Values - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

wilbjammin · 01-26-2004, 05:41 PM

How do you parent towards your values?

Do you try to instill your values on your children? Or do you try to let them figure out things on their own? Or somewhere in between?

How do you decide?

My parents tried their best to leave it up to me as best as they could, but I ended up a lot like them anyway. I don't know what would have happened if they had pushed me harder to think like them.

cj2112 · 01-26-2004, 06:29 PM

I try to teach my children my values, every bit as much through my words, as through my actions. So far it seems to have worked, their teachers at school, and other adults in their lives compliment me frequently on my children and their behavior. When faced with a difficult choice, I can generally count on my kids to do the right thing. It is my belief that children give you exactly what you expect from them, and I have always expected good things from them, it is rare that they don't meet those expectations. Of course, that could all change with puberty, but I have done my best to give them a strong moral compass to guide them.

sexymama · 01-26-2004, 07:43 PM

cj2112 has the ticket -- our actions teach our children. They will always believe our actions over our words. So act the way you want them to act, be the way you want them to be and they will not disappoint you!

joedog2112 · 01-26-2004, 08:49 PM

I try to teach by my actions.
That was how I was raised. I came out ok a bit nuts but ok.

j8ear · 01-26-2004, 09:36 PM

I was raised with a do as I say not as I do technique...it didn't work very well. It took me alot of harship to become the decent average bear I am now.

So much potential wasted. Responsibility MINE. No one else's

I resent that very much, and will NEVER raise my children that way. I have alot to learn and UNLEARN I'm sure

Anyway, as the proud provider for the 15 weeks of precious cargo currently growing in my wifes uterus, I AM VERY happy to see this new forum, and look forward to taking from and contributing to it.

Have permission to post pictures of our fifteen weeker, and will try and get that up.

It is absolutely amazing that fifteen weeks in, ten fingers, ten toes, two legs, two arms, a beating heart, and two hemispheres of brain can be clearly discerned.

We were even able to get a fetal heart beat with this doppler device type thingamajig.

I don't have stills of it all, but fingers and toes for sure.

best all,

-bear

tecoyah · 01-27-2004, 05:43 AM

I think this has a fine line, while I try to show my kids what is right thru actions, We are homeschooling and this entails an enormous amount of listening to "thier"directions. I dont see them truly learning if I tell them what to do, thus they are free to make mistakes in everyday life. The line comes in when it comes to extremes, obviously they are guided in a general way. A little nudge here and there to stay on some sort of track.

Redlemon · 01-27-2004, 06:07 AM

My dad raised me to question everything. He would take an obviously incorrect position on a matter, just to force me to prove coherently why he was wrong.

My son is 16 months, so the debates haven't really started. For now, just showing him a lot of love, and showing him I love my wife.

housedude · 01-27-2004, 09:47 AM

Gotta be through actions and not words.
Kids forget words, and soak up everything that you DO as a parent.
If you are dishonest, they will know it!
That leads to what has been said before on this thread - the best thing you can do is get better yourself. Be a complete person, because the weaknesses(anger, dishonesty, prejudices, etc) inside of you will go to your kids.....

01-27-2004, 05:02 PM

Something to keep in mind is how you were raised as a child. What did you like about it? What did you think was fair and wise of your parents? What would you do differently?
Then, looking at yourself now. Make sure that you are helping to mold your child into something you are setting an example for-
such as, if you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk.
Also, not teaching them on what I've been brought up as right and wrong, but just as showing them that there are different consequences to difference actions. Just simply telling them "no" or that something is bad they will never understand, unless you explain what could result in their actions.
PATIENCE is a virtue.
Simple acts of love- hugging, kissing, cuddling, surprises, giving them choices.
My parents were very lenient with me, as my personality was very stubborn and independent and they realized that I would do something even if they said not to, but they never talked to me much about anything. My son is the same way, but I will talk with him more.
I will be there for my son, even through his rebellious teenage years, but the key to less rebellion is show him that I do relate to him, that once I made not-so-wise choices and had questions and problems too. I will let him make choices yet let him be aware of the consequences, If I have to use the word No, I will also explain why, and give him privacy. I will stay involved in his life, but show him respect.
I will encourage him and tell him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. And I will support and love my son no matter what- and I will keep reminding him that his whole life.

