Wife is changing after 10 years of Marrage.
 

My wife bought something called "Bac-os Bits". I pretty much love bacon, she knows it, and I thought those "Bac-os Bits" were little bite sized peices of bacon for those occations when people who love bacon are running short on time. I chucked a handful in my mouth before I realized that those "Bac-os Bits" are not real bacon.

I read the label, they are some kind of a vegitarian thing. There was nothing close to meat or meat by-products listed on the ingrediaents list. We have been married for over 10 years and I have never, absolutly never gave my wife any indication that I was dissatisfied with real bacon, now she's buying "Bac-os Bits".

I looked through the rest of the refrigerator and I saw something called "Boca Burgers", we normally use fresh ground beef for burgers, so this was odd. I read the package and again-no meat. Why would anyone want a burger with no meat?

I think she is having an affair.

I bet she is seeing some skinny metro-sexual vegitarian or something. She probably met this guy at her finger nail place, she told me once about "guys" going there to get their nails done. When she said that, I chuckled- but perhaps this what these "guys" do to hit on married women.

I don't know what to do. Should I confront her about the affair? Should I join her and try to enjoy some of these new things she is trying and ignore the affair for now? I need some advice. Thanks

Maybe your wife LOVES you!!!!


possibly she is concerned for your health after 10 years of marriage,
and doesnt want your arteries to explode.

Put some low-fat chocolate in the fridge, see what happens...

Dude if you find tofu under the sheets, you're done for.

Your logic is a bit faulty. Maybe she is worried about your health and is making subtle hints toward this by buying health food.

Instead of confronting her with this bizarre accusation of an affair, you should ask why she bought vegetarian products.

go get you nails done with her!!! Dave goes with me....he loves the part where they stick his hands in plastic mitts and spooge lotion in there and put his hands in the heated thing (kinda like a heating pad that fits over his hands) and I tell you one thing....I LOVE the way his hands feel on my skin after he's had it done :)

(it should be noted for those that dont realize it, Dave is as far from "metrosexual" as a guy can get lol)

as for the no meat thing...maybe, hopefully (nothing agains vegans) its a phase lol

Here's a question for you, why don't you ask her why she's trying to kill you?? If you've been married 10 years, and think just because she's changing a few items on the grocery list, that she's having an affair? I think your reasoning is flawed, and you are not giving all the details. Is she totally chaning the way she dresses too? Please talk with her and figure out what she's doing.

Um. She wants you to eat healthier, so you can live longer and she can cheat on you more?

Come on man she cares about you, just talk to her. Make a compromize to eat healthier and keep your bacon.

This is great. Reminds me of the Jonathan Swift piece.

You can't be serious? How have you gotten through 10 years of marriage if youre that paranoid?

You have got to be kidding me.

I can forgive a lot of things - but fake bacon???

I don't think a change in diet is a sign of an affair. Unless there is something else you are not saying here. I have been married 12 years and recently started weight watchers. I make my husband eat better along with me. Does that mean I am cheating on him? Far from it. I am doing it so I can be healthier and happier to be with him another 12 years or more.

Is there another reason you are concerned that she is having an affair?

Thanks for the input.

I read an article about how sudden changes in behavior is an indication of cheating. I was at the doctor office and it was a women's magazine, and it was telling women what to look for to see if a man is cheating I assume it applied both ways.

The reason I bring it up was based on how we used to joke about, people who didn't eat meat. I don't have a weight problem and she doesn't either. I always tell her how good she looks. She thinks every man likes those skinny models in magazines, but I tell her I like "healthy" looking women. I am wondering if she is looking for something I am not giving her.

A man changes behavior suddenly... like suddenly dressing nicer all the time... wearing colognes... cutting his hair differently than he ever has with no provocation...

...HE might be having an affair.

A woman, on the other hand, suddenly puts herself and her husband through a radical dietary change (towards the healthy side) without any provocation, means that she saw or read something about high cholesteral and people dying young of heart disease and high cholesteral, and decided she'd take your life into her hands.

Sudden, unprovoked changes in behavior in either sex CAN indicate cheating- but you're comparing behavioral apples and oranges. One is a sudden interest in being more appealing, the other is a sudden interest in a healthier diet. You really can't compare the two.

