What is love worth to you?
 

I remember as a kid, I always thought that nothing is greater than love. I had that Hollywood-dreamer mentality, where I couldn't wait to jump in front of the bullet for the woman I loved, or to have kids and raise them to be competent human beings.

But then I grew up, and realized how selfless love is, even to the point where it can drain your soul until you're left dry and dull. I saw how no matter how much you love someone, if they don't love you back, you will be the complete opposite of happy. I learned that even if you find someone who says they love you, they will leave you for someone 'better' in a heartbeat. I've found that my own definition of love is construed by many in countless ways, which all in some way contradict my view that it is a completely selfless way to live and act.

Love has lost its worth to me. I no longer seek love because I know that what can be found will always be superficial. I no longer yearn to give my love to someone because even I, the one person who realizes that love is selfless, can't stand to be selfless enough to the point of self-depreciation. I've experienced it, and I just don't like it anymore.

So what is love worth to you? What have your experiences taught you about love? Does it matter to you? Why?

Well, for one, it's being taken for granted.

You give up everything for her, and she only gives back a lil. You want this to happen, you do that for her but you don't get it back. Why is it so unfair at times. Then you realise that no, it's not that way, she's not taking you for granted, she's doing some things for you too that you don't realise, perhaps she wants something back too that you're not giving to her.

I've been with someone who has totally taken me for granted. She never told me she loved me unless it came from me first. It's always me : " I love you ", and her : " I love you too ". She would never say it first, sometimes it feels like it's all one way. You know? Seems like a really small matter, maybe I'm too sensitive.

Then there's this other issue that she wouldn't give things up for me. I'd go all the way from one point of the city to the other just to see her, paying a whole lot on transportation fees, giving a good explanation why I'm late and only have 15 minutes together. Then she goes all pissy saying that I should've been there earlier, she didn't even appreciate me being there, saying she'd rather have me not having to visit her. wtf? "Why waste your time" she says.

Seems like really really really really really really small issues, I know, maybe I'm too sensitive, but then you start to think that she cannot even make these small sacrifices, then you start to doubt, and then you feel useless and taken for granted.

Right. Anyways, a year and a half after break-up I realise that it wasn't one way. And I was wrong to end things over small issues without discussion.

Lesson : It's a commitment, if you should fall into it again, try not to fall out of it. A simple discussion could've helped.

No offense.. but why is this in Tilted Philosophy?

Seems more like it should be in Tilted Living, or General Discussion, or even Titled Sexuality.

This is not about sexuality or relationships. It is about your philosophy on love, and what it is worth to you.

Everything. Every breath, every touch, every moment of my life. Love rules my world.

Wow.

Those are not my experiences with love at all.

First, if you are losing yourself while loving, then you are not loving yourself sufficiently, which is at the heart of love.

*will add more later*

What is love, anyway? -- Howard Jones

Love is a great many things... most of all I don't believe it can be defined. It is like a slippery, wriggling eel that you just can't control. It is ineffible.

One moment, love is the thing that makes your heart pound with yearning... the next it is causing a painful constriction that leads to a build up of acid in your veins...

Love is selfless... nothing wrong with that, per se. But when it is unrequited... it brings on heaps of pain.

When love is returned by the person you love... there is nothing like it. It is a rolling kaleidescope of emotion, physical joy, lust, passion that, simply put... rocks your world.

This isn't to say that love will always be this way. Over time, love changes (Christ can you imagine what it would be like to live as in the above paragraph?). It mellows, grows deeper, stronger, more intense. And yet, while it is stronger you are at even greater risk of having your heart ripped out. That is the beauty of it... the more you give (and get) the more risk there is and the more risk the greater the love.

Those who are unwilling to take the risk will, sadly never know.

I think love is more optional than people think. It is your choice whether to love or not and I also think it is very hard to find someone worth loving. Very few people out there will be compatible and not only do you have to be compatible but you both need to be somewhat advanced as people to make it work. I think it is very very hard to find and make work, but once it does it will be the experience of your life. So don't loose hope yet.

Too many people feel they deserve love when they need to work on themselves more. Love is not free, it is not a right, it is not something everyone gets.

Love is worth risking everything.

Hmmm, my philosophy on love:

You get what you put in, but it is a two way street. Both people have to be willing to give love unconditionally for unconditional love to work. There are also many people who live quite happily with conditional love, usually the condition is that both partners have to be faithful.

I fall into the category of an unconditional lover, I don't care what my girlfriend does to me I will always love her, my love for her would not care if she cheated or didn't appreciate me, hell I would still love her if she cheated on me, had me raped by several large men, shot me, cut off my balls, and defecated on me and then laughed while I died. I would still love her, I would probably be really pissed off at her, but I would love her still. That is how I love, I put everything into it, and I am sure that my girlfriend does the same, which is why I am sure that I will never have to worry about her doing the aforementioned actions.

Although I do think it neccessary at this point to say that I have never been in a 'bad' relationship, so I can still keep that ideal view of love.

I think you hit the jackpot when you said love is selfless. I ain't the expert here, but in my 30 years of single living I've come to the conclusion that true love is giving and never expecting anything in return. Granted, I have yet to experience this; however I have seen it in others. You know how you love your children? Or in my case my neice and nephew. I want so much for them, and could care less if they loved me back. I don't need their love. I think that's true love. Now translate that over to a romantic relationship. My problem in screwing up relationships is that I get so selfish, that's not love. I get irritable and pissy with them if they're not doing EXACTLY everything I expect them to in order to show me their love. I think if I ever get to the point where I don't need a man to make me whole, then I'll be able to love selflessly. Until that happens I guess I'm gonna keep on being SINGLE. Waaaah! LOL

IMHO, romantic love is worth a great deal, not as much as integrity. Other types of love like parent/child are almost hardwired into us and require less commitment.

They say love is blinding.
But real love (and you will know when you have found it) can be what clears away the haze that we stumble around in looking for that one person(s) that allows you to be yourself and love you anyways.
Love to me is beyond a level of worth.