benclass

as

Willravel

There's no actual trick. Just like anyone else, I can tell you what's worked for me, but there's certainly no way to be certain it will work for you two love birds. G-spot stimulation is usually a good place to start:
WARNING, NSFW, though plainly educational

benclass

Tried it. Did it almost exactly like that video suggested too. She said it felt good, but didn't get her anywhere.

I mean, I have no idea what a woman goes through in an orgasm, but, is it possible that she could have had one, and since she had never tried anything herself for so long, that she built the orgasm up into this HUGEEE thing that the real thing could never live up to? I don't think this is the case, but i'm just saying hypothetically...

Ustwo

She doesn't know how to yet.

No she didn't have one, trust me she would know, its the difference between 'ooooh' and 'OHFUCKINGGODYESYESYES'

I've been through this with a girl before way way back when. She used to want me to stop because she never went that far before and didn't understand it was part of the process. She never really masturbated either. Finally I got her to but it would take for ever and a day. Eventually she could orgasm very quickly, but it was mostly HER figuring out her body not the how I did it that was the issue.

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Manic_Skafe

I'd say you're probably right.

Couple the fact that you haven't been together very long with her lack of experience and it's easy to see why things aren't going as planned. Just take your time and explore each other and she'll eventually open enough to find out what she likes and how to communicate that to you.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Shaindra

Get her a vibrator and tell her to play around with it.

robot_parade

Yeah, I think there's a good chance that she just needs to learn to relax and give herself an orgasm first. She needs to relax and enjoy herself. Maybe a drink or two to lower her inhibitions, then some quality time with one of those fancy 'rabbit' vibrators?

OTOH, there could be something else 'up'. the female body is a strange and mysterious thing. I won't pretend to know everything about it.

Delirious

I find it funny that even though it's an animation the person is wearing a yellow glove..

StellaLuna

Eep-- I was in this same kinda situation. And I'd built this "orgasm" thing up up and up, until it was supposed to be something earthshattering. I never had one the whole time I was with the ex and never could give myself one.. then all that changed with the lurkbastids. Now I can almost think myself there (almost, dammit). And it's not at all what I thought it would be. I mean, it's fucking amazing but if I was waiting for what I thought I should be doing/having, I'd never be happy.
Give her a glass of wine, a good vibrator, and help her play; when she gets to the "too much good" phase, back off a bit. If she's like me, that's one frustrated chickie... once she gets there she may bring the damn house down.

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surferlove007

Not all women can orgasm through sex or even with another partner. Before you get her to cum...she needs to do it herself first. (Got that one from Nip/Tuck)
I used to have trouble getting there but it takes time and getting completely comfortable with one another.

fish_oinc

One Problem younger woman have is they don't know that they are going to cum they think they are going to piss . If you have ever got her to that point she my have said stop because I'm going to pee, Well it's not true she is about to cum, she probably will feel embarrassed if this is going to happen, convince her other wise get a towel too womans cum is just like piss, When she blows it going to get wet I still make love to my wife with a towle present because no one want to sleep in the wet spot ,

Now if that isn't the problem maybe you need a lesson on licking pussy , Briefly start slow get her excited don't rush it when she all excited listen to her if she want to cum she will lit you know what to do and when

Hain

@OP- Is your girlfriend in love with you? That can make a huge difference between her enjoying your touch and her not being able to think when you touch her. Like others have said, let her figure it out, and you'll figure things out in the mean time. Openness about it may seem straining/embarrassing but done tactfully it will not interfere with the relationship.

First serious girlfriend of mine was like this---was not in love with me. She was still hung up over her previous boyfriend (also first sex partner, another one of those big deals) and said she just was not in love with me. That changed when I moved away, then she moved further away but we "stayed friends." We visited each other and then there was no problem with it. She was really glad I came to see her as no one else she "loved and missed" came to visit her.

