"You're too nice..."
 

One of my friends today got dumped by his girlfriend because he was "too nice" for her. They'd been flirting for a while and she finally asked him out last week, they had a romantic date at the beach at night and made out (which they both enjoyed). The following days she said that she was busy with her friends doing stuff. Then today she dumped him.

This "too nice" crap has happened to me once before too, so I was wondering if anyone could make sense of it. It's a oxymoron "You're too nice for me", hell, I'd relish the chance for a woman to treat me overly nicely so why is it that these days being nice is no good?

My thoughts lie towards people being influenced by the media thinking that you need a bad boy and skanking around is cool.

So please, if you know what's up with this shit, do tell.

Just goes to show, nice guys do finish last.

all of this "too nice" stuff is just a sign of an insecure woman, in my opinion
while it is true that women like men that will be spontaneous along with them(spend LOTS of money, if only we were lucky enough to be rich), why must the bad boys be the ones to get the girls?
do these bad boys show some sort of false confidence in themselves that makes them imposing and attracts the girls?
and why should we have to prove anything? is being a nice guy not good enough anymore?

I don't know, really

The "too nice" could mean two things.

1. He was cloying/smuthering.
2. She for some reason, thinks that she doesn't deserve a good man.

I'd say tough shit, he should stay a nice guy
and let the drama queen/thrill seeker to someone else
he's better off for it.

The world can't have too many nice guys.

too nice is just an excuse...that's all

It's possible that he was just kinda boring.

I just got the same kinda thing less than an hour ago...

"You're a good person," she said as she walked out the door. Same thing, it's an excuse that I have come to believe means that the kind of person that would be labled, "nice" or "good" intimidates people who would not consider themselves "nice" or "good." I think they either don't want to have to live up to the standards of the nice or good person, or they simply don't think they can.

They got along quite well and he did ask her a couple of times to go out on another date... maybe it was the smothering thing.

And as for it being an excuse, it did cross my mind but I'm not sure on the specifics of why she would do that to him.

Thanks for you help guys, like I said, this has happened to me before too.

It'd be interesting to see what a woman has to say about this though.

I'd have to agree..."too nice" is just an excuse. Next time someone tells you that you're too nice, drop a deuce on the hood of their car and ask how they feel about you now.

Maybe one for Ask *nikki* :)

Seriously though, some of my female friends have said too nice was just that. They liked a bit of rough with the smooth. Ever hear of "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen". They seem to enjoy not knowing exactly where they stand, gives 'em something to worry about.

I treat my ex like shite and she still wants more (To the ladies out there I am not a bastard and have told her I don't want anything more to do with her, but I suspect she may be a bunny boiler).
Now I found a new bird who is everything I want and am finding it hard to be cool. Odd but also slightly fun...

generally, "you're too nice" = "you're very boring"

though after one date, and a make-out session, that seems a little odd! maybe he was a bad kisser?

i'd agree to the saturated concensus: too nice probably means "not wild enough" or "not posessing that bad-boy stupidity." Take it as a compliment and find somebody who is mature enough to realize you are a good find!

Here's a (bad) tip: When a woman tells you she wants to break up because you're "too nice", punch her in the face and tell her, "Bitch, you're not going anywhere!" Wedding bells will soon follow.

Read my sig!

I've never heard "you're too nice." Probably never will either.

It might also be because she was dating another (or several other) guy(s) and just made her decision. After said decision was taken, she just needed to take care of loose ends (re: your friend) and since he doesn't seem to possess any oustanding faults, she pulls the classic "your'e too nice" routine, which works every time, since it baffles guys as a break-up declaration wrapped in a compliment. I've seen this method in action. It's sad.

I've never been dumped with the "you're too nice" routine, but a couple times with the more honest "you're just not what I'm looking for." I like that last one... it gets the message across and avoids any bullshit or confusion.

Your friend shouldn't feel bad about it. It's better than being called an asshole. Nobody likes THAT. Maybe she'll find herself a nice, gruff, mysoginistic alpha male to fill her out like an application whenever he needs it, while he lands a genuine, HONEST woman; then the circle of life and karma will be complete.

I've been told I was "too good" for a girl because I was nice to her. I think its more an excuse for most people, which is shitty.

Nice Guys Finish Last

.. Or police sirens.

"You're too nice" is definitely an excuse. She doesn't want to see him again for whatever reason, but she doesn't want to hurt him, and he <i>is</i> nice, after all...

