Stretch Marks and Sex
 

(Note: I did a search and although there were a few threads about stretch marks, none either went for the topic I desired or there were not enough responses. I am also putting this in sexuality instead of Ladies' Lounge because I would like some guy input here.)

Okay, so let me get real with all my TFPer's for a second: I am covered with stretch marks. It's not rare for someone to have them after severe weight loss (I've had 2 kids... with my second, I got up to 220lbs, then lost most of it almost immediately). It's common for them to be on the back of the arms, thighs, and breasts. Even a few on the stomach are acceptable. My problem is that my stomach is BAD. I also have them on the area above my vagina (Hmmm... pelvis?) and my hips.

Now, you may be thinking... "What stretch marks? I've seen those pictures!" But, if you think about it, I don't really take pictures of my stomach, and if I do, it's more than likely blurry, and that's the only reason why I posted it.

Anyways, so I'm sitting here thinking about what I'm going to do the next time I'm having sex with a guy. I'm not keen on putting it all out there... it's ugly! I also know that there are some guys out there that are going to be like... ew. Normally, I just have sex in the dark. Honestly, I really can't remember the last time I had sex with any kind of light around... But, this isn't going to work forever. I need to be able to get comfortable with myself like this and find me a man who is also comfortable with me like this.

So, here's the part where you come in. Tell me your opinions on the subject. Ladies: Have you encountered this problem? Have you met a guy and he saw your stretch marks and had a reaction, good or bad?

Men: What are your feelings on this? Have you ever met a woman with stretch marks and it changed your mind about her? What would you do if you DID meet a woman with a crap load of stretch marks? Would it affect you in any way?

(:

(Pardon the rambling, by the way.)

I've got them from being overweight when I was younger. Most of them have gone away, but there are still echos of them on my arms and around my waist. Exfoliation helps a great deal. I had a skin peel on my stomach, and it helped quite a bit. My hair even came back.

I've dated women with them. They're not a turn-off at all. If they're mothers, it's even a bit of a turn on. Even if I didn't have them at all, I still can't imagine them bothering me.

I've never had someone comment on my stretch marks, and I've had 3 people see them since I got them. I also have a lumpectomy scar that I was self conscious about...but no one has ever commented on that either. I've found that once things have progressed to seeing them...either they aren't noticed or he/she doesn't care :)

It wouldn't bother me in the least so long as it doesn't bother her. I know it's terribly clichéd but confidence is more attractive than anything else.

And honestly, if a guy falls out of the mood over a few stretch marks then the problem is very obviously with him and possibly with his sexuality.

Bah, stretch marks. Non issue. I stopped thinking that women were all supposed to look like airbrushed playboy models at about 16. It was about that time that I realized that all the girls in school had some pimples, even the popular ones. None of them ever had the all over body soft focus lens treatment when they were in my company unless I was too drunk to fark anyways. I like REAL people, who like to do REAL things. Anyone worth being around isn't even going to notice stretch marks or scars with any sort of critical eye.

I have stretch marks, had them since high school. Sadly mine are not due to bringing a child into this world, mine are just from reaching 220lbs from not being able to put down the fork. I am down to 190 and the stretch marks are still there and always will be. They make my belly look lumpy and bumpy, and I HATE them. In the beginning I was really self conscience about them, thankfully im2smrt4u has never said they bother him. Even at my heaviest, my weight bothered him a little but the sex between us never showed it.

I am now comfortable enough to have sex with the lights on, hell even post a few pics showing my accomplishment in losing the weight. Mainly because I know I am working on my weight and keeping it down. I know I will never be a size 5, not even sure if I will ever be a size 12 (large hips) but I know I am working on staying healthy and that makes me say I know I am looking better than I ever have and thats good enough for me.

You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed about your stretch marks. They show you are a mother and the fact that you have lost your baby weight is amazing! Any guy who is worthy enough to be having sex with you should realize what it takes to do that. And if he doesn't then he really isn't worthy of seeing you naked or otherwise.

You are gorgeous and besides any man who could focus on your stretch marks instead of those hypnotizing green eyes is insane. I say embrace your motherhood and woman hood and say to hell with it and have sex with the lights bright and shining!

