If your partner wasn't good at oral sex would you tell them?
 

Mine isn't that good but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I think its best to let him know or else you will get the same sub par head all the time.

Yeah, but you know what? It isn't always that easy.

I dated a girl a few years ago who was LOUSY at it. Before we first got together, she would brag about how much of a blowjob queen she was, and then the first time she did it... nothing. It was weird, she held her mouth so nothing touched me except her lips. But she was so earnest and eager about it though that, for some reason I had the hardest time telling her. It doesn't make sense, I know, but still. I put up with crummy blowjobs because I couldn't tell her she wasn't good at it.

Eventually I did tell her and her skills improved, but for other reasons the relationship was on its way out at that point.

You might as well say something. Don't bring it up in front of his/her parents, though. They might not understand.

Instead of telling them they suck at something, try saying "let's try something else this time, try doing this with your tongue". See where it goes. If you react better, he'll be more receptive to future things you might want him to try. Coaching is much better in this scenario than flat out telling someone they are not good at something.

Considering the fact that the only way I can have an orgasm (apart from masturbation) is from oral sex, FUCK yes I would tell my partner if they sucked at it. My own interests are at stake!

However, I have only really had one partner in that sense, and from the First Fuck onwards, we've always made it a priority to be as open as possible with each other. I want to know if I am not satisfying him, and vice versa.

EDIT: Amended after reading Kurty's post... of course, I would not say, "You suck!"... (even if it were literally true) ;) But presenting things in a gentle way and making helpful suggestions, yes... both my partner and I do that. Unless we are doing a little domination action, then there's no gentleness. :suave:

Why is he giving you oral sex? To give you pleasure. I mean, I love giving oral to my wife, but it's because I know how much she enjoys it and I get the peripheral joy of giving her joy. I hope that you also blow him, and I expect that this is your reason why.

So, if there's a way that he could get better at it, shouldn't he want to do it?

Keep that thought in your mind, then follow all the advice posted above me (as well as below, I'm sure).

Wait, they suck at sucking? :thumbsup:

what kurty said!

Definitely, but not to focus so much on how lousy your partner is - try to give advice on how to do it "better." If you want a healthy sex-life you'll have to have these discussions inevitably.

tell him and help him, or else it will never change, be nice about it, teach him what to do and how YOU like it.

I am sure that if you play a fun game called Echo My Fingers, where you touch yourself and get him to echo it, things will start to sparkle. I found that when I give constructive criticism I get very pleasant results. I also know that I am being coached in methods that are new to me but seem to be the gold standard for my lady, and though it is not as easy as some other techniques that worked in the past, I do want to make her smile. So, open and honest without being harsh about it.

I absolutely agree. No sense in going on pretending everything is great, but you don't have to flat out say, you suck at this! Use it as an opportunity to tell him what really works for you or try something new. Maybe even do a little research together, make it about both of you not just him. Tell him it feels really good when you _____________, or I've always wanted to see how it feels when _____________, or when he does do something right, make sure he knows it! Moan and groan, tell him how great that feels. Give him a tutorial, show him what you do to yourself to make sure you get off. If he knows you like something, he's very likely to keep repeating it. Let us know how things go!!

Are you always open and honest in your current relationship? Since you are telling me, are you like that, honestly?

Are you asking me or just everybody who has posted? I don't want to answer when it wasn't me you were asking!

Welcome to one of the characteristics of a mature, adult relationship. :)

If you aren't happy with something, how is the other person going to know? This goes for both sex and other things.

If you are not being open and honest, you are opening the door even wider for resentment.

Since your issue is oral sex abilities...next time he is doing it make suggestions (not bossy) about what you want (i.e. finger, lick here, rub here). You'll find that you'll get more pleasure and he'll be happier because...well he'll get you off better and that male ego will boost.

I would focus on the positive.

"Hey, I read about something, can we try this...?"
"Oh, it feels really good when you do *this*, could you do more of that? It's really gets me going."
"I discovered yesterday when I was thinking of you and touching myself that *this* is so great..."
"Did you know that Margaret Cho recommends spelling out the alphabet with your tongue? Upper and lower case? She prefers the lowercase "e", herself..." :lol: (truth!)

Could also pick up some sexy /booksvideos, instructional and umm, performance as well.

It's so easy to be gentle and encouraging growth, with fabo benefits, so why not?

Yes......TEACH HIM!!!!!

Yes. Ever since college when I got a blowjob that actually HURT and made me bleed. I didn't handle it well, which was a bad choice for a number of reasons. If I know someone well enough to get naked with her, then I know her well enough to tell her to mind the boys while she's down there.

If you're old enough to have sex for the sole sake of pleasure, you're old enough to tell your partner what you do and don't like.