It's one of those things that aren't intended to be hurtful that end up being hurtful. And people go weird places with it (like concluding that nice guys finish last, for instance).

I'm a nice guy. I'm married to a total babe, I've got a great job, and I'm up to big stuff in the world. So bite me. :D

I think it just takes nice guys a little longer to get there, but they reap bigger rewards in the end.

I had an ex who said, "Nice guys finish last, but at least they finish." I think there should be more nice guys in the world. Now, if only I could meet one...:)

Saying someone is "too good" or "too nice" is a cheap excuse. It's also one men use on women as well ;)

Women need better excuses. Or they just need to be more honest. She's just not interested, dude.

Once your buddy gets involved with something she'll see him as unattainable and rethink it - and she'll want him then. When its good, its good. When it rains, well, thats what this board is for.

Its an excuse - stay away from her - look elsewhere, and good luck.

"You're too nice" translates to "I am banging your hot jock buddy who treats me like shit and cheats on me daily, but I feel bad about being a tease to someone who might actually be good for me so I'm going to make a futile effort to not hurt your feelings."

;)

A friend once gave me this recipie

Ingredients:
curb
bitch
kick

combine and season to taste

Tell your friend to find a real woman, one who's mature and not into petty headgames and doesn't have a self esteem problem. Trust me it's worth it :)

too nice...
nobody is ever "too nice", we all have our faults, however, the the bad boy biker/jock/existential french philsopher is a world apart world normal adjusted nice people.
your friend might lack confidence for some reason,
she-ite man,
I know I do. Lack of confidence is paralysing... "shall I shan't I" "Dammit", opportunity gone...
best thing a women ever told me was "You? lack confidence. You have absolutely no reason to." Sometimes, the niceness is actually fear of failure in disguise.

girls who don't want nice guys probably don't want commitment. Maybe that's what your friend wanted. I don't know. Anyway, relationships with "tough guys" usually turn out with a beating or something. Stay a nice guy.

I'd bet a lot that somebody here has hit the nail on the head.

Reminds me of an reason one of my friends got: "I just need to find myself." She was a nice girl and he was a decent guy. What the hell does that mean? Just an excuse maybe an easy let down like: "You're too nice". Whatever the reason I wouldn't dwell on the comment itself.

The "nice guy" routine seems to be the most popular one girls use with me.

Seems like there are plenty of nice guys here for you to meet.

Read my screen name. It tells the truth about me. I think that I'm "too nice" sometimes because I get "you're a nice guy, but..." or "you're too nice..." when I'm asking them for a date. I guess I'm just too different from the rest of the world, and too nice of a person to get a date. Why did I always recieve the "you're a really nice guy...don't ever change" complements and the "you're too nice..." turndowns? I have to think that one goes with the other. All my friends think I'm too nice also...

If nice guys finish last, then I'm soo far behind that I don't know if I'll ever finish.

I'm with the "just an excuse faction" SHE's the one that's too nice--to say "your ass stinks" or whatever the real problem is.

Women don't seem to want nice. Its like they resent it or something. I used to hear it all the time. They used me like an emotional tampon. Once a month or so, when no one would take their bullshit, they would call on me and whine. And I would be the nice sympathetic ear I thought they were looking for.

Now I just don't give a shit. I have enough of my own problems.

The fact of the matter is, women don't want nice. Everytime they say that, its a lie. They are just as shallow as men, only couched in better terms.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

too nice is not so subtle code for "you're lame, you're not turning me on". The fact that the girl went on a date and kissed the guy is actually an indication that she tried to give it a shot, but that the guy was just not doing it for her...

What a stupid bitch. You should of fucked her in the ass when you had the chance <j/k>. You need to find a girl who will appreciate your niceness.

"Too nice". . . . the kiss of death.

However, any woman who says you're too nice for her is probably right - you deserve better. Forget her. Move on. Life is short.

Wow, you guys are insanely supportive, I'm really proud to be a part of this little community :) I'll pass on all your thoughts about his predicament to him, maybe he'll even join us here at the TFP.

Thanks again, I appreciate everyone's help!

Your to nice=I am not attracted to you.

Plain and simple.

