Going down on a girl (advise a beginner)
 

Been dating a really sweet girl (damn cute too... not sure how I got so lucky) for about a month and a half. We have sex regularly (she being my first), but have not gotten around to oral. I've never done so, but would like to try it on her to mix things up a bit.

I remember an awesome how-to on the subject posted on this board a while back, but it seems to have dropped off the end, and I have not been able to find a similar guide despite my numerous searches.

So my request is thus: guidelines on going down on a girl, or links to any useful pages.

Thanks in advance.

Time to live up to your name, eh? I wish I had access to my first post on this, I was really proud of it. I'll try to lay it down....
1) Don't be nervous. There really isn't a wrong way to do something of this nature, there are only different styles that evolve depending on the giver and the reciever. As you have more and more experience, you'll undoubtedly develope your own technique.

2) This is about one thing: pleasure. As you've had sex before, you probably have at least a vague idea of how she reacts when she is feeling pleasure. Look for the signs, and make a note of what she enjoys. If she likes fast, horizontal movement, remember to throw that in the mix next time. If she likes slow, circular movement towards the clitorus, then remember to use it later.

3) Pretend your tongue is doing yoga: try as many differnt movements and positions as possible. I've noticed from personal experience that a great variation of movement can be more than the sum of it's parts. If you can twist your tongue, try it. If you can move it quickly, try it. If you can make your tongue into a vibrator, do it.

4) You need to familiarize yourself with the different nerve clusters in the area. I'll find a link to pictures when my 2 year old daughter leaves the room. There are dozens of different locations that have different responses or effects. Think of it this way. If you were going to Germany on vacation, wouldn't you study a map first to find out the best places?

5) Don't be afraid to ask her what she likes.

Best of luck, and enjoy.

Oh, and try not to sneeze.

Fear not, young padawan ... the text below is taken from a thread I started a while back:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=79241

Oral sex is fantastic. It's no secret that 99% of all guys love getting good head (the other 1% is lying), but it's certainly unfair that many of the same fellas don't know the first thing about going down on a woman. I've learned a few things over the years about the art of going down - stuff I wish I knew from the start - which I'd like to share here.

I don't claim to be some guru because my opinions are, obviously, a reflection of the women I've dated. That being said, I invite any female advice, insight or criticism about this article.

Men, if you’re going down on a woman for the first time, the first thing to know is that most (but not all) women are more nervous and self-conscious than you are - so be patient, supportive and take your time. With a new girlfriend, it helps to have a gradual escalation - don’t just dive for the clit frantically like a fumbled football. By being slow at first you can both relax while you make mental notes about what she seems to enjoy. As with all sexual acts there’s no one “right” way to do things.

Below I’ll describe the first time I went down on an ex-girlfriend and make additional notes along the way. I’ve numbered parts just to make it easier to read - Don’t follow this like some kind of “recipe."

1. After a good session of petting and foreplay I placed myself comfortably between her legs at the edge of the bed with her thighs around my shoulders caressing the outside of her hips with my hands. I kissed her inner thighs softly and brushed her with my cheeks (Obviously, don’t do this if you have stubble). This might have gone on for 2 minutes or 15 minutes - I really can’t remember. By being gentle and slow I was heightening her senses, eventually making her very sensitive to any touch (Guys, just think of how it feels to have a woman’s soft hair fall over your stomach as she prepares to give you head).

2. As she relaxed I let her feel my breath on her pussy but I avoided touching it. Then I started to play and stroke he pubic fur softly and slowly with my fingertips. (In my experience this can be very effective at heightening a woman’s senses) I kissed her pubic hair just above her pussy while wrapping my arms around her thighs and hips. *She’ll often tell you what feels good in the way she moans (...unless she’s faking, of course)

3. I spread her thighs gently and gave her superficial kisses all over her outer pussy. (The operative word here is “superficial.”)

4. Up until this moment I kept everything “dry”- (i.e. no tongue, no spit.) Then, without warning, I let the tip of my wet tongue drag once from the bottom of her pussy to the top of her clit. This sudden, unexpected warm, wet and soft violation made her gasp with excitement. You can also try licking from her asshole to her clit. This one can drive a woman wild - I’ve only had positive reactions to that one, but maybe I’ve just been lucky.

*When you do this make a mental note of where you felt the clitoris. This is especially helpful if you happen to be in the dark. As silly as it sounds I find it useful to “index” the site by keeping my finger just north of this spot so I can find it quickly without fumbling around.

