A Cruel Joke
 

I've been having medical problems late, usually consisting of extreme pain around my testicles, pain to the point where it can leave me on the ground somewhere between laughing and crying. Naturally I went to see my doctor, and his diagnosis is that basically I've entered my "sexual peak" and that due to the fact I don't masturbate, and I'm not sexually active (virgin), and that I don't have nightly emissions my body is basically over producing to the point of causing painful, and apparently harmful build ups.

This, of course, is hilarious and rather unfair. I've been trying to stay away from all that stuff, and now I'm basically under doctors orders to, unless I want to suffer possible damage apparently. I'm pretty much at a loss of what to do now. One one hand, masturbation is just as bad as the pain I experience, and on the other hand I now have family members as well as my doctor pressuring me to find a "girlfriend", saying that it'd be better for both my physical and metal health. What a load.

Has anyone ever had a problem like this, or had to deal with a similar situation?

Just wondering, how is masturbating "just as bad" as rolling on the floor in testicle pain?

It's boring, it's something that's addictive therefore it keeps you wanting and somewhat bound to it. There's nothing good to do it to either. Pornography? Bah. If I wanted to get off to a person with the value of a cardboard box, I'd probably take the cardboard box over them. It's not fun, or pleasurable either.

i second that...are you masterbating with broken glass in your hands or what?

I dont really understand what the problem is, why dont you just beat off and call it a day?

EDIT: i see you got a post in before me. I'd say you're in an interesting predicament. I guess you're going to have to get over your mental stigma about masturbating, find a really horny girl, or wait until your testicles explode.

Definitely get a girlfriend soon... or just masturbate to save yourself from the pain.

If it isn't "fun or pleasurable" for you on your own, then how do you think it's going to be all that much different when you are with someone?

If you can't enjoy the act of masturbation then just think of it as taking your medicine. You may not like it but it's good for you.

when i had my prostate infection, i was told to 'use it regularly' not that it was a problem. there is nothing wrong or shameful about masturbation.

Are you over 18?

You can save up your money and get a hooker once a month.

Just a thought, since you don't want a girlfriend, and you won't masterbate to porn. You'll get sex, which will realise the pressure that's building up, you won't have the trouble of maintaining a relationship, and there's no porn involved.

But if you don't mind me asking, why is getting a girlfriend a "Load"? A load of what?

It'd be a load off your testicles, apparently.

Either you find some release or your body will do it for you. Hell, masturbation is preferable to even nocturnal emissions, let alone your groin exploding of its own accord.

:confused: wow, i dont know what to say to this, so ill just quote michael jackson...beat it , just beat it.

lame, i know but damn, i really dont know what to say to this.

If you had a bacterial infection, you would take an antibiotic. If you cut yourself badly, you'd bandage it appropriately. You are going quite to the contrary of "natural" and, as a result, are experiencing pain. So, masturbate. If you're not enjoying it, evaluate what it is that you're using as source material. I can understand that you don't feel any attachment to porn, but you should reconsider your "addiction" theory... we're not talking about starting a Meth or Crack habit, we're talking about masturbation- and yes, you're somewhat bound to it, as the pain in your testicles is keeping you well aware.

So find something that feels pleasurable or exciting to help ease you into an erection, and then get rid of that back-up of sperm. The pain you're experiencing is your body's way of saying, "Yes! This is natural! It's not SUPPOSED to be ignored like this!"- listen to it.

[tough love]
Past that, there's only so much anyone is going to listen to you if you complain of pain but shun the one simple thing everyone is telling you to do- and that you need to do- to relieve it. Feel free to believe what you like about it being addictive or something you're "bound to", but i'm strongly suggesting that your priorities are seriously skewed in this case. Take the problem in hand, or you're just going to have to accept that no one here will care if you're in pain, because- and here's the important bit- you know how to fix it, and you won't get much sympathy over a medical problem that has a really simple fix. Not for nothing, but I'm sure cancer patients wish they could just crank one off to relieve their pain. You know what you need to do, figure out how to make it work for you.
[/tough love]

Or the fact that the time posted is 30 minutes to April first....

Other wise if not, read the posts above me.

I hope Destrox is right- I never heard of such a thing, Senescha.

A cruel joke indeed!

This was posted 30 minutes before, not during. It's real, actually. No jokes involved here.

I don't think that at all. I reread my post and wasn't able to see where you might of been able get that idea, but my apologies.

