I8one2 STUFF
 

Today I had a thought: Wait..........waiting...waiting for a thought.
Lets see how long I have waited?
In just a day, how long have I waited.
I waited to be awakened by my alarm.
I waited for the Weather Channel to show me my weather on the 8s.
I waited for the water in the shower to get warm.
I waited for my car to warm up, so I could drive away.
I waited for the parking meter to run down, so I could add more Quarters.
I waited in a municipal court house for 3 1/2 for them to fix a snafu.
I waited in traffic, grocery line, and for my coffee maker to make coffee.
I waited for my computer to boot up.
I waited for my friend so we could IM.
I am waiting for my favorite TV shows.
I am waiting for another thought...good bye....Wait, there might be more..
Just wait!

ts continuing inner turmoil confronting me everyday. I search within a narrow band to find the answer for serenity. How has it become that so many layers of my being are not "quote" the norm? And yet for all intense and purpose, I can survive in a normal world. A searcher of understanding how people think and act, gives me aid in understanding what is expected of me, but there must be more, but what? I can find confront in the same things others can, yet its considered abnormal, with the only reason being its label for women and I'm a man.

A beautiful birdie flew near me, should I kill it?
It was free to roam, full of spirit, go anywhere it chooses.
Should I smash it?
Bobbing to it own little beat, picking up fresh bits of tasty morsels.
Will I shoot it?
Lifting its head up high, singing such a gorgeous song for all to here.
Should I catch it and put it in a cage?
So healthy clean wings flapping colors to be seen.
Should I tie it up and feed it to my cat?
Freedom is just another word.
I can control it.
Fly birdie fly.
I catch if I want.

I have sought darkness I must be sad
I wore black and closed my eyes
Some must have died
I then sought light I must be happy
I wore white, yup I'm flabby
Healthy and alive..
Which do I choose today, thank god I can
See in Black and White

does anyone care to read anymore of my writings, a have a few?

Yipee! It is about time you started up here again my dearest friend! I have missed your words in this forum.
And you KNOW that I care to read more!
Thank you for sharing your words...your wisdom...your soul.
Always,
~Angel~

I read the stanzas
I echo the interest.
Yes, you should post more.

I waited for more......

A cultural freak, I pass without notice. Learning to adapt.
It used to have a dirty secret, yet everyday I see my fears erroding.
I read in the NYtimes that something once taboo is now in vogue by no less than PETA.
Should I come out or or just let the trend ride by, as so many others have. Having never been one to let cultural norms dicate me, but the voice from the ones I trust help guide my decisions. For as twisted as it may seem to some, a healthy normality has overcome me. I know now there are others just like me.

indeed my friend, indeed

My ugliness
 

Ugliness continues to rear its head within me, seeking not answers, but looking for reasons on why I am failing. I give myself time, patience, thought and the ability to do my tasks yet I continue to stumble on even the simplest of things...WHY me, Why me....I ask. Must I continue to punish myself?

I know the answers, all of them, and even the solutions, yet powerless to stop it. It strangles me with my inabilities and It hides deeply, all my successes. What I have accomplished doesn't matter during these times. And its not depression or the lack for the zest of life, I want to live and grow, build and prosper..Its ringing my mind! It in my mind! Its in my mind! Its in my mind!

I go back to see what has worked most recently to get me out of this ugliness...I tell my mind to shut up! Just leave it alone for a minute and let me clear myself of this ugliness, I say... I wash my mind clear, just for a moment, don't think, not for a moment, but actually just do..Just do... action is needed!!!!NOW.

And even, if only for that moment I DID, I have done, and not just thought!..I have grown, accomplished and get ugliness be silence once more..

well you didnt wait for responses. :P