short story from a novice writer from long ago

[KellyC]

well..i wrote this free-style story telling in HS and my teach likes it..i thought I'd share..keep in mind that I young so be gentle on your comments/complains.

"Quietly, motionlessly, he sat still in the chair, in the middle of the room. Listening to the radio about the Al-Qeada and Taliban suffering, dying, a smile appeared on his face. His room was plain, so ordinary that its almost a new kind of room, completely different from other boys his age. The room without the mere desk and bare bed was almost empty. There were no posters on the walls, no toys on the floor, nothing! Nothing occupied the desk except the radio, well, something if you count the masses of dust that never been swept. The bed was particularly special, very original. A small twin size bed; over it a white bed sheet that covers the embarrassing urine stains from recent events, and some others from long ago. At the top, a pillow, inside the pillowcase are numerous drool stains that suggests it needs to be replaced. It should be replaced ages ago but he grew too fond of it to let it go. Yes, that pillow and a that dirty raghe calls his "blanky."

Turning off the radio, he stood up, walk to the bed and fall on it. The old bed produces incredibly irritating squeaks as he bounces up and down from the fall, just up and down. However, he was not bothered by it, in fact, the squeaks seems to encourage him more. He then stood up on the bed and jump with sheer joy making even more squeaks. Time after time, his feet sunk into the mattress and rocketed off again. The smile before is now a grinned-smile. Higher and higher he jumps, then a big "thud," his head collided with the ceiling. Small pain chips fell down as the turn smile up side down, yet another crack is born. As before, a big "whaaa!!" exploded from his mouth as he folds his hands over his head where a lump has arisen. His crying echoed through the empty hall way and peirced ther elder brother's ears. Annoyed, the brother quickly rises up and storms towards his room...."

I know the grammar is dreadful so please bear with it, I offer my most humble apology.

[losthellhound]

There is alot of character there.. Is this the first part in a larger story that you have written? The boy has alot of.. weird.. to offer and could make for a very twisted larger story..

Thank you for sharing

[J.R.V.A.]

I like it so far, please post more