Dear Top 40
 

Dear Top 40,

You don't really know me because I listen to bands that feature middle aged men wearing creepy skull face paint and singing about werewolves, zombies, and vampires... but we need to talk about content. I'm really lost and I've got a few lyrical statements I'd like you to explain from some of your recent constantly-played tunes:

"...I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."

"...do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips."

There's more, but you get the picture.

What the fuck does that stuff mean? Yeah, YEAH, I get the sexual agenda, but it's like... a real leap. What's next? Gettin' all gangsta-grunge and sing about "shoving my man-bat in your gaping maw" and the like?

And don't get me started about Weezer's dumb-as-shit "and that's as bad as chocolate ice cream" lyrics. People actually get paid millions of dollars to come up with this drivel? That shit makes Rancid's last album look like it deserves a Grammy. I know nobody will mistake punk for artistic genius, but at least the songs tell a story.

Thanks,

Crompsin

...

I'm lost. Anybody capable of enlightening me to the shit that I'm listening to when I'm out drinking $7 beers and slamming my smoothspot against the back of a miniskirt on Saturday nights?

Perhaps I should start going to '80s night.

It doesn't mean anything. Basically you can boil down every R&B/Rap/"soul" song on the top 40 to "You Hot. Me Thinky Me Hot. Me Have Sex With You." or "I Hardcore. I Shoot You. I Sellz Drugs."

Take the number of rap "artists" out there / number of actual ways to say "I want to fuck you" and it's going to come out to a negative number. They have to make up new ways to say the same shit over and over again.

I don't go to places that play that shit.

Then again I listen to Presidents of the USA, Weezer, Cake, and other silly song bands. Whatever floats your boat. Most the songs I listen to were wrote 150 years ago and are being sung by Irish groups with electric guitars.

***

Can you grow enough hair to go to 80's night? You could get one of those fake Afros and wear some spandex. Or could go with the Androgynous look, get all the girls/guys/confused people.

apparently you missed the era of KISS

and you're going to the wrong kind of clubs if they're playing top 40 :p but I'm biased

She Was A Fast Machine
She Kept Her Motor Clean
She Was The Best Damn Woman I Had Ever Seen
She Had The Sightless Eyes
Telling Me No Lies
Knockin' Me Out With Those American Thighs
Taking More Than Her Share
Had Me Fighting For Air
She Told Me To Come But I Was Already There

'Cause The Walls Start Shaking
The Earth Was Quaking
My Mind Was Aching
And We Were Making It And You -

Shook Me All Night Long

Working Double Time
On The Seduction Line
She Was One Of A Kind, She's Just Mine All Mine
She Wanted No Applause
Just Another Course
Made A Meal Out Of Me And Came Back For More
Had To Cool Me Down
To Take Another Round
Now I'm Back In The Ring To Take Another Swing

'Cause The Walls Were Shaking
The Earth Was Quaking
My Mind Was Aching
And We Were Making It And You -

Shook Me All Night Long

It ain't Shakespeare, but I like it

Looking for substance in pop music = Fail

It's not made to stimulate upper brain activity. It's sonic lubricant, combine with alcohol, a member of the preferred sex and if you aren't too busy listening to the lyrics then you may be able to enjoy yourself.

Duh.

Anybody else have favorite WTF lines from Top 40 while out and about?

"*something-something* sweat drips down my balls!"

Yes, because ballsweat is totally something I want a roomful of people yelling about.

...

Yeah, I would apologize for the clubs I go to... but it's DC and let's get real.

I suppose I should drink more and think about the background music lyrics less.

I am unable to acquire hair. I don't have the NSN.

Where you can hear such delicate nuggets as:
"Whats got you so jumpy?
Why can't you sit still, yeah?
Like gasoline you wanna pump me
And leave me when you get your fill, yeah"

/loves the hair metal

I feel that '80s music is more easily digestible.

and what actual story does the song "devil lock" tell? i listen mainly to punk. they are not the great storytellers you claim.

that said, i totally get your point and i'm with you on this. i do not listen to Top 40, ever.

is singing about loving someone's lady lumps and someone's milkshake being better than your's considered Top 40? because i just didn't get that.

I'm going to try to write a song with that lyric in it. I can't promise that it will be gangsta grunge ...

Got any more lyric ideas you want to share?

I want to use official speak SOOO badly when I say this but,

Will everyone please get off Crompsin's lawn before he sprays you with his hose?

Take that as you will.

There's a line from that song that I actually do like. It's something along the lines of:

"X's on the back of your hands. You wash them in the bathroom so you can drink with the bands."