Just ask her why the hell she got rid of all the meat... and then tell her you'd rather die young with a cheeseburger in your hand and a smile on your face than old with a grimace and a refrigerator full of rabbit food.

Didn't he wear a skirt at your wedding?

Im going to ignore that statment!!! lol

If your wife started to work out like a man (wo?)man, cut her hair short, got manacures, and still did not have sex with you, that'd be a sign.

This is her caring about both of your bodies so you can live long and happy together.

Do you do the shopping with her? Have you seen the high price of meat these days? My SO has started buying plastic hamburgers just so the fridge looks full. Only thing wrong with these is that they squeek when you try to bite them:-)

As long as she still puts YOUR meat in her mouth, you're OK.

Honestly, it sounds like she's just growing as a person and trying new things. That's what emotionally healthy people do. Honestly, people get bored with doing the same old thing. And don't rely on magazines like Cosmo to understand human behavior. It will not help if your wife actually has a brain.

Maybe she's decided that Bac-O-Bits and Boca Burgers just plain old taste good. I like both of them myself.

Holy crap, this wasn't satire. I take back my previous post. Geez.

Read Analog's post again. And again, if necessary.
Give the changes a shot, if you can stomach them. Healthier isn't always yucky.

:)

:lol: well said!

Just ask her why there is vegetarian food in the house when you used to make jokes about that sort of thing before. Being direct is often the shortest way to get an answer.

I'd say that to jump from oh she's buying vegetarian food to oh she's cheating then is a bit far-fetched.

Amen to analog.... I thought this was a joke at first. I've never heard of such a seemingly benign thing being cause for worry about an affair. I'd just ask her what's up with all the new food.

shouldn't you be asking her why she made the changes?

maybe she's concerned about your health, and without having the conversation with you decided unilaterally to change it (not fair in my opinon.) But you two need to COMMUNICATE.

I'm with you Toaster, I thought it was a funny, joking post...oye.

To the OP: Yikes! People grow and change if they are healthy. If your wife of so many years decides to try new things in the bedroom, become a Burlesque performer, stops cooking, and spends a lot of time trying to figure out how to completely cover underwear in rhinestones, then you should be afraid. Because then you are likely married to me.

Listen, here's your chance to grow old with her, rather than just growing old.

The fact that so many of us thought your post was satire should clue you into how ridiculous you are being; to make the jump from Bac-o-bits to affair is pretty outrageous.

Take a heaping helping of fresh air, then talk to your wife. Sheesh.

Women's magazines say a lot in them, and if you follow all of their advice, you'll go bananas. That includes taking advice about whether your spouse is cheating or not. A vegetarian lifestyle has been favoured a lot these days, so maybe your wife is just catching up on eating trends. But to make an assumption that your wife is cheating based on her choice in food means you have a severe lack of communication.

Talk to your wife, and get her side of the story.

Hail Citizen!

I fear you are in grave danger.

Clearly your wife has been replaced by a simulacrum.
Look under the bed or in the back of the closet for the leathery husk of a discarded pod of unknown origin.
I bet meat is poisonous to her alien physiology.
Put a steak under the sheets and see what happens.
Good luck and whatever you do DO NOT talk to your wife.
She will only confuse you with unlikely explanations.

i thought it was a joke to. the jump in logic of (different groceries) to (affair) is so distant, i didn't even think they could be a correlation.

Anyways, in seriousness, my first assumption would be that she was trying to be a vegetarian on her own, while dragging you along in the process.

The only thing i could think of would be to spy on her, or just ask her about the change in groceries up front.

I thought about bringing my boyfriend's parents a bottle of wine when I visit them. Will they think I'm a pervert?

aceventura, I admit, it's me!! Don't be upset. She's had a loathing of meat-based products from the very beginning--she hid it because she loved you, but she can't hide her true self forever! You, yourself, are a meat-based product, which only made the whole thing harder for her to bear. I will be sending you a copy of Cosmo shortly that explains everything. I'm so sorry.

I was going to crack a joke about me slippin' her so much meat she wasn't capable of more real meat - but then I realized you were serious.

