Getting wet...
 

I'm curious about the Standard Operating Protocol (especially for people who are married/in long-term relationships) for getting the woman wet during foreplay. I don't mean HOW you do it... different strokes for different folks, heh. I mean, who usually does it, and what happens when it doesn't work, etc.

I should state that I'm not the type who turns on a faucet in her crotch at the moment my man touches me... even if I'm extremely horny, it takes a bit of work to get things flowing down there, and often we don't have the time/patience for that. So we keep some lube next to the bed for easy access, which usually resolves the issue.

But the fact remains that usually, it's my husband who is doing the getting-me-wet work, and/or the lubing... and this dynamic isn't always ideal, since the burden is all on him. I've tried doing it myself as well, but somehow it doesn't have the same effect. So I'm here to ask the TFP about how other couples resolve this issue, especially if the woman doesn't get wet very easily.

Men, how do you approach this kind of situation? Women, do you take the work into your own hands, use a vibrator, etc?

my mrs has no problems in that regard.

not sure if im 'that good' or what...but its always me doing the hard yards, but i have no problems with that..id rather be doing the work

So far I've mostly been with women who, if anything, seem to have the reverse issue.... But I can also say that my favorite thing in the entire universe is going down on a girl, so usually the first thing I do when I get a girl naked is make a nose-dive for the pearly gates. Once I'm done, she's usually plenty wet....

Oh man, this is SO never a problem for me. The one and only time we've had to use lube was when I was massively pregnant and bone dry (hehe, bone). Stupid hormones. We've actually had to stop and wipe up juices before, hehehe. Usually just kissing is enough to get me super wet.

Some women make a LOT of lube naturally, some don't. *shrug* Just keep your lube handy, I guess.

Thing is, it's not like I never get wet. There are plenty of times when I get REALLY wet... and that's great when it happens. Really intense and passionate kissing does the job, as do extended oral sessions, but we don't do those things every time. Do most people?

I mean, for y'all who make love 3-4 times a week, especially weeknights... how much time do you spend in each session? I find that if we just want to get it on before we go to sleep, we don't really go through all the steps of a heavy session. And then natural lubing usually isn't enough... hence the OP.

i guess it varies on many things. what time i have work the next day, how long ive been at work, what mood im in.

anywhere between 20 mins for a quickie - to an hour for a long average.

just a question though.. you make it sound like natural lubing is a choice..i thought its as much a choice as a man having an erection while getting it on..

I'm with dlish. You guys should take an extra 10 minutes, if that helps. I know you know that there are more ways to touch than passionate kisses and oral sex, and a lot of that works for some of us.

And besides, what's wrong with a long session if it works for both of you? In my last relationship, we'd make love each time we turned over in the night, making it to our jobs with hardly any sleep. That kind of exhaustion is easy to handle with that glow and big grin on your face.

I have never taken the work into my own hands per se, not when with a partner. (Saliva is your best friend.)

I read some erotica shortly before bed to do the work for me. Reading smut always seems to do the trick, and it definitely gets me in the mood.

Actually, I WISH it were a choice... but instead, it seems to depend on my mood, how tired I am, how long the foreplay lasts, how horny I am, how horny my husband is, how much water I drank that day, god knows what else... it's definitely not "automatic."

So I feel like I have very little choice at all about how wet I am, and it just depends on my body and what other variables are going on at that particular moment. Most of the time we have sex, I'm not as wet as I'd like to be. And then occasionally, I'll be dripping wet, usually due to prolonged and intense foreplay... but taking THAT long to have foreplay, during the week, just seems improbable. We both wake up before 8am, we like to get our 8 hours of sleep, he's working 40 hours and taking a night class... so a lot of times we're just trying to squeeze in a little nookie before sleeping, and we're not really taking the time.

Jewels, I like the idea of taking the extra 10 minutes or so, but going to work with that little sleep 3-4 times a week just isn't possible for us... how did you manage that, and for how long did that go on? I could see it for myself, for a brief period... but not for years and years, you know? Especially after we have kids and we're just completely worn out all the time... I dunno.

Maybe I should just start watching porn every night, since I don't have any erotica floating around as snowy said. :)

I just spit on her woohoo and start thrusting.... (just kidding)

My lady friend suffers from the same thing as you abaya. Sometimes long foreplay for us is not an option and we use lube, but there really seems to be no hard and fast rule for what makes her wet.

If we do it for too long she also can get dry and we usually revert back to oral.

But wow when she is wet.....I know i am in for a very very good time! yum!

a quickie for us we be sub 20 minutes with a lengthy slap n' tickle fest lasting an hour or a bit more.

Hey, thanks for this post, canuckguy. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one lacking a crotch-faucet (as Crompsin would probably say, hehe).