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Acetylene

If you ask me, she's already having orgasms. Involuntary muscle contractions, mood chemicals making her act silly and happy, physical pleasure, followed by a "that's enough" feeling? Dude, that's an orgasm. Not everyone thrashes around on the bed like a porn star. I myself have more than one kind of orgasm, too, and the one I get from sex (g-spot) is completely different and probably wouldn't even be recognizable to someone who had been taught that "ALL ORGASMS MUST BE LIKE THIS".

I think the "losing control and letting it all go" that you want is more of an attitude thing than an idication of orgasm. You want her to behave in a specific way they she is still too inhibited to do. Time, encouragement, and experience will wear away at those inhibitions.

It's also possible that she will never have the kind of lost-control orgasm that you (and she) seem to think necessary. Lots of girls just get really tense, heave a deep sigh, and then go all limp and smiley. Heck, sometimes I am concentrating so hard that I don't move or even really breathe until after. That doesn't mean it doesn't feel good!!!

It's much more important that you DON'T MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE IS BROKEN! I can't emphasize that enough. Relax, reassure each other, and have fun... it will come in time (pun intended )

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World's King

She needs to relax.



Or come to my house.



What? I always say things like that. It's not like I really mean it.


Most times.

I'm sure she's not even my type. Besides, I already have too many women to deal with right now.


Good luck.

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Juley

With some women a lot of it is mental. She will get more comfortable with you in time. If she feels like there is pressure when you two are fooling around, it can influence her ability to orgasm. Just chill out, you have not been sexually active together for very long. Sometimes women just need to feel a little more secure before they can get mentally into the sex.

ngdawg

If she can't get 'past the pain', it might be her clit is over-stimulated-you went right past the big O and into "Please stop!". The moments before shouldn't be painful-at the most maybe a tingling itch. Don't press or rub hard, keep her moist and take your time. Don't concentrate on one thing-there's a whole body there to enjoy.

Plan9

Does she drink? Try some wine. Relax her.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ngdawg

Wine's tricky. It'll relax for sure, but alcohol can also dry one out if too much is drunk(drank,drinked) which won't help.

Plan9

Oh, I'm not talking crunk-faced-date-rape trashed... I'm talking two glasses, some light jazz, and a tube of KY.

I had a girlfriend that needed KY all the time regardless of how much I got her going.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Does she get enough exercise? Does she eat right? Is she stressed out?

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Jezzabelle

I hadn't had one until about a year ago and I've had many partners. To trust someone and be comfortable with them is huge! Once this happened it was a lot easier for me to enjoy how things felt. If she does think she's about to pee take a second the feeling will go away, and start again, this time she might be able to finish without the feeling of needing to pee.

Ustwo

And if she pees you can pretend its something else and call it squirting

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ngdawg

Damn....I have never needed that...was she 60 or something? Or just a wino?

Plan9

Nah, she was 22 and had lubrication issues with her womanparts.

Not all women are perfect sexual goddesses like you, NG.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ReallyReal

I have had three girlfriends who had not achieved an orgasm.
I can honestly say this has work for the three of them.

Try this:-
Instead of penetration.
Let her ride on top, rubbing up and down on your penis.

Worked for them.
Once they figure out the feeling and how an orgasm is achieved, they don't forget.

Learn't this from one of my first long term relationships.

Shaindra

Some medications also dry people up. Sinus meds and anything that gives you dry mouth...also gives you dry cooch.

benclass

Hey guys, thanks for all the advice.

The wine idea, which seems to be a resounding yes from everyone here, will probably be tried this weekend.

To answer some of the question:

Yes, she is very stressed.
Sometimes lubrication is an issue, but not so much anymore.
She has never said that she felt like peeing
Sometimes she says that what i'm doing feels good, but she can't tell if it hurts too because of the good.

Anyway, thanks!

sprocket

I met my girlfriend when she was about 26... she had only had her first orgasm when she was 24-25... the *only* thing that could ever do it for here was a jackrabbit vibrator. Cant even do it herself without assistance.

