40 mistakes men make whilst having sex with women
 

A friend sent this to me.

I thought it was interesting.

40 mistakes men make whilst having sex with women

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

3) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

4) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

5) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

7) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

8) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

9) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

10) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

11) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

12) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

13) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

14) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

15) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

16) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

17) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

18) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're tying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

19) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

20) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

21) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

22) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

23) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

24) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

25) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

27) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

38) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Any comments?

To call these mistakes implies that they aren't done intentionally. :D

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

:lol: I've not heard that (having never wanted to attempt this). I wonder what that conversation would be like.
woman: "Ahem"
man: "oh, will you look at that? huh!"

41) not doing any of the above "mistakes" when your girl likes it rough.

This was actually taken from a list of 50 (which I can't find the link to anymore).

The posted list was written by a male, a woman posted 50 mistakes women made during sex as a response.


And even though I may be somewhat new to sex, I think it's fair to say there are few if any absolutes in sex

Jesus christ!! is there anything left to actually do after not doing all of these??

Any woman who doesn't want the everloving shit fucked out of her 9 ways till sunday is just being shy.

Leave it to a chick to come up with 40 reasons why we are doing something wrong.

This has been on here before and it pissed me off jsut as much then.

Point 34 is total bullocks.

I know plenty of women that luuuuuuurve anal play.

But, I reckon a lot of those points are pretty fair.

Although women make mistakes too!

So does that mean when going at it doggie style, putting my ashtray on her ass is not all that bad?

This sure makes a lot of assumtions about both parties involved. I wouldn't reccomend anyone take this seriously. In fact, I daresay that waiting for someone to do something, in any context, is a recipe for failure. Be a grown up and communicate.

No Shit, thats what i was thinking...

#1. Not asking her what she likes and relying on some list to instruct you in sexual technique.

True dat. :thumbsup:

It's usually along the lines of "Sorry baby, it's dark in here!"

Quoted for fucking truth. End of list, right there.

As an adult I agree with lurkette 100% but I would like to add, this is not bad advice for a guy thats never had sex before, it gives him something to start with at least

While I agree relying on a list is sort of stupid, I don’t really agree that asking a woman what she likes or doesn’t like is the correct method either. I can only imagine asking making things awkward and a bit of a turn off. If a woman asked me what I liked or didn’t like, I would immediately think that she was inexperienced and won’t know what she is doing.

In my opinion, the real key to pleasing someone is learning body language and paying attention to the noises and motions they make. While it is great to enjoy the act of sex, be aware of what’s going on and don’t get completely lost in what you are doing. Pay attention to the person, that normally will guide you in what he or she likes and does not like.

You forgot "Calling her by another woman's name."

No matter how many of the above 'mistakes' you men think is BS, remember this one. :)

I cannot disagree with this enough. Communication is SO key during sex. Just because a man or a woman knows "what to do" doesnt mean that their partner either A. Likes it or B. Likes how they do it. I am not ashamed at all to tell a guy that what he's doing is doing nothing for me and I would prefer it such and such a way. Why waste both of your times "going along for the ride" when you're not enjoying it?

"Noises" can be misinterpreted actual saying what you want and dont want cannot

Didn't see the Dirty Sanchez on the list. I guess it is fair game.

No, no, and no. Who cares if someone is inexperienced, as long as they are honest about it and not fumbling through? My husband was inexperienced when we first had sex (long before we got married), and I found it extremely sexy and cool that he had the confidence to ask what I liked or didn't like. If he had pretended to know better than he did, for example from a list or something, that would have been unattractive as a sign of a huge ego and/or insecurity (same thing). It was his humble approach and honesty that got my attention, and made me very grateful for his character.

On the flipside, I once dated a guy (messed around, didn't sleep with) who thought he was god's gift to women and thought he knew everything about everything. :no: No way, man... the guy ended up being a total asshole, never figured out how to get me off (because he was too arrogant to ask, having been with so many women before), and was generally too annoying to deal with in the long term.

I see what you are saying, and believe me I am not suggesting that someone go in with confidence in their abilities if they are inexperienced. What I am proposing is that people actually pay attention to their partners reactions instead of trying to rush through sex.

While, to you, asking is a turn on because it shows confidence, to me it is, again, the complete opposite. I don't care if you are inexperienced, but asking what I like says "Err, what do you want me to do to you?" I dont want to have to tell the person I am with what to do; be adventerous, explore my body, see what makes me tick. In my opinion, you should be connected with the person you are with enough to know what their reactions mean.

Though I suppose different strokes for different folks.

A link to the full article 50 Mistakes MEN Make...

http://www.eioba.com/a2849/fifty_mis...hen_having_sex

And a link to the full article 50 Misakes WOMEN Make...

http://www.eioba.com/a67643/fifty_mi...hen_having_sex

Nice find. :)

That's fine if your reaction is immediately obvious for something you like that your partner is doing. As shanifaye said sometimes a body's reactions can be misinterpreted, even very plain and obvious ones. What if your SO did something you really enjoyed immensely but stopped soon after because he got a signal mixed up and you never mentioned it again because you didn't think it was "sexy"?