5. I then started circling her “inner lips” with my tongue.

*I should mention that I used to do “tongue exercises” in private. The tongue is a muscle so I practised stretching it out as far as possible to increase its reach. I also practised moving the tip of my tongue in smaller and smaller circles for extended periods of time and practised making it wiggle up and down for as long as possible. The important part is learning endurance and breathing without drooling. I’m sure I’m not the only guy who has ever done this. Believe me, it’s worth the time and effort!

6. I inserted my tongue deeper into her pussy making circles all the way.

*Some men have a problem with a woman’s “smell.” I guess I’ve been lucky because I’ve always found a woman’s private scent and taste to be delightful. If you’re not used to it, then I advise you to GET used to it! When you’ve done that you can then learn to LOVE it.

*Don’t slobber all over her pussy. Maybe there’re some women who actually like this but I never met one. In short, plan to be doing more swallowing than spitting. If you like the way she tastes then you’ll want to swallow as much of her as you can and make her cream as much as humanly possible. There’s nothing more exciting than when you’re both worked up in a frenzy - she’s grinding herself into your face and you’re hungrily sucking and lapping away! (But watch those teeth!)

*It’s important to discuss your approach to the clit. This is one area where women are completely different from one another. Some women love to have their clit teased and sucked (one girl liked to have it lightly bitten!) while some women are so sensitive you can only apply indirect pressure. First of all, there’s your basic anatomy. The clit is covered by a “hood” of flesh. It’s always nice to start by placing a finger at one side of the clit just north of the “hood” applying pressure downward to her pelvis - this motion will cause the clit to rub against the side of your finger through the hood and even emerge (each woman is built differently so your results may vary). You can vary the amount of pressure and speed of that motion to get a good idea of how sensitive she is. You’ll soon learn that you can reveal the clit by gently pinching the area around it making the hood retract and causing the clit to rise like a cherry on a sundae. In my experience the women I’ve dated liked this better than if I tried to pry her open like a stuck elevator door (ladies, please correct me if I’m wrong). One way to play with a woman’s clit is to rub it through the hood placing a finger to either side. You can then apply a “rolling” motion or a rhythmic squeezing motion. There are a whole variety of ways to rub a clit, both dry and wet. I'll leave that for you to learn for yourself.

*You’ll also discover that an individual woman is capable of a greater variety of sensations in her little clit than you are with your big ol' cock. But, for heaven’s sake, don’t try to make her to explain it to you because she may not know it herself. More often you’ll find it’s something you need to discover together. The feeling she gets from being licked at the bottom of the clit is somewhat different than flicking it from the top... and that’s just for starters. I can write another page on the subject, but the best way is to experiment and explore it yourselves.

7. I next tried a number of different “motions” with her. I can’t recall exactly which ones I did - I usually “shuffle” around the “menu” depending on what she seems to enjoy. Some basic ones are listed below: (I won’t tell you all my “tricks” because some of them aren't easy to describe - besides, I’d be nuts to reveal my best “secrets.” But as long as you remember the basics, you can experiment and make your own repertoire over time).

-Insert your fingers in her pussy and rub the “front wall.” On most women you can find a spot there that drives her wild. You can’t always feel anything but you’ll have to sense her reaction to find it. Your finger should be moving in a “come here” gesture. (Don’t be alarmed if you can’t find the spot. Each woman is different) As she gets more excited then you can use your tongue on her clit at the same time. As long as you did a good job at working up to this moment most women will come easily this way (...but what’s the rush?).

*when you lick a clit learn how to make little circles with the tip of your tongue. You can also try a light rapid up-and-down flicking motion. Sometimes you’ll want to use your lips, too, but you ought to learn to do everything with just your tongue.

-Try applying pressure with the bridge of your nose against her clit while you lick her inside. Some women love this.

-Try inserting a finger in her ass while licking her pussy. You’re taking a chance here. A third of women love it. Another third can’t stand it (potentially ruining the moment). And a third of women will just tolerate it. *As a side note: Anyone who hasn’t discovered the pleasure of rimming doesn’t know what they’re missing!

-You can try 69ing but your technique is going to be much different. I’m sure there are some finer points, but I confess I don’t 69 very often. I prefer going down completely on a woman.

-If your girl is multi-orgasmic then you’ve got it made. You can make her come orally then fuck her while she’s starting to get her breath and work her up to her next orgasm while fucking her. You can’t do this with every woman. One good, strong orgasm seems to be enough for most of the women I’ve known.