I've had stretch marks on my inner thighs since I was a teenager. Because I have stretch marks myself, they don't bother me as much on a woman, but if I didn't have stretch marks, honestly, I'd be a bit turned off, but at the same time, I wouldn't say it'd be a deal breaker. (that was a long sentence)

I don't have any stretch marks, but I have plenty of scars (including one on my face that took 27 stitches to close up). They are just part of who I am, and anybody that doesn't like it can take a hike!

Scars and stretch marks are part of who we are - and definitely aren't anything to be ashamed of.

Ktsp and I both have stretch marks in various places--it's never even remotely been a problem, unless one of us draws attention to our own stretch marks (as in the, "Woe is me, look at my horrible stretch marks..."). Otherwise, they're just another part of having a body that has been through some changes, which is what every human goes through.

I was just gonna post here :). Anyway, we all have stretch marks. I'm a skinny guy and I have stretchmarks (in my case, from a growth spurt). I seriously doubt that anybody is without stretchmarks (unless they have a professional airbrusher following their every step).
I don't think they're ugly either, they're just more body markings. Looks like a zebra effect to me.

I like this line from an Ani DiFranco song, "I've got highways for stretchmarks, see where I've grown".

Been up and down in weight nearly all my life and was self-conscious for the longest time.

One-nighters, I don't know but I wouldn't worry about what they think/thought.

The guys who care? They don't even see them. They're not looking for your flaws; they only see your beauty.

I have stretch marks all over, scars in certain areas, and some unattractive hanging skin at the incision site of a C-section. The man who loves me caresses and kisses the yucky skin and calls it his fat. ;)

Have stretch marks myself around my armpits for some odd reason :S
Don't really think about them.

GF has stretch marks as well.
Don't really think about them.

Have a friend who has stretch marks from losing alot of weight.
Don't really thinkg about them.


(I think you can guess the pattern by now :) )

It can be a blow to your self-esteem, but I wouldn't let it if I were you. They're mostly temporary, not hideous, and proof that you're not made of sillycone but 100% artisanal, homegrown skin :)

i have stretch marks on my thighs and a little on my butt :D but those you cant see really. i'm still a little self conscious about it...i'm starting to get some on my tummy now :( it's awful! but, healer has no problem with my body and his got no problem with my stretch marks either...if he does...he's never made it known. i think thats why sex with the lights on is so much easier...

but i think Cat Williams said it best when he said that men who complain about stretch marks are IDIOTS...well, those are my words :) "stretch marks can come from one of two things...either you was big and got small or you was small and got big, either way...we fuckin'...either way":bowdown: :lol:

i think all men and women should try and adopt that attitude ;)

Ranger Joe, virtually everyone has little imperfections. I know very few mothers who don't have a few stretch marks. I can only say that as a guy, such marks are no issue for me, and I would say that's how most guys feel.

Pretty much sums it up for me. Stretch marks, blemishes, scars, moles, birthmarks and every other normal human feature rarely are a concern as unless Abaya said one wants to make a fuss out of them for no good reason.

You're the only one that admitted (sort of) to being turned off by it (maybe). Why?

I've never had a single partner comment on my stretch marks, and on my breasts they are very noticeable. I have two marks near my armpit on either breast that are still a light shade of purple; I'm not sure they'll ever fade to white. The remainder of the skin across my chest is covered in white stretch marks. I have some on my hips as well. Typically, though, whoever I'm with has been too busy staring at the goods to notice any stretch marks :D I used to be self-conscious about them until I realized all the good men don't care, and anyone who does isn't worth my time.

You know I'm down...

Real bodies tell stories, they're not just perfect barbie-doll objects.

I've never had a problem with seeing stretch marks. I'm a little biased towards understanding, though, having nearly weighed 400 pounds at one time, and still losing right now. So, I just wouldn't worry about them. I'm not worried about mine, just like I'm not worried about all my scars (I had a lot of accidents as a kid).

As everyone else has said, pretty much everyone has stretch marks.

All in all, it's a non-issue.

Let's face it, by the time you're showing somebody your pudendum he's convinced you're worth his attention.

Pudendum??

