Weekly Workout 3 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

tecoyah · 07-26-2004, 02:38 AM

Think about this sentance.....

Write a short story (Ten Paragraph Max.)
that expresses the pictures it places in your mind.

"Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife"

Have fun.

KirStang · 07-29-2004, 11:48 AM

Hahaha, this'll be my first time, so be nice

Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife. As he laid upside down by the side of the interstate, all he could think about was her. She had always told him to slow down, to drive safe, and he had always responded with, "i will hon." It was the same this morning, before he left for work, she had given him her customary hug followed by a "drive safe alright?" But this morning it had felt different. Perhaps the hug was a bit longer? A bit tighter? Perhaps she had a premonition. He had noticed that her beautiful eyes shimmered as he turned away. Once Billy got behind the wheel of his porsche though, he dismissed the thought. He was still relatively young, twenty six to be exact, just beginning life. He wouldn't die.

It was supposed to be a normal day. Arrive to work at eight thirty, review client files, lunch at Benny's Cafe, back home to her by 7. It was ironic how something so small as clipping the back of a truck could have such a large effect as this. He had probably been ejected from the resulting impact as his car slammed in to a concrete divider. He couldn't be sure though. It had been a cocaphony of horrendous sounds accompanied with numbing sensations. As the world around him began to dim, his mind shifted to another time. A time, when the world was brighter, a time when everything was sweet. A time...when he was in love.

He remembered it had been those eyes that attracted him so. Something about the way they pursed slightly when she laughed. Or when they shone when she was excited. He remembered how the seemingly bottomless pools of blue looked at him whenever he was talking...He remembered how his heart bounced in his throat when he first approached her. He remembered their first conversation. He remembered their first date, their first kiss. He remembered....and now it was all gone.

Red..

then black.

"Goodbye babe" he whispered...

KirStang · 07-29-2004, 11:54 AM

eeek, i just checked the past workouts. They're supposed to be poems huh?

Gee i feel stupid, but i guess i'm leaving the above written up.

J.R.V.A. · 07-29-2004, 02:41 PM

No, this is for a short story. Bravo Bravo, very nice
Thanks for sharing

J.R.V.A. · 07-29-2004, 02:47 PM

Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife. He knew he should have listened to his girlfriend when she said stop. He just couldnt help it, they tasted so good. Overdosing on goat eyes.....What a way to die...

amonkie · 07-29-2004, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by J.R.V.A.
Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife. He knew he should have listened to his girlfriend when she said stop. He just couldnt help it, they tasted so good. Overdosing on goat eyes.....What a way to die...

Sorry JRVA, I just had to say that made me laugh for the first time today. Thanks!

Direct, to the point, and with a twist! What more could you ask for?

J.R.V.A. · 07-30-2004, 07:11 AM

No prob, I am glad it made youlaugh. That is what I was trying for

fallenangel · 07-30-2004, 10:58 PM

hahaha JRVA, that's cute, i giggled a bit to myself... i was expecting something serious then BAM i was wrong

fab

tecoyah · 07-31-2004, 12:10 PM

Far from his small town home, hiding in a small hedge outside her house he placed two rounds in the chamber. Billy never shot anyone before, he tried once but, well, sweat had steamed his glasses up and he missed.
Angie was a pretty good partner for the most part. Smart and quick, she had saved his ass more than once. It was hard to justify what he was about to do, when he thought too much, of course he wasn't real good at that anyway. But Angie was. Yeah, she was pretty smart, just not smart enough.
Billy could still feel the wet spot, where a trickle of blood soaked his pants.
"Cut off my fuckin' ball, that bitch." he mumbled in his southern exposed attempt at english. Ten years in the corps had taught him how to melt flesh to stop bleeding, that hurt more than the scissors she used.
Billy was well pissed, and in enough pain to make the snow an afterthought in a mangled mind. Still he needed to get closer, and the plows had piled a good ten feet of brown ice in front of Angies' windows. at least from the street it seemed so.
Climbing under the stunted bushes, he made his way, slowly to the top of the frozen hump. Only one light was on , upstairs in the bathroom. He did her in there a couple times. What a waste this was going to be, she could do things that.......gotta stop thinkin'.
The side of the house was full of what looked like Christmas trees to Billy, and he knew the last of them were right next to the back door. Sticking to plan he crouched through the evergreens, and up to the side of the stucco wall, he was so ready to do this.
There was a blue party light that lit up the entry to her back porch, it was the same color as her eyes when she was happy. Angie flipped between moods lick a freakin light switch, and her eye color changed with the attitude. Billy got out a wristrocket, and popped the bulb, nice and quiet.
As he pressed against the wall to slink towards the door he felt a little sting in his hand where it rubbed the stucco wall, like a bee sting he got when he was twelve. The memory flashed and was gone, his remaining ball ached like hell, and any other pain was barely noticable.
Almost at the screen door, Billy felt his breath get cold, as if the snow was giving him CPR.
"This ain't right", he said a little too loud, but he seemed to have had no control over the volume. As he inhaled following the outburst, his lungs failed to inflate. He tried to cough but couldn't, nothing from the neck down would move. Billy watched as the hard packed snow was lifted towards his face.
Angie put out her foot and rolled Billy over, index finger on the trigger of the 44 magnum she used for kills.
"What a waste", she said outloud. She could see the bloodstained patch where her handywork had ripped Billys' jewels, he had pissed himself as well.
Biily was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife, They were black, and they held love.

Grancey · 08-06-2004, 11:26 PM

Excellent descriptions. I was there. I could see it, feel it. And I could feel Billy's breath going cold. Good lead-in to those five sentences, which are strong and vivid.

