First Impressions
 

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and she told me that as she was walking home from the bus stop, some guy came up to her and said "You were so beautiful I just had to stop you and talk to you". As flattering as it was, she was understandably creeped out, especially since he asked her out for coffee immediately afterwards. Despite his good looks, she said that his approach was rather creepy.
She said no and the "I have a boyfriend" excuse and went along her way (She has also had a long list of random people come up to her before. My favourite come on "Your shoes match your coat, let's fuck". True story, I was there.). Afterwards she was kicking herself for not leaving a more open ended excuse.

QUESTION: How do you approach a stranger without coming off creepy or desperate? We had a long discussion on this matter and realized that I couldn't come to a conclusion. She had met her ex through friends and I met my boyfriend in university when we were put in the same project groups.

So how did you meet your partner and given the situation, how would you approach a total stranger for a date?

I've had guys come up to me in stores and ask me out as well and it kinda creeped me out. Maybe thats what our generation of women are not used to. A guy being so outgoing and just going for it. All of my boyfriends have happened in a subtle way.
My suggestions...go ahead and go for coffee if you're single. At least if nothing else you meet someone new and get a free drink or meal.

I actually met my boyfriend when he was dating another woman. So, initially it wasn't weird between us. We kind of connected because we both liked metal and I did think he was cute.

Then, at a party later, I got really drunk and hit on him. I asked him for a massage in an empty room, and his hands slowly moved downwards... the rest is history I suppose.

If I'm attracted to the guy, I'm not usually creeped out. But, I've had some guys who were really odd tell me things like "You're eyes are so beautiful" type of deal. If someone tries to just create a good conversation with me, rather than initially hit on me, it's a lot better.

We were friends long before any thought of romantic attachment came up.
Friends first only way it seems to work for me, honestly. So I can't imagine taking someone up on an offer for coffee, out of the blue. No matter how nice they were, or how tactfully they asked.

It would kind of depend on the guy and the situation. I've met many strangers and later gotten to know them quite well, I mean most of my friends were once strangers ya know?

If the guy is hot and seems nice then coffee can't hurt, but I'm not just going to take him back to my place. At worst, I never hear from him again, and at best I've met a really cool person.

But then I'm all for people being upfront and forward with me.

I fish off the company pier.
I met the other half at work. Met a number of my girlfriends that way. Never had any major problems at work either. I was always able to keep work and social life seperate.

When I was single, I might make small talk with someone I found attractive. I tried asking a few out but got the hint quickly that I was nowhere near smooth enough to pick up total strangers.

I think if you want to ask someone out that you don't know, you have to be honest about it. Don't start with some cheesy line or some inane topic like the weather. Just be upfront and say what you want.

That could just be me, though. I find bluntness attractive.

There's another perspective to what happened to your friend. First impressions are usually fairly accurate, especially when the "creep" or "dangerous" alarms go off. When I was teaching martial arts I told my students that if something doesn't feel right about a situation, it nearly ALWAYS means there's something not right. I think your friend acted wisely. She may kick herself now, but that's from the safety of her arm chair with the luxury of rose-tinted 20/20 hindsight. Something about that guy set off her alarm bells, and it's /very/ good that she listened to them.

erm something other than a come on would probably be a good start. what ever happened to a simple "hey" if the person is interested they´ll talk on, if not you´ll find out quickly. i think the cheesey pickup lines have their place too (i mean that in both time and space), as long as you´re not going to take them seriously (since they´re not meant to be serious.)

This is why many people hate being single. I usually contend that if you can't meet people at the gym, school, or work (or church, if you do that sort of thing) then you are short on options. One of the things that most people (guys, I guess, since they do more of the approaching) don't get is accurately assessing the reaction to the initial approach. You can often tell in the first 10 seconds whether someone is into you, but too often we ignore their indifference because we dig them. It is easier if you run into someone periodically, like at a coffee shop of the gym, that generally makes people feel more comfortable.

imo it's a lottery long-shot to get anyone you find attractive to go for even coffee if you don't have a good solid block of time to have a conversation first. first of all, as a guy, if YOU find that girl so attractive you want to ask her out before she gets away, it means you're probably not the first nor will you be the last, and that she probably has her guard up constantly from having had that happen before.

the only way i see this happening in this day and age is 1) if you're equally or more hot than she is, and you rarely get turned down anyway or 2) something happens within a few seconds that brings you together. this can be someone passing through that is rude to you both, or something really funny you both happen to witness, or one of those magical movie "bump into each other" moments.... anything like that works. if you're aware and you can feel that kind of moment take you both over, you can capitalize and at least get that coffee date.

Well, the blunt and fast approach is rarely witnessed in this country, its just not really very common. It's more usual for people to meet casually and then if there is some interest it can develop subtly from there.

My last ex and I met through friends and I'm thinking the interest was mutual from the first moment. So that makes it easier. Also, there were subtle hints - he made a lot of eye contact with me and directed bits of conversation specifically toward me while talking amongst several other people. Then also he held out his arm playfully when we left one bar to move on to the next, and I took it and smiled. So there were little hints placed that made it more or less clear there was something in the air. It felt very natural, and this is the key I think.

To avoid being creepy, a good idea is to stay away from cheesy pick-up lines, especially if it's a girl/guy who you just saw out of the corner of your eye on the bus. Not that you should let those situations get away, but it's pretty remote to juts hit on the first attractive person you see on the subway or whatever. There are better situations/moments for it I'd say.

curious to know if anyone here has succeeded with the cute-girl-on-the-tram-pick-up

funny you ask, I have a friend who it's worked for...but he's pretty much one of those mega-hot guys with enough confidence to go around, and wouldn't get turned down by most girls... so that kind of goes along the lines of what other members have pointed out

Every time I have talked to a stranger it has been at a metal show, and my line is "Hey, hows it going?"

Its never failed me!

I've rarely heard of these "Hey, your hot. I want to take you out some time." encounters to work out. For a guy, if a gourgious women came up to them, he'd love to be asked out, and feels that a women would feel the same way if a guy asked them out on the spot.

Personally, I can rarely tell if this "chemistry" thing is there between us. My last few dates have been with gals who have asked for my number, or gave me their's. And that's how I know they like me :)

I haven't tryed it yet, but I can soooooo pull off a pick-up :suave: Since it's more about confidence than looks, and I can do that for at least a minute :)

I met my current boyfriend on myspace. I saw that he was a friend of a girl I worked. He was wearing a shirt in one of his pictures that said,"Wenches Want Me." I commented on his shirt and things went from there....

Met my boyfriend on the internet, same with the ex. The ones before then were people I'd known for awhile already or, in one case, a fix-up.

Any time a random stranger has come onto me, it's been creepy. Then again, it's pretty much always happened at a lightrail station, so that might have something to do with it. It was usually the immediate request for my number without even asking my name (really flattering that you don't care what my name is--NOT!)--in one case, I was literally running to catch the train and a guy ran alongside me to hit on me. Ugh.