How would you feel if you suspected your partner had incestuous feelings towards...
 

towards their sibling?

i'm pretty sure that my ex was/is attracted to his younger sister. i've just found out that he's talked about wanting to cum in her face while she was asleep and i know he'd dreamed of having sex with her once.

i haven't met his family but i know she's a lot younger than me, i can't compete in that sense. i still feel a lot for him despite our relationship being over.

i'm all over the place, i don't know how i feel or how to feel.

can someone please give me some advice?

huh?


Suggest he talk to someone about it.


Other then that... I got fuck all...

he doesn't know that i know about it

Okay?


I don't understand what you're asking then.

i don't know what to make of it.

is it stupid of me to still have feelings for him after finding this out?

I would feel like sick, like throw up, buck, puke, ralph, hurl, etc sick. I dunno, that is in my opinion WRONG. Obviously you feel the same. I understand that you cannot shut your feelings off immediately, even though this disturbs you. My advice is this: time. In time you will feel less and less for him and eventually possibly nothing. And you will hate that he has incestuous feelings. That's all I can say I guess.

It's sick that you are more worried about your feelings towards this guy and not that there is a possible pedophile... that wants to fuck his little sister...

Good point World King *ponders*

One should always first ask how they feel about something before one asks how society feels about something, yes? I, personally feel that incest is a negative for several reasons. 1) This represents a dangerous dual role for a sibling. While a sibling can play a friendship role and a sibling role, as they are related (no pun intended), the roll of sexual partner is a whole different psychological ball game. 2) I think everyone knows that incest can lead to genetic irregularities. This, outside of societal rules, would probably be the biggest deterrent.

I doubt that actic's ex was looking to procreate. Sexual attraction isn't 100% connected to procreation, as we can see in the sales of contraceptives around the world. To use simplistic language, some people have an itch they want to scratch. As far as that's concerned, the incest consideration vanishes. One has to fall back on another reason, and I'll bet dollars to donuts that most people would either say something like, "it's gross", or "it's illegal".

I'm curious to ask arctic: what do you find wrong with is behavior? Really, before you make a determination about this, you should organize your thoughts.

there's only 2 years between my ex and his younger sister. she's in the prime of her life so she probably looks great when she gets ready to see her boyfriend and i can't help feeling jealous when i think of him seeing her dressing sexy to impress her man.

i know a girl who had sex with her brother (they had different mums) and her dad himself had sex with his sister (they had different dads). i don't see them anymore but he's moved on from his sister long ago, got married twice and now he's with someone new.

when i was a very young girl, i remember feeling jealous when one of my older cousins was talking to another girl. at the time, i always thought he was the best looking boy i knew. i kinda knew it was wrong to feel that way about him after that, i must have been about 5 years old at the time. i never thought about him in a sexual way because i was too young. then his family moved away to another country and i only ever saw him once again after that.

i feel disgusted that i ever had those kinda feelings towards my cousin and have only admitted it to my doctor, but it happened and i got over it.

What I find wrong about it is, I put myself in the situation. I think about if my brother wanted to do that to me, or vice versa and it makes me uncomfortable. If that's not a good enough reason to think something isn't right, then I don't know what is. Also, the fact that he wants to do this to his sister while she is sleeping is of concern to me because she would not be able to consent, and that I find wrong. And as for thinking someone in your family is good looking as a child, I think most people go through that. I think that at a young age, you of course are not thinking sexually and do not know many people outside of your family, so to think your cousin was good looking, I do not see a problem with. Oh haha, I'm stupid, I didn't see that willtravel's question was directed at arctic cat, and so I thought you were asking what the rest of else found wrong about it *dunce* Okay, well that's still how I feel, so no need to change anything.

he probably knows that she would never consent to anything like that with him, that's why he said he'd do it while she was asleep.


i think he was having these feelings for his sister up until he met me. or maybe he always had and still has those feeling for her

Yes, but whydo you feel disgusted? Is it a knee jerk reaction like when you see a leach?

i never said i was disgusted with him, i was disgusted with myself. i didn't feel disgusted at the time but then i got interested in other boys and forgot about my cousin.

as i got older and found out what sex was all about and the thought of doing anything like that with my cousin disgusts me. i could never do those things with him. i don't think i've ever even given him a kiss on the cheek.

In my opinion, we're attracted to who we're attracted to, and we don't have a whole lot of say over it. It's our actions that say something about us--and over which we have total control.

I'd say, don't judge until you hear from his sister that she woke up sticky.

Oh my god... :expressionless:

how can i compete with someone he's spent all his life with? is it even worth trying?

also, i think he'd sniffed his sister's panties before because he hadn't even been with a woman when he admitted to smelling girls panties, though he didn't admit it to me.

You think that's twisted, some men want to wear their mother's clothing, specifically undergarments.

