The three day rule
 

What does everyone think of this?

Personally I use it as a guide, but not a hard and fast rule. Three days sounds like a reasonble period before contacting someone who's number you've just gotten so you come off as being interested, but not too interested and therefore desperate. Usually I get a number/myspace/email on the weekend so getting in contact with them on monday/tuesday is about the right time for me. It's not always like this for me, I've txtd girls to see if they got home alright after a first date, or I've waited up to a week because I've genuinely been busy because I've had other stuff on my mind.

I say the same thing everytime this comes up. If I give a guy my number and he waits 3 days to call me....Im not impressed. I dont give out a number to sit and play a waiting game, sadly though from past discussions I seem to be in the minority having that opinion. I dont see interest in talking to me again the next day as "desperate"

Sometimes though us guys are just genuinely busy or have other things on our mind to call you. We don't sit around masturbating and count down 72 hours until we call you. We give it some time depending on how busy we are and how we think we will come off if we call and we make the call...unless of course we don't like you then we don't call.

if the guy is the kind of guy thats going to be SO busy, he cant take 5 minutes out of a 1,440 minute day to call me and say hey....Im real busy but I enjoyed meeting you and I'll call you when the busyness is over, then he's normally not someone I'd be all that interested in anyway.

Course I was always one to tell the guy up front, if you play the "oh I need to wait x amount of days to call" I prob wont answer the phone when you do

well you're in the minority, so for most girls the 3 day rule is a good yard stick.

you know, this is where communication comes in...when you get a girls number its not a bad idea to say "so, when is a good time to call" that will let you know right off the bat whether you're dealing with someone like me and others like me that dont do "games" and someone who wants to you play the "game according to the stupid rules they have been told they are supposed to go by

I think it's more an age based thing. The younger the woman the more you have to play the dating games with as they have many suitors and most of the time aren't looking for anything serious, whereas the more older females are more likely to be looking for something a bit more serious and therefore don't have time to play games.

well then I guess that explains why I would have told you the exact same thing 20 years ago when I was 18 that I just said huh?

Men just need to be aware there ARE women out there that see waiting "3 days to a week" to call as stupid, childish and unnecessary....so why not ask the chick up front which one she is. Do you really want to potentially hanging out with a girl that expects you to be a mind reader and figure it out for yourself? You were interested enuff to ask for her number, she was interested enuff to give it to you....just friggin call

Sorry to pop in, but... As far as relationships go, rules are, in my opinion, the most stupid thing ever. Just let the things flow, if you feel like calling her, just do it. No one will think of you as desperate for God's sake, unless you sound as the most insecure guy on Earth.

Besides, if you call her when you feel like it, most likely the conversation will get a different flow, much more natural then the thought "It's the third day already I have to call her!"

Slim, I used to be the type to wait 5 days before calling. Now I generally call the next day. Every girl I call the next day think it's great and is a sign that I'm genuinely interested in them.

The 3 day thing is childish and immature IMO, that's why I stopped.

Shani is a wise woman. One would do well to listen to what she says about communication. I think the whole waiting three days to call is stupid, but then again, I'm not one to play games or do things to make me look like a certain person. I am who I am, having to act a certain way so I don't look desperate or whatever is just lame.

I wasn't aware that there was a "three day rule". It seems a bit silly to me, a kind of mind game, like pretending to take a call so you can keep a visitor waiting as a power game.

Call when you feel like calling. If it's too soon for her, that's a good indication that she's not the right one for you.

Ouch.

You Americans with your silly rules about phonecalls!

I always thought it was us British who were supposed to be uptight.

Look, my friend, if you get her number - it menas she is interested in hearing from you.

I suggest that you call her within 12-24 hours of the meeting - if se picks up, just chat. If it goes to a message service - leave a simple, but polite, message expressing your interest - you could try "Hi, I had fun meeting you, would you like to meet again?" - and then wait for her to call you back.

Or you could text - send the same sort of message as above.

The thing that makes you seem too keen is NOT that you call the same or the following day.

It's calling over and over again, or leaving messages that start "hey it's me [no name given] call me if you wanna get laid".

The only rules you ought to have should be like this:

1) Always tell her you had fun and want to have more fun
2) Don't hassle her.
3) Do be overtly sexual unless she made it clear by word or deed that she wants you to be.
4) If you don't ask, you probably won't get - so if you want to see her again, tell her; when the relationship has suitably progressed, this rule also applies to licking whipped cream off her breasts, anal sex, marriage, having first go in the shower in the morning, and being tied up and flogged by her.

