Estate Settlements (an anonymous rant) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 10-07-2005, 03:56 AM

A TFP'er asked to have this tirade posted anonymously...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where to begin? I'm falling into a situation I'd heard of but never expected: Rough family estate settlement with my three older siblings. They're making decisions that directly affect me without consulting me. The executor, my brother, isn't sticking with commitments, is splitting his compensated executor-duty time with his hobby startup business, all while putting on a very good show for the other two who have less contact with daily duties. He's not one to be honest with himself on failings, which makes progress difficult. At this point I'm feeling quite the outsider.

The last straw happened today. It's an issue I can't talk much about but directly affects my residence (part of the estate). I'd asked in a meeting “Will you or will you not do such before we talk again?” He affirmed with all of us present we'd meet again to come to a decision. Today I find out they discussed it among themselves and decided, without anyone telling me until I pushed for the follow-up meeting. The effect really puts me in a pinch. Right now I'm pissed off, feeling betrayed, and know that's affecting my decision-making. At the same time I'm feeling the need to cover my ass. Fooled me twice has come & gone, and my trust along with it.

Has anyone experienced similar trials? Have any advice? I'm trying to balance my emotions and fragments of family faith against preventing more of what seems like abuse. Tempted to just sign my percentage over to a charity and join the Peace Corps. Left a message this evening for my attorney. Hopefully he's available tomorrow. Can't believe it's coming to this.

BonesCPA · 10-07-2005, 12:43 PM

Your attorney should be able to answer your questions, but in the meantime...

Generally, in an estate situation, the beneficiaries are afforded the most consideration in the settlement of the estate. If the will says Joey gets the ottoman and Susie gets the piano, if those assets exist at the time of death and do not need to be sold to cover the debts of the estate, then then should go to the person so directed in the will. If not, then the beneficiaries can sue the executor for not following the terms of the will.

Reading further into your rant, I will make some assumptions that may or may not be accurate, but based on my experience I should be pretty close. It appears as though you live in a house that is part of the estate. Most likely you are the only remaining child that lived with a parent who died. You didn't have any plans to move out of the house in the near future. Your siblings, who are also beneficiaries of the estate, have decided to sell the house so that the proceeds can be distributed to the beneficiaries (of which you are one.) You see it as a greedy cash grab that doesn't take your situation into consideration.

Unless the will states that you should be afforded the opportunity to remain in the house for a period of time (specific or not), the executor is authorized to manage the estate in whatever method they feel is appropriate. The will maker made the decision to have this person as the executor, so it must be assumed (in the eyes of the law), that they will act in the best interest of all beneficiaries. The meeting of everyone besides you in making the determination is not illegal - as a beneficiary you are afforded some rights, but being part of the decision making process is not one of them.

That is the jist of the law for estates.

Now with the human emotions that are going with this situation, it may not be "fair" to you to be forced to relocate because everyone else wants the money/doesn't want the hassle of keeping the house. That is something you will have to deal with on a family level. Hopefully the proceeds you receive wil allow you to relocate to and adequate location.

Redlemon · 10-07-2005, 12:46 PM

Whatever happens, please try to avoid having this split your family. My dad's two sisters don't talk to each other anymore following my grandmother's death and the division of her estate, and that was over 20 years ago.

Charlatan · 10-07-2005, 01:04 PM

I agree with Redlemon... when my Dad died my brother managed to hang onto over 150K more than we was supposed to... I could have made a stink about it but didn't. I told him he was wrong, despite the legality of his actions, and left it to his concience.

Sure it bugged me but not enough to go to war over it. It wasn't like I had the money and he took it. It was just "extra money".

StanT · 10-07-2005, 01:25 PM

I know I will be looking at this situation in a few years. Several of my siblings are already fighting over my parent's estate to the point that I am the only one that everyone will accept as executer. I don't want the job. I've asked my parents to be as specific as they possibly can and I know they just don't see the need.

I honestly hope they live long enough to spend all of their money. I don't need it, don't want it, and certainly don't want to deal with the family fight that it will create.