Kol HaKavod! *high five*

This REALLY depends on the woman. I've been with water parks and deserts. Some are quick, while others are slow. I find the two best things to bring to the table are patience and lube.

Who is responsible currently? Me, I'd say, but it's more about me simply enjoying doing the stuff that happens to do the job. I'm a BIG fan of foreplay, so the prep-work is a labor of love (so to speak). On the off occasions when I'd like to hit a home run in the first inning, the lube is there to do it's work. And the towel.

That was awesome! I am laughing my f'ing ass off! :D

hey, here's another canuck guy saying that you aren't the only one. Sometimes natural lube is just not in the cards for us. Sometimes, we both fall asleep in mid-caress (perils of being parents to 3 kids and working fulltime) other times we just say catch you later - but when we do.... it's waterworks!

Astro-Glide...

A mans face should never leave the sweet spot until it looks like a glazed donut.

never been with anyone who had this scenario to present to me. I guess when it's hot it's hot :p

Patience.

...and that dreaded f-word: foreplay.

Maybe your music is playing so loud it actually shakes the liquid from her.

Erm...

I work for a company that makes lube, so I've usually got some knocking about.

That said, lots of foreplay is more fun, and I'm ageeing with the glazed doughnut comment above, but there are times when lube is handy, rather than ending up like a jam doughnut (or "jelly do-nut" to you collonials ;))

mmmm doughnuts. This makes me want to go home now...

wonder how long it will take to drive through this snow storm.

my wife isn't all that into foreplay. she's more of a wham, bam, thank you sir type.

that said, she is usually ready.

no worries, i am home from work now so i can post a bit more information.

She gets more wet if she is stimulated mentally (she loves to read erotica) than from physical touch. Also if i talk dirty which i suck at....pun intended...

I know even with my reassurance that i am cool with only oral or stopping if she is dry i can tell it bothers her, or more so she thinks it bothers me. I do my best to reassure her that if we stop or don't have sex and do some oral pleasure instead it still is a win-win lol.

I always tell her sex is like winning 1 million dollars and being paid in fifty dollar bills... oral is like 1 million dollars in twenties. Either way I am totally satisfied.

There's plenty of erotica on the web, if you look for it. Personally, I like to read fanfiction, and there's a lot of smutty fanfiction to be had. It's easier to separate the wheat from the chaff in fanfiction, so to speak.

Without stating the obvious, it varies.

Though I do find that women who are dry are pretty much dry all the time and you need lube pretty much all the time.

Women who get very wet, well, they pretty much get wet all the time.

I've known women who were dry. You pretty much needed lube every time. You can chow down on them, sure, but it doesn't last and it's not equivalent to women who naturally cream very easy. There's not much you can do about it. It can be a drag having to "get the lube", however, I would not say that dry women aren't just as into sex as their wet sisters.

It's kind of like the female version of a hard on I know, but, I actually think it's more akin to some guys shoot geysers of cum and others just a couple of drops.

:eek: A day without foreplay is like a day without sunshine!

Or any other nice little tube o'lube on the nightstand where you can just get it at a moment's notice without even turning around....
Take it from an oldie...the faucet doesn't always flow just because it's been turned on. Sometimes ya gotta fiddle with it.

Amen brother...

...I'm sorry, before I get into this, I need a clarification:

Are you asking us how we SOP our women?

It's really not a problem of using lube... we have this industrial-size bottle of Maximus lube (the best out there, in my opinion, for all orifices of interest) RIGHT NEXT to our pillows, practically. It sits on the bedframe at all times, ready to go... and we made sure to get the kind with the easy-pump on top, so we can use it one-handed.

But usually it's my husband who applies the lube when I need it... maybe after he's tried to get me wet for a while, and it hasn't worked... so it's all up to him to decide when and how to do these things. And I'm just wondering if y'all think that things should be more fair... that the woman should have to apply the lube sometimes, or get herself wet, even make herself have an orgasm during sex, etc... so that not all the pressure is on the man for all these things. Thoughts? I mean, where does this expectation on the man to do everything come from, I guess?

HAHAHA!

Yeah, sop. Sopping. Haha, I immediately thought of biscuits-'n-gravy... and then I thought: "Oooh, labia-gravy."

Smooth, Baraka.

Ha! I wish that was the problem. Sopping would be a welcome change. ;)

HAHAHA! Like more than two? Hmmm! ARMPITS!

I hesitate referring to this as a problem as I too experience dry spells but if your feeling guilty about who applies it (and imo him applying it is just part of foreplay) apply it to him, thus he will slide right in. This is what I do, I rarely apply directly to myself and to see his eyes roll back when I do apply it to him is...well...win-win. I also don't see it as an intrusion or interference we keep it handy and it is just part of our sex life.