It's easy to think that girls lie when they say they want a nice guy, but not all of us are the same. Some of us know we deserve a good man, and don't use that "You're too nice" crap when breaking up with someone. I personally don't see that as a good reason. It's a poor excuse. I normally am the dumpee, but the few times I've dumped a guy, it's been because he was acting like an ass. That's the only time someone gets kicked to the curb. If I'm being treated well, I'm not going to just toss that out of the window. Ah well. To each their own.

scapegoat is by far the nicest guy I've been with yet, and I don't have a problem in the world with that.

Girls DO NOT want nice/funny guys. They want a guy with an edge on them. You don't have to be an asshole, but you do have to be confident and know what you want from the women. You cannot yield to them under any circumstances until you actually have a steady relationship, then it's expected.

You also have to be ready to play every single mind game with them.

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide Try the players guide.

my theory is simple, fuck her, in two days you will see her in the "seek help from male violence center" and she will have learned her lesson. (something like that has happened to me)

anyone who thinks that way is not worth you

Jesus, alot of bs, some girls like nice, some don't. Don't make excuses just find a girl that likes nice guys. Believe me there are a shit load of them out there.

Yeah, just keep looking. Look up and see the Sun.

As a nice guy why would you want a non-nice woman?

The FastSeduction101 site mentioned above is classic. Rather cynical. How on earth would you keep all the strategems going at the same time??

I think "too nice" generally means "too passive", "too predictable", "too spineless", or "too apathetic". You need to remember that it's your responsibility to make her time with you interesting and surprising enough that she'll want more of it... she needs to see that you're smart and creative enough to come up with a fun date, that you value her enough to make the effort, and that you're not afraid to show that you're really attracted to her. Being "nice" doesn't entitle you to win a girl's heart any more than it entitles you to win a game of football, get a good job, or succeed in any of life's other competitions. It may help, but it's rarely enough on its own.

thats a view we havnt explored....

And then cum in her eye!!

and hold her there till it dries up... eugh

He works with the bitch so seeing each other has been unavoidable, he just texted me now saying that she went up to him and said she was dating someone else already and that she was seeing this other guy back when she was dating my friend.

Fucking slut.

Stole my words right from my brain. Some people CAN be too smothering/syrupy, but usually it's the girl just isn't into that sort of attention. Stay true to yourself, stay a nice guy, and you'll land a hot girl who is looking for a nice guy for once in her life- many are too used to being seen as sex objects they throw themselves at reverence.

Dont waste your time thinking about it or you really are too nice. She wasnt into it or was insecure thats her problem not yours unless you make it yours. If your really interested in her kkep in contact but dont even talk about what happened if she wants more shell be back. If not go on with your life girls get confused and play just like us sometimes they dont know what they want but you cant do much about that.

I got told I was "too nice" just as I was going down on her.......I showed her who was too fucking nice!

This is by far one of the best threads I've ever come across on a forum. Here's my shot:
First off, I was recently dumped by my girlfriend for 2.5 great years. Being "too nice" has been a problem in past relationships, and I was recently told by a good girlfriend of ours that Katie (my ex) said she'd like to try a rougher guy for a change. What a kick in the nuts. The thought of your girlfriend welcoming some sleaze to grab her ass. :mad: However, I think it comes down to time. Within my dating age group (~18-25) most girls still seem to be tasting different flavors, trying to decide what they prefer. Now I was rough as rocks in bed, but did tend to treat her like a princess in everyday life. What a mistake. However if I were to now try to get her back by being a little rougher, I would be the fake one and feel like even more of a jerk if she decided that she liked the "nice Tim" more. If she truly does like rough guys, shes a little insecure and needs a bouncer like boyfriend to be wherever she goes. If she's just confused but he made her think rougher guys would be better, then maybe he's just a little too boring for her lifestlye. If she likes nice guys but he was "too too nice", he's probably never had sex before and totally smothered her. Either way, being nice is a gift man. Yeah, nice guys might finish last, but at least they don't finish in jail with Bubba :D

Lol, trust me I've considered this :D

First time I've actually laughed out loud at my computer in a while. I'll try this next time :D


Yeah, maybe from one girls preference. Definitely true up front, but I'd attempt to keep the girl within reach just incase she did realize she likes you :) If not, shes chosing to be a bunny and longs to be devoured by some drooling wolf :D

some girls make others just look so bad... you have to know that some girls (me included) really do want a nice guy and everything that goes with it... and there arent that many of them... and of the ones that are out there they are taken by girls that are playing games or just THINK they want a nice guy.