I don't have any stretch marks but I do have a decent approximately 4 inch scar on my right inner arm along the elbow. I have long ago realized it doesn't bother anyone other than myself. Anyone that matters isn't going to care. If they can't overlook a few stretch marks they are far too superficial to understand the real meaning of a relationship.

pudendum:
The external genitals of either sex , though many limit the meaning to apply only to the female mons pubis , labia-majora , labia-minora , clitoris , and introitus vaginae.

:thumbsup:

You are such a prince! Thanks...from all of us real people!

Stretch marks here! I have them on my breasts from the extreme variations in size during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I used to be very self-conscious of them, but I've never had a partner complain about them so that just kind of faded away. Another good thing is that they also fade away. Mine are not nearly as noticeable now as they were when I was younger.

I also have a scar from my cesareans just above my mons pubis. :p

Precisely. Which is why it's better to work more on your own confidence, rather than worrying about the next person you meet who is going to notice those things. If they notice those things (and don't like you as a result), then they've just done you a favor... of giving you a very good reason to NOT be with them, since clearly they're not worth your time.

I find that with things like this, it comes down to dealing with your own feelings above all else, and knowing what kind of people who are going to value you for YOU... and to kick all the rest to the curb, because you know you deserve better!

When the rest of you is sexy enough, I just don't care about stretch marks. Ranger Joe definitely falls into the "I REALLY don't care about the stretch marks" category.

If you didn't want the battle scars, you shouldn't have had a kid.


I was going to write more, but it would repeat what others have expressed. So I'll just quote them instead:

I dont have stretch marks. Still stretch marks are not a turn off. in fact the stretch marks on lower stomach of a pretty girl hints she is a mother and turns me ON and curious. I never had been with a girl with too many stretch marks. Why would it matter if she is hot?

I'd rather see the stretch marks than fuck in the dark.

This line is both beautiful and true. It's similar to what I tell my wife about the nude photos I take of her: "You would look at them and find flaws. I look at them and see a beautiful, sexual woman who is willing to let me photograph her."

I'm pretty sure my wife has stretch marks; you'd think I would know for sure, but if the stretch marks are there, my eyes just pass over them. Heck, I was giving her some abdominal massage just yesterday, so I was looking at her belly; I just was not looking for that.

Ah, this really helps me. I'm a person that goes for straight attitude and personality, and don't really care about looks. My thought was that most people are the exact opposite. This helps, at least a little, in proving it wrong to me. (;

seems to be an overwhelming stance in this thread that stretch marks are non-issue. This is very encouraging.

I have them on my thighs (kind of like a serjeant's chevrons) from a growth spurt that I had as an adolescent. Who cares? My wife has them from pregnancy (she went from about 98 lbs to 130 in a matter of months) around her butt. Do I care? not at all.. I never even thought about them until I read this thread. She also has surgical incision scars from 1. c-section, 2. lumpectomoy, 3. biopsies.

But I have the same collection (hernia, v-sectomy, biopsies) and neither of us care that the road map of life that is our bodies has these waypoints on them.

I have plenty of them from both getting tall really fast and from being fat. They're fading as I lose weight, but you'd still have to be blind to miss them. I don't let them bother me, and they're really not bad on other people. If I'm seeing them, I probably am to the point that I don't care about skin blemishes.

I could care less. For me at least, by the time we get to the stretch marks, it is too late. I am into a woman for her and all of her. We all have imperfections we have to deal with. The older you get, the more there are and let me tell you....If you dwell on each and every one, you will go crazy.

Agreed.

I have stretch marks by my breasts (like near the armpit region where they begin), on my inner thighs and a little behind my arms. And I have a few on my stomach area.

I'm just really comfortable with my boyfriend I guess. I never really thought about them before. In fact, my boyfriend says he likes the ones on my boobs because it reminds him of how big they are. :D

But to be honest, if the person I'm having sex with really cares about my stretch marks, then more than likely, he/she not the right person for me. And I shouldn't be having sex with him/her in the first place, because I'm not perfect, and I want to be with someone who accepts me for who I am.

hell yeah.