My wife would probably talk with me first - and explaining why she felt we should et veg.meat, but if I was as stubborn as my brother she would introduced it secretly, and then had a "real" introduction of it. When I (my brother) would say "Get this crap off my table" she would reply with a grin she's been feeding me this for three months :)

Just to repeat what most others say: Talk to her!
(If she goes "You have NO busines looking in the fridge"-defencive approach...you could be on to something :) )

First- I think I overreacted. Blowing off steam here was better than talking to my wife when I am overreacting. Again, thanks for your help.

Please understand that before my wife, I dated some women who where on yo-yo diets. I was tired of the mood swings, depressions over gaining a pound or two, the binge eating, them trying to tell me what to eat, etc. When I dated my wife she was normal about food and I told her that was one of the things I loved about her. I told her that I enjoy food and that I would never be interested in eleminating the foods I enjoy (I eat what I want, but I don't over eat).

I have a freind - his wife went on the "Atkins" diet about 4 years ago. She stopped eating, bread, pasta, pizza, sweets and basically anything with flavor. She lost about 20 pounds, they got seperated. He said she hated him when he would eat regular food in front of her, and that she lost her energy, and all she talked about was the diet and the color of the stips she used to determine how she was doing. Today she has gained back the weight and is almost back to eating normally, they never divorced and may get back together.

Anyway, I did talk to my wife. First she said she simply tried on of the "Boca Burgers" at a resaurant and liked it. When I asked about the "Bac-os Bits" she admitted that she was trying to loose a little weight and wanted to try the "Bac-os Bits" on salads. I reminded her of our friend and my past experiences. She said I did not have anything to worry about, that she would never go that far. After more talk about loosing weight we agreed to take a 1/2 hour walk after dinner every day.

Then I told her about the article I read and ask if she was having an affair or thinking about one. She said no. And she said she had read several articles on the subject. She kind of sarcastically asked if I was going to be more observant. I thought that was a cheap shot. But she said she was thinking about changing her hair color and cutting her hair short. I am very happy we talked before she did that. I like her hair color and her hair length. Then I asked why she wanted to make all these changes since I like her the way she is . She never really answered the question in a way I could understand. I think she is going through some kind of "mid-life" thing. I think I will have to help her through this.

Glad to hear that everything is ok... But I kinda see where your comming from.. some of those things are major red flags of potential infidelity.. But good for you for communicating and getting through it. I thinkt at many couples have horrible communication and a guy in your position would have just went off on her, and not believed a word she had to say....

Congrats...

The hair is on HEr head .. just because YOU like it one way, all the time, does not neccessarily mean that she does - sometimes changing this up keeps our lives interesting.

It is good that you talked with your wife. Keep that line of communication open.

About her changing her hair. It is her hair. You can tell her how you feel about it, but I would not recommend telling her what she can or cannot do with it. Sometimes people just want a change, they get tired of the same old same old. The hair is the easiest thing to change, and change back if she does not like it. Try to be supportive of whatever her decision is regarding her hair.

well, there's the trouble...
 

There's your problem right there, bud. Those rags are not even good for sopping up used motor oil...

Phil

First off - I have to say that you are a kind, concerned, sensitive man. This is so good to see. So few men show such concern and interest in their wives. you really love her, and seem willing to go to great lengths to keep her! I mean, really, you read women's magazines when they're handy, to try and understand how her mind works - this is a sign of true love/

It's so incredibly cute to me that you connected a change in diet with a possible affair. It's good that you brought your irrational thought here to a forum to hash out. You saw it as irrational - which is good, but you wanted to run it by someone. Awesome. It gave most of us a laugh or two, and provided a fun and silly way to relate to you. Sometimes the illogical side just wins out, and we need others to run it by to be sure we're not insane. Everyone has been there.

Oh, it's good to hear that the two of you have chatted. Sounds like you two have a healthy communication style.

About the potential hair change - Maybe she has just been watching some fun makeover TV shows, and she feels like she wants a little minor change. Women do this sort of thing a lot.

I'm glad that she warned you before she changed her hair color and hair length. Otherwise you might have been freaked out and worried that things were over for good! Now you know that it's nothing to be worried over.