01-26-2004, 05:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	Values How do you parent towards your values? Do you try to instill your values on your children? Or do you try to let them figure out things on their own? Or somewhere in between? How do you decide? My parents tried their best to leave it up to me as best as they could, but I ended up a lot like them anyway. I don't know what would have happened if they had pushed me harder to think like them. __________________ Innominate.

01-26-2004, 07:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	cj2112 has the ticket -- our actions teach our children. They will always believe our actions over our words. So act the way you want them to act, be the way you want them to be and they will not disappoint you! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

01-26-2004, 09:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
j8ear Gentlemen Farmer Location: Middle of nowhere, Jersey	I was raised with a do as I say not as I do technique...it didn't work very well. It took me alot of harship to become the decent average bear I am now. So much potential wasted. Responsibility MINE. No one else's I resent that very much, and will NEVER raise my children that way. I have alot to learn and UNLEARN I'm sure Anyway, as the proud provider for the 15 weeks of precious cargo currently growing in my wifes uterus, I AM VERY happy to see this new forum, and look forward to taking from and contributing to it. Have permission to post pictures of our fifteen weeker, and will try and get that up. It is absolutely amazing that fifteen weeks in, ten fingers, ten toes, two legs, two arms, a beating heart, and two hemispheres of brain can be clearly discerned. We were even able to get a fetal heart beat with this doppler device type thingamajig. I don't have stills of it all, but fingers and toes for sure. best all, -bear __________________ It's alot easier to ask for forgiveness then it is to ask for permission.

01-27-2004, 05:43 AM	#6 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	I think this has a fine line, while I try to show my kids what is right thru actions, We are homeschooling and this entails an enormous amount of listening to "thier"directions. I dont see them truly learning if I tell them what to do, thus they are free to make mistakes in everyday life. The line comes in when it comes to extremes, obviously they are guided in a general way. A little nudge here and there to stay on some sort of track. __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

01-27-2004, 06:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	My dad raised me to question everything. He would take an obviously incorrect position on a matter, just to force me to prove coherently why he was wrong. My son is 16 months, so the debates haven't really started. For now, just showing him a lot of love, and showing him I love my wife. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

01-26-2004, 06:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	I try to teach my children my values, every bit as much through my words, as through my actions. So far it seems to have worked, their teachers at school, and other adults in their lives compliment me frequently on my children and their behavior. When faced with a difficult choice, I can generally count on my kids to do the right thing. It is my belief that children give you exactly what you expect from them, and I have always expected good things from them, it is rare that they don't meet those expectations. Of course, that could all change with puberty, but I have done my best to give them a strong moral compass to guide them.

01-26-2004, 08:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
joedog2112 Upright	I try to teach by my actions. That was how I was raised. I came out ok a bit nuts but ok.

01-27-2004, 09:47 AM	#8 (permalink)
housedude Upright	Gotta be through actions and not words. Kids forget words, and soak up everything that you DO as a parent. If you are dishonest, they will know it! That leads to what has been said before on this thread - the best thing you can do is get better yourself. Be a complete person, because the weaknesses(anger, dishonesty, prejudices, etc) inside of you will go to your kids.....

01-27-2004, 05:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	Something to keep in mind is how you were raised as a child. What did you like about it? What did you think was fair and wise of your parents? What would you do differently? Then, looking at yourself now. Make sure that you are helping to mold your child into something you are setting an example for- such as, if you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk. Also, not teaching them on what I've been brought up as right and wrong, but just as showing them that there are different consequences to difference actions. Just simply telling them "no" or that something is bad they will never understand, unless you explain what could result in their actions. PATIENCE is a virtue. Simple acts of love- hugging, kissing, cuddling, surprises, giving them choices. My parents were very lenient with me, as my personality was very stubborn and independent and they realized that I would do something even if they said not to, but they never talked to me much about anything. My son is the same way, but I will talk with him more. I will be there for my son, even through his rebellious teenage years, but the key to less rebellion is show him that I do relate to him, that once I made not-so-wise choices and had questions and problems too. I will let him make choices yet let him be aware of the consequences, If I have to use the word No, I will also explain why, and give him privacy. I will stay involved in his life, but show him respect. I will encourage him and tell him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. And I will support and love my son no matter what- and I will keep reminding him that his whole life. Last edited by :::OshnSoul:::; 01-27-2004 at 05:05 PM..