Kids and Tatooss/Piercing
 

Well, my 17 year old wants to have a tatoo and to have his nipples pierced.

Great.

His mom & I are divorced, and he lives with her. Both of us oppose the idea and she wants me to talk to him about it.

I am concerned about the health risks (hepatitis, iron in the ink & MRI's, improperly sterilized instruments, etc) associated with both activities.

Anyone have comments or suggestions?

I dont know what state you live in but I think most laws (I know at least in georgia) they have to be 18 to get either one, so if it were my child it would be a non issue right now.

But if he were of age....I'd visit the tat/piercing shops and see what their procedures are. I know here there are VERY specific bio hazard issues that have to be addressed. Of course not all places do that and if they arent willing to tell/show you how they go about standing by those regulations its not a shop you want to be in. For example here there is a place that actually makes you purchase the needle to take home with you and that you have to bring it back should you ever need a touch up....thats a HUGE no no...its illegal to let the person leave with with a bio hazard like that.

The same place has done all of my tat/piercing work and they are very diligent about their sterilizations etc. I've seen them refuse service to people that have actually brough their own needles in.

bottomline line though....until he's of legal age I would tell him no.....just know that once he hits 18 there really isnt anything you can do about it.

Oh, the answer's no until he's of age. It's after that I'm concerned about. I can't stop him but I'd like him to at least wait, until he truly understands why he wants to do this.

Accept that this is something important to him - instead of ruling outright .. and discouraging it after the of legal age point - have him reflect from now until then what type of tattoo/piercing he wants .. and ponder exactly why he wants it. I have a tat, and it took me almost 2 years to ultimately decide it was something I wanted to do, and to put together my design. It is something that is a personal decision .. at least help him focus on that part. On top of that, do your research before you go into the shops. For tattoos, it is ideal to actually go in and talk to the artist before hand - I went in a week prior, discussed my design and what/where/why I wanted it.

tattoos mean dif things to dif people, I never wanted one because of someone else....I wanted one from the time I was of age but it took me until I was almost 31 to find something that I was willing to live with for the rest of my life....being that age I understood how some of society still looks at them and the fact that being in the workforce isnt always easy when you have them where they are visible....The one I got yesterday is the first one I've gotten that might be visible at work (I still made sure it can be covered up with long sleeves) my other four are not visible unless I want them to be....I dont wear short shorts and halter tops to work.

Are health concerns the ONLY reason you dont want him to have one?

If he decides to go ahead, I want him to do exactly that. I'd like him to wait, he might or might not, but I'm looking for a good way to start the discussion.

In my mind, there is a line, and that line is the point at which he becomes responsible for his own actions and his own health care. After that point, I can't stop him. I just don't want him to do something that can't ever be undone, that he'll regret in 10 years.

Shani, I have two reasons.

1. I am concerned about the health risks.

2. This is permanent. He is young, and when he's 50 he might not think it was such a great idea.

I was a green beret. I know what it feels like to be young and indestructible, and what happens when your 30 doesn't matter. Until your 30...

I'm 45 and I have different viewpoints now than I did at 17. But, he's a lot like me... stubborn!

I would just be honest and tell him what you just said, make sure he understands that there ARE health risks if its not done properly and find out what it is that he's wanting to get and get him to discuss why that particular art and what it means to him and where he's planning on getting it (body part I mean)

Listen to HIM with an open mind and adjust your talk about it accordingly

I'll try. Any suggestions for an opening line...

"Well, son, you're mom says you want to have your nipples pierced...." seems awkward to me...

well the GOOD news is, if he decides later on he doesnt like the piercings they are easily removed, the holes close up and no one is the wiser not like getting ink on you that 10 years later you cant stand the sight of hehehehe

I would just say....your mother has told me your interested in some body modification and I'd like to hear his thoughts behind it

Yeah, I think we'll hit starbucks and chat about it this week.

