Abstinence - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

wooÐs · 12-06-2009, 05:01 AM

Ever choose this option? lol

It's been a full month now. I miss him. But it will never work out so we're done. I've had zero desire to even get myself off. So I'm wondering if I should maybe give abstinence a try. I wonder if I could do without for at least a year...

Stories? Suggestions? Forewarnings?

Daniel_ · 12-06-2009, 05:22 AM

I think many of us have felt like that from time to time, and the solution that seems to work best is "be comfortable about yourself".

It's more than possible that lack of libido is a symptom of regret about the lost relationship, and that at some point in future your lust will come back.

Just be glad that you are not lusty with no-one waiting to sate your lust - that's miserable.

seamaiden · 12-06-2009, 05:57 AM

I don't know the circumstances of him not being there anymore, but maybe you're a little depressed about it...that can cause a lack of libido. When I get lower than up, I don't feel sexy, and if I don't feel sexy I don't even think about sex. I would never go as far as abstinence though...sex is a gift our bodies let us enjoy. You look like a sexy lady to me, don't deny yourself when the mood strikes you.

wooÐs · 12-06-2009, 06:33 AM

Definitely depressed - no doubt about it. But I guess that's sorta why I may choose to try the abstinent thing. Focus on things life has to offer other than a relationship / sex (I quit the casual sex thing years ago.)

So I guess it's not just sex I'd abstain from, but relationships as well.

Should this thread be moved? lol

---------- Post added at 09:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 AM ----------

Oh and ty maiden.

Punk.of.Ages · 12-06-2009, 11:19 AM

Taking time to yourself and leaving relationships behind for a while can, sometimes, be a very wise move to make.

When my ex-wife and I split I found myself pretty damn lost. I got with her when I was young, she was the only thing I knew, and I really wasn't sure how life worked without her. I wanted more than anything to jump into another relationship and replace her with some other girl that could take care of me. I realized that was about the last thing I needed, though.

I took about a year to myself and really gained a good sense of who I am, and, more importantly, I learned how to be independent of relationships.

I didn't give up sex for that time, though...

noodle · 12-06-2009, 11:56 AM

I just recently gave up abstinence again.
I don't seem to have a problem with not sleeping with people.
Maybe it's because I've had one partner?
I don't really know, but in looking around at prospects,
I've never come across someone else that met my expectations
and could be worth the emotional and physical risk of sex/involvement.
But, I'm weird like that. And okay with it.

levite · 12-06-2009, 12:34 PM

I know where you're coming from, Woods. I have always been a serial monogamist, and from college until I met my wife, I would be in long-term relationships, break up, and it would take several years in between for me to find the next right woman. During that in-between time, I very rarely, if ever, hooked up with anyone, or even fooled around with anyone. Usually after a break-up, it would take me a month or two to get back any kind of sex drive, and from then until I met the next right woman, 99% of the time I was just wanking.

For me, at least, it stemmed out of really knowing what I wanted, and not perceiving sex with women with whom I didn't want a long-term relationship as being worth my investiture of time and energy.

If my guess is right, when your heart has healed a little, your drive-- at least to pleasure yourself, if nothing more-- will come back a bit. But the greater Drive to Hook Up may have waned, and it may have done so for good reasons. That part shouldn't worry you. It's OK.

wooÐs · 12-06-2009, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Punk.of.Ages

I took about a year to myself and really gained a good sense of who I am, and, more importantly, I learned how to be independent of relationships.

That's what I'm hoping for.

Quote:

Originally Posted by levite

If my guess is right, when your heart has healed a little, your drive-- at least to pleasure yourself, if nothing more-- will come back a bit. But the greater Drive to Hook Up may have waned, and it may have done so for good reasons. That part shouldn't worry you. It's OK.

*sigh* lol

I hope for that too. Perhaps I am just down and that's affecting everything.

What got me to thinking about this is the fact that every month, I get a massive surge of hormones. It's during the course of one day, if that makes sense. Once the surge hits, my trusty Conair gets quite a workout. But this month, I got nothing. Zero urge. Nada. This isn't normal for me lol. So I thought to myself maybe I should try this abstinence thang if I'm not going to be interested for a while, at least.

