personal care
 

when your SO stresses very easily, and self-destructs, i.e., doesn;t eat anything for maybe 2-3 days, sleeps only 2 hours a night, gets very emotional easily, what is that a sign of? I am so concerned about my SO personal habits, and I keep trying to help, but it doesn;t change much..
How can someone who doesn;t take care of themselves, expect to be able to take care of someone else, and create a healthy relationaship?

They can't. Nobody's perfect, obviously, but in a healthy relationship both people at least can give the other what they need: emotional support, a reality check, or similar things. If only one person is doing it, the relationship isn't healthy. The only way to sustain such a relationship is for one person to be the enabler -- and that's _not_ healthy.

Which may be the role you've taken on. But I'd need more information to say more. Want to elaborate?

Have you considered the possibility that not eating or sleeping when she's stressed is how your SO takes care of him/herself? ;)

Thats sounds bloody serious. Perhaps your SO needs professional help.

It sounds to me like your SO may be manic, or using meth....that or your SO is my ex-wife and in that case both are likely.

This does set off warning bells to me.... there are allot of people that have very poor coping skills when it comes to stress... and often it required professional help....

If your SO is not on drugs or any kind of medication (please let us know so we can rule that issue out as a possible cause), this example would strike me as perhaps a mental health issue...
Does your SO have any issues with depression or show any signs of a mood disorder??

here is a link to find out more about Mood disorders:
http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/patient...alhealth/mood/

Is this the same individual that you were reffering to in your 'getting over breakups thread in ladies lounge?'

I would highly suggest that you help your SO towards professional help! some couseling would would be very helpful to your SO.

I would also like to point out that someone with poor coping skills/and or some mental health issues present will not be able to be part of a giving and healthy relationship... until someone has dealt with his or her own issues, they cannot have a sucessful long term relationship....
so expect that you might have to leave you SO if they can't give you want you want and deserve.

Sweetpea

Yup - manic-depressive maybe. Or something else, but that's not normal, if you're saying this is a regular reaction to life's little troubles. If you just got finished telling her you tapped her sister, it's more understandable, but for anything less than that...

no he's not on any drugs, and this post has absolutely nothing to do with the other one in the ladies lounge. I'm just concerned..he's the sweetest guy--he will do anything for me, but sometimes, it's just too much to handle..like, everything he does, whether it be a good gesture or something bad, will be to the extreme.

Wow...that doesn't sound like a good way!!

tell me about it..

ok so maybe I should have expounded on things. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things. Some people eat, some people shop, some people lock themselves in their rooms and blast music. Until the SO finds a healthier outlet, this may be the only way he knows how to deal with stress. It doesn't make someone manic just because they don't sleep or eat. How often does he do this? Once a week? A month? A year??

That sounds very much like bi-polar disorder. If he has raging highs and crushing lows, swings back between good and bad suddenly, with no warning, and very rarely is totally "even keeled" - that's textbook for bi-polar disorder.

Taboo, if he's being manic, for ANY reason, you owe it to yourself and him to get him to counseling or break up. He could seriously, definitely HURT you when he gets into the bottoming out of his manic cycle.

I agree. He needs counseling, but a doctor, too. All possible organic issues should be checked out, and medication may (I say "may," and he should get a couple of opinions on this) be called for.

If you can't get him to move in this direction, you may need to step away from the relationship -- though not entirely from the person, if you still want to help him. Perhaps he has family that could help out or take charge.

i think it's become his lifestyle..he's become so accustomed to dealing with things this way, and he ends up getting to the point where his system can;t handle it anymore..and then he starts doing somethhing about it..

i understand that people do cope with things in different ways, thats' cool by me. But everyone knows their own limits! right? If you consciously know that in doing "x", you'll become"y", why do it? I think this self-destructive behavior is also a way to punish himself because he tends to always blame himself when things go wrong, when it could totally be someone else's fault..

This sounds like a meth-head or coke-head to me. :(

You can't have a good relationship with someone who is like that all the time. If they can't handle their own lives, they certainly can't handle the additional responsibility required for a good relationship.

ever ask them if they realize what theyre doing and if so if they feel that they need help or perhaps that you think they need help?

he does realize what he's doing; he knows he's self-destructing.
he's not on any drugs ect, for those who keep thinking that!
i can;t say he;s constantlylike that, but every 2 weeks, he'll suddenly be really down, and for what? maybe a small disagreement that we have (not even a "fight"--he keeps blaming himself if things don;t go they way he thought they would.

other than that he's very very affectionate, pleasant to be around, always.

wow. Is his name Zak and does he live in Dallas, NC?

Girly, get out of shit creek before he takes the paddle away from you. For obvious, previously stated by everyone else reasons.

That boy sounds like *bad* news