I did manage to give her her first one, without using a toy, but its *alot* of work, its insane... she is super horny and gets turned on very easy, which is very frustrating for her:P Its just very difficult for some girls..

I would definitely try some toys, in particular the jackrabbit.. but you never know, it might take something different for your girl.

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TotalMILF

I had never managed to orgasm during sex until almost two years ago. It was a combination of me finally being happy with my body, finding the right position, and being in a wonderful relationship that finally allowed me to let loose and get there. Now I can orgasm in just a couple minutes, hehe.

It's far, FAR more mental for most women than you could ever imagine. I hope it works out for you :-)

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ritzy

why dont you just both forget the pressures of orgasms the more you both try desperately to achieve this the more you'll both fuck it up
go back to basics, touching, kissing, try a massage etc with no attempts at orgasm for either of you for a while, it will take the pressure off you both to perform and you never know with less stress and more relaxation hopefully it will happen naturally

silvrdark

Agreed! Feeling pressure to do this... trying to make it a goal makes it so much more difficult.

Lubrication is key.. also, when she starts to get really excited, don't make the mistake of rubbing harder/faster unless that is what she asks for. It can be an orgasm killer if she is really sensitive.

tinydancer

For many women it's mental. She may be worrying about what you're thinking and wondering "oh god, this is taking forever... his tongue/hand must be getting tired.. i feel bad"

I know personally if I'm thinking about anything other than having an orgasm... it takes a lot longer than it feels like it should. I mean, I take awhile in general but i'm talking like... 45 min if I'm not in the right state of mind.

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abaya

I would say that for me, it's roughly 75% mental, 25% technique/stimulant. And by mental, I mean that I often need a big fat FANTASY (often involving other women) to get off... seriously.

And with the 25% technique part, I usually need to be hanging on to the bed frame and tightening my abs/Kegel muscles off and on, over and over again, to build up the tension I need to explode. This is almost all my part of it... as for my husband's part, the only thing I really need from him is to focus, very mindfully, on my clit and how it's linked to my brain (either that, or fucking me in the ass, which gets me off pretty well when combined with skilled clit stimulation).

When all of those things happen at the same time, I find myself ready for a mind-blowing orgasm. Needless to say, we don't often have the energy to get that far.

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Bearface

That seems to the be the key, I've had this problem, but convinced the gf to start masturbating and after a few tries... Bingo!!

soldsoul4foos

Ok, here's my 2 cents. Put her in the doggy style position when she's in the mood. If clitoral stimulation feels good, have her use a stimulator as you penetrate. Then, experiment and find the depth/rythym that will get the job done. alternate, deep slow/fast, shallow slow/fast, exit to shallow (no deep) slow/fast. Eventually she'll find get there.

genuinegirly

This one's right.

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funydjane

She just needs to relax and go a bit beyond what she's currently comfortable with. When it's too much good and getting painful she just needs to let it go a bit further.

Kaimi

You need to tell her when she gets to that "uncomfortable" point to relax. Keep up whatever you are doing and it will come. She doesn't know yet what you have in store for her.

Ourcrazymodern?

"Cannot" cannot compare to "does not":

"Cannot" means doesn't know how or is otherwise unwilling; "does not" might require professional help.

Fix what you can, and use your imagination, otherwise.

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ametc

A couple of my friends have a hard time climaxing. Sometimes when I'm having sex with somebody I like and whose judgement I worry about, I tend to halt myself from getting an orgasm out of shyness/fear. This could be the case.

My friend, A.T., can't cum because it's just too painful for her. She tried getting past the pain to see if it leads to an orgasm, but she said that it just leads to more pain. She says it just feels too intense.

My other friend, A.S., can't cum because sex isn't intense enough for her. She told me that she can get real close to orgasm, but never actually cums. Even with masturbation, she has a hard time with it.

Sex doesn't have to just be about the climax; it can be about the intimacy and bond you two have. But, you probably already know that.