As much as I can. It is hard to do, no question about it. But, each time you ask and discuss, it gets easier. And, it is worth the effort. :thumbsup:

The_Jazz says:
Whuh... :oogle: How is that possible?

It can be difficult to say "I like this/that" when you don't really know, or you're not used to having that discussion. All I can suggest is practice--whee!--and as you get more comfortable with what makes you happy, verbalize it in whatever way you see fit. If something's going on that just doesn't work for you, say something, but I'd suggest being gentle about it. "Instead of (that), try (this)" is going to go over a lot better than "dammit, the hell are you doing?"

Three words -

Too
Much
Teeth

Stupid me figured out that she was doing it wrong before I said anything. I didn't realize she'd actually broken skin until I looked.

Tact is key in this kind of conversation.

*shudders* Been there and yeeeeouch!

Definitely just give gentle suggestions. It works very well as long as you're tactful.

**The guy I am seeing loves teeth, I was hesitant at first to really use them but I've gotten better at it.


As for me, if my partner weren't any good at oral I would tell them, or rather give them some advice as to what I like and dislike.

I would be honest and use the methods I suggested above as a means to get my point across. I think it would be unneccessary to be rude about it (you fucking suck at giving oral!). I'd want someone to do the same for me if they were unsatisfied, but of course, it's all about how you say it. You're more likely to get a positive change by being sensitive about it than rude.

I think it depends on the person you're with. at least for me it does. Some women I've felt very comfortable communicating with about that sorta stuff, others not so much.

Given that the relationships with better communications worked out more successfully than those without it, I'd say a good barometer of your relationship is how comfortable you feel talking about it with that person.

Ok, I agree communication is key.

But most guys don't take criticism, even if it is trying to be constructive, too well. I think this is reality. Of course you can say "Oh I love it when you do x, do it some more", but if you're too insistent and there's too many of those comments, a guy doesn't have to be too smart to catch on that you're trying to guide him...and a lot of men will take offense because they are convinced or want to be that they are pretty good at sex and everything inbetween.

So tread carefully. I hope you have the right kind of man who won't mind and will actually appreciate (this I think is rarer) you "teaching" him. Most guys' egos are pretty fragile and they will be a little upset that they are not doing it for you.

But I do think that for a relationship to work and achieve a certain level of maturity, there has to be good communication, and particularly in the bedroom. I don't think that is easy to have though.

Honestly, I would not be able to function in a relationship that wasn't honest and communicative, as a rule. So yes, if you were to ask my husband (he's a member here, so you actually could, lol) if he and I indeed talk openly about our sexual preferences and give each other suggestions... I'm quite sure he would concur, and tell you that it is one of the most important facets of our relationship.

I concur! :)

That statement brought chuckles. My mom-in-law asked me shortly after our wedding if he was okay in that department, or if he needed a father-son talk. :oogle: My cheeks turned pink.

Don't tell him he's bad, just teach him what you like. Nothing wrong with a little "that's great but try this..." or "more this, less that." Everyone's different. He could be doing what another person taught him she likes, or what he has seen in movies.

Be sure you follow up by asking what kinds of things YOU could be doing differently to make it better for him, too. In addition to improving that end, you would also be shifting focus from 'correcting' to 'exploring.'

Honestly, the missus isn't that amazing at it. I've only ever met one woman who really knew how to give a blow job. Most women aren't very good at it.

But, you know, the wife likes to fuck so, it's not really that big a hardship.

Speaking as a guy, I think you absolutely should tell him, but be nice about it (obviously). I was once with a girl and I could kinda tell that she wasn't particularly enjoying herself when I was down there, so I asked her if there was anything she'd like me to do differently, and she got very uncomfortable about it. I never asked again, but the lack of communication-in that as well as other areas-meant that the relationship didn't last very long.

Point is, tell him. There's gotta be open communication; if he takes it well (and he should if you're nice about it) it'll be better for both of you.

Yea for you for taking the initiative to ask and being willing to WANT to learn what to do to please your woman!!!! :thumbsup: I think if we were all like this, the world would be a better place! Sorry she got uncomfortable about it, but I think that's lame. I think she should have been happy you were wanting to learn what she wanted! I dunno, your post just made me very happy :)

If you don't ask or tell you'll never be satisfied ,this kind of back fired on me once we she go pissed off and bascally told me to blow myself.

I've gotten good head and bad head, I cannot stand getting bad head.

so yes, I definately say something. I had one who learned super quick, makes me suspect she was holding out and didn't wanna show off what kinda freak in bed she really was, but if thats one department you want to impress me in, you definatley can't hold back. We may not be together any more and such but because she let herself get into it, she'll still be in my little mental hall of fame. ;)