Go sXe...
________________

Top 40 shit isn't meant to be stimulating or to tell a story. It's meant to appeal to the masses/drones. It feeds the machine, man. The best way to fight it is to forget it...

You awful me.

...

I admit my bias to punk music. I'm feeling a little jaded when I hear "YEAH, BALLSWEAT!" music at alcohol-serving social establishments.

The chorus of that song is actually about a sexual encounter induced by club music that results in the expulsion of ejaculate onto the face of a female. It's the hokey pokey with better production - if you can't follow those instructions then you've got bigger problems than your inability to shut down your brain and have a good time.

imagination is lost, but it's still hilarious.
(I know this is my fault, but the song alluded to above, along with a few obscure Christian Contemporary songs, are about the only inklings of "pop music" that I have consumed in the past 3 years. If I listen to anything at all, it's either by a friend's recommendation, and my subsequent purchase of the album, or by my tweaks of "yea/nay" in Pandora. I think the last example of real mainstream "pop-music" I've listened to was The Fray's single, Over my Head (Cable Car).

Commercial Radio is dead to me, other than a four-hour block of radio personalities I listen to in the morning, and it's mostly national news, NFL, curious stories, and sports-centric ; the only music I hear is when they play Ratt/U2/AC-DC for about 30 seconds in-between bumps.)

The only difference between cheeseball music of the 80's and cheeseball pop current top 40 is that the current stuff is taking itself seriously as well as the fans.

I think the 80's was one giant hoax. Nobody could have possibly taken it seriously.

Ah, yes. The hokey-pokey handjobfacialdeluxe edition. It makes so much sense now. I want to bust a cap on my girlfriend's face with the old love gun. It's not romantic... but it lets her know who's in charge. Gotcha. The splooge that binds.

Ya know, I was thinking about climbing your mountain one day, Manic Skafe... heading to your isolated pagoda and learning your accumulated wisdom. Be less lost in the sauce and all that.

That and you can show me all these great bands you randomly link people to in various threads / journal entries.

top 40!?
who listens to that shit, anyway?

i can say with pride that i carry my ipod during all car rides for a reason.

yeah but you'd look a tad silly showing up to a nightclub/bar with the ipod in effect.

You'd also look silly going into a club that plays Top 40 music...

I remember Candy Shop and Amusement Park by 50 Cent.
Both songs were completely inter-replaceable crap with bad metaphors for sex; "lick my lollipop", "Now you can ride the horse around the carousel"
ah, shit. This is why I get shit for listening to rap. It really isn't all bad stuff, I promise. It's no modern mozart, but it's better than Soulja Boy, and whatever else the kids are hearing these days.

hate clubs, too. so ill never have to worry about that.

It's the difference between art and entertainment.

Good *art* should make you consider its meaning, expand your perception of the world, or even leave you thinking days after your initial exposure.

Good *entertainment* should make you want to move, or listen, or laugh, or be playful, joke, drink, party, or even at it's most banal, activate your basic instincts so that you can shut off the more cerebral portions of your brain and relax.

When I'm working out, I'm not looking for any of the goals of art. I'm looking for entertainment.

When I'm driving in my car, my cerebral activity is focused on driving safely, and I want something that can entertainment in the background, not challenge my intellect.

When I'm studying, I want my activity to be focused on the material at hand, not ancillary noise. I want background entertainment.

When I'm having sex, when I'm partying, when I'm.. etc., etc. You get it.

--


If I wanted art, I'd sit down and listen to the music and its words for their deeper meaning. But I'm simply not interested in finding art that way. I more prefer traditional art.

For all other things, I prefer my music to entertain.

And songs about gang activity, dancing, beats, drugs and sex do that job JUST fine.

My favorite songs ALL come from the "NOW" edition of CDs.