Isn't drying up down there just a product of, dare I say it, getting older? I'm not an expert, so I'm genuinely asking.

It could also be a result of dehydration or... just genetics.

I have this bad ass glass carafe that's ALWAYS on my bed table filled with cool, filtered water. Why? Because I care.

I never had that thought-that is was "on the man", but a lot of men think it is and enjoy the "challenge". If you think about it, for men to show they're aroused they just have to get hard, but for women to show "evidence" of arousal, we have to get wet, otherwise the men aren't sure we are, so they work at that....that's my logic to it, at least. We can moan and writhe and fake all that, but getting sopped can't be faked, so when that happens, it tells the guy "I did it!".
We really need to kill the myth that it's the man's "job" and take our pleasures into our own hands........so to speak. It's ok to fuck without the workout and it's ok to fuck without the big "O" every time. And guys, we're not always dripping wet when we're aroused or horny, so don't take it personally....

there is something to be said about rhythmic vibrations.

deep pulses of bass will do that to a person.

Logic: "Yeah, but I can't get it in if you're not wet enough." *uses oral lube approach first*

Bingo. You're all over it, Dawg. Why is sex so stressful? We can't all be pornstars all the time. ... ... ... Except for moi, of course. My smoothspot is always hard.

You were saying? :D Rumor has it this thing makes for some big smiles.

Your butt?

blah

Are you taking any allergy medcine or any other drugs that might prevent 'normal' fluid production?

FYI, for you ladies, there are over the counter DAILY lube products. It helps keep everything healthy down there if you happen to be lacking in lubrication on a regular basis.

Personally I've seen that BC makes a big difference in my normal lubrication. Without BC I have no issues but on BC I almost always need additional lube. Also I've noticed that if I'm not drinking enough water I will be drier down there.

As for who handles the lubrication, neither of us worries about making sure we have enough foreplay to make sure I'm wet (since it doesn't always happen). We just have as much foreplay as we both want and if things aren't wet, spit works ok. For longer sessions, whoever can reach the lube the fastest is the one who does the lubing up. Not much THOUGHT goes into the lubing up since the brain cells have migrated south by then. :p

Answering ASU2003 as well... Yeah, BC is the only medication I'm on, and we all know it's a doozy for all things sexual. I've been on it since the second month after I started having sex (and the first month was all condoms and I was rather dry, given that I was still a bit nervous and getting used to sex in general, so I don't even know what my "normal" wetness is like without BC). And I am pretty bad about daily water intake, as I mentioned earlier... I think it's one of the factors for why I don't get wet all the time.

Thing is though, some of you mention that some women just don't get wet, while others soak themselves... and the weird thing is, I'm right in between. I've always had a lot of vaginal discharge ever since puberty, all throughout the day... but when it comes to sex, it's a hit-and-miss thing. But if my man has been going down on me for a long time and I have an orgasm, then I'm definitely all wet. So it's there, but just not when I want it to be.

Also wanted to say that I agree with ng. I think ktspktsp would just appreciate if I was reaching for the lube/trying to get myself wet now and then, instead of depending on him to do all the work. I don't know why women expect men to do it all for them?... or why men seem to take it as a "pride" thing?

Oral sex should be liberally applied between every change in position. . .kind of like sorbet between courses of a meal.

that was awesome! :thumbsup:


my lady loves to give it when changing positions, absolutely love that....wow


we always keep lube by the bed at the ready. I think we both would rather not have to use it, but it has become routine in use.

Oral sex between every change in position?! Holy crap, are you all having sex for 45 minutes every night of the week, regardless of work hours, making dinner, children, going to the gym, housecleaning, and all the rest?? During the week, we take maybe 10 minutes, 15 tops, and we don't even have kids yet... how do you all find the time and energy?

Hey, she can still flip the chicken while I'm making killing-the-crotch-vampire thrusts.

You gotta make time for the sex.

...


This is also why nothing gets done on the weekends most of the time.

Well, yeah. We don't have problems on the weekends (you should have seen us when we were long-distance, when weekends were ALL we had... I think sometimes, we just didn't leave the house the whole time)... you know how it goes.

But on the weeknights, yeah... we're wiped out as it is, and sex needs effort if it's going to be worth having... but we still like to have sex often, instead of delaying it until the weekend. I just don't see how we can stretch it out into a position-twisting, oral-giving session every single time, during the week... but maybe I'm missing something. :confused:

For me it depends on when, where, how long it's been, ect. Most of the time - I'd say about 60% of the time I get really wet with just the kissing and foreplay. Then another 20% is when I hit the extreme, that no matter how horny I am or what is done, I stay dry - lube is used here very liberally and it's whoever gets to it first. And the last 20% is when I'm so horny all the person has to do is one thing: kiss me, bite my neck, or something similar and it's like a flood gate.

