The Quarterlife Crisis
 

I just hit 25 and am wondering how I'm going to make this year better than the last. I've always believed that every year should be better than the last and it's worked so far.

And although I personally discount that 25 need be a "quarterlife crisis," I can't help but wonder if there isn't a bit of truth in it. I recognize this is the time for really making a "person" out of myself...Ultimately, the question that we all face, Who am I really? And then, how do you share "you" with the world?

So, just curious to hear some of your advice to a new 25-year-old, some of your reflections on being 25, or some of your thoughts as you approach it.

Ciao, M

The 23-29 age time frame is tough. People expect that you will get a good job, be in a perfect relationship, and start having lots of money. I had none of those at age 25, I have two of them at age 29.

You do have to make some decisions in your life and hope they work out for the best.

And the best movie to watch is Office Space, because it's going to be like that for the most part, except you won't be able to do what Peter did.

I am currently 25, and will be for another couple months.

Things I did while 25:

Had a baby
Quit old crappy engineering job of 3 years, got new more better engineering job that paid 30% more
Bought a house
bought a minivan
Celebrated 2nd anniversary
Started another baby

But I know I'm not typical.

Anyways...you didn't really tell us anything about your situation. Are you single? Comitted? In a relationship? College educated? Happy with your career? On your own yet? All of these play a part in our advice.

If you are single with an OK job you're not wanting to do for the rest of your life, my advice is spend half of 25 saving your money and simplifying your life, and spend the other half globetrotting...once you're married and have kids and a mortgage that ship has (not) sailed for at least 25 MORE years, and you will never regret your traveling experiences.

I'm 26. I had a bit of a quarter-life crisis when I was 21-22.

At that time I...

- fell in love with a man that my family didn't approve of
- then when that fell apart I proceeded to date two guys at once (S, T)
- walked away from my parents' religion (was raised Mormon)
- found a faith that meshed better with my lifestyle (Catholicism, oddly enough)
- dropped out of college (returned to a better university 2 years later, graduated, now in grad school)
- considered a new career path (thought of going into theatrical lighting professionally, decided my heart was in Botany afterall)
- traveled Europe with only backpack and a male friend (now my husband)

Quarter-life crises are great. It was an excuse to do all of that rebelious stuff that I neglected when I was a teenager.

I'm currently in a comfortable place and happy with life, utterly confident of the choices that I made along the way.

I thought I had a quarterlife crisis, but after reading about gg's, it appears I'm saving up for my midlife crisis. It will probably involve spending a lot of money on something really nice and going off and doing something for more than one or two weeks (which is the longest I've ever gone without working since I was a preteen).

The bottom line is if you don't know what you want, you shouldn't try to force a square into a circle. Do something desirable--even if it's just time off--to find out what it is you're looking for in life.

And don't we all want a girl that wants to come over and watch kung fu flims? :)

The "quarterlife crisis" is new to me, I only knew the "midlife crisis" until your post.

Even so, I think, any evidence to the contrary, that it's all bunk.

If you continually try to compartmentalize your life, and achieve perceived societal goals within that time frame you are going to be a very unhappy person.

The "midlife crisis" gives people permission to behave irrationally and blame it on a crisis that they have no control over, something that is biological and it's just not their fault.

I have no idea what the "quarterlife crisis" is supposed to provide people with.

You can ask 1000 people how they felt and what they perceived at the age of 25 and you will get 1000 different points of view.

I'm a little concerned that you feel you have to make every year better than the last. That it has worked so far is great! Trying to maintain that is unrealistic. You are going to need those errant years of failure, dissapointment and rejection to shape yourself into what you want, where you are going and how you are going to get there.

It's not all butterflies and rainbows. Life is hard, it hurts, it's sometimes hated, it's so beautiful and it's permanent. This is all you have. You may not get what you want. You may get everything that you ever dreamed of.

What you can't do is spend your time alive trying to project into the future and what you want to be and where you want to be, who you want to be.

You need to embrace what you have, who you are, what you do and simply be happy that you are alive, today.

That is a simple thing of life, but it can change tomorrow. Hopefully your tomorrow won't come for a long time. But remember, tomorrow doesn't always come.

I'm not kidding: I'm an artist and since that realization, that commitment, I've decided I will spend the rest of my life in a quarter-life crisis. Such is life.

I'm sure this will sound like a bunch of cliches to some but if you can get past that you'll find wisdom here:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." ...i'm not sure who said that

Age is just a number. So, take the hand you've been dealt and make the most of it...live, love, and laugh.