I think we can all agree that quite a lot of people have stretch marks in this world. It's a common occurrence, like birth marks or moles. It happens. The human body cannot be perfect. :P
I have some on my tummy too, RJ. I was very self conscious about them for awhile, but I quickly overcame that thanks to my boyfriend. I feel sexy now, no matter how I look. And from what I've observed in men, that confidence is sexy to them. So its a positive cycle, hehe. :)
If you want to reduce their appearance, exfoliate a lot, and use lotions with vitamin E...cocoa butter works well.

It wouldn't bother me.

Bingo. :thumbsup:

Skin is usually imperfect in some way, perfection is rare, stretchmarks can be surprising, but there are a lot of things it depends on. The biggest one for me is that it depends on IF I had a problem with them. IF they disturbed me somehow I'd hold it up against the girl's personality. Had kids and lost the guy? Responsible or immature with your children (note: this is my tested standard and I'm proud to keep it my own). Also it depends on how the girl feels about 'em. Be proud and you're likely to keep the better buck.

Embarrassing bit: I've got stretchmarks on me from doing yoga wrong.

__________

some guys care some don't

the wife has some stretch marks. most of hers are from our kids. she actually went 8 months with our first kid without getting any, then she stopped using the cream she had been using to try to prevent them and BAM!! there they were. still, they don't bother me. she actually had some as a teenager from going from an A cup to a C cup almost over night. don't mind those either. without them, there would be no huge boobs in my life. :D

the only time stretch marks have bothered me was walking through the grocery store one day this woman walked past me in a shirt that showed off her stomach, and she had stretch marks so bad it looked like she went from being a size 0 one night to having an alien abduct her and shove a bowling ball through her belly button over night. and on top of that she had been tanning so the skin that wasn't stretched was dark and the stretch marks were pasty white. man, that lady was just nasty.

Not a big deal. if I am into you, I am into ALL of you despite your self perceived imperfections.

Well RJ, you can always cover them up with tatoos :)

JK

Although I don't have much under my clothes to worry about, I do have a huge mole. In fact, I have 3 moles, and they're on my face. Over an eye brow, on my cheek, and near my lip. I never noticed how noticeble they were until a friend from high school drew a sketch of me. There was this massive ink blot between my nose and lip! After a time, I forgot about it, and the girls I've been with never said anything. It was all in my head.

Perfection is for books, movies, and magazine ads. Sometimes, those aren't perfect either. Now everyone remembers the film 300, where are fearless Spartans are wearing nothing but a helm, shield, cape, and leather bikini for protection, and to scare off their enemies with their godlike physique. Well, I have news for you, even that wasn't real! There's a scene where one of the Spartans lands from a jump, and you can see his Six-Pack abs jiggle. "Huh?" you ask, "How is that possible?" With the magic of an air brush, those abs can be painted on by the make-up artist.

This is also done when a model is needed for those exercise gadgets, where the athletic woman's tummy picture, and nothing else. A friend of mine first pointed that out when he was told about it from a gal he knows that does costuming in Hollywood on for theatre too. She was on set when a thin model from those Doritos commercials was hired for some ab thingy machine, and they painted abs on her "I starve myself for this body" stomach.

Stretch marks are by no means a deal breaker - no one can be that perfect. Who cares? I have some, under my arms, from weight training. I also have some around my stomach area... too many beers and good food! Now that I've reclaimed my former size, they're present. No one has complained, though.

worst tat pain I ever had was getting one over stretch marks....and if it hurt ME thats saying a lot lol

RangerJoe:

You are giving men far to much credit for any level of thought prior to copulation. For example, my favorite pair of boobs are the ones I get to play with....I find it impossible to find fault in the woman who has my penis in her mouth....The nicest ass in the world is the one I'm looking down at....I could go on and on. Fact is, a man just wants a woman who's comfortable in her own skin and who truly enjoys sex. It really doesn't matter if that skin has some "history".

Cimarron said this quite well. I love Marisa Miller but by god, she ain't never going to sleep with me. But when I am with my wife, who ain't Marisa for sure, it doesnt matter at all. She is the one I want to be with and she is the one i am with, stretch marks, left over baby weight and all.

This whole thing makes me feel so much better.