Well, if natural lubrication is an issue, maybe you're rushing it too much?
I mean, a quickly every now-and-then is cool, but 20 minutes to wrestle around a little and try out a few favorite angles isn't too much is it? It's still, moderately speaking, a quicky.

Trust me, I know what you mean. And you're not alone.

I personally have been having issues with getting wet and staying wet recently and I've attributed that to stress, exhaustion, and all that fun stuff. Also my boyfriend has gotten on a lazy kick where many times he won't be into foreplay which means it's all my job to get myself ready (which is okay..sometimes but after a while it's annoying). I've just been keeping lube by the bed and hoping that eventually my explanation that I pretty much always need foreplay now will get through my boyfriend's head.

"I'm not a teenager anymore ya know?"

Anyways, during the week we definitely do not make time for long sessions most of the time and I really don't think you could every single time. My suggestion would just be to find a balance that works for you and go with that. Besides, maybe he likes the job of lubing? :thumbsup:

It depends.

When we haven't seen each other in a long time, I'm generally pretty wet even before I get my jeans off because I've been thinking about it all day.

But as time progresses, like after the fifth or sixth time (:p), sometimes I can be in the need of a little lubrication to get us started. In which case, we will actually use lube (whoever's closest to the bottle does the deed), he will go down on me or I will use my own saliva. Doesn't matter, 'cause once he starts fucking me I'm down for the count. God, I love fucking. :)

I attribute occasional dryness to my age (42), because it's certainly not due to lack of titillation, lol.

On an odd note, when we got together last weekend, the first night...the first time we fucked...I got wetter than I ever have in my entire life. I don't know what happened. I was, like, sopping wet. Like we were fucking in the middle of a rain storm, lol. That has never happened before and it was both weird and wonderful. :)

It seems to me that sometimes a woman can get excited faster than she will actually get wet.

If my dick doesn't slide in comfortably without some lube, I'll grab the lube from the dresser and apply some. Simple enough. There's never been any need to analyze or discuss the subject further.

As long as both parties are excited and wanting to fuck, the lube issue is a non-issue. If you need it, apply it. If not, don't.

In my view it only becomes something requiring discussion if it becomes a physical or psychological problem.

---

I will say this though: there is no better way to get a woman wet than cunnilingus. It just gets the juices going.

Preach to the choir, brother!

OK, not the clinical answer. A woman's wetness is only partially related to her arousal. In pre-menopausal women, it's very related to where they are in their cycle, peaking at ovulation when most women produce copious amounts of natural lubrication even when not aroused.

Some women get very wet inside, but for some reason this wetness stays inside unless she opens up.

And some women just don't get very wet, even when they're excited. Lube (natural or artificial) is not a sign of failure. If both parties are happy with it, pass the Astro-glide!

As in all things sex, the only right answer is the one that has both parties grinning and sated.

Love Lubricant & Foreplay; Husband Doesn't
 

Even with considerable foreplay (which I love and long for), my body does not produce a large amount of lubricant. Additionally, clitoral contact is necessary for me to achieve an orgasm; I have never had a pure vaginal orgasm, even masturbating myself. I like to use K-Y Jelly and enjoy having the entrance to my vagina and clitoris well lubricated, as well as my nipples. Throughout the hours before actually having sex, I love foreplay, teasing, fantasizing and being “loved up”.

My husband feels foreplay, applying lubricants, manually stimulating my clit with a vibrator or my fingers is a reflection on his sexual prowess. He becomes quite irked, if I try to touch myself during sex to trigger an orgasm. He does not object to my masturbating, but not if we intend to have sex later. In sexual matters, he is very heavy into dominating me and compelling my body to endure increasing amounts of pain and physical stress. I feel, as one member suggested, that he spends a lot of time on the internet viewing BDSM and then expects me to make his fantasies a reality.

On another TFP forum, many members forcefully (my husband would love the use of that word, but not the advice) counseled me to end his sexual domination of me and the infliction of excessive pain. I love him, but realize how I have been used and am determined to rebuild our sex life. He treats me as an equal and does not dominate me, except in our sexual relations. In my eagerness to please him, I have lost the mutual love and gratification that sex should provide. This is our third day without sex and I must summon the courage to frankly resolve this with him.

Sad to say, the best sex I ever had was with a g/f. We spent an afternoon kissing, caressing and preparing our bodies. She was so skilled in “reading” the responses of my body and continued to give it more of what it responded to. She slowly walked my body down the long pathway to orgasm. She teased and made me wait until my body became so eager, it seemed to pursue her fingers. With lots of lubricant, she finally allowed her fingers to perform a ballet on my yearning clitoris.

Just a wonderful experience; now, if I could only be my husband’s lover instead of his submissive.