Thanks for all your replies

.

MrFriendly · 12-07-2009, 12:38 AM

I've chosen a path in my life that doesn't involve sex very often.

Going without sex is pretty easy. I think going without close companionship is a lot harder.

But when you're happy and confident within yourself, being alone (not lonely) isn't all that bad at all.

Like a lot of things, you kinda exchange one set of complications for another.

Plan9 · 12-07-2009, 12:53 AM

My forearms get huge when I'm abstinent.

...

Abstinence is a choice / option for some people.

For others? It's an involuntary carnal prison term.

12-06-2009, 05:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	Abstinence Ever choose this option? lol It's been a full month now. I miss him. But it will never work out so we're done. I've had zero desire to even get myself off. So I'm wondering if I should maybe give abstinence a try. I wonder if I could do without for at least a year... Stories? Suggestions? Forewarnings?

12-06-2009, 05:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	I think many of us have felt like that from time to time, and the solution that seems to work best is "be comfortable about yourself". It's more than possible that lack of libido is a symptom of regret about the lost relationship, and that at some point in future your lust will come back. Just be glad that you are not lusty with no-one waiting to sate your lust - that's miserable. __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

12-06-2009, 11:19 AM	#5 (permalink)
Punk.of.Ages Forming Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.	Taking time to yourself and leaving relationships behind for a while can, sometimes, be a very wise move to make. When my ex-wife and I split I found myself pretty damn lost. I got with her when I was young, she was the only thing I knew, and I really wasn't sure how life worked without her. I wanted more than anything to jump into another relationship and replace her with some other girl that could take care of me. I realized that was about the last thing I needed, though. I took about a year to myself and really gained a good sense of who I am, and, more importantly, I learned how to be independent of relationships. I didn't give up sex for that time, though... __________________ "The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

12-06-2009, 12:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	I know where you're coming from, Woods. I have always been a serial monogamist, and from college until I met my wife, I would be in long-term relationships, break up, and it would take several years in between for me to find the next right woman. During that in-between time, I very rarely, if ever, hooked up with anyone, or even fooled around with anyone. Usually after a break-up, it would take me a month or two to get back any kind of sex drive, and from then until I met the next right woman, 99% of the time I was just wanking. For me, at least, it stemmed out of really knowing what I wanted, and not perceiving sex with women with whom I didn't want a long-term relationship as being worth my investiture of time and energy. If my guess is right, when your heart has healed a little, your drive-- at least to pleasure yourself, if nothing more-- will come back a bit. But the greater Drive to Hook Up may have waned, and it may have done so for good reasons. That part shouldn't worry you. It's OK. __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

12-07-2009, 12:38 AM	#9 (permalink)
MrFriendly Psycho Location: Australia	I've chosen a path in my life that doesn't involve sex very often. Going without sex is pretty easy. I think going without close companionship is a lot harder. But when you're happy and confident within yourself, being alone (not lonely) isn't all that bad at all. Like a lot of things, you kinda exchange one set of complications for another. __________________ You are not a slave

12-06-2009, 05:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
seamaiden Psycho Location: With the man of my dreams in Halifax Nova Scotia	I don't know the circumstances of him not being there anymore, but maybe you're a little depressed about it...that can cause a lack of libido. When I get lower than up, I don't feel sexy, and if I don't feel sexy I don't even think about sex. I would never go as far as abstinence though...sex is a gift our bodies let us enjoy. You look like a sexy lady to me, don't deny yourself when the mood strikes you.

12-06-2009, 06:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	Definitely depressed - no doubt about it. But I guess that's sorta why I may choose to try the abstinent thing. Focus on things life has to offer other than a relationship / sex (I quit the casual sex thing years ago.) So I guess it's not just sex I'd abstain from, but relationships as well. Should this thread be moved? lol ---------- Post added at 09:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 AM ---------- Oh and ty maiden.

12-07-2009, 12:53 AM	#10 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	My forearms get huge when I'm abstinent. ... Abstinence is a choice / option for some people. For others? It's an involuntary carnal prison term. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."