-If you know how to use your hands you can drive some women crazy by playing with their clit while fucking her simultaneously. I especially like doing this from behind. Here’s one point that I can’t emphasise enough. If your lady is approaching an orgasm DON’T even THINK about changing your motion, rhythm or (heaven forbid!) stopping. I repeat - DON’T STOP! I don’t care if your hand or tongue is starting to cramp or numb. Continue non-stop as if you were swimming for dear life toward a life raft. Believe me, there’s nothing worse than spoiling a woman’s orgasm. This advice may save your life some day! Some of you guys know what I’m talking about.

As cheezy as it sounds don’t forget to have fun. If you approach it like a chore you’re only going to make it worse for her. Done correctly, this should be something you both enjoy. And try something new each time you go down on her.

It’s definitely worth the effort to learn to do it right and to keep learning because it never becomes rote. I’m always discovering new things only because I like to try new things. For me it’s a special turn-on when you both discover something weird and new. Frankly, some of the most incredible blowjobs I’ve ever had in my life happened right after I went down on a woman and made her come first.

I love it when a woman has a strong orgasm. I love the way her body spasms uncontrollably and the way her pussy contracts over and over again. I love taking in the flood of juices that follow. I love the unexpected squeals and sounds she makes. And I especially love the way her body seems to “hum” afterward when she is resting relaxed in my arms.

I haven't talked about this with anyone before so I'm open to alternative opinions, insights or corrections.

Well, I posted this site somewhere else on here but it applies here as well.
This page specifically: http://www.clitical.com/how-to/lick.php, and I would consider most of the rest of the site a must read as well.

I don't entirely agree with this, while yes, a girl wants to get her rocks off as much as the next guy, sometimes bringing her to the brink and then cold turkey stopping - going back to kissing around, nipple play ect, often results in a much stronger orgasm when you return to the previous...task. It requires a pretty good read on your girl (this depends on your partner a lot as well) to be able to stop just shy though.

Longbough... wow... I'm completely amazed by the detail and knowledge of your post. :thumbsup: Bravo, from at least one female TFP member here!

There isn't really much to say after that. But I will refer you to a great book that my boyfriend picked up when he was at the very same place as you... just getting started with going down. It has served him (and me) well. :crazy: It's great that you are so willing to learn more! Awesome.

She Comes First, by Ian Kerner.

Longbough summed up a lot, but the book is pretty helpful, too. Great illustrations of just how big the clitoris really is (it extends throughout the pubic area, actually) and what you can do for it. :)

I'll second Longbough on the "don't change anything" part... for a woman, coming is like going up a big roller coaster hill before cresting (the kind where you chug slowly up to the top). If there's any hesitation or change in pace, the whole coaster just slides back to the bottom, or a few notches down if you're lucky. The woman has to "start over" again, in terms of sensations. Yeah, I guess some women might like that, but for me it can be frustrating when I just wanna come! :)

And yes, make sure you find out whether or not your girl likes direct contact on her clitoris. For me, I prefer my clit to be one of the last things that gets touched... I don't really get wet/turned-on from attention to my clit, right off the bat. Touching/kissing has to be all over my body before anything in my genitals warms up. :)

Anyway, good luck!! Let us know how it goes. :)

Well I didn't have the the nice availability of the internet when I learned. When it comes down to it, try these tips... but dont rely solely on them.

Women aren't fighting games, you can't just go in and hit the same combos and expect every woman to cum the same.

Slowly try new things, if she likes it... you'll know. If she doesn't, usually they'll twist their hips in a way to show you the light. When you find something she likes, keep doing it... don't change.

If she pushes her hips into you, put more pressure on the hips. If she pulls her hips away concentrate on her tips and lay off the clit for a while.

And well... if you have to hold hips cause her thrusting is about to break your neck... keep doing whatever it is you were doing.

Some pretty good advice for you right there man. My advice, is read the tips on here, but remember, you are trying to please your girl, so you need to be passionate about it, you shouldnt go down on her as if you were going to read a "how to" book, you should just go down there and with your feelings please her as passionately as possible. If your girl is vocal she will let you know what feels good....

The best advice? Try a few things, then ask what she liked most, then try some more and so on and so on... you arent going to be the god of cunnilingus on your first at bat, so give it a few swings, you know?

I'd also recommend that book. I bought it while my girlfriend was out of town, and she was in for a pleasant surprise when she got back. I tried out some of the techniques from the book, and it blew her away. She was amazed that I learned all of that from a book.

A more personal tip:

If you have to spread her to get to her clit (and you will, a little) don't do it too far. I had one guy just totally pull me apart, and it hurt. Don't spread her open like in porn; it doesn't feel good.