Indeed.

Shit :|

I was in and out of the doctors for about two months, and I was on antibiotics for a month. This is their only explanation, so I've been through that.

Analog, the rest you say is quite true. I was more interested though if people have had to deal with similar issues like this, and how they can put their doctors orders above the morality of the subject and deem it "right" or "natural".

senescha,

i think you need to backtrack a bit and get to the bottom of masturbation being immoral, or presumably "wrong" or "unnatural." no one loves you like you do, so to speak. i've run into certain eastern disciplines where spilling of the seed is considered immoral, and i believe this is the case with some sects of christianity as well. is this where you are deriving this from? if so, perhaps you could speak to someone in your church/temple, whatever. perhaps they can give you a pass on this one. i can't imagine my parents telling me that i just need to blow one out. that's kind of funny.

oh, and analog: "take the problem in hand." ha!

I'm calling April Fools. I mean, look at the thread title.

I've had ONE painful sexual experience. It happened when I was having phone sex with a 40-something woman who I had met on the internet. As I came, I doubled over, feeling like I had been kicked in the nuts. I don't know why it happened.. I suspect the voracity with which I was jerking off.. but it has not happened since.

However, to bite, I really don't see the problem with GETTING sexually active. Nobody is going to knock you for it. In fact, most people will cheer you on.

Everyone has their own hook-ups in life.

You have a solution... to be blunt and risk hate of several people, masturbate or deal with the pain.

It is perfectly healthy.

That was meant as a cause/effect type thing... meaning if you were sick, you'd take medicine- if you broke an arm, you'd wear a cast so it could heal. You've got a backup of sperm, you need to release it.

So, you're saying that masturbation is immoral?

Apart from that, you're overriding what is now essentially a medical necessity because you consider a similar act to be immoral?

Here's a better question- no doubt you'd consider procreation to be natural and moral- but what about just going out and having sex with some random chick? It's all in the context. I'm sure you'd say that intercourse for procreation and random sex were not quite the same thing, especially from a morality standpoint- so why would this be any different?

Your doctor isn't telling you to objectify women or do anything that would compromise your personal beliefs- he's telling you to perform a procedure because you have a real, medical problem whose solution is manual stimulation of the penis to achieve the release of sperm. Whether you believe "masturbation" to be immoral or unnatural is besides the point- this is about a medical need, not about self-pleasure.

As for whether or not it's natural, that's neither here nor there right now. Our opinion on whether or not it's natural is totally beside the point at the moment- you have a medical problem that you need to fix, or it will only get worse. Your body naturally needs to rid itself of built-up levels of sperm, particularly in a young adult (because the hormones are going crazy and sperm is getting produced at a pretty good rate).

So, believe what you like about morality, but look at it as what it is- a medical procedure to treat a medical problem.

- analog.

Actually..no. I find procreation to be disgusting, and really quite rude. How can you bring someone into existence without their consent? You can't obtain their consent in the first place, either, so that makes it impossible to contain it. It's not justified, at all. "Random" sex is still the same, as it has odds of pregnancy, even with birth control and condoms the odds are not 0%.

I believe I've exhausted every rational and empathetic response that could possibly have been brought to bear, in aiding you with this problem, and now I just have to ask...

.............what the hell are you talking about?

Uh...what??? :oogle:

I'm gonna go with, this is a April Fools joke gone wrong. If not..then I don't know how to help you.

OK, maybe I didn't write that as best I could. Simplified it is basically:

It's rude to have a child, without having the child's consent when they are an adult. The consent of that adult cannot be obtained, and therefore it cannot be justified to have a child as you don't know if they want to be born or not, and it is not your place to decide.

Oh no, I understood perfectly what you said the first time.

Calling a spade, a spade:

You're either mentally ill, or mocking the members with a bullshit thread. Since I'm inclined to believe you're not mentally ill, I'm left to assume that you're just fucking with us, making a mockery of the mature discussion we enjoy on this site.

I respected what I thought to be your religious beliefs. I cared strongly to give you advice in deference to your stated religious boundaries.

But when you say that bearing a child is rude because you can't have their consent to have given birth to them... it's crazy talk and nonsense. It's gibberish.

I'm sorry, but this thread is an insult to the thoughtful people who took the time to impart a little advice, maybe a kind word of encouragement. I won't have that.

PM me if you want to discuss it further.

/closed.