Sensation problems
 

my girlfriend and i are having...sensation issues. we're not having sex (she's a very proper girl, no sex before marriage type girl) but when we get physical (to be specific, dry humping and grinding while making out) she tells me she doesn't feel appropriate sensation, or enough, down under. she doesn't know what exactly is causing this lack. honestly i don't either. We really do love each other and she always goes nuts whenever we're making out and stuff. she basically pounces on me the moment we're behind closed doors.we have loads of chemistry, we're all over each other all the time. but i think it might be a psychological problem. she often tries to convince herself that what we do sometimes is inappropriate, so i think it's possible that she's thinking too much about what we do and thus not getting turned on as much as she wants to. she is also concerned that it could be an issue in us working out in the long run, which i honestly don't think is a problem.

so my question is, what do we do about this lack of sensation? how do we address it? can we fix it?

Yall are only kissing, why does she need to be wet?

Women have a larger problem detecting how aroused they are "down there" than men do.

Mainly because men's arousal is pretty damn obvious. :)

Does she check with her finger, and find she is dry? Or does she just not notice if she is wet or not?

Could be her conscience - there's a pretty fine line to walk and if in the back of her head she's wondering if she's crossed it, that is going to be a BIG time mood killer. If her head's wrapped around something else, that's gonna take from any pleasure she might actually be able to feel.

Well, I think you have to reinforce to her that you two are only going to go so far, that you understand where she wants to stop, and that she doesnt have to worry that you are wishing you could go further. It sounds like she's having some mental block issues, so the only thing I can suggest is that you talk about it and make her feel comfortable. If it turns out to just be a physical thing well that's a whole other thing. Are you just dry humping, or are you open to all varities of above-clothes touching?

When I'm first with a guy I get butterflys in my stomach sort of feeling. That eventually wears off as I become more comfortable but it doesn't mean I'm not turned on. She could be associating that stomach flutter with sexual excitement when it's not really the whole thing. Could just be she's more comfortable with you. Which would be a good thing. Try mixing things up and surprising her. See if she gets that feeling then. Talk to her about her feelings and if she's wet or not.

to clarify, we do all sorts of above-the-belt groping. and she does get wet. she just doesn't feel the sensation as much as she wants to. and while it isn't an issue yet, since we aren't having sex, she's worried that it could become a factor later.

Worrying about it is one sure way to make it a problem. Guys experience this all the time, but there's definitely such a thing as female performance anxiety.

My advice is that she should just relax and enjoy herself. She gets exactly as aroused as she needs to in order to do what you're doing right now. You can deal with "later".... well, later.

It's all in her head. How does she know she isn't aroused enough if she's not even being touched, teased, etc down there? Tell her to relax and just let the feeling flow.

i think it's only mental problems. try going somewhere out of town as this might get her mood going or, surprise her on something. hope this helps

I am confused…what is the standard she is comparing your frolicking too? You guys are dry humping, that’s not exactly conducive to orgasmic hotness.

My prescription to this lack of sensation would be your tongue and/or a Hitachi Magic Wand.

Have fun!

She doesn't feel anything because her clothes are still on. The outside parts of a woman's nethers are not sensetive to much, unlike a man, who is lucky to have external genitalia.

When all you are doing is kissing and humping, don't expect her to feel anything at all. That she gets wet from this at all means she finds YOU very arousing, and you should be flattered, but it should not in any way be expected that she feel "sensations" beyond just a hard thing rubbing her pants.

new development

ok well we've moved on to me gettin my hands involved down under. however, she's pretty ignorant about how her own body works. in other words she's actually never masturbated or anything. she doesn't know what will get her off. i told her to use her own hands, find what works, and then direct me to what works as well. unfortunately, she says she feels lots of pain when she puts her finger inside. she wanted me to try as well, and she had the same pain when i started fingering her. when i tried different things with my fingers, she said it felt good, but the pain was also there, which basically turned her off, understandably.

i know that sometimes when a girl loses her virginity, she bleeds because her vagina is too tight or soemthing like that...is this kinda the same thing?

I'm no doctor, but unless the cherry wall is closer than a finger will go, maybe that could be painful. I don't know. But, being fingered before popping the cherry shouldn't be painful, IMO. 'Course if you have fingers the size of a penis, it might hurt. :D

I'm not making light of this Newt, but IMO.......she shouldn't be hurting unless you are fingering too deep.

Fingering her doesn't mean you have to jam them in there. Do something else first, like rub her clit.

that's why i'm confused. i'm not being clumsy or rough. i'm certainly not fingering her deeper than a penis would go, and i'm a pretty lanky guy so i definitely don't have "sausage fingers" if you get my meaning.