10-07-2005, 03:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Estate Settlements (an anonymous rant) A TFP'er asked to have this tirade posted anonymously... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Where to begin? I'm falling into a situation I'd heard of but never expected: Rough family estate settlement with my three older siblings. They're making decisions that directly affect me without consulting me. The executor, my brother, isn't sticking with commitments, is splitting his compensated executor-duty time with his hobby startup business, all while putting on a very good show for the other two who have less contact with daily duties. He's not one to be honest with himself on failings, which makes progress difficult. At this point I'm feeling quite the outsider. The last straw happened today. It's an issue I can't talk much about but directly affects my residence (part of the estate). I'd asked in a meeting “Will you or will you not do such before we talk again?” He affirmed with all of us present we'd meet again to come to a decision. Today I find out they discussed it among themselves and decided, without anyone telling me until I pushed for the follow-up meeting. The effect really puts me in a pinch. Right now I'm pissed off, feeling betrayed, and know that's affecting my decision-making. At the same time I'm feeling the need to cover my ass. Fooled me twice has come & gone, and my trust along with it. Has anyone experienced similar trials? Have any advice? I'm trying to balance my emotions and fragments of family faith against preventing more of what seems like abuse. Tempted to just sign my percentage over to a charity and join the Peace Corps. Left a message this evening for my attorney. Hopefully he's available tomorrow. Can't believe it's coming to this. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-07-2005, 12:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
BonesCPA No. It's not done yet. Location: sorta kinda phila	Your attorney should be able to answer your questions, but in the meantime... Generally, in an estate situation, the beneficiaries are afforded the most consideration in the settlement of the estate. If the will says Joey gets the ottoman and Susie gets the piano, if those assets exist at the time of death and do not need to be sold to cover the debts of the estate, then then should go to the person so directed in the will. If not, then the beneficiaries can sue the executor for not following the terms of the will. Reading further into your rant, I will make some assumptions that may or may not be accurate, but based on my experience I should be pretty close. It appears as though you live in a house that is part of the estate. Most likely you are the only remaining child that lived with a parent who died. You didn't have any plans to move out of the house in the near future. Your siblings, who are also beneficiaries of the estate, have decided to sell the house so that the proceeds can be distributed to the beneficiaries (of which you are one.) You see it as a greedy cash grab that doesn't take your situation into consideration. Unless the will states that you should be afforded the opportunity to remain in the house for a period of time (specific or not), the executor is authorized to manage the estate in whatever method they feel is appropriate. The will maker made the decision to have this person as the executor, so it must be assumed (in the eyes of the law), that they will act in the best interest of all beneficiaries. The meeting of everyone besides you in making the determination is not illegal - as a beneficiary you are afforded some rights, but being part of the decision making process is not one of them. That is the jist of the law for estates. Now with the human emotions that are going with this situation, it may not be "fair" to you to be forced to relocate because everyone else wants the money/doesn't want the hassle of keeping the house. That is something you will have to deal with on a family level. Hopefully the proceeds you receive wil allow you to relocate to and adequate location. __________________ Back into hibernation.

10-07-2005, 12:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Whatever happens, please try to avoid having this split your family. My dad's two sisters don't talk to each other anymore following my grandmother's death and the division of her estate, and that was over 20 years ago. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

10-07-2005, 01:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I agree with Redlemon... when my Dad died my brother managed to hang onto over 150K more than we was supposed to... I could have made a stink about it but didn't. I told him he was wrong, despite the legality of his actions, and left it to his concience. Sure it bugged me but not enough to go to war over it. It wasn't like I had the money and he took it. It was just "extra money". __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

10-07-2005, 01:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	I know I will be looking at this situation in a few years. Several of my siblings are already fighting over my parent's estate to the point that I am the only one that everyone will accept as executer. I don't want the job. I've asked my parents to be as specific as they possibly can and I know they just don't see the need. I honestly hope they live long enough to spend all of their money. I don't need it, don't want it, and certainly don't want to deal with the family fight that it will create.