What to say to girl you started seeing but is now talking about her boyfriend?
 

We went out a couple of times (coffee, then night in the city) a couple of weeks back after a week of phone-conversations after I met her at her work, and after not hearing from her for a week after the second date (and after me calling a couple of times), she apologizes for being MIA.

I was out of town for the following week and called upon my return, but now she emailed (she's a touch younger than I am, so I guess this is a valid way to respond to a phone call?) saying that she's overloaded with work and "can only see her boyfriend and friends" -- ??

So a couple of things:
- I'm not big on spending time/effort on a girl who tells me she's got a boyfriend...I wasn't looking for a friend in her, obviously...but I'm still interested in her if she wasn't dating this guy

- I obviously feel like I should respond to her email, but what would you say?

Thanks in advance everybody; it's been a while since I've dated.

Show her you don't care. She obviously isn't very interested, and even has a boyfriend anyway. You don't have to do ANYTHING if you don't want to. I'd just say "just call me if you want to hang out" or something. But it sounds to me like she is trying to get rid of you. Just play it cool.

Goodbye?


Since she said that she "can only see her boyfriend and friends", it seems to me that you don't even qualify for the "Friend Zone". Do you need that? I don't think so. Why waste any more time and energy over a woman that doesn't even consider you a friend?

If she tells you that she has a boyfriend, well that's the kiss of death right there. You can e-mail her back with the response that Redjake suggested, but don't sit around waiting for her to call.

first, to the posters above, me : word. this sounds like a dead-end.

as to how i'd respond, you said you met her at work. do you work closely together? did she say anything that led you to believe she was single? i mean, i realize y'all went out and etc, so that's implicit perhaps -but explicit statements are interesting as well. at this juncture, i definately wouldn't get all worked up over this - but as to whether i'd actively call her bs or just let her float away depends on when i'll see her again, how often i'll see her, and what went down and what was said.

it all seems quite mixed message but she was definitely explicit about being single when i talked to her last.

i did was redjake suggested and obviously am letting it go. oh well!

i think the biggest thing for me is perhaps the slight realization that i don't understand these younger women (i've got 6 years on her)...it just seemed all good, not moving too fast but just getting a feel for each other, and then this email.

also, i don't work with her, thankfully, but she works weekends at the bagel place i go to so i suppose i'll have to see her on sat/sun. she might've gotten between me and cash for a night out but she's not getting in between me and my breakfast :-) thanks everybody

Get her drunk and do her in the back seat of your car.



That being said. Walk away.

pigglet: good call, way to go.

macmanmike6100: If she's got a thing with her boyfriend that they see other people, and you only got 2 dates, move along... you're running against a strong incumbent. If she doesn't, then you've been dating a liar and a cheater. Either way, your time with her is done- move along.

I'm totally confused. Did she know that you were on a date?

Anyway, I'm of the opinion to just let it go. Sounds like she's trying to play games. That is, unless you like games.

haha yes, i'm sure she knew we were on a date. however (and this should've raised a flag), she did mention that there was some guy-related drama "but I'm single"

anyway yes it's been let go of. you're right -- maybe she's trying to play me, and i usually like games, but not really of the sort where, well, <i>she has a boyfriend</i>

Maybe a simple return email of, "Oh, I didn't know you had a boyfriend. I'll leave you alone." Might get the point to her that you felt mislead, and you are done with her.

I like this suggestion.

God, I don't miss being single. At all.

Respond with:

"Well, my wife doesn't really like me seeing other women either."

Not really, just do what you feel is best, but I do like Tooth's approach. Succinct and true.

Leave.

Do Not Pass Go.

Do Not Collect $200.

i like vanblah's response! i could've been more direct than "just call me if you want to hang out" but i guess i made too hasty a response. regardless, curious as i am, it'll be interesting to see how obliviously she acts when i get breakfast this weekend (as she works there)

I'd suggest to not be so spiteful. It doesn't really help the situation. Being spiteful gives the other person ammo, in that they can say you were the one being an asshole. Plus, there's always the chance that there was just a misunderstanding as to what the situation was.

It does seem like she's toying with you, though. She's probably not good news.

Seriously, she's indirectly telling you that she isn't interested.

I didn't think it would be spiteful at all.[SHRUG] I just thought it would be a quick way of getting everyone on the same page without accusing anyone of anything.

I don't see it as spiteful either (although I suppose it could be, sure). I see this as a way to call her on it, while being cool and backing off.