I always felt like my stretch marks were worse then everyone elses.
They're on my chest and up my sides starting at my hip and meet in both directions. I didn't inherit nice stretchy skin from either side of my family.

lol saying this is like saying a women would not see any fault in any man regardless of his penis size and height etc etc that doesn't

and happen as often as it should

hey, those are some sexy photo's, if you have the confidence to do those pic's, rise above the stretch marks and bugger anyone who has an issue with them

I`m 21, Single, skinny and was never overweight. I got stretch marks on my back, buttocks and now they`re starting to appear on my arms. I wish they`d disappear. I feel embarassed to take my shirt off on the beach. I`ve heard that they naturally disappear.

---------- Post added at 03:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:05 AM ----------

Many celebrities have them too if that helps. :)

Ugh, I've got stretchmarks on my legs up by my hips and under my arms where my pecs meet my shoulders... all from my roller coaster attempts at putting on muscle mass. I'm not worried about them being ugly... I'm worried about the tissue tearing open the next time my scrawny ass tries to bench 225.

It would be foolish for me or anyone else to assume that the biological explosion that occurs when girls become women and when women gain weight or go through the screaming-mini-bastard process that the body is going to return back to its original state. Our bodies are amazing things, capable of so much adaptation... but let's not let airbrushed Playboy models confuse us as to the reality of the situation.

My exwife had a unique skin condition that nearly reduced the elastic effect of her skin to nothing. She was so afraid of becoming a stretch-marked, wrinkly creature even in her late twenties. She, like many, is much harder on herself about her perceived physical flaws than any partner would be.

Beauty is not finding a perfect human assembly... no, I feel beauty is in the unique pattern of imperfections that make up an individual by definition: unique. Makes me think about military records and police reports. They have a block for identifying marks: scars, tattoos, moles... imperfections that make you stand out. Everybody has similar features, and our 15 pieces of unique aren't all external.

I guess my feeling is, much like ManicSkafe said in the beginning of the thread, that confidence beats all. A sultry look and a cocky remark erases any physical limitations. Take me to bed, you suave toothless circus midget! Unless you're a heartless fuck-machine (you know who you are!), you're probably with X partner because you find the contents of their skull as appealing as the contents of their thong and you're not as superficial as to ignore the former because of the latter. I've experienced this focus over and over again and it makes me feel like maybe I'm not such an asshole all the time.

...

Oh, yessir.

I dated a guy who was 10 years older than I am. He looked every one of his years, balding and overweight. I've also dated guys who were 15 years younger than I am. I'm generally regarded as looking between 5 and 10 years younger than I am. Having had two kids, I have the stretchmarks to mark that period of my life when I was busy growing a life. I never really gave it much thought, anymore than I gave thought to the smattering of freckles on my chest, or the scar on my leg from when I fell riding a bike as a kid. Just part of me.

It was the older guy, who, after a romp, asked me if I'd considered lasering my stretchmarks. He had also asked me on another occasion if I'd considered getting my boobs done. Now, you can pick on me about the 10 or so extra pounds I carry and I might sulk. But my breasts are pretty damn good for anyone, nevermind someone who nursed two kids into toddlerhood. And I already mentioned that the stretchmarks didn't bother me. They never seemed to bother my younger lovers either.

I could've become very insecure about my stretchmarks. But why? We're all aging. True, some of us better than others. Physical perfection doesn't exist outside of airbrushed magazines and carefully prepared moviestars. And they only portray perfection. Anyone in the business will tell you the work that goes into making someone look that good.

And then I think about my lovers. The ones that made my pulse race and my skin flush. None of them were physically perfect. In fact, I've dated guys who were amazingly attractive...but my body knew and didn't respond the same way. Attraction isn't as simple as a perfect face or body. So I assume it's the same for the men I date. If I "do it for them" it won't be because or in spite of some physical imperfections. It just is. I accept it as my due and enjoy it accordingly. If you focus on how you make someone feel...and how they make you feel...there is precious little room left over for worrying about stretchmarks or wobbly bits.

lol a guy should not worry about their body / parts because a girl is more worried about her body and if the guy likes it

and a girl should nto worry abotu her body because a guy is more worried about what the girl thinks about his penis etc etc

all these "sayings" makes it seem society is one big pool of shallowness where everyone expects their partner to be perfect or things they are perfect

So it was the old, fat, bald guy that thought you needed work? Umm, ok.