I would be a little dissatisfied and left hoping that he/she would do it again sometime (but they never would, because they thought you didn't like it). You can keep communication seductive and sexy- incorporate it into dirty talk, whisper questions to her in her ear asking what she likes better while you do them, play a hot and cold game, and just have fun exploring each other's bodies. Communication makes sex a lot more fun than, say, smiling a little bit extra when someone is kissing your stomach. (How am i supposed to figure that one out, i couldn't even see her face. :/ )

Which brings up something.. the vast majority of girls i've had sex with were extremely quiet in bed, at least at first. There are VERY subtle body language cues they give that they think should be plain as day to read, which they are not. Communication really makes the whole thing more enjoyable.

I thought of opening a thread for the women's mistakes list, but thought guy ought to do it instead. :D

Jesus, I think the 50 mistakes women make list is worse than the guys one.

The idea that sex has to have some sort of rigid frame work annoys me, especially for something as personal as sex. I agree that communication is the key.

Exploring each others bodies and seeing what you both like and dislike is half the fun :)

Y'all forget that the majority of people spend all their time conforming to what they perceive to be a norm. You know. Living in a society.

Is that right? Whatever. It doesn't change it.

Isn't it, though? They would probably sound better if they were called something like, oh, 'helpful hints (for beginners) of where to start' instead of 'mistakes.'

Eh, I just hate anything that treats the entire other gender like a standard model Ford. We're all different, tips that might work on one person might not fly with another.

The only real tip worth a damn is not being afraid to communicate.

50 mistakes woman make...

Starts with having sex with men, and ends with having sex with men.

If a man complains about having sex, he needs to be shot on sight.

Those had me rolling. Especially the first one.

I had no idea there is so much to it (after reading these lists). LOL at us inexperienced people. There aren't many who are 25 (like me). Not exactly a badge of honor.

damn, 25 really is a problem isnt it?

if you're dead in bed, we're done.

I don't care how cool you are, if you can't satisfy me sexually, theres no point in trying. You'll just be a cool friend at that point.

I'm guilty of some of the male sins. What can I say? When i started having sex I didn't act like a confident lover, since I wasn't one. Now I've had a bit of practice and am able to proceed with more self-assurance (and that includes asking 'what works for you?', although to be fair that's really more for the post-sex cuddle chat than something I'm likely to ask during the deed.)

Also, to weigh in on the issue - I will try different things during sex, particularly with a new partner, and I will do my best to figure out what works for her. I find it both helpful and sexy if she has the confidence to give me a bit of guidance (either by word or by hand). I find it infinitely sexier if she has the confidence to take charge once in a while and make damn sure she gets what she wants. Bottom line is, ladies, that while I may do my best to satisfy you I'm not going to know what works unless you speak up and actually tell me.

As to the other list, I've fortunately never had 25 happen to me, but I can't even imagine continuing in that situation. If all I wanted was an orgasm, I'd jerk off. The whole point of sex to me is that it's a two person thing and if she's not into it, I'm not going to be either.

Also, an amen to 23:

If I'm about to have sex with you it means I think you're sexy and want to see more of you. And besides, have you seen how ridiculous a naked man with an erection looks? Don't be so damn self-conscious.

awesome post...lol i was laughing my butt off at most of those b/c they are totally true!

I have to disagree. I think it looks quite sexy.

The one mistake women make when complaining about men:

Believing that men actually give a shit.

Ever noticed how men switch off when you nag at them? Well, there's no better way to make them do that than actually list and number every point you want to make.

That list was written by a male.

Okay, since I just finished reading both of these:

Generally speaking, the two lists seem to cancel each other out.

What a confusing crock of crap if you read both carefully side by side.

"Don't nudge her head." vs. "When he nudges your head, do something."

"Don't blow a load on her." vs. "He's gonna blow a load on you."

Very funny in a George Carlin kinda way, but what the hell is anybody supposed to get out of it when they're direct opposites of each other?

Beginner's tips for the broad carnal first-time activity audience? Sure.

Real deal: Communication +1 as everybody with a brain has said.

Um, they give a shit when they're trying to "put it in the hole and do the scrunchy faces dance."

That and most of us aren't using women like gas stations (pump, pay, go).

Except maybe World's King... he's on a mission from God.

Exactly :thumbsup:

The worst offender is the guy who knows what women want, or thinks he knows what you like. Truth is he has no clue but telling the truth will shatter his ego or he refuses to believe you because all the other women he's been with love it when he does it that way (or so he believes as the cycle's already begun).

When that happens, you've got to kick him to the curb unless he can handle a reality check. You can't expect a relationship to work, even a purely sexual one, if two way communication isn't happening.

