Troubling situation with a friend
 

Hey everyone, I have arrived at a very strange and hurtful situation for me. I recently got the idea for a joke to play on my friend, and other people tagged along and it got more out of hand than I had in mind. After this she was very angry with me and didn't talk to me for about a week. I decided to give her her space and let her calm down. After the week passed, she still was ignoring me, acting like I wasn't there, etc. I 'confronted' her in a very non-hostile way, asking why she was still mad at me, and also only at me. She is kinda high strung and told me that she was mad at me because I, of all people, should have known her and know that she wouldn't find it funny (I realized that the out of hand version wouldn't be funny, but again, not what I intended), and I understand that.
But heres the hard part. She said that her life is too stressful right now and that she needs "infinite space" from me. She is/was (hurts to think that) one of my BEST FRIENDS. She essentially told me to fuck off... Of course for the time being, I am going to leave her alone, so, if she still is mad, that she can sufficiently calm down. However, it is very scary to me to think that she might never be my friend again. Basically I'm wondering how to proceed, and your opinions - which I know won't be too accurate considering you don't know her - on the matter. Thanks for all replies and help.

Edit: I just realized that I didn't say what I had done. In my astronomy class, we had a lab involving lenses, and at the end, it involved focusing the light to a point so that we could burn through paper. I intended to burn a little dot in a corner of her planner, but when the other people tagged along, a considerable portion of one of the pages was scorched, and some of the burns were deeper, going through several pages. I was also considering, at the very least replacing her planner exactly, so that it'd show that I was sorry, that I wanted to make a mense, and also so that she wouldn't be hurt/angry whenever she saw her planner.

From my experience, the WORST times to play jokes are during labs. I remember all the times kids getting kicked out classes because they chose to screw around during labs. Labs can be extremely dangerous.

You're best bet is to simply let her have her space. She knows that you want to make up with her, but the ball is now in her court. If she wants to make up with you eventually, she will certainly do it. If she doesn't, then you learned an expensive lesson.

<i>that I wanted to make a mense</i>

Only a cervix can make a mense.

Otherwise, you were a twit. "Other people tagged along" burning her planner? Maybe if you could really recognize who is at fault here, you might make some headway.

By the way, buying a replacement for something you ruined does not make amends. You don't get a free run on being an asshat because you have money to replace stuff.

Just stay away for a while. Go work in a soup kitchen. Learn the value of personal space and belongings. Stop burning things, Beavis.

I sense that that this wasn't the only thing to trigger her anger. This sounds like it was more of the last straw. Perhaps it wasn't even you that led up to it, but your actions reminded her of past insults from other people, and she was disgusted that you, a person she trusted, would also attack her in that way.

Rereading the actual incident, you, her friend, instigated many other people in the class to attack her stuff. You could have told them to stop. She doesn't trust you.

...ouchie.

Well now that the "i've never done anything wrong in my entire life" and "calling people names makes my perfection feel even better" camps have weighed in, I guess I'll have my turn at it. Yeah, that's a not-so-subtle way of saying not to be a dick to the other members.

Next time, if you want to play a prank- execute it properly, or completely wash your hands of it. The only people involved in a prank should be those who have to be. You pretty much asked for it to get fucked up by letting others "tag along". But, hey, not everyone is a great prankster, so lesson learned on this one.

As far as the friend goes, there might not be much you can do. A large portion of parnking is knowing that the prank is worth the fallout, and that the fallout is acceptable. You miscalculated, you judged your friend wrong, it happens... but you might have been more careful when you had a good friendship on the line. This may have to be your lesson, I'm afraid. Take heart, though, there will be other friends. Life of full of opportunities to meet new people, especially when you're still in school, so just see this as a point taken, and move on... if your friend wants to stay a friend, she will let you know.

Sorry for being a dick.. Perhaps somebody should look in on the "I'm Being Sued For Piracy" to see it in action. That guy's getting slammed.

Burning a hole in a person's planner using lenses? I don't get the funny. But, you did properly explain the idea of pranking, which I guess I should've done. Planning needs to be done. The more, the much less merrier. Don't let others tag along. They don't "get" the mission.

