The simple parent tricks thread
 

* The kids like cheese, but would only eat it in prepackaged, individually-wrapped cheese stick form.

The solution - I cut slightly thick slices off of a block of cheese. Then I used a steak knife to carve their initials or other shapes into the slices. The shapes stay in the slice until the kids pop them out. Part of the fun is guessing what shape our cheese holds. Now they want the "mystery cheese" more than the other stuff.

* Out of bubble bath, after the wife promised a bubble bath.

The solution - ice cubes! What? No, they don't make bubbles, but toss a few in the tub an the kids love to play with them. They are wierd, and something new, and a great distraction from the lack of bubbles.

Post your tricks.

* Kid gets upset if you eat some of "his" crackers/cookies/whatever.

Steal excess and share some back before the screaming can begin. (Works with a two year old. YMMV)

Adorable one decides to throw a tantrum in public.
Thru the screaming and crying, tell adorable one to stick out his/her tongue.
Tongue out, now ask adorable one to sing his/her alphabet(adorable one will still be crying, but sticking out tongue nonetheless in the belief it will somehow help). Singing the alphabet with tongue hanging out while trying not to sob-priceless.
Cutey-pie doesn't like veggies? Chop raw spinach small as possible, add to favorites.
Keep food dye around-ask what colored eggs will we be eating today?
This one worked for years: Daughter was having really bad dreams and would wake us up to share. One night, tired of hearing her stories, I took her first teddy bear and told her: "This is your bad dream bear. Whenever you have a bad dream, tell him and hug him and he will take it away." She swore he really did!

Eldest daughter want's to play rap over dad's stereo ...

"Sorry, dad's stereo is too old, it won't work with rap"

Worked until she was 12 or so.

Four-and-a-half year old wants to be carried all the time. He frequently refuses to walk. However, a simple "I bet I can get to { location } before you!" turns it into a race, and he has no problem sprinting to wherever we are going.

Iced kids, eh?

*covered in dog hair*

Solution - time to play with packing tape! I roll a piece of packing tape into a circle and let her go as fast as she can to get all the dog hair off her new dress. She's fast.

*i want mcdonalds!* (I never should have taken her)

Solution - home made mcdonalds! I go grab some lean beef, fresh potatoes, and some fruit juice in seltzer water. We make our own meals and they are much tastier and healthier than anything Ronald can throw at us.

I do that one all of the time with our three-year-old as well.

When out for walks or on errands, our 2.25 year old son can become transfixed if he finds somthing terribly interesting such as a sewer grate, automatic door or speedbump. He could spend all day walking back and forth enjoying these attractions and the best way I've found to get him moving again, is to get him hunting for the "next" one.

It's like a scavenger hunt that never ends.

Oh that is too cute :)

This one works every time:

When they are bothering you tell them there are cookies in the back of closet. When they are good and deep in the closet. Lock them in.

I'm so gonna use this one.

A variation of this for the nephews is to say, "I wonder if X can clean up his room/pick up more trash/etc than you can!" That gets them all hoppin'.

Another one for when adorable one decides to throw a tantrum in public.
Cheer them on. Tell them to yell louder, that you are sure that they can do better if they really try. If you are up to it, give a good yell as demonstration. Encourage them to kick their feet harder. Keep on encouraging them to try harder in everything that they are doing.
They'll generally find that the whole purpose of the tantrum (to annoy/embarrass you to the point where you will surrender to them) has been defeated and they stop.
For when they are always acting up when you are shopping.
Set them up. Go shopping and tell them that on the second warning you are just going to pack up and go home and they will get nothing, but if they behave they will get a prize (small lolly). Do a shopping trip that sets them up by choosing only canned goods and things that are easily re-shelved. Give one warning and when they act up the second time just leave the shopping basket and walk out. Do this a couple of times till they believe that you are always ready to back up your threats.

Well, I don't know about rewarding behavior that should be expected, but cyklone mentioned the best parenting tip of all - follow through.

Don't make hollow threats. If you say there will be consequences, make sure there are consequences. If you say you are going to do something, you better fucking do it.

When our two kids would start to get bored and taunt each other (say... in line at the grocery store) we'd play the game 'Statues' to see who could hold the coolest 'Statue' pose the longest. We'd get them in goofy positions and make them stay that way. :)

Baths - I never used bubble baths, as the solutions irritated my daughter and would sometimes lead to yeast infections. A couple of drops of food coloring, or a couple of drops of peppermint oil was a huge hit.

Vegetables - Creativity. I would make veggie wagons...two carrot sticks for axles, add cucumber slices for wheels. Cover with a piece of cheese, cracker or toast, and add another carrot stick fort he 'handle"

Give ordinary food interesting names. Apple slices were 'monster claws'. Broccoli was brocco-trees. Homemade pizza on buns was (insert child's favorite TV show here) pizza. Fruit juce was 'witches brew', etc.
My favorite was a trick my sister did. She'd ask the kids if the wanted a cheese donut. Fascinated, they all clamored for one. She then took pieces of processed cheese, bit a hole in each one and handed them out.

Charlatan, do you babysit? Hehe.

Toddler thew tantrum, banging her head on the ceramic tile floor. When she discovered it hurt, she placed her hand on the tile floor, and banged her head on her hand. I laughed and told her it was cheating. She stopped.