All in all, COMUNICATE with her.

If you don't make the call, how's that going to happen?

games suck. Just be honest and call her when you want to talk to her. IF she thinks thats being desperate, then drop her. She obviously sucks.

first of all - using terms like "us guys" and "most women" makes you sound like as ass - broad generalizations and conventional wisdom are bullish, always

and second – Never take dating advice from Vince Vaughn.

Call when you want to. Waiting is stupid and arbitrary, neither of which should ever describe something you do to your friends.

If you knew the answer, why did you ask the question?

I was wondering about this same thing myself. I'm on a ~0-8 streak with women who have given me the digits. I don't understand why they even give me the number if I'm just going to call them in 1 - 3 days (I've been experimenting with the timing) and never hear back.

What do you think? Do you guys call just once? Or do you call 2-3 times if you don't get a response back the first time? I tend to just call once, maybe a second time a couple of days later. I don't want to be the stalker type.

I call back when I feel like talking... usually the next day or the day after...

If a girl is interested in me it shouldnt matter when I call

I just call once, if I don't talk to her, leave a message with my phone number, and if she never calls, so be it. I wouldn't want to be that guy that calls and she looks at her phone and goes "fucking hell, I gave this guy my phone number and he never stops calling me!" It depends on the circumstances. I don't call if I have nothing to offer (I'm not going to call to chat, I hate phones, why would I want to call just to chat?) I'll call and ask if they want to go for a bite to eat, or out to do something. Sometimes it's later that night (which worked brilliantly!), sometimes its a few days down the road. I have noticed the longer you wait, the less likely they are to answer.

I used to call once, if she didn't pick up, I would left a funny sweet text message. Then it would depend on the reply to it.

By the way, whenever you approach a girl, just be confident doing it, no girl wants a man who doesn't know what he wants, kinda makes you less of a man. At least in my country.

PS: I said it in the past tense because I'm out of the game now...

Words of wisdom. :thumbsup:

I never liked the idea of playing games. In my experience, most every girl i've ever talked to who actually thought the two- or three-day rule were something to go by, they usually turned out to be shallow girls who play other games with you, and not the good kind.

I think this about sums it up.

Except maybe change *girl* to *woman*, heh. ;)

I also think the rules of 3 days were rediculous. I have heard time and time again from friends who have actually waited 3 days, to find out that on the SECOND day, some other guy asked her out, and she started dating THEM instead. If you like the girl, call her the next day, if she is so shallow to think that you are desperate if you don't wait 3 days to call, the I say to hell with her....lol....

I never understood the whole "wait period" bit. Honestly, if I give my number to you, I want to hear from you. No games, no BS, and yes, I'm 22 and was like that since I started dating.

Overall, the only thing that would be a reason for me not to call back is if you call 4 times in one day. Give me a moment and I will get back to you.

I don't understand the need for rules and I agree with the people that say call when you feel like it. I am a girl and I've not been in the dating world in some time but I was known to get a number or two myself and call. I just called when I wanted to and I never had a problem, if they don't answer they don't answer. As for guys, it doesn't really matter to me when they call because it seems like it is all based on circumstances anyways. There is something to be said for the guy that goes out of his way to snag you (as wierd as that sounds). But there is a limit.

It was just a way of saying it. ;) :p

Whenever I read shit like this, it makes me glad I'm not 20 anymore.

Seriously, a bunch of sausage-fest frat boys make up a bunch of rules about how to treat girls (as opposed to women), the girls then make up a bunch of rules about landing some comb-over millionaire, then Fox TV makes a bunch of shows about those same idiots on blind dates and we STILL can't find Iraq on a map.

If you didn't go home with her, waiting 3-5 days won't get you laid, either. If you got her number because you like her and she gave you her number because she likes you, then waiting 3-5 days to call is childish.

Looks like the OP is in the minority now. ;)

I think that rule is stupid. I think that they put it in movies to be funny and some frat boys thought that it was real and picked up the 'rule'. Please, get over it. You've been a victim of the media.

You know what..why don't you do this. Realize that meaningful relationships are not games nor involve manipulation and treat the possibility of one with the same seriousness as you would like to find. If you are looking for a fun time with games and drama...keep following your '3 day rule'. But realize that it will get you no where but with some girls who are out for fun..which seems like where you are in life right now. Eventually, you will mature and 'get it'.

