Age differences, when is it creepy?
 

Ok, I had the most fucked up weird day ever. At work, this chick comes up to me and asks me out. This is weird because
A) I'm a complete loser with women and more importantly,
B) I'm 39 and she is 20.

Apparently she has had a crush on me for the past few months, today she told me about it (she works in a store across from me). I assume most men my age would be all "Fuck yeah! I'd hit it!!!) but for some reason, I'm weirded out.

I explained this to her a few times, how I'm twice her age, chicks don't dig me so I'm really really confused, and it's just weird. She says she won't take no for an answer and wants to go to dinner.

So, would I be the creepy old guy if we went to dinner? I know I wouldn't like it, and all I can think about is that she has some kind of daddy issues.

Yeah, I do not want to go out to dinner with her. I also mentioned I'm leaving the country next week for 3 months, she still wants to get together before I go.

I feel like I should be bragging. I'm kind of put off by it.

Thoughts?

deal with it :D

Go for it dude. There is nothing wrong.

I thought was the rule 1/2 your age + 7

I tend to go by the rule that if one of us is in diapers and the other isn't, it's a problem.


If I were in your position, I probably would have gone home and done a Tom Cruise in Risky Business kind of routine.

As long as you're both over 21, who cares?

I once dated a guy who was almost 20 years younger. When I was younger, I dated a man who was well over 20 years older than I was.

Maybe she thinks you're sexy. I tend to be more drawn to older men, even now that I'm not so young anymore.

I doubt there are many women that would've kicked Sean Connery or Paul Newman outta bed for eatin' crackers.

She's into you. Why not go out for dinner and she what she's like? Age differences can either be really important or not at all. Compatibility is everything.

I would say it's creepy if when you have to meet her parents, you are older or the same age as her Mom or Dad.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...al_cougar0.jpg

RAWR!!!

Dude... dude... DUDE... DUDE.

Hit. That. Shit.

That's my intelligent response to this situation.

Man, I'd be happy if a chick did that to me at my age. When I'm 39? Shit yeah!

Maybe she's really mature.

do it! Live a little, man. even if it is doomed or a disaster at least you have something to make your life interesting.

I don't think it's creepy, but then, I'm usually attracted to older men.

A friend of mine married a guy that's nearly 20 years older than her. I thought it was a little odd at first, but they're so good together, I don't really even notice it anymore.


On the one hand, I'd say give her a chance. You never know, you two could really hit it off. But then again, if it seriously weirds you out, to the point that you can't think of anything else... just let it go.

I don't find anything creepy about this. If she was 18...well, it would be creepy, but she's in her 20's now, so go for it!

Wow, I'm honestly kind of surprised no one really thinks it's that weird. Um...I don't see it as a relationship, I see it as me getting laid (which would be awesome, as I won't be having sex alone like usual). It just really took me by surprise. The last thing I ever expected was some 20 year old chick who is rather good looking to want anything to do with me. I keep thinking I'm going to go meet her and it's gonna be that dude from MSNBC on "To catch a predator."

She's of age. You are of age.

Why not take the chance and see what she's like? She isn't asking you to fuck her. She's just asking you out for dinner.

That said, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, decline the offer. My personal attitude is that you never know where you will find someone with whom you may be compatible. Don't let age be your hang up. There is no harm in having dinner and seeing where things go. The worst that can happen is you will have a nice dinner.

I think it's okay if you're uncomfortable. Don't pass up a chance for friendship, though. Take the chance for dinner and making a friend. If a relationship (Or sex) comes out of it, even more awesome.

I wonder if there are any 20 year old girls out there who might find a 50 year old man attractive? Me? Well, yes, I do happen to be 50 years old, but that's beside the point. My question is purely theoretical.

Dude, go for it.

damn lucky chap! It was a fantasy during my young age!!!! would be great to hear more!

who knows she may get something from you which she generally doesnt get from a young 20yr old chap!! dont avoid :)

Nothing much to tell. About four or five years ago, I had my first adult "crush". The guy was in mid 20s. I flirted, he asked me out. My first instinct was similar to the OP, but my daughters always told me I needed to date younger guys. So I decided to give it a try.

We went out and it would have been fun, but I said no to a second date. It turned out getting to know him made him so much less attractive. Okay, so he was an idiot and an asshole. I don't think age had anything to do with it.

Sorry to disappoint the Mrs Robinson fantasy for you cb, but that particular case should have remained a fantasy for me. It still wouldn't discourage me from dating younger guys, when and if I'm in the market for one. :p

My opinion is that its not weird or creepy. Everybody is of age and all the cards are on the table...fuck her and have fun.