Bac O' Bits are delicious. I love them on my salads! Boca Burgers are nummy, too. They do tend to be "Chick food" though, just make sure you get what you like, too.

I'm sure she's going through a period of minor - Fun! - changes. I think you'll have a lot of fun with it, too. Just make sure that you keep talking. And remember to tell her that you loved her the way she was before, the way she is now, and that you will always love her no matter what. There's nothing quite so reassuring.

Oh, you are so cute!

I'm glad you are communicating. However, I have to ask you to take yourself out of the situation for a second. Perhaps she is changing not because of you, but because of herself and what she wants? Maybe she simply wants to try on a new look and way of living, and it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.

You might like her "the way she is," but maybe she's tired of the way she is... and that should really be okay with you. It can be pretty constraining on a person if she's been "the way she is" for 10+ years... especially if it's just because you like it, and she's in the mood for a change. I apologize if I sound harsh, but I'm just saying that she's an individual and has a right to change certain things (especially tiny things, like her hair or salad condiments).

Embrace change, man! It puts hair on your chest (if you don't already have some). :D

And keep talking. :thumbsup:

You like her the way that she is right now and that's sweet... I'm sure a lot of people would be thrilled to hear that because it means you don't want to change them... but if the do make a change will you still like her? Maybe you'll like the new and improved version... if she makes a change it's something she's doing for her.. it might be a midlife thing - it might be she's bored with her current look - it might be that she just wants something different... (they wouldn't have hair colors in 1000s of shades if they didn't expect people to use them :)

Change isn't always bad.. (though fake bacon is bad... always..)

This is exactly what I tell my SO. It's my damn hair. I'll dye it a brighter shade of red if I want to. He's generally okay with it.

I have been married 6 years. Every now and then my wife comes home with her hair cut a new way. Or lets me know that we are changing the kinds of meals we eat at home for the heather. She also get new shoes nwo and agian. Makes me move the furncher and has even wanted a room repainted. None of this meens anything other then she wants things a little difrent.

On things that have a direct effect on me I ask for veto power but other then that she is her own person.

Enjoy your wife I hope after 10 years she wants a little change.

Clark

I'd just ask that the carpet match the drapes in some fashion ;)

Hardwood flooring solves that issue. ;)

Drapes? What drapes?

:D

It is painfully obvious that she is having an affair, and it is most likely a former college softball player with very short hair who drives a mini-SUV. You'll need to hack into the DMV computer system in your state and get a printout of everyone with a registered Honda RAV. Start at the nail salon, and begin a circular, sweeping search pattern of all the names and addresses on your list. Approach these individuals discretely, asking for directions to the local library, Home Depot, or brothel, something that won't elicit vigilance. The first one you encounter with tofu breath and buffed nails is your nemesis, and must be destroyed.

A lot of women go through the "oh my god my beauty is fading and i'm not as thin as I used to be" phase- and so do some men. Try reassuring her how attractive she is, remind her that cutting her hair or changing its style, or eating fake burgers won't make a difference, because she's already beautiful, sexy, whatever you want to say. A lot of this may just be her thinking she's losing attractiveness, feeling old, that sort of thing.

The "i'm getting old" process for men is usually much more profound, and potentially ridiculous... so be grateful, for the moment, that it's her and not you. lol

My wife died her hair a bright red two years ago. I don't know if she did it to get laid, but she certainly did get laid. So did I.

Is it possible that she was trying to get your attention? You said that she took a cheap shot at you, asking if you were going to become more observant. Maybe after 10 years you aren't "noticing" things anymore. Sometimes negative attention is better than no attention at all.

After bieng together so long she should know how you like a womans hair, and if she is suggesting changing it to something totally different, she might be trying to see if you still care.

