance relationship was looking bleak. The father of her kids and her immediate family is all in CO, so to uproot them to live with me in the middle of nowhere took a lot of considering. I loved this girl so much I just accepted that I'd be a stepfather to her kids (and I avoided chicks with kids like the plague prior to this). This was a huge step for me as I was just before a pilot training bachelor living life sleeping with many many girls and giving nothing for commitment to anybody. But she blew me away and made me want to give all that up.

She was gorgeous, funny, sexy, hard working and loved GUNS! (my hobby).

She called me with an April fool's joke that she was pregnant (by me of course) and I freaked out. Then I realized, I freaked out because I thought I didn't make enough money to support 3 kids total, not because she was pregnant though. That really showed me where my heart was.
Ya know that, "when the going gets tough" thing. I found out how I really felt about her when she joked like that. Luckily her sister called me to stop the heart attack I had and informed me of the cruel joke.

I did not want to pull the kids away from their dad (whom she never married) without there being a good reason or at least a shot at that guy accepting that challenge of responsibility. I, or maybe we, made the decision for her to try to date her kid's dad first and really try to make it work for the sake of her kids.

If he was a douche and it didn't work out, then my door and heart were wide open. It actually did work out with that guy and she had to cut me off 100% so she could focus on their new family and not have me in the picture clouding things up emotionally. I understood this as I also could not function sanely with her in my life, but not IN it.

Every girl since that I met I compared to her and I still think about her often. Luckily after 8 years she just started to email me again just to say hi. So I did get my wish.

You guys write some good stuff in the posts and thats why I come here. I agree, its the past and we have to live for today, but thinking of her smell, her smile, her voice, for me elicits something stronger than the Force and is like a vodka shot for an alcoholic or the Ring for Smeagol.

ahhhh my precious, just to hold it for............one more time.

I am married to an incredible woman, who loves me unconditionally, despite the fact that I haven't always made it easy for her. Having said that, however, there have been a few prospective relationships I regret screwing up. A very painful experience, of recent vintage, as referenced in a previous post, revealed to me how emotionally immature I've been, for far too long. Old enough to have it together, regarding relationships, a lot better than I did, I allowed these awesome women to put their feelings out there, only to get rebuffed, by a man who was, seemingly, afraid to open up, to anyone getting close to me. The sad thing is that I really and truly thought the world of these women, but, for some reason, a subconscious fear of making a move, and revealing a part of me, to them, squashed any hopes of a relationship, and I know that I ended up hurting them. I think about them often (too much, probably!), and, like many others, wish I could turn back the clock, and try again. I ended up marrying a great lady, but as the saying goes "Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are what might have been"

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Most people you date, split, and keep walking down the street without too much of a second thought. But very rarely, (for some of us only once) you bump into one and it's like your control panel lights up. You want to twirl around singing "So This is Love".

Damn hard not to have second thoughts about someone it feels like you were born bonded to, but had to meet them to find out.