My Insanity Poem #1

[Lassus]

Insanity

There upon the edge of my eye I see the night
High above me I see the storm clouds grow
And yet the sun, though it gives me joy, is too bright
I feel it, the blackness, it begins to flow

This ache, this horrible ripping pain
And what little I could see becomes dim
My mind flys, breaking its chains
I sense the ice settleing into each and every limb

Then I awaken

And as I look around, all is askew
To Open my eyes, see, then I sobbed
Nothing I know, nor anything shall ever again be true
The blackness comes for it is my soul being mobbed

Never again shall I look out and see light
This strikes me, as the most horrible blow
And every step after shall forever more be a fight
My breath, I try to draw it but it comes so slow

Then I knew

Every step I stumble, yet I don't need a cane
I have lost and gained that which I value most, those akin
Everything twists, each and every lane
And every move I make is now a sin

What has happened to me, that what mind I had flew
Were my thoughts now crawl, they once ran, ducked and bobbed
The day I went out, that's the day I rue
My mind and soul, these are the things they have stolen, they have robbed

Then I awoke to what the world was and saw true

-Sean Caldwell

[vonstalhein]

i liked the first 2 stanzas best, nice and insane. Generally enjoyable, but some rhymes seem a tad tenuous maybe? I liked it anyway

[scrappmittens]

thats deep....

[Lassus]

I agree with u vonstalhein that the other stanzas are too loong but it was one o my earlier poems so is not my best work I like the other one I posted better

and thank u for the complimate scrappmittens If people keep resoponding like this I may post more

hehe my two fav things to get on my poems - constructive critizem and complimites ahaha