Yes it was. And his focus on the relatively minor imperfections of my body told me that he would *not* be comfortable with me aging with any degree of grace and therefore was not an option for any kind of long-term situation.

I did find it quite amusing that the younger guys were just thrilled to have someone who didn't care what she looked like, even with the lights on and contorted in some rather unflattering positions.

Humans are unique. Generally I think the individual puts more emphasis on what it is that makes them different and assumes it will be an issue for others instead of letting them decide for themselves. Confidence also plays a role here, as you are entering a situation with lowered confidence as a result of you assuming the worst of others and their reaction to whatever trait it is that you're concerned about.

In reality, there are those that are bothered by these things, and those that aren't. If nothing else, it serves as a nice filter to find genuinely good people who like you for who you are, while exposing those that are superficial and likely to place added emphasis on these things.

People have flaws. That's what makes us people. It's normal to be insecure about these things, but generally it's blown out of proportion in one's mind, and then projected onto the presumed reactions of others, which often turns out to be false and unjustified.

Are there superficial people out there that care solely about looks? Yep, there sure are. But you likely don't want to be with them anyway, so be yourself and you'll find those that you're genuinely interested in, and they you.

Shaindra, that older guy sounds like an a$$ h***e. I accidentally might have reported your post just now. I thought that REP is for reply. Sorry about that.

---------- Post added at 09:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:52 AM ----------

Good Post Jimellow.

deleted

that's the first time I ever heard of this

I always hear people say their younger partners expected their partners (male or female) to have perfect bodies while the older ones didn't put any thought to it.

It may be different for older guys who date younger women. My experience has been, my younger lovers have been universally enthusiastic about my less-than-perfect body. Of course, they've also been pretty enthusiastic about what I *do* with my less-than-perfect body. And it has nothing to do with hiding under the covers, lights out, and laying there until it's over. :thumbsup:

hopefully you accept their non perfect body/parts as well:thumbsup:

My ex was over 400lbs. I think I do just fine cutting my partners some slack. :thumbsup:

:eek: That shouldn't be legal.

Let's just say that where there's a will, there's a way. And it's a damn good thing I've got a strong will.

Well i have sterch marks on my back and thighs and shouldera! doctors said grew to fast for my body i was never overweight or anything! i Actually have a nice body but i have sterch marks! They do bring down my self esteem and i have had sex before but never really enjoyed it becuase of my sterch marks i was to worryied about them! i guess im trying to ask is if i tell i girl i have them will she reject me or what im really confused im yet to find a girl that has sterch marks too on her body!

"What would you do if you DID meet a woman with a crap load of stretch marks? Would it affect you in any way?

If she doesn't throw my imperfect body out of bed, neither will I. :)

I see this thread was started over a year ago. I think it's safe to say that stretch marks were not much of an obstacle. :thumbsup:

That's the point. If a lady wants to let me see her naked, I'm never going to say anything bad.

My wife has stretch marks... both from weight gain/loss & from pregnancy (ok, that's pretty much the same thing).

I honestly never noticed them until she pointed them out to me. And as others have said... if she can put up with my body, I'm sure not going to complain about hers ;)

I personally don't have stretch marks however I do have scars from having some *possible* precancerous moles removed. One thing Matt has told me is he likes seeing my scars because it reminds him that I'm a still a person and not perfect.

Although I don't particularly care for stretch marks I don't judge people by them. Everyone has imperfections, it's just part of the journey in life. I like that with such things on a person's body it tells a story of where they've been etc. I think you're being very honest by admitting that you don't like them, a lot of people would say that's just being vain. There are definitely things I don't care for on myself, I think it's great you're looking for more opinions to redefine your own personal opinion and work past this issue to see the beautiful you that is already there.

Have you looked into the various lotions they have that work to lessen the appearance of stretch marks? Like the others, being with someone you can't trust to see you in the light is going to be hard on your relationship and any future ones. I've found that accepting what you've got and working it is the best answer. I'm not a size 0, I never will be. That's fine, I'm with a man who loves me for how I am. Stretch marks? I don't have them now however I bet someday in the next couple years I'll have them after I have kids and I'll understand more of what people with them go there. No worries!