Make sure you do not have a cold sore!!!!!!! If you have one, she is going to get herpes down there and she will not like that.

Get some good quality lesbian porn. Seriously. The kind where they're all sensual and caring and wanting to get each other off, not the shitty ones with two girls just licking pussy until the check clears.

SapphicErotica is a good site for those.

Seriously. Watch good quality lesbian porn. Watch how they do it, and actually pay attention to the technique. I'm totally serious.

And yeah, as snowy said, don't pull her apart. But in most quality lesbian pornos, they won't do that.

Many of you may laugh, but that was my first self-initiated sexual education. I decided if I was going to learn how to do it right, i'd watch lesbians do it to learn the technique. And I will brag here- I'm fucking awesome at it.

Holy Shit Longbough ........... you know the clit the clit well. Are you single? :thumbsup:

The two single most important points in your post. Well said. Made me hot just reading it...;)

This is awsome guys.

Some extra goodies...for beginners and all...

Arouse your girl extesivelly. Take your time to pet and tease. A wonderful indicator of her state is to find ticklish areas on her body (inside of thight or that sexy indintation on the inside of her hipbone)...if you can kiss them lightly without her bursting into giggles...she'll be begging you to go down on her...which, by the way, is also a great sign.

Don't apply too much preasure. You would be amazed at how light a touch can cause a woman to orgasm. Infact you can overstimulate to the point where she will go kind of numb and not be able to orgasm.

Start by being creative...explore, have fun and play with her. Finish with rythmic steady motions. I find side to side motions with the tongue to be very effective. I also find the underside of the tongue to work well very well...it's much smoother.

One of the better possitions is with her on the edge of the bed while you crouch on the floor. Place one of her legs over your shoulder and wrap your arm around it placing your hand on her pelvis. This is actually pretty important.
- With some girls the hood will get pulled over the clit just prior or during orgasm which can really throw you of. Use your hand to gently tug and pull the hood up.
- A suprising many women tense up their abdominal muscles prior to orgasm, which prevents proper breathing. If you feel her tense up rub her pelvis/stomach and ask her to relax. Her orgasms will be much deeper in a relaxed state with proper breathing.
- Later you'll find other uses for that hand ;P

Most girls will be very sensitive after a clitoral orgasm to the point where they won't let you lick it. Come up and do other things, in the mean time, cover her pussy with your hand, applying slight, indirect preasure on her clit with a finger. Sometimes this extends her orgasm. The fun isn't over, you can go back down in a little while.

Yah...that about covers newbie tips.

Oh one more thing...as with sex it's best to focus on energy and emotion rather then technique.

Have fun :)

You deserve a fucking medal for that. I believe that may be the funniest thing I've ever read here. :)

longbough: That was exactly the post I was thinking of. Thanks a million. I'll let you all know how it goes.

While back in highschool I was the jock... I had a lot of nerdy friends. I got used to making analogies to stop them from taking the same methological approaches to women they took to games and math.

I'm certainly no expert on this subject, so I won't pretend to offer any tips. However, I know from my own personal experience that the trickiest part of the experience can be overcoming one's initial resistance. Unless you can do that, no amount of tips on how to "get down to business" will help.

The obvious concerns are smell and taste, and these two factors obviously vary depending on the girl. I resisted going down on my lady for some time because I would get close but then be slightly repulsed and too uncertain as to whether I could stand the sensations. Once I finally swallowed my doubt, though, and just went for it, I found that she was practically tasteless.

Also, having her take a shower beforehand helps immensely in that department, (and serves as great foreplay, too).

One might think so.
But that's what I thought a long time ago when I was young and inexperienced. I brought my girlfriend to the very brink of coming then ..... stopped completely. Her eyes widended in a combination of disbelief and fury (as if to say "I can't believe you fucking did that!" )... that et tu Brute expression I will never forget. I tried to explain to her but she just rolled over to sleep and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

I asked subsequent girlfriends in advance about the idea of "stopping." I haven't met a single girl who liked the idea. It seems with women, building to an orgasm is like constructing a 5 foot tall house of cards. If you destroy it just before it's done ... you might not want to bother with even trying it again that night.

With us guys it's different. Stopping an orgasm often does guarantee a stronger one to follow. Why do you think there's so much advice about stopping male "premature ejaculation?" But there's no advice (or even inquiry) about stopping a female "premature" orgasm. That's because women aren't built like us. After an orgasm a guy feels spent. But many women feel energized or more intimate after they come.