"Embrace each season of your life because each is uniquely special."...me

I even have a good job and a relationship and I'm in a quarter-life crisis. Nobody said it was going to be easy. :P

Wow, here I am researching 2005 corvettes. I think I want one with a targa top, standard c6. I turned 24 a few months ago.

Does that qualify as a quarter-life crisis? I know it seems insane to buy a Vette, but really when else am I going to be able to just spend money like this? I am single, have very little expenses, and have a decent paying job with lots of security. I figure in a few years when I go to buy a house in the city and move back there I can sell it and use the money for a down payment.

There have to be more people who are willing to share their quarter-life crisis stories!

My quarter-life crisis isn't really that exciting. I'm more than halfway through my 25th year on this Earth. I've figured out what direction I want to go in. Now all that remains is finding out if I have the drive and, just as important, the talent to actually make it happen.

I don't know which scares me more -- the thought of trying and failing, or the thought of not trying at all.

thespian86 raises an interesting point -- are those dedicated to the arts doomed to a sort of perpetual existential crisis? Some might call that inspiration, or the muse. The thought simultaneously thrills and terrifies me.

Crisis, huh? I just realized I'm older than most of the people posting in here and I've so few accomplishments to show for my spent years. When you guys were in college, I was filling sand bags in Iraq. When you were in grad school, I was poking roadside bombs in Afghanistan. The skill set that I've developed is nearly useless for Joe Civilian. Relaxed happiness is something I have a hard time attaining. My wife left me without saying why, I had house built and never set foot in it... I'm struggling to accumulate life merit badges so I can be just like my idea of everybody else out there. I've been playing catch-up for years. Turns out you can't stop time and thus can't catch up. I'm getting better about the stress. Perhaps all this my crisis. Running, crawling... sometimes I feel like I'm ready to get everything done and just go 'n zip myself up in that sealed metal sleeping bag they snuggle under six feet of loose earth.

"I can't breathe... I'm choking on my lungs."

Sometimes, I think this entire past decade has been my quarter-life crisis.

Here's an interesting video concerning that issue:
Elizabeth Gilbert on nurturing creativity | Video on TED.com

when i first heard the term 'quarterlife crisis' i thought it was a little ridiculous -- too young to have crises, right? but the article (i think it was in slate) did bring up a lot of points that i related well to.

with that said, i really appreciate the nudges to appreciate 'today' as opposed to the obsession with tomorrow. funny how that came across in my short post! the reality is that i'm in a 'good' place in life -- good job, nice car, good relationship, close family -- but that i've overlooked a lot to be happy for for the sake of looking at tomorrow. and tomorrow doesn't always come, as halanna reminds.

all of these comments have been really helpful so thank you. i hope it's helpful for other people too. i've always believed that we can work to constantly evolve ourselves. perhaps these phrases like "quarterlife crisis" can be more than a cliche but can be a call for reflection.

and to crompsin and others who feel like they've been in perpetual crisis, I think crisis is a state of mind -- it doesn't necessarily have to do with your station or situation in life, it has to do with appreciating the things that we have with us right now. i enjoy trekking to a local mountaintop to regain that sense of wonderment that, regardless of what I have or what I do or who I know, I'm alive to experience whatever I can.

It makes sense that there are crises at certain points. Around 23-25 you're finished college, looking for or starting your career, and about to start putting down roots/relationships. There are a lot of decisions to make, or things that have been decided that you can now start doubting. Midlife crises are often when the kids are about to move out, you're close to the top of your career ladder without a major jump, and you're evaluating the past twenty years and how they represent the rest of your life.

Kinda like train stations along your life. Different tracks you can choose, and time to evaluate the route so far. You can always hit the brakes at other points, but most of the time you go along with what you've already decided.

That how it seems to me anyway. I had my quarterlife crisis early, and I'm happy with the result. I think my wife might be having hers now though. :)

Hm, I don't think I'm quite together yet, but I'm getting there.

I'm saving up until my quarterlife. Until then, I've got some potential good reason to break, like a horse will break.

I remember seeing these books when I was in my late 20s and didn't really get the ideas put forth from them while I did see them in other friends and family members.



I didn't experience anything like a quarter life as described. I was a bit lost in my early 20s and resolved to correct it within a year, that didn't pan out until I was 23, and then I started building a lifestyle that I wanted slowly, surely, and securely. This meant I didn't overextend myself to buy things that I wanted like cars, TVs, new computers. I had always been a master at delayed gratification, so this was no different for me.

By 28 I hit all the goals I had for 30 for my career, money, materials. I never reset any goals since then, but have used it as a foundation to continue to build a sustainable lifestyle to travel and enjoy the city I live in.

Now, I'm ready for my midlife crisis, but I'm not going to mortgage that either...