We have the same problem, but she's 15. She's been into piercings since she was around 12. She has 6 (I think) in each ear and her nose pierced. She really wants tattoos when she turns 18. She also wants her belly button, eyebrow, and lip pierced. She probably wouldn't tell us if she wanted her nipple pierced.

We've had many talks about health issues and infection. We've also discussed the that tattoos are permanent and what to look for at studios. JJ and I both have tattoos and piercings. I've told her that we aren't paying for anymore of her piercings and won't pay for a tattoo, but once she turns 18, it's her body and her money. We can't prevent her from doing things once she's an adult. All we can do is inform her of the facts and consequences and hope that she makes the choice that's best for her.

Good luck with the talk. :)

Okay, here's how I see it.

Your 17 year old isn't a kid anymore. Granted he's not an adult yet either, but he's old enough that he can make some decisions for himself. And he's going to want to.

So.

Instead of dissuading him from getting a tattoo, I think you'd do better to find out why he wants one. What does he plan on getting inked and why is it that?

Even tattoos don't last forever. I mean, once you get it inked it stays there, but you can use cover art if 20 years from now you don't like the design.

If he's looking to get a small one somewhere, for whatever reason, I wouldn't give it too much thought. Insteading trying to convince him not to, go research local parlours. Find out who does them, what sort of reputation they have. Take a look at their art (they should have pictures of other tattoos they've done) to see what the quality is like. Talk it over with them, ask them about their cleaning procedures. Make sure they use fresh ink and needles and everything gets autoclaved.

The risk of infection actually isn't that bad, as long as you go somewhere reputable and take proper care of it after you get it done. That goes for both piercings and tattoos.

My way of looking at it is when your child gets to be that age, your role shifts less from making the decisions for him and more to guiding him and helping him make his own decisions. You can't stop him from getting tatted up if that's what he wants to do, so instead of fighting the issue I'd say you're better off trying to make sure he goes about it in a safe and responsible fashion.

As to the nipple piercings, as long as they're done properly I say let him do it if he wants to. The great thing about piercings is that you can always take them out when/if you don't want them anymore.

EDIT - And to add my experiences, I was about 14 when I knew I wanted a tattoo. I got mine inked when I was 20 and coloured at 21. I'm 22 now and while I realize that's still young, I can't see ever having issue with me tat. It's just a part of me, like my scars are.

I've two tats now and love them; I didn't get my first in till I was 18. It was a promise I made to the parents. Finding out why he wants and were he wants the tats is a HUGE thing. The location is Key, if it shows in your everyday work clothes then that could be a problem for job opportunities. This could be a good thing for you if he wants one on his wrist or something, or has a specific job in mind. Also if he wants one for any other reason then himself, ask him to think more on it. Also let him know if he gets his nipples pierced, and ends up removing them there will be a noticeable difference in his nips. I've know a good amount of people who've had them pierced. Some have removed them but you could tell with all of them that they were done. These were normal size nipple rings also, but you could still tell that the nipple had been pierced.

I think martian is on the right track here. Now granted, I'm not a parent and if I were god help the world. Anyway, I think the important factor in all this is why does he want the tattoo? Tattoos are not evil or bad, but they can become nuisances later on in life. It's important for him to get something that he will be proud of later on in life. Getting the symbol of his favorite band is pretty silly.

Don't just dismiss his idea or want to get a tattoo or he'll just do it anyway. I know when I was younger and I had an itch to do something.. and my dad said no- I'd do it anyway. If he had sit down with me and had a talk about risks/factors I may not have done alot of things.

This is true. That's the beauty of a piercing. You can take them out. Just make sure you check out the place he's getting it done. Make sure they have an autoclave for serility, etc. and he will be fine.

As for the tattoo, I think it's a good idea that he wait at least a year. A tattoo shouldn't be done on impulse. Let him think in it for a while. If he still wants it after a year of thinking on it I'd say he's committed to getting one. Besides, in a year he will be 18 and can get one anyway.