If you like this person, simply let him know this creeps you out. It creeps me out, too, and I was top of my class in abnormal psych. This is just one of those bigger quirks that you have to live with, try to change, or leave. Sorry you're in a tough situation, but I wouldn't be worried about competing with his sister.

You couldnt have been that far into the relationship if you havnt even met his family. If anything you seem a little over-attached to something that isnt there on both ends. Have you even spoken to him about your feelings? If not start there, then try here again with a status update.

I don't know if you would be competing with him for his sister. Does his sister want him back? Do you want to be with someone who wants to be with his sister? I agree with ratbastid in the sense that if he hasn't acted on it, it's not AS bad is if he had, but the fact that he is vocalizing his fantasies about his sister and sniffing her underwear it worrysome. You say he probably said he wants to do it will she's sleeping because she likely wouldn't consent. Do you think that it's okay for a guy to do this to a girl (sister or not) without her consent? Are you comfortable with the fact that he seems to think it would be okay to perform a sexual act to someone without their consent? If you feel you have to compete for his affections due to his liking for his sister, I think that's a big ol red flag.

you're right, we never got that far into the relationship. he and his family live in a different city too so for me to meet them would be a big thing.

i know this shouldn't even be a problem for me because we're not even together anymore. he knows how i feel about him and i know he doesn't feel the same way about me, but i can't stop the feelings i have for him.

do you think knowing that he has incestuous feelings makes it easier for me to let go? i know it makes things harder for me to get back

How long has your relationship been over? Like I said before, sometimes time is all it takes to get over something.

I think this is it right here. I don't think you're really all that concerned about him thinking his sister is hot, I think you're more concerned with how jealous you are that you're not with him and you think he finds his own sister hotter than you.

I mean really, every post here is about how attractive she is and how you think you fall short in comparison. Now it's true that it's bizarre, but I think the main extent of your issue here is because you are jealous of the attention he gives his sister.

Secondarily- he's your ex... why do you care? If it bothers you, move on. If it doesn't, then maybe see what's up with your lingering feelings. But still, I think you linger because you feel like you're competing with his sister and you're bummed because you think you're losing.

Best. Line. Ever.

we all dream about weird shit, i wouldn't worry about it.

i have no idea if she's hot or not, i've not met her so i just assume she is. and it would be fine with me if he did think his sister is hotter than me, it's that fact that he wants to act on it that disturbs me. they were brought up together as a close family, i couldn't imagine feeling that way about my brother (if i had one). he has other sisters but he's not interested in them the way he is with his younger one.

i didn't know anything about his feelings towards his sister until last night, and it shocked me. i didn't know how to feel. i'm not the competitive type at all so it's not about me losing some competition. he treated me like shit and i always forgave him. i'm bummed out with the way he's treated me and finding this new information is going to be vital for me if i am to get over him, i suppose.

could it just be a phase he's going through? or is it like willravel said and that's it just an itch to scratch?

It amazes me the amount of liberal and counter-liberal views people around here take about sexuality.

First of all, why do you think you'd be "competing" with his sister? As mentioned before, if there's no chance, there's no competition. Does he seem to be affectionate towards you or are you just there to fill the gap?

As for being disgusted by it... wtf? Like was mentioned, you are attracted to who you are attracted to. Not acting on it is what makes the difference. Plenty of guys have rape fantasies, three-way fantasies, all kinds of things that a lot of them would never do. If he has fantasies about his sis, so be it. If he has sex with her, then it might be a different story.

Regarding the "while she's sleeping"... see above?! Fantasies are not reality people. Fantasizing about sexually interacting with others without their consent is not even remotely the same as actually DOING it.

She said he's gone as far as sniffing her underwear, I do figure that's acting on it. As well as the fact that he is sharing these ideas with others. I've had some unrealistic attractions, I think we all do, but verbalizing them with others, and smelling someones underwear without their permission, I find that to be acting on the fantasies, hence my problem.

Sniffing his sister's underwear is weird. Otherwise, I agree with ratbastid and analog.

Really though, have you thought about the idea that maybe he's making this up just to freak you out and get you to stop bugging him? You say you still have/had feelings for him but he doesn't have feelings for you...maybe he just wants you to get out of his life and this is his way of making that happen.

Either way, on your end there's really only one thing to do: get over him and leave him alone. If he's making it up to piss you off, then that's what he wants you to do. If he's not making it up, then you should definitely be moving on. He's your ex, you apparently didn't have all that close of a relationship, and now it turns out he might be the kind of guy who sniffs his sister's underwear. Move on and forget about him.

well, i don't want to compete because it shouldn't be a competition. at the start of the relationship he was affectionate towards me. i was the one who had ended the relationship last year and i changed my mind a few months later.

and i NEVER said i was disgusted by it, i'm more disturbed by the idea. yes, i feel jealous that there's another female he wants but i'm disturbed with the fact that this other female is his sister. but maybe i shouldn't feel disturbed at all because i had feelings for my cousin when i was younger, so yes, i do understand that people can't help being attracted to who they're attracted to.

you can't deny that some people (maybe a lot, i don't know) do act out their fantasies. some may regret acting it out but others may not. like how some would boast about a good 3-way they had but if the 3-way went horribly wrong, then even if they were your best friend they'd probably keep quiet about it.

i don't think he's making it up and he doesn't know that i know. i know we didn't have a very close relationship but i'd hoped that we would get closer if we spent more time with each other. that's what supposed to happen, right?
although i'm disturbed by this new information, it hasn't really changed the way i feel about him. i guess i just need a fast foward button

Again, wanting to act on it, and acting on it are two very different things. There's lots of stuff I want to do that I know better than to do.