I think age differences are only weird when someone is lying about there age. Case in point, when I was 20 I got pregnant by a man I thought was 27, 7 years difference. When I was 6 months pregnant I found out he was actually 34, 14 years older than me. I was pissed about the age difference because he had lied to me and I felt like a stupid ass. The sad part is that if he would have been honest I still would have fucked him, because it would have been no big deal.

ok, I guess i'll be the first to say I think it's creepy. But that's just my opinion. I've always been uncomfortable with big age gaps and wouldn't want to date someone more than 10 years older than me, and even that is pushing it. Trust your own instincts. If you say she would just be a way to get laid to you, and you wouldn't want a relationship, that might be a little disappointing to her if she would want more and possibly unfair from the getgo should you decide to go for it. Just make sure you communicate to eachother what you want out of it..

But that's true regardless of respective ages. Is there anything other than gut "creepy" feel for you about this, fishstick?

Not that gut "creepy" feel isn't plenty, I'm just curious.

I think each situation is different and there is no rule. My parents had a 12 year age gap and that didn't stop my mom. But if you feel uncomfortable, maybe it's not for you. If you can get over the hang-up, then it should be fun. I don't see why not, if you're both mature and willing.

This girl! This girl would! I had a raging crush on a very sexy silver-haired gentleman and I felt no shame or weirdness. Given the chance, I'd have been all over that.

Go. For. It. So she likes older men, so what? Bat says "Gogeddit."

I'm currently dating a gal who was legally drinking alcohol when I was born. I have no problem with it, and she has no problem with it.

I was once turned down by a guy who was older. I had a big crush, he was a wonderful, intelligent guy. One of those experiences where you never run out of things to chat about. We probably could have had a delightful future together. I would have been happy. But unfortunately my age creeped him out. We remained friends. He eventually married someone who was closer to his age, who turned around and divorced him, taking half of his assets. Hmmm. Sad.

Oh well.

If you can't get over the age difference, then it's too much of an age difference. If you're willing to get to know her and then decide if she's too young, at least you won't be kicking yourself in 5 years for not giving it a try.

You, my dear girl, have just made my day!!!
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Go for it. She went after you. It's not creepy to me at all. As Nike says, just do it.

We're living longer than ever and age issues are in flux.

That's nearly the age difference of my parents and they're much older than you.

Go for it. Someone like that doesn't come along more than once.

If I were 40 and had some 20 year old ass knocking at my door, I'd go for it.

I'd love to have a good looking girl come up to me and ask me out period - saves from having to do all the hard work haha

You mean Chris Hannsen? lol

I've decided that what I think you should do is work on being cool with yourself and not thinking your a douche. Then date her.

I'm in my late 40s, & have no idea how I would react to a woman in her mid 20s asking me out. I suppose that if I felt comfortable around her in a general sense, I'd probable test the waters first with a 'light' date.

OK, I'll be honest: I think it's a little creepy. Not majorly creepy-- as long as you're not picking your date up from junior varsity mathletes, it's not majorly creepy. But a little. When I see couples like that, I always wonder: his midlife crisis or her daddy issues?

That said, women mature much faster than men, and it is only natural that a girl of 20 might be fairly sick of dating the yutzes in her age cohort, and want to date upward. And I will certainly admit that, at 35, I still check out 20 year olds all the time, and-- were I not involved-- I might seriously consider my options did a 20something hottie put the moves on me. Still, I don't know if I could.

My general rule is that once the age difference passes the double-digit mark, you're starting to tread into weird area. My hard limit is usually set at 13 years: if a girl's a whole bar mitzvah age kid ahead or behind me in age, it's just too much. I think 15+ years, there is very little chance of it not being at least a little weird.

But again, on the spectrum of potentially creepy things, even a 20-year age difference is fairly mild, unless the difference ends out with someone being a teenager....

If that was a response to me, then my response is that being 40 doesn't equate being comfortable with yourself.

What do you think it is she likes about you?

She's 12.8 years younger and it's okay for you date her and, say, 2 years later you decide to marry because you love her and envision growing old with her. You see her birth certificate when applying for the license and find out she's lied about her age. She's 20 years younger. Dealbreaker? :oogle:

For me, its either twice or half my age. Of course, at 19, I'm not even thinking about half the age part, since that would be treading legal matters, but as I get older, thats my limit.

Why doe sit HAVE to be his midlife, or her daddy issues? what makes it so impossible that someone could just find another person attractive to them? Sorry, but I find offense in such a blanket statement. Not all older/younger couples are bad, or evolve because one or the other has a "problem" with their daddy or a midlife crisis.

I don't think it's creepy, because she asked you.

These kinds of things always seem good on paper (or in our perverted little minds) but the generational differences can be really tough to overcome.

At 20, she thinks it's a lark. At 39, you may be thinking lasting relationship. There are a million little fractions that can happen.

RE: Age differences, when is it creepy?
 

