TransAm-LT1

I haven't posted here in a while, but I know the TFP is a great place for advice.
So here's my problem. I've know this girl Jessica for since late August. At that time she was dumped by this guy Jeff, we talked and were good friends. We talked almost every day. There was always good chemistry between us and every one is like yeah you two need to go out. We were hanging out one night, and it just kinda hit us we were kissing and telling each other about our feelings towards each other. However we dated from early November to mid December. Which isn't that long, things were good but she was always and I mean always arguing with her ex boyfriend. They'd always be fighting, and he could say the magic words and just break her heart all over again. I hated seeing it because she was hurting so bad. Well, her ex's best friend came into town, and then things between her and the ex got worse. Multi fights a day, she was going through finals and I didn't hear from her for almost a week. She apparently spent a lot of time with his best friend. When she did call me, she was talking about how her ex thought that she was having sex with his bestfriend, then we got into an argument about us. I was already sick of hearing about her ex all the time (hear it almost every day), I told her that I cared about her and that she shoulden't worry about what her ass ex says. We are together and I would never treat her like that. Unfortantly we ended up breaking up. Come Newyears we got to talking again and we both still have feelings for each other. We spent newyears together, and vowed to start over new. I brought her roses a few days after New years because we were suppost to go to dinner and that kinda freaked her out. She said I was going too fast and she had never gotten flowers from any one before. So, here I am at my current issue. We don't talk all the time like we used too, when I do call she normally puts me to voice mail (I dont' call all time time, like maybe once every few days) and if we talk online she normally responds with one word responses. Yeah, huh, etc. She knows my feelings towards her. Am I wrong for still trying? Or is there no chance between a relationship between us. I really like her, I know she was devastated by her ex treating her like crap. My heart says to give her time and she'll come around, but my brain is saying that she's a lost cause and doesn't know what she wants. Any ideas? Sorry for the long post. I really dont know what to do any more.

Sharon

Sorry to say this so harshly, but you're being way too nice, dude (and I'm saying this as a girl). Leave it alone. If you guys get to the point of where you might start dating again, tell her she needs to get her issues with her ex sorted because you're not going to accept that from her. I know that's what would make me get my shit together, and would definitely put you up in my books.

pig

I don't think you have to choose between your two courses of action. She might come around; there's no reason to be overtly mean to her. From what you're saying, I wouldn't overtly pursue her. You want to send an email once a week / every two weeks seeing how she's doing? If it's for your benefit because you genuinely want to know and are ok with her not responding, fine. Essentially, based on how she's acting and what she's been going through with the ex and/or the ex's best friend, I'd move her to friend-status. If you ever do decide to get back involved, listen to sharon.

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Seaver

I agree with Sharon. Until you stand up and be a man, she will always see her ex as "the man" no matter how much she claims to hate him, no matter how much she actually hates him, she will always feel the sexual attraction to "the man."

Stand up, tell her you do not want to be her luggage rack. Tell her that she needs to either get over her ex and be with you or she can find someone else to complain about her ex to.

This will lead to one or two things. She will get pissed, and take all that pent up anger she has for her ex on you, hell she might even say how y'all are the exact same and you will never speak again. Or two, she'll realize what she's been doing is relegating her current boyfriend to the back burner while she in reality picks her "asshole exboyfriend" over you. She may get pissy in the short term, but apparently she's a tempestuous girl so you can expect that.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

analog

That's it, right there.

TransAm-LT1

Well on New Years, when we were giving it another go. I told her that I wasn't going to be her closet-boyfriend and that im not going to put up with any of her ex's crap. Soon as I posted this last night she called me and we just chatted for about thirty minutes.

analog

That's awesome, hopefully things are turning around for the better, then!

TransAm-LT1

I might be wrong. The impression I get is that she really likes me, but shes scared of being so intimate with some one and then getting her heart broken. Well hang out, and she'll get really flirty with me like before and then it's like she'll stop her self and become withdrawn. She dated her ex for a while, and he was starting to live with her then he broke up with her. I know that hurt her, but im not sure what to do.

Tyrell

I'd be wary of getting involved in a relationship while she's riding the emotional rollercoaster. It sounds like you two would get along famously if it weren't for the stress she's under, and it takes time for emotional wounds to heal.

Let her go. Don't wait for her. Don't ignore her. Continue to be her friend (we all need more friends and fewer jackholes in our lives).

Your relationship with Jessica need not be "now or never".

Chimera

You need to decide if you want to take his place....because you WILL be doing so at first. If she moves on from the damaged relationship to a new one, she will be bringing the residue with her and you will need to deal with it. This means your actions will be seen in the light of whatever crap still floats in her mind from him.....thus is the reality of everything we do with each other. The Key here is to know what is ahead of you BEFORE you decide to take it on, and be prepared for it, and even use it to further your own agenda.