Are you serious or are you bullshittin'? :hmm:

I was born in Arkansas (Pork Capital of the world) and mostly raised in the Chicago area (Beef center of the world). My grandmother lived on a farm, when my brother and I would visit my grandmother during simmer vacations as kids, she would butcher one of her hogs. Every morning we would go to the hen house get some eggs and have the best breakfast in the world. She smoked her own bacon, sliced it thick, and cooked it to perfection. Think about it - The smell, the fresh eggs, thick cut home smoked bacon, grits, waffles, fresh ice cold milk, every morning before going out and acting out the adventures of Huck Finn. Needless to say I have never had food as good as I had during those times - but to go from perfectly cooked thick cut home smoked bacon to "Bac-Os Bits"!?! And you think I'm kidding???

Oh-and my wife, she was born in Wisconsin, the cheese and dairy capital of the world (beer also). In-spite of the fact her dad is a Green Bay Packer fan, we have been really happily married while eating real meat, real cheese, real eggs, and using real sugar. I am 46 - I can bench 360 and run a sub-8 minute mile, I am big but not fat.

Perhaps you don't see the change significant, but I do. I am not saying I can't accept the change and I have admitted overreacting, but I bet if you shared something important about your life - I would wonder if you were serious.

And now, according to your location, you live in Ventura County, one of the most crunchy areas of the nation. Vegetarianism is in vogue there. There's even a group there called "Vegetarians In Paradise".

I grew up on southern cuisine, where the cycle of life consists of: bug eats vegetation, fish eats bug, lard eats fish, human eats lard. There comes a time for change. In this case, change is good.

Let's say you get used to having sex with a real woman, then someone told you that having sex with a imitation woman was good for your health, makes you live longer or something like that-would you still say "change is good"?

I wouldn't.

Fucking hilarious. Sigged. :D

Thanks, that is a good point. I was looking at the negative side of the comment.

In spite of a few people making fun of me, this has been was helpful overall. Thanks.

But... This isn't sex we're talking about (or is it?).

Sex with a woman is not fatty, does not clog your arteries no matter how much you eat, and actually is aerobic if you do it right.

A proper analogy would be, you get used to having sex with a crack ho (ie: bad for your health), then someone tells you that having sex in a monogamous relationship makes you live longer.

Listen Ace, my wife has been changing my diet since day one, and I love and appreciate her for it. We come from meat eating, deep frying ground but I'm more than willing to eat a carrot or two to make things click.

Bac-o-bits are fine, you didn't even notice the difference until you looked at the ingredients.

WHOA WHOA WHOA The fact that your wife purchased baco bits for HER salad and boca burgers because SHE liked them is in NO WAY your business. And then to say you're glad she asked you before changing her hair because you don't want her to? How controlling IS this relationship?!

Listen, if she wants to make healthy changes for HER body then you ought to support her 100% and more. It is YOUR JOB as her husband to care for her and support her just as she does for you. And frankly, walking for half an hour will do jack shit for your weight if you aren't changing your eating habits. When people get older, their metabolisms slow down and usually they need to re-examine their eating habits. You should be proud of her for trying to do so.

There's just something about page 2 that makes everyone want to re-ask the same questions and re-say all the same statements that were beaten to death on the first page. I'll never understand it.

Ace this is classic :lol:

Its good to see something besides woes on the sex board :thumbsup:

Wait.... did you shave your head? Shouldn't it be carpet? what carpet?

hehe

Have you ever really watched a woman eat "real" chocalote icecream, perhaps with hot fudge? They tend to eat it slowly cherishing the flavor in each and every bite. You can see the pleasure in their eyes and in their expression. It certainly seems like she is having a sexual experience to me.

Here is what I want you to do this Saturday:

1. Send the kids to grandmom's for a sleep over.
2. Dress nice, take your wife to the best steakhouse in your area - One with real table cloths, real glasses, real silverware, one with real dark deep colored walls, dimly lit with real candles.
3. Order a filet mignon (wrapped in bacon if you feel risky), baked potato, and a nice glass of wine. talk about anything accept work, kids, family and sports.
4. If your wife is like mine, she won't order dessert. You take the initiative. Order- real icecream over a chocolate brownie, covered with hot fudge, whipped cream, with one of those red cherries on top. Ask for two spoons.
5. Make sure the dessert is in the middle of the table, and offer to share. She will play coy at first and decline the offer. You proceed to eat. Start talking about something that doesn't require much focus on her part, then insist that she take a bite. Then - sit back, relax and enjoy. She will probably only eat two or three spoon fulls. But it will be worth it. (This won't work with with the stuff they call "icecream" at Dairy Queen. Let her eat the cherry, make sure it has a stem.
6. Take a casual walk after dinner. Enjoy the stars, cool evening air, etc.
7. Go home and make love into the early morning hours.