Not perfect. Accomplished many pranks. Got caught twice.

The best advice I could give in repetance for my dickedness is that the best pranks are those where actual people aren't hurt or their property damaged, but things that are actually funny, clever, and surprising.

send her some flowers to the school/college/work etc..girls love flowers :D

nothing better than fresh flowers to say im sorry

Funny that you say that, actually. Her birthday is coming up, and I've been planning this for a while, since this summer basically. Her favorite flower is the lilly of the valley which only grows in spring. Since her bday is in winter, I thought it couldn't happen, at which point my mother mentioned to me a technique called 'forcing' flowers where you can just put bulbs of them in the fridge for several months to simulate winter. I've done that and they will be grown and presented for her bday. A bouquet of her favorite flower that grows in the summer given to her in the winter. I like the thought of that. :) At this point I really have no idea how this is going to go, but at the very least, I'm always going to keep some hope that we can reconcile because we have been through alot of hard times and helped each other through alot of hard times. It just seems like too much to throw away.
We've been fine and talking normally when we are around each other, but its just a casual aquaitance thing, joking. It is essentially like we are in the "just getting to know each other" stage of a friendship except we know basically everything about each other. Its confusing to say the least.

dont go over the top like valentines day flowers..just something simple to say "im sorry, but i adore your friendship...plz forgive me"

you dont want to be giving wrong impressions either

I'm not, or atleast by my definition I'm not. It was just going to be a simple little bouquet of her favorite flowers, no big heart shaped box of candy or teddy bear holding a heart etc. :D

Andtylertoo.. just wondering how you went with the flowers?

eeerrr...someone explain why it would be funny to burn a hole in your "best friend's" planner? I don't get it. No, really. It's not funny at all.

It's a shame it got out of hand but it WAS your fault that it happened in the first place.

I don't know your friend but perhaps she has been targeted for practical jokes and unpleasant situations before. You should know. If she says you should have known she would hate it, then you REALLY should have known.

Playing a joke for laughs at your best friend's expense, that involves destroying something she owns and is, on top of things, personal, is pretty dumb.

I'm NOT saying I'm perfect but I can see why she'd be angry. Next time don't do it. I hope she accepts your apology.

Give it a couple weeks, and be ready with a present and a thought out explanation about your hindsight being 20/20. Tell her how much you missed her company and that you'd hate to end your friendship with such a horrible mistake on your part.
You can salvage this thing, you just have to give up your pride for a bit.
It's probably a good idea to avoid practical jokes altogether as far as friends are concerned. They are the Russian roulette of the comedy world.

Hey guys, just wanted to give an update. As some of you suggested, and as I thought was probably best, I just gave it time and gave her some space. Over the past week or so, she has been talking to me, and joking around with me, and things are seeming to get back to normal. They aren't totally, yet, but they're definitely heading there. She even called over the weekend and we talked for a bit just about nothing in particular. The biggest thing for me is that she is the one who is starting the friendship up again, just a very happy time right now. Thanks to those of you who gave advice.

good to hear...

AndTylerToo,

Ah good to hear it Tyler! I was going to suggest booze, drugs and permiscous sex but things seem to have worked out fine :thumbsup:

AndTylerToo,

Now that I'm an old bastard, I'm going to advise you to 1. not worry so much about the prank. Worry a little bit...but if she had laughed, you'd all be laughing. Pranks/jokes sometimes go that way. 2. don't sweat the thing with your friend so much. it'll work itself out. or it won't. but you're young, you're forced to be around each other a bunch. it'll work out.

Sounds like everything is working out with your friendship, this is good to hear as a really close friendship is something to keep. I love that flower idea, really nice of you. Mind if I use it some time, never even hear of it. I would recommend on her B-Day (if it hasn't passed) to give the flowers and once again apologize for the not so smart thing you did. Let her know how important your friendship is to you and you'll never do something like that again. Good luck.

I'm glad it all worked out. Good luck to you!