Okay, okay... what the hell is all this "reality check" stuff, anyway?

...

I know I'm taking it the completely wrong way, but it kinda feels like:

Girl: "Ya know you're good, I've had bigger."

Guy: "Well, my last girlfriend's ass wasn't a coffee table."

...

I just don't see too many people being that "cocky" (rimshot) during sex. A naked man with an erection is a decidedly humble man 99% of the time.

I'm not sure how to explain this, but I'll try.

Some men are overconfident because they've slept with so many women or maybe had a woman who made him believe he was godlike. I dunno. But there are many out there based on my own experiences when I was younger, and from years of girl talk.

By reality check, I mean a guy who can take a constructive criticism. I mean, how sweetly can a gal say "Gee, babe, I know you've told me that Exbabygirl loved it when you did that, but it hurts me and it feels so much better when you do this." Women shouldn't lie to men but some guys don't want to believe that they don't know all there is to know.

It may not be you, but believe me, these guys are out there.

One can avoid those problems when you simply keep a dialogue open during sex. I am a thesaurus of alternatives for "How does this feel?" (because saying "How does this feel?" often enough gets old).

If you need a list you are doing it wrong.

Uhh... is there anything that we do is right?

40 mistakes, eh? Well, we must be doing something right.

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* * *

Or maybe this should be called "40 Things for Women to Complain About." Have we seen the "40 Things from Porn That Women Fail to Do for Their Men"?

Will, I don't think, "UHHN! How ya like that, betch!?" counts.

...

Baraka, you have one of those population-counting spinning globes in your study, don't you? I knew it.

Personal opinion: Most of the points on that list come from someone too uptight to really be enjoying themselves.

Communication (while IN the act) is important. Making a list of no-nos is just silly and asking for boring vanilla sex all the time.

It does because I SAY IT DOES!

If you are looking for a gentle, slow and erotic lovemaking session most of the suggestions are fine. If you like it hard and rough.. most of those "dont's" are "do's." I like a bit more adventure then some but to follow all that would bore me to bits.

... and Crompsin:(Will, I don't think, "UHHN! How ya like that, betch!?" counts.)

Sometimes it does... sometimes it is exactly what is needed.

I so agree with that.
For me, the one with Mistakes Men Make was written more light heartedly than the Womans Mistakes one.
The first one seemed to actually have some good pointers whereas the second one (for me) seemed to assume women are stupid, and exist soley for the man\'s pleasure.
I got kind of annoyed by the end of the Womens Mistakes one.

It's always needed. Even right now!

i think number 10) STOPPING FOR A BREAK. is pretty funny and is something ill try for laughs

you'd better hope your "girl" doesnt have a prostate lulz:no:

That's a mistake even if you do it outside of the bedroom, and as a joke. Especially if the woman thinks that the other woman is competition (even when she's not).

I could give a shit about half of that stuff...I'm more interested in actually doing the nasty, not breaking it down into 40 dos and don'ts.

You're saying that now... but when was the last time somebody screwed up before / during sex? Sex doesn't always just roll out like Charmin Extra-Soft... sometimes it gets stuck like that single-ply crap they insist on using in hospitals... sometimes it tears like truck stop toilet paper.

...

Okay, no more pearls of wisdom from me.

Hop out of bed, jog in place, take your pulse, have a swig of Gatorade, then go right back to what you were doing.

In the same respect I always liked the "Go really fast, come first, jump out of bed, yell, I win. Then do a victory lap around the bed with your arms in the air."

I'd do that race... but then I'd feel like I missed a turn somewhere... probably back at Girly O-Town.

LOL!!!

This made me laugh so much! What a funny thought!:thumbsup:

Actually considering the problems that a friend's younger sister is having in her new marraige, they need to be worded as mistakes. She has this Roses and walks on the beach view of sex that is just plain silly when both parties have to work for a living.

Sounds like a beginner to me.

Yeah that shit would be forgiveable if she was 20 and only had one or two partners before she got married. she ain and she didn't

Taking the gag out.

Kidding. Kind of. A list with more than about a half dozen issues does not need to be presented. It needs to be nailed to a cathedral door so we can all fight over it for the next century.

Not learning from mistakes is the only real mistake.

I think a little bit of understanding with these kinds of mistakes (although the list at the top is hilarious) is how you get through awkward moments such as these. However, I think that the list is great advice for anyone who doesn't know.

Just an observation...

If this was, in fact, written by a male, how does he know what cum tastes like?!?!?!? I don't know that I want to take advice on pleasing women from a gay man, and if he's not gay, I don't want to take the advice of a man who has somehow tasted cum without it being gay.

If you've never tried it, how do you know you're not gay?
Testing it out isn't gay. Testing it out with another man and enjoying it is gay. Just checking is nothing more than experience.
/ Not gay. Have checked.