1. Now That's What I Call Music! (released October 27, 1998)
2. Now That's What I Call Music! 2 (July 27, 1999)
3. Now That's What I Call Music! 3 (December 7, 1999)
4. Now That's What I Call Music! 4 (July 18, 2000)
5. Now That's What I Call Music! 5 (November 14, 2000)
6. Now That's What I Call Music! 6 (April 3, 2001)
7. Now That's What I Call Music! 7 (July 31, 2001)
8. Now That's What I Call Music! 8 (November 20, 2001)
9. Now That's What I Call Music! 9 (March 19, 2002)
10. Now That's What I Call Music! 10 (July 23, 2002)
11. Now That's What I Call Music! 11 (November 19, 2002)
12. Now That's What I Call Music! 12 (March 25, 2003)
13. Now That's What I Call Music! 13 (July 22, 2003)
14. Now That's What I Call Music! 14 (November 4, 2003)
15. Now That's What I Call Music! 15 (March 23, 2004)
16. Now That's What I Call Music! 16 (July 27, 2004)
17. Now That's What I Call Music! 17 (November 2, 2004)
18. Now That's What I Call Music! 18 (March 15, 2005)
19. Now That's What I Call Music! 19 (July 19, 2005)
20. Now That's What I Call Music! 20 (November 1, 2005)
21. Now That's What I Call Music! 21 (April 4, 2006)
22. Now That's What I Call Music! 22 (July 11, 2006)
23. Now That's What I Call Music! 23 (November 7, 2006)
24. Now That's What I Call Music! 24 (March 27, 2007)
25. Now That's What I Call Music! 25 (July 17, 2007)
26. Now That's What I Call Music! 26 (November 13, 2007)
27. Now That's What I Call Music! 27 (March 11, 2008)
28. Now That's What I Call Music! 28 (June 3, 2008)
29. Now That's What I Call Music! 29 (November 11, 2008)
30. Now That's What I Call Music! 30 (March 24, 2009)
31. Now That's What I Call Music! 31 (June 30, 2009)

These are the only songs on my iPod.

And if that scares you, maybe it should. I'm the target demographic and there's a lot more like me, based on the success of "entertainment" music.

"In 1984, Huxley believed people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us."

I think Huxley had it. We're driving more and more towards an entertainment culture, rather than an intellectual culture.

But damned if I don't like hearing "do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips" blasted through my headphones.

Do with that what you will.

C'mon. Ludicrous lyrics have been around forever and in every genre.

Fokl songs:

(Sorry, Pete ... )

If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this land
I'd hammer out danger
I'd hammer out a warning
I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters
All over this land

1940s, I believe? Sorry, Ella. Actually I think this originated as a nursery rhyme:

A-tisket a-tasket
A green-and-yellow basket
I bought a basket for my mommie
On the way I dropped it

I dropped it, I dropped it
Yes, on the way I dropped it
A little girlie picked it up
And took it to the market

She was truckin' on down the avenue
Without a single thing to do
She was peck, peck, peckin' all around
When she spied it on the ground

A-tisket a-tasket
She took my yellow basket
And if she doesn't bring it back
I think that I shall die

60s (or was it 70s??)

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.

This stuff's been around forever. Art is art but fun is fun. What's wrong with both?

Can't we all just get along? :p

shame they didn't release those albums for the 80's here in the states, they had them in Singapore and SE Asia. I don't care for the new ones here in comparison..

go here to see the track listings of the "import" versions
http://www.nowmusic.com/

Why can't art also entertain? I can think of plenty of music that is entertaining on the surface but more meaningful (or at least not stupid) if you take the time to listen more closely.

I say that as someone who sometimes enjoys lame top 40 pop songs, it's just that this idea that art and entertainment are diametrically opposed kind of annoys me.

The best music is the kind that does combine art and entertainment...

top 40 is business. always has been. it's about repetition and selling stuff.
you arent forced to listen to it.
there are many many other options.
this isn't rocket science.

you want songs that tell a story?
listen to sea shanties.
good luck with that: typically they're blah blah blah some guy blah blah blah a boat blah blah blah going somewhere blah blah blah something bad happens blah blah blah everyone is bummed out o the indignity of it all & make me dream of jamming a nail into my head.

i can't remember the last time i was tied into a chair and made to sit through any.
maybe its a matter of learning who to avoid.
some of these terribly authentic guitarists who know those fucking songs really really want an audience to sit through them. it don't think it's easy to find others who willingly do that, so it pays to be paranoid.

o yeah: if you think that top 40-style format is easy to make, try making a short song with a hook and a variation. try it.
it ain't easy.

the other problem seems to be people listen for the lyrics.
well first off: WHO LISTENS TO TOP 40 FOR THE LYRICS? i mean, once you're past being, say 12.

then again, alot of my friends listen for lyrics. personally, i almost never listen either to or for them

here's an old song.
in a better world, maybe it'd have been a hit.

Not all song lyrics have to be amazing poetry. Some are just fun, some are silly, some sound stupid but work with the sound and rhythm of the song. Some of those weird-fitting expressions eventually catch on as urban speak. I like it when songs combine interesting lyrics and good musical quality, but I'm aware that there are many songs, Top 40 or not, that I like that aren't exactly complex. They make me move, or feel things. That is enough for me, in many cases. I don't try to explain why I like certain songs. I just enjoy them. Dissecting music too much really ruins it for me.