One ex-gf said it best: "If you tried that with me even ONCE ... I will KILL you ... and you will have deserved it. You've been warned."

yep.
100% single at the moment.

I agree with Long. The only girl I've ever known that actually likes this is a girl that could orgasm off of pretty much anything. After 20 seconds of oral she could cum. Because she was so used to cumming, me teasing her would cause her to have huge ones when I finally got her to.

That, however, is the only time I've had a woman who did not, at least, get frustrated by me doing it. While I've never had a girl threaten to kill me, I have gotten a lot of angry "What are you doing?!?"

Yep, very good description. As I said earlier, it's like chugging up a huge roller coaster hill... ratcheting up a tiny step at a time, to the point where it starts to crest and go over the hill and down fast. If the roller coaster mechanism stops/changes/lets go of the cars at any point before the top... it all slides down to the bottom and starts over. Not so much fun for the woman when that happens, and then it ends up taking more work on the guy's part to keep his tongue and fingers active down there.

For example, I often have 3-4 approaches to an orgasm before the final one crests, because each time there will be some miniscule change that sets me back to zero... I have to stay very aware of my abdominal and kegel muscles in order to hold on to the level I've reached and not slip back down if something changes. I get one hell of a workout, I'll say that!

Also, I don't know if this is true for other women, but my orgasms are much faster and more intense when I have something to pull myself up to. E.g. the headboard on the bed... if I can grab onto that and put a strain on my abdominals during oral, it's much more intense for me. Then again, I was always the girl who got horny from climbing the rope in junior high... :lol:

I can remember rope climbing! I think all boys and girls had their first genital arousals back then. And I think the teachers knew it too!

You could maybe switch from the clit to the G-spot and back without losing too much ground. Leaving the pussy alone and going to the titties could get you killed!

My sweetie is a squirter and when she comes, you want to get the fingers out and just rub the clit so she can spray your face. That's my reward!

I haven't seen an ex in around a year and a half or so, and she's flying into town this next weekend so on a whim I picked up She Comes First, so I'll have a review next Thursday on whether it was a worthwhile purchase :thumbsup:

I've gotten 'DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING STOP' before, does that count?

I've always wondered what my girl would do if I said that after she takes a break while giving me oral. Something tells me it wouldn't end well.

it always strikes me taht women get away with so much more in bed than men do... *sigh*

I like your roller coaster analogy, too. It's a very good description. Sometimes it helps to "paint a picture" for us guys to understand.

That's life ... they've got the upper hand on us in many ways ... life ain't fair ... just gotta live with it.

Really? I think it's all about perspective. There is nothing malicious there. Why cant you say that to a girl?


Abaya, as I recomended earlier. Try relaxing...instead of tensing up to climax. Really relax, focus on your breathing...the consensus here is that the orgams is deeper and may last longer that way.

I like reading this thread ........ it's proving quite a turn on ........... keep it cumming (pardon the pun) :lol:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i3...im_naughty.gif

Well, my first attempt was a great success, got an awesome reaction from her.

Was forced to stop and start over once, though, when my equally-drunken roommates banged on the door wanting to say good night, despite my calls of "piss off!"

Even still, it was a hell of a time. Thanks for all the tips.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i3...onApplause.gif

terrific!

I remember my first real "compliment" after I went down on my gf. She had her orgasm and was content, disoriented and smiling for a few minutes. Then she opened her eyes and rolled on top of me to look at me face to face and asked, "Where the heck did you learn that?"

I'm happy things are working out!

:thumbsup: Holy crap Longbough ............. you've gotta be orally gifted!!

So have any of the ladies present got anything to add? Good, bad or indifferent oral sex they have had recently? Perhaps some things NOT to do as well...

savvypup, I wasn't trying to boast. Sorry, if I gave that impression. I don't think I'm world-class or anything. I believe my gf was surprised only because she wasn't expecting it. Maybe it's because I don't seem like "that kind of guy." I don't think I'm much better than any other motivated fella can be if he just gave it a little thought and effort.

I give credit to girls who love to learn how to deep throat and/or swallow cum. The way I see it, I'm just returning the favor.

For the fellas out there, when you make a girl come first it just lets her know that her pleasure is important to you and that you're not just trying to get to your orgasm. You ought to let her know it. That same gf I mentioned in my last post really went out of her way to show her appreciation ... I'll leave the details out for now but let's just say she trusted me to try anything together without hesitation.

It's surprising to discover how many women never had decent oral sex before. If you're the first guy to "do it right" you're a "keeper" for her. As we know, a woman who gives good head is a "keeper" for us men, too.