Women's Orgasms
 

I have a girlfriend that, no matter what I try to do, she can never reach orgasm. She wasn't able to in her past with other guys, either. I have stimulated her clitoris, too. The only way she can reach orgasm is by masturbating with a pillow. Is there any way I can get her out of that?

Just for some info, she's 18 and I'm 19. She feels everything and most of the things we have done feels good for her. She just can never climax. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

Orgasms are like fingerprints. There are general rules, locations of the clitoris, g-spot, that most of the nerve endings are near the opening and on the outside, etc., but at the end of the day the only way that someone can make your gf climax is to be with her, and apply established technique to experimentation. Only once have I been able to immediately make a woman orgasm when we first sleep together and it was chance.

Okay, so she can finish with a pillow, explain how it's done. Does she mount the pillow from above? She probably needs to be on top so she can control it. Does she move up and down or is there torquing movement? You might consider this when in the bottom position in assisting the recreation of the movement. Watch how she arcs her back when she's on the pillow and make sure that she can easily do that on you. Ever heard of the Slightest Touch machine? Maybe look into it for some backup.

You need to get her communicating. What feels good? Harder or softer? Faster or slower? Deeper or more shallow? Thrust with her or not? Use your hands to help out? Does that feel good?

You know sometimes it's just hard to get there with a guy when you feel pressure to get there. Stop stressing over it. Just enjoy it. I've had times where I just can't get there, it happens.

I guess I take issue with the tone I'm perceiving here; correct me if I'm wrong. Do you have a problem with her getting off on a pillow, and not with you? My advice is to let her orgasm whatever way she wants to, whether that involves you or not. It'll either happen with you eventually, or it won't. Either way, don't let your ego get involved, or she'll resent you for it.

Is she as anxious as you are about her orgasms? Is she doing any research on her own? How long have you two been together? Has she orgasmed with partners before? What is her history of masturbation, and comfort with sex in general? These things all matter.

For what it's worth, with my first (and pretty much only) partner, I didn't orgasm with him for a good 6 months after we got together. The more I stressed about it, the more difficult it became to get to that point. Even now, it almost never happens with vaginal sex, only with oral and anal (and we've been married for 3 years now)... and that's okay with both of us. Every human body is different.

You need to deal with the mind , in my opinion. The physical ability is there...thus it cums down to her. Talk, explore, and listen very carefully to what she wants...above all, don't begin to stress about it or you have defeated the purpose. Allow her to relax (whatever it takes), then slowly begin to please her in her favorite ways, penetration is secondary to mood with most women.

It's not odd for a woman not to be able to reach climax during sex. I think a lot of it is mental because if you get frustrated, it gets harder and you get anxious. Take time, and have her really try to concentrate on what exactly is feeling good, and being stimulated while she's masturbating. If she has that knowledge, hopefully she can maybe re-create the same motion and stimulation during sex. Don't forget to remind her that she's not under any pressure and you just want it to feel good.

She may never be able to reach her climax during PIV. Some people are in the mind set that in order for sex to be successful and perfect, both partners need to orgasm. I don't think that's true. You can have a great, pleasureful session of sex without either orgasming.

The more you both think about it, the less likely it is to happen, in my experience. A lot of girls (certainly all the ones I've been with) have needed a rather specific set of both mental and physical "preconditions" to be met before actually orgasming is really possible. Try different things to see what makes her excited. Try talking dirty, music, candles, try anal or oral, watch porn. I was QUITE surprised by the kinds of things that make it possible for my fiancee to really get over the edge, but it's made things more fun for both of us to find out.

As GG , jenna and abaya said, it's not going to happen all the time, and it doesn't, but be creative, willing to experiment and open with each other and you'll find something that works.

Some guys who don't know any better go for the clit like they're in a pie eating contest. It's an extremely sensitive piece of equipment and doesn't respond well to 'trying'. Orgasm should be a great part of the experience, not the only goal.
What does she do with a pillow anyway??
Go slow, experiment, enjoy each other...
One of the ways that would get me going was 69'ing because I wasn't focussing on what was going on on me, but what I was doing to my partner.
Y'all are young yet, you got a lot to discuss and learn about each other, so give it time.

Talk her into practicing a lot more on her own. As she gets more comfortable with her body, she'll figure out what specifically she needs to orgasm. It will then be easier to re-create with you.

Girls have orgasms?

^Always Mr. Sensitive :p

You know why women fake orgasms?














Because they think we care!


Kidding, just kidding. Old joke and as evidenced by Omar's post, we do care. Or, at least some of us do. :p

I had a girlfriend with a similar problem. Try the old doggie position, while she masturbates with a pillow at the same time. Although it wasn't a pillow, this worked for us. Move positions, have some fun, let her get off her way while you help and then you do your thing.

Don't put too much pressure on her to orgasm. (girls don't really need them anyway, :evil grin:)

Thank you, everybody. I will give her time and maybe even some new positions.

Willravel had the best techincal advice in this thread. Watch how she comes with the pillow and do what you can to simulate that.

Like almost every aspect of sex, it's all in her head. Somehow she has some bad stuff in there that keeps her from getting off. In the end she has to figure it out and solve it. The best you can do is offer some very modest help and, above all, not make it worse.

How much do you like this girl? Unless you are hopelessly in love I would seriously consider bagging the relationship. This will take a long time to fix and in the meantime you are missing out on a lot.

Girls are vastly varied in this, and advice will only be helpful insomuch as that other women have successfully had or not had orgasms during vaginal intercourse. TotalMILF never had orgasms during intercourse (with me at least) until about a year after our son was born. One day she was on top and found the right movement and spot and BAM! There it was! After that, she could get it 9 times out of 10. Before that we would have our fun for however long we both could go, then I'd help her help herself. *shrug* As long as she was happy with it, so was I.

My ex was a very "difficult O". She simply could not orgasm except by very specific manual stimulation (much like what you describe with your gf). She had to be on her side with her legs clenched together. Any other way was simply not gonna happen. *shrug*

The one piece of advice I DO believe is pretty universal is that any pressure she feels to orgasm will result in no orgasm or fake orgasms. Either way, it's not a good plan.

http://www.tobez.org/presentations/d...ish/bowing.gif

Thank you!

Back off
 

Lots of women never orgasm from the old in-out. For guys, that's a hard fact of life. Is it a problem for her? Maybe not. I know a woman who likes being sexual, likes receiving oral, etc., but penetration doesn't give her pleasure. I really don't think she is all that unusual.
Your girl needs to masturbate to find out what gets her off. Then she can repeat it with you. Not to beat a dead horse, but your best strategy is to back off. Let her find herself and you stay out of the way.