I never had the patience for stuff like that as you can tell. If I thought the guy was wasting my time with rules and manipulations, they were out.

Just adding a masculine bit to what you've just said: if one is just looking for a fun time, why bothering with phone calls, it's a waste of time, just go out, there are plenty of girls willing to go home with you.

But if you are looking for serious relationships, following shesus advice is a good way to go. My relationship is solid as a rock and there's no games or manipulations on it, of course love plays a really important part... (crap, my percentage of virility just dropped a whole bunch... :D)

The 3 day rule and other similar "etiquette" rules were invented to help desperate losers who don't know their ass from their elbow, and need some kind of hard-and-fast mechanism to stop them from calling 15 times the day after they manage to meet a girl and through blind luck get that phone number. I think it's in the right spirit of things, however...

The fact is, if you are a desperate loser, it will only delay her realising this for a little bit longer. If you are a confident, sorted guy who has his own life going on, it will come across that way no matter when you call.

Once, a guy called me ten minutes after I left a club. He said, "Hey, I know they always say you should wait 3 days and all that shit, but I'm not interested in playing games - I am interested in seeing you again. I'm working tomorrow, but I'm planning to go see "

It was just his whole charisma and coolness about it... the whole vibe was, "I think you're a cool chick and yeah, I dig you, and I'm just going to say what most of the other wimps wouldn't dare say to your face." Very attractive.

I know, sweetness. :icare: :D

Personally, if I plan to wait 3 whole days, I'd forget by then :) I like to wait a day or 2, email her, then call the next day to chat. If the convo goes well, I'll ask her out the next time I call. One time, this gal emailed me twice before I called her, then asked me to dinner near the end of the call ;)

I think it should be a natural thing. I don't give out my phone number to just any guy, I'm pretty picky. If I like a guy enough to give him my number, then it means I clicked with him so I would love to hear from him the next day or the day after that. If I only got a call on the 3rd day I'd probably answer their call in a much colder tone than I would if they had called sooner, as that would mean they'd thought of me as much as I had thought of them.

Money advice.

Last girl's number I got, I droped in that I would call her that night, I met her based upon a school thing, but when that subsided, I got her phone number under personal pretenses. <- (is that the right term?)

She told me it would not be a good idea to call her that night and I agreed it would be too soon, so I called her two days later. When she picked up the phone she did not recognize my name and then the call disconnected. I called back and got an answering machine. I forgot if I left a message, but I did not get contact after that.

I figured she hung up on me and then sent me to voicemail when I called back.

I like Shanni's suggestion to ask when a good time to call would be and Daniel's agreement where the whole communication thing being so important.:rolleyes:

Great post :D This is just what I was thinking reading this thread.

Okay, I will take the other side of this.:)

I think the three day rule is effective if you are seeking a certain personality type. A woman that can't wait 3 days to hear from someone that they just met may be way needier, high maintenance, and clingier than a man may want to start a relationship with. If you are looking for a reasonable women who isn't ready to jump into an instant commited relationship (stalkers) then this is very effective. These type of women are usually attracted to a man who has some aloofness and mystery. Waiting more than 3 days can send the wrong message that you don't care or only want a booty call.

Also, you can warn her about being busy and you may not call for a couple days when you receive her number. If a girl can't wait 3 days how can she make a commitment for life anyway?

sorry, I have to argue with that..... Im one of the most unneedy, low maint, unclingy women you'll ever meet, and def not a stalker. IF you tell me I'll give you a call in a few days, then fine yes I dont mind waiting....but waiting 3 days just because of some stupid childish "rule" is inexcusable in my book

its not about the 3 day rule..sometimes us guys are just not in the right frame of mind with work commitments to call..doesnt amtter if there is 10,080minutes in a week really

So, is this first phone call supposed to have some psychological meaning? If you wait 3 days and she's interested, she won't be clingy. If she can't wait, she's too much work. What if she doesn't care if you call or not? Seriously, it's a phone number and 2 people...why do things have to be so complicated? Do you have rules about opening doors and who's on top first? Who initiates the tongue during the first kiss? Who takes their top off first? Ooo...What about who hangs up first? Oh my, that was a huge thing when I was 13. You hang up, no you, no you, blah. By 14 that was old.

I cannot say it enough...be mature, grow up. If you have to start a relationship on rigid rules and analyze everything, maybe you're the psycho...not the girl that isn't into the 3-day games.