Also, you completely fabricated that thing about him sniffing his sister's underwear. He said he'd sniffed underwear, you assumed it was his sister's. You have no evidence for that. It might have been and I'm not saying it wasn't. But let's not go condemning the guy on the basis of an assumption.

Not to mention the fact that all of this is hearsay that you've gotten from someone else.

it's a fantasy that he may or may not want fulfilled. i don't want to wait around for him wondering if he does or doesn't. incest does happen, although people know that it's wrong some still go ahead and say "fuck what the world thinks" or they keep their relationship secret cos no one in an incestuous relationship would be open about it to anyone they know in real life.

i did not make up that story about the panties, i don't go around telling lies because there's no point in lying. you can never come to the right conclusion on a subject if the facts are inaccurate/wrong. what would i do that for? i'm not trying to get people to agree with me because i don't really know how i feel at the moment. just confused. he definitely said it and it's not hearsay, i found him on a public forum saying these things. i met him on another forum and he mentioned dreaming about having sex with his sister on there but nothing more because he was better known on that forum and has had his picture there. i thought maybe he was saying it for a laugh, but when i checked out this other forum he was on, he admitted that "incest is cool". he said "i love my sister" in one thread, but he has 2 others sisters and didn't say anything about loving them. it's where i found out about him wanting to cum in his sister's face while she was asleep. it's also where i found him admitting to sniffing a girls' underwear, now i have no proof that it was his sister's panties, but i do know that he hadn't even been near a woman at that point because he was still a virgin. there were a lot of girls that he liked on the forum we met on, and he knew it wouldn't do him any favours with these girls if he were to confess to having feelings for his sister on that forum because everyone would just think he was sick or wierd.

Actually, I read somewhere that sex amoungst teenage siblings is not as uncommon as you might think. Children for example often play sex games with their siblings, i.e. you show me yours......, etc.

As an adult, it's a very different thing I agree.

I'm confused however, since he is a) your ex, and b) you are getting this from someone else.

Doesn't make sense.

As an interesting aside, my ex with whom I lived with for 4 years had very strong bisexual fantasies. We often talked about finding another woman, but nothing ever came of it. One time I remember in a bout of sexual pillow talk she spoke about fantasizing about having sex with her sister. She relayed to me some childhood memories and such and said that she would be comfortable with it. It was just a fantasy at the time, and it didn't freak me out in the least. But that's me.

I totally agree, our desires are determined by a wide range of things and are not that easily controlled. Our behaviour is more within our control and what we should be judged on. eg. Even though in committed relationships, most people will feel desire for another person outside the relationship. That is normal and reasonable. It is not reasonable to act on those desires.

Yeah I didn't mean to sound righteous in my replies at all, I like I said, have also had some unrealistic fantasies, but being that they are unrealistic I have never been one to share that sort of information with others. I think once you start sharing things like that with others, especially quite publically where it gets spread around, it is the beginning of making the thoughts a reality. Thinking things and then saying things to me are different. Some things are best left in our own heads I think.

It does seem disturbing that he would share these things on a public forum. However, people have a range of motivations for saying things on a public forum, not the least common being just to crank a few people up. The phrase is, in vino veritas, not in forum pubis veritas. (excuse my pig latin)

I Freaking Love This!! :lol: :lol:

I once woke up laughing, and rolled over and there was a clown in bed with me. The next night, I woke up Laughing louder and there were 2 dead clowns in bed with me.

First off, he's your ex, and sounds like it will stay like that forever, period.

Second, it's a fantasy, not reality. If he were to act on it, then there would be a problem.

If in fact he did smell the panties, big deal, perhaps he smelled yours too, and you don't know about it. Would it upset you that he smelled yours?

All in all, he's not your concern, nothing to see here, move along.

yeah.

this new info hasn't really changed how i saw him before i found out. but, i can't waste anymore of my time on him, after the way he's treated me and the times he's let me down, he's not worth the time or effort.

thank you to everyone who has shared their thoughts on this subject

I dont understand why its any of your business now. You two have already broken up. Unless you BOTH want to get back into the relationship, I see no point in even worrying about it at all.

because we were in bed together again only a month ago and it meant something to me