Being flexible on the piercing while taking a wait and see approach to the piercing should let him see that you are willing to compromise.


Hell, when I was that age, my Mom forbid me from getting an ear piercing. I went and did it anyway. She didn't speak to me for a week. I've since had four piercings in my ears. I've long since taken them out.

I still haven't committed to a tattoo but will probably get one at some point.

I think that based on all the comments I'm getting I have an idea how to proceed. I do need to ask where, what and why. I've also decided to ask him to wait until he graduates high school, and to let me go with him to check out parlors.

The risk of infection is a big one. Personal hygene has been a battle with this kid. Example, his mother calls me one day and complains that he has an awful foot odor, therefore he must have an infection or other illness. So I call my doc, and my doc tells me to ask some basic hygene questions.

Turns out he changes his socks like once a month.

Same with acne. He complains about acne, we go to the skin doc, she says buy these three things and wash your face with them every night. He won't do it, and his mother won't make him, so he looks like shit.

I'm pretty sure he won't follow instructions about after tatoo care, which is a problem in and of itself. If he lived with me, I could force the issue, but he doesn't.

oookay. Given his lack of personal hygiene I'd be really worried about the care of a fresh piercing or tattoo also. You can't just let the things go. Maybe you should show him some pictures of infected piercings. You could also get the artists/piercers to explain in full detail what the complications of not taking care of these things would be. Most artists don't mind spending the time going over things like this since it is their work they are putting on someone.

That is a great idea! Does anyone have any suggestions as to where I could find some pictures of infected tats/piercings?

While there is a slight concern for disease transmission (most shops are very careful about their instruments), I'd be more concerned about him getting a tattoo now that he regrets later. Piercings can come out and heal. A tattoo is something that, barring major cosmetic procedure, is permanent and there is no telling that the thing he finds cool now will be idiotic to him when he is 5 years older.
Piercings - ok, tats out until he grows up a bit.

I know there's a big difference but your comment reminded me of my daughter. She is 5 yrs old and has been asking for pierced ears because her best friend has them. I told her she could have her's pierced when I saw that she was faithful to brush her teeth morning and night. She has a problem remembering to brush them and will say she has when she has not. I thought this would be good motivation for her to remember AND if she manages to remember faithfully then I see no problem in letting her get earrings because she's shown that she will take good care of them. It's a win win in my book.

You good moms and your tricky ways... :)

To the best of my knowledge and experience, the "scare tactic" doesn't work on most kids. They've been showing kids cancerous lungs, genitals with disgusting pus and warts on them, and films about horrificly gory road accidents, but kids still smoke, have unprotected sex, and drive drunk all the same. I've yet to meet a person who ever said a pic of something disgusting ever really steered them away from anything. I wouldn't discount it as a supplemental material (like a visual aid) to go along with an actual discussion, but I don't think "see this, this is an infected whatever. This could happen to you, so don't do it" is a very effective approach.

As for safe shops...

read this (the whole thing, great resource):
http://www.safe-tattoos.com/faq.htm

and this (especially the "safety tips", kinda boils down the major points):
http://www.safe-tattoos.com/pamphlets/basic.html

this is also good:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_body...tattooing.html

The above one (while the other two are great) is delivered as part of a whole range of health information for kids and teens by the Nemours Foundation. They are excellent healthcare facilities and, if you don't take the word of safe-tattoos.com (or me, since i'm recommending them as accurate), you can trust kidshealth.org.

One thing i'll say about this^ is that, at the end, it mentions "tattoo removal". Don't mention removal. One should never tattoo thinking "oh well I can just remove it if i hate it later." Always impress on your kids the fact that they are permanent. There are also cover-ups that can be done... but no one should ever get tattooed unless they're sure (at that moment) they want it forever. Being comprehensive in your fact-finding is good, but telling your teen that there are removal procedures plants a seed of "this can be undone" that you do not want. It must maintain its sense of permanency.

Remember: A concerned, well-educated parent is a well-educated child.