Okay, this is something that drives me nuts. I normally don't post in sexuality, but I feel that I need to now. The point of using your fingers isn't to use them as if they were a penis. I hear from people and read about someone just inserting a finger or two and pounding away at a girl, and you know what that does? Pretty much nothing. That's totally pointless. You use them because they have more dexterity and you could get to exact spots that will stimulate her better. All you need is one finger, very little movement, and the ability to multitask.

Have her lay on her back, have your palm facing up, insert your index finger, and curl your finger upwards. That's the spot you want. It'll be slightly rough. Then rub your finger in a circular motion, bring your hand back and forth only about an inch, or a combination of the two, all the time doing it gently with a little pressure. As you go, increase the speed and pressure slightly. You are now left with one free hand and your mouth/tongue. One should be used on her clit, the other, just be creative. Either lightly touching or licking everywhere still within reach. Thighs, stomach, and breasts being places that tend to work really well. Just experiment, and above all else, HAVE FUN! That's the key.

And if she's that nervous about it, pick your head up every so often and let her know how great she is and how much fun you're having. Just like men, women can psyche themselves completely out of it for various reasons. A lot of times it's either because they're self conscious or they're worried that you aren't enjoying yourself because you're not being stimulated. So just remind her that you are having fun, you're doing this because you want to and because you enjoy it. Keep her at ease.

Another thing, don't go diving straight down. Take your time and tease. GO SLOW!!! Whether it starts with a kiss that leads to kisses and licks trailed as you make your way down her body or whatever you decide to do, make sure to take your time. Don't go rushing everything. As you get more experieced with being with her, you'll learn each spot that really works well for her and you'll know what will work and what won't.

Wow, for someone who never posts in this part of the forum, I had a lot to say. :)

Spectre, will you marry me?


For someone that never posts, that post was PERFECT! :D

dear spectre....ff you need a lady to personally show this technique to former newt, I'll volunteer! *wink*wink* Your method is one I happily remember from high school...

As the happy recipent of this particular move many times over the summer, I have to say... Indeed, Spectre is as good at this as he sounds ;) :suave: ... I know from personal experience that if done as he notes in his post... this will get you off multiple times any time of the day.

I have to say thank you spectre for posting this for all the guys out there (and girls if you've got a girlfriend). I hope you all take notes on this one, because it'll give your girl as many orgasms as she can handle and is certainly something all good lovers should memorize and have handy at any time (pun intended) :)

sweetpea

From what I've learned so far (constant learning process, you women are!) try to make it a complete experience as much as possible. You're not fingering her or going down on her...the two of you are being intimate. This might help her overthinking the 'dirty' stuff you're doing. Its about expressing the feelings you have for each other physically.

Really get her into it. When you're kissing start touching her anywhere there is skin (e.g. the neck, face, hands, arms, etc.). She should be enjoying her self quite a bit now.

Now start to find skin to touch whilst kissing her neck and jaw line. Put your hand on the inside of her shirt staying to her back and sides until you get the signal from her that shes doing pretty well

**Note: All of this requires that you pay attention to her. Stop hip thrusting into her leg and listen and watch. You'll see/hear when you're doing the right thing. believe me.***

Its just natural progression after this. Mostly just be gentle and slow. Make your way to her breasts and just cup them for a while before you start squeezing them gently and playing with her nipples.

A lot can be done with teasing too. When you're touching her put just a finger in her waistband. Get her comfortable with you being there and then go just a tiny bit further.

Its also not where you're touching but how. There are subtle but significant differences between a light touch (tickle?) and a hard grab (you're fucking hot I want you now.) Some women love to be manhandled and others like to be treated a bit more lightly.

Being a guy the chances are you're comfortable getting it on....its her you have to be aware/concerned about. eventually you'll have her coming on your hand and in your mouth. Be patient and talk a lot. You'll be ok!

Jesus I didn't realize that was so long...

To me it sounds like she doesn't know what she's supposed to be feeling, ya know? I think it would be great for her to do some research about male and female anatomy, what happens during sex, etc and then start to explore her own body to find out what feels good. YOU DON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY!! As for the pain, I know that at first things can be a little uncomfortable, I mean, nothing has been in there before! Unless it's a shooting or sharp pain, I wouldn't be too worried about it. It wouldn't hurt though for her to go and have a complete physical and address these concerns with her doctor and have everything down below checked out. Also, if you're going to finger her, follow what spectre has said. So many guys have no clue what to do with their fingers, they end up jamming them in and it ends up hurting and/or being completely useless. I don't blame this totally on guys though, girls need to speak up and say, hey maybe try this instead. Communication is key. Anyways, keep us posted!