J.R.V.A. · 08-07-2004, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by fallenangel
hahaha JRVA, that's cute, i giggled a bit to myself... i was expecting something serious then BAM i was wrong fab

Thanks, I am glad I could make you smile FA.....

07-26-2004, 02:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Weekly Workout 3 Think about this sentance..... Write a short story (Ten Paragraph Max.) that expresses the pictures it places in your mind. "Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife" Have fun. __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

07-29-2004, 02:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	No, this is for a short story. Bravo Bravo, very nice Thanks for sharing __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

07-29-2004, 02:47 PM	#5 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife. He knew he should have listened to his girlfriend when she said stop. He just couldnt help it, they tasted so good. Overdosing on goat eyes.....What a way to die... __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

07-30-2004, 07:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	No prob, I am glad it made youlaugh. That is what I was trying for __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

07-30-2004, 10:58 PM	#8 (permalink)
fallenangel soaring Location: near the water	hahaha JRVA, that's cute, i giggled a bit to myself... i was expecting something serious then BAM i was wrong fab __________________ all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

07-29-2004, 11:48 AM	#2 (permalink)
KirStang Future Bureaucrat	Hahaha, this'll be my first time, so be nice Billy was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife. As he laid upside down by the side of the interstate, all he could think about was her. She had always told him to slow down, to drive safe, and he had always responded with, "i will hon." It was the same this morning, before he left for work, she had given him her customary hug followed by a "drive safe alright?" But this morning it had felt different. Perhaps the hug was a bit longer? A bit tighter? Perhaps she had a premonition. He had noticed that her beautiful eyes shimmered as he turned away. Once Billy got behind the wheel of his porsche though, he dismissed the thought. He was still relatively young, twenty six to be exact, just beginning life. He wouldn't die. It was supposed to be a normal day. Arrive to work at eight thirty, review client files, lunch at Benny's Cafe, back home to her by 7. It was ironic how something so small as clipping the back of a truck could have such a large effect as this. He had probably been ejected from the resulting impact as his car slammed in to a concrete divider. He couldn't be sure though. It had been a cocaphony of horrendous sounds accompanied with numbing sensations. As the world around him began to dim, his mind shifted to another time. A time, when the world was brighter, a time when everything was sweet. A time...when he was in love. He remembered it had been those eyes that attracted him so. Something about the way they pursed slightly when she laughed. Or when they shone when she was excited. He remembered how the seemingly bottomless pools of blue looked at him whenever he was talking...He remembered how his heart bounced in his throat when he first approached her. He remembered their first conversation. He remembered their first date, their first kiss. He remembered....and now it was all gone. Red.. then black. "Goodbye babe" he whispered...

07-31-2004, 12:10 PM	#9 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Far from his small town home, hiding in a small hedge outside her house he placed two rounds in the chamber. Billy never shot anyone before, he tried once but, well, sweat had steamed his glasses up and he missed. Angie was a pretty good partner for the most part. Smart and quick, she had saved his ass more than once. It was hard to justify what he was about to do, when he thought too much, of course he wasn't real good at that anyway. But Angie was. Yeah, she was pretty smart, just not smart enough. Billy could still feel the wet spot, where a trickle of blood soaked his pants. "Cut off my fuckin' ball, that bitch." he mumbled in his southern exposed attempt at english. Ten years in the corps had taught him how to melt flesh to stop bleeding, that hurt more than the scissors she used. Billy was well pissed, and in enough pain to make the snow an afterthought in a mangled mind. Still he needed to get closer, and the plows had piled a good ten feet of brown ice in front of Angies' windows. at least from the street it seemed so. Climbing under the stunted bushes, he made his way, slowly to the top of the frozen hump. Only one light was on , upstairs in the bathroom. He did her in there a couple times. What a waste this was going to be, she could do things that.......gotta stop thinkin'. The side of the house was full of what looked like Christmas trees to Billy, and he knew the last of them were right next to the back door. Sticking to plan he crouched through the evergreens, and up to the side of the stucco wall, he was so ready to do this. There was a blue party light that lit up the entry to her back porch, it was the same color as her eyes when she was happy. Angie flipped between moods lick a freakin light switch, and her eye color changed with the attitude. Billy got out a wristrocket, and popped the bulb, nice and quiet. As he pressed against the wall to slink towards the door he felt a little sting in his hand where it rubbed the stucco wall, like a bee sting he got when he was twelve. The memory flashed and was gone, his remaining ball ached like hell, and any other pain was barely noticable. Almost at the screen door, Billy felt his breath get cold, as if the snow was giving him CPR. "This ain't right", he said a little too loud, but he seemed to have had no control over the volume. As he inhaled following the outburst, his lungs failed to inflate. He tried to cough but couldn't, nothing from the neck down would move. Billy watched as the hard packed snow was lifted towards his face. Angie put out her foot and rolled Billy over, index finger on the trigger of the 44 magnum she used for kills. "What a waste", she said outloud. She could see the bloodstained patch where her handywork had ripped Billys' jewels, he had pissed himself as well. Biily was about to die, but he knew those eyes would stay with him in the afterlife, They were black, and they held love. __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha Last edited by tecoyah; 07-31-2004 at 12:12 PM..

08-06-2004, 11:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
Grancey Life's short, gotta hurry... Location: land of pit vipers	Excellent descriptions. I was there. I could see it, feel it. And I could feel Billy's breath going cold. Good lead-in to those five sentences, which are strong and vivid. __________________ Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.