That - is what "real" is all about, its about relaxing, enjoying the moment, pleasure leading to more pleasure. You don't have to eat 2 pounds of meat, or a tub of icecream, a few Saturday nights like that certainly is not bad for your health.

What would your "rabbit" food equivalent be?

But I REALLY REALLY LIKE boca burgers, and I really don't like meat. Also sugar makes me sleepy and if I ate an ice cream brownie I would have to go home and go to bed. I can't enjoy it beause I know it will make me sick. So I prefer the sugar-free ice cream not because I want to lose weight (I don't!) but because it is far more pleasurable for me.

I think if your lady wanted to try boca burgers because she tried one and liked it, then more power to her! Why is a boca burger less "real" than a beef one? It is made of real soy, real corn, real herbs, and it is real delicious.

But this isn't about "real" food or "fake" food. If you prefer beef over soy, then that's fine; if you prefer bac-os to the actual bacon bits (as my whole family does!) then that's fine too.

The objections people are having are with your reactions to her gustatory experimentation; I myself am also questioning your reaction to her desire to improve her weight and change her hair. I think there are boundary issues going on; it's not fair that your wife can't feel free to try new foods or new hairstyles without fear of anger and false accusations of adultery.

I seriously thought this thread was a joke at first, but now I'm honestly concerned for what kind of life a woman would lead when coming home with a box of tofu would get her this kind of flack.

I'm still not sure this isn't an increasingly elaborate joke. The more I read the first post the more confused I get. I think I'm done with this thread before I make myself look any more of a fool by taking this absurdity seriously.

I'm sure she thought what you said was a cheap shot. I'd be a bit pissed if my wife came out and asked me if I was having an affair because I'm eating a couple of different things.

I'm with you, waiting on the sidelines for the denouement.

All right, come on...leave aceventura3 alone.

If he would have posted the other way, and he was the veggie and his wife was bringing in the forsaken vile meat :eek: you wuold have cried out....Oh No!!! Quick!!!.. Bring in the hippies..Hurry, we need granola and favre beans STAT!!! Don't Forget The Green Tea enema!!!!! :D

Its all about perception, don't poke fun because he see's things differently.

With all due respect to ace, I don't mean to make fun of you--If it's a joke, I want to laugh with you. If it's not a joke, then you have my complete sympathy. But I'm completely confused what the situation is, and whether the appropriate response is to laugh or console.

cookmo says it would be more seriously taken if it had been the other way around. I disagree. To wit:

----

My wife bought something called "Bacon". I pretty much love bagels, she knows it, and I thought "Bacon" was some kind of bagel confection, maybe a filling. I toasted some in a skillet and ate a slice before I realized that "Bacon" tastes like meat!

I read the label, they are some kind of pig product. There was nothing close to flour or wheat product listed on the ingredients list. We have been married for over 10 years and I have never, absolutly never gave my wife any indication that I was dissatisfied with bagels, now she's buying "Bacon".

I looked through the rest of the refrigerator and I saw something called "Breakfast Sausage". this was odd, as we never had "sausage" with breakfast before. I read the package and again-meat. Why would anyone want breakfast with meat?

I think she is having an affair.

Man, you really like bacon.

While i believed that this was a joke thread at first, i'd like to make a serious response based on the assumption that the original post was legit.

Why are you so concerned with your wife (and perhaps yourself) changing? Change itself is neither good nor evil. Usually it is interesting and refreshing, but perhaps a little scary at first. That you wish your wife to stagnate, to stay the same over many years, is what disturbs me most about your post. The leaps of logic to an affair i can comprehend, even emphasize about. The underlying assumption that you don't want your wife to change i just don't understand, and I can't think of any personal experiences that could correspond to this belief. Perhaps you could clarify?

Jesus man, I nearly died laughing when I read this.