You have an excellent point! I think alot of people see men as getting more sophisticated/sexy with age, whereas older women are seen as "grandmas" (which is not sexy).
Actually, in alot of "older man" cases, the woman is after the $ too, so it's not just young men that are viewed that way.
The grandma thing is about all I can think of, or maybe men just age better and that's why they are more accepted? I often wonder about these things myself.:shakehead:
---------------------------------
Muthu

She's interested and legal. No reason to hold back.

Funny side note: I know I'm getting old when I call someone a MILF and my brother cringes and says she's way too old.
I always thought that was an arbitrary, high-schoolish mindset. I was more mature at 18 than some people I've met who are 40. I'm 24 now and I've met people younger than me who are more mature than I am.
With a huge lie like that for a long time, I'd hold off on getting married until I was sure that we've been honest with everything. I put a lot of weight on trust in a relationship.

It's true, some people who are 40 are absolute dipshits, and some 20 year olds have it all together. And some of those younger people grow up to be 40 year old dipshits.

It all depends on what happens the ensuing years. Some go get their hearts broken and acquire different sets of motivation. Some never encounter a mature relationship and create warped senses of what a relationship means.

At the least, if the OPer hasn't really had any relationships, it might as well start now. But there's a reason for the song, "Hey 19".

I guess for me, it's just the idea that you're dating someone who's old enough to be your dad. Now I don't think daddy issues or midlife crisis, or anything like that, necessarily. Though, I suppose if the girl is more mature... I hear guys in their 40s are a bit better than guys in their 30s on maturity levels. That's coming from my 30 something friends. I have no experience on dating anyone in their 30s.

When I was 20, there were PLENTY of older guys--including some of my professors--that I found attractive. :D I'm 6 years older now, but I still find men over 50 attractive.

It never hurts to try. :)

When you apply for a job, you can't be (yeah right :mad: ) discriminated against for age. Men don't like when women ask what kind of car they drive or what career path they're on. In general (I could care less) women don't like to disclose their age. Age is just another label if you look at it that way. I'm just wondering if it'd be a dealbreaker if for you've been blinded by love and never asked and found out some time later. No lies, it just never came up somehow.

Maybe, maybe not. Chances are, if it turns out to be a dealbreaker, it's not because of the age difference, it's because she lied to me for 2 years.
-----Added 29/9/2008 at 02 : 09 : 57-----
It doesn't have to be either. I didn't say it was either of those things directly, only that when I saw such a couple, that was my first thought. I would be perfectly prepared to be proven wrong, but I do tend to wonder about a 20-year gap.

From people of completely different generations, with vastly different generational paradigms, one of whom has vastly more life experience than the other, who are at totally different places in life, what would be the subjects held in common? What common ground would these people have on which to base a relationship, over and above sexual attraction?

I'm not saying it can't happen, or that it doesn't happen. I'm just saying I tend to think it doesn't often happen for the right reasons. But I am always happy to be proven wrong in such a situation.

Actually I was giving my .02 regarding the situation described by the original poster. I do agree with you, being older doesn't always "equate being comfortable with yourself." There are a lot of weirded-out geezers around, I'm one myself :surprised:.

When I was very young guy, I had fantasies for elder women.
But I wonder onesnow or for that matter any woman when they grwo older will find a 20 yr old chap attractive and ...

Most are too immature for my tastes. Plus, a 20-year-old couldn't drink. I like the ability to have a beer with my man.

That is sweet, so when you are 35+ and you find a 20yr chap who could drink beer you would be interested?

I had drinks ever since I was 14. Exactly once a year around my birthday. The once a year rule relaxed only after I crossed 24.

While young I happen to find women who had beared, reared children to be very attractive. But due to some respect I never approached any of them.

Legally, one must be 21 to drink alcohol in the United States (generally speaking, there are some exceptions, depending on your jurisdiction), and I'm not interested in contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

I was a month shy of 35 when I met a girl of 19. We kinda flirted for a bit, I finally asked her out. After a bit she said yes ( we had lunch together in the interim).

Seven years later, we have 2 beautiful kids and are quite happily married.

For the record, her folks love me, although I was a bit apprehensive about that.

From someone who has been there, it is possible.

Good question! I'm sure it would make me re-evaluate why they lied, what else they might be lying about. I'd say it could bring up some serious trust issues that would need to be worked through. I probably would not continue with the wedding as planned.

And to be accurate - I don't know about other states, but in California you only need your drivers license to apply for a marriage license, no birth certificate required.

Amazing. I know few couples with 20+ age difference. But they were arranged marraiges. The guys are very happy. I dont know about the women, I cant ask them ...
-----Added 2/10/2008 at 12 : 43 : 00-----
Are there girls here whos hubby is way younger!?? just curiousity :)

I'd love to date someone older!

To the OP, watch this movie before you decide. Haha, jk. Sick movie, though ;)

how old are you?
the move had bagged awards, we will try to watch.