Is flirting harmless?
 

If you found out your SO was flirting via email -or- at work, would you be angry enough to end the relationship? Would it upset you or would you shrug it off, b/c of trust? Does flirting always lead to other things? Do you think the motivation to flirt always leads to something or is it just an innocent ego booster?

it depends on how much you trust your so.
i'm pretty open and i'm not the jealous type so if she does/did i wouldn't mind.
i flirt at work also, but its just flirting. i wouldn't cheat on my gf.
its all about how much trust you guys have in each other.

The level of trust in a relationship dictates the level of flirting that can be allowed. If there is little or no trust then flirting will damage a relationship, if 2 people are assured in there relationship and trust one another that flirting stops with flirting then so be it: its fine ego boosting and can be a turn on to the other partner, I get a little boost when I find out another man finds my GF attractive.

i trust my wife completely. It also depends on who the other person is. To me that part matters as well, since knowing how the other person might take the flirting would affect how I would respond. If I thought the other person would take it more then it is, then I would have an issue with it.

I think everyone that was at the rochester party will atest to my flirtatiousness. Dave is the same way....we are natural flirters, we do it without even realizing it most of the time. So, with us, no I have no problem with it..and it really never leads to anything else.

I'm a flirter as well, but my intentions are innocent, and my wife is comfortable with it. But, is he doing it behind your back? That's where I'd start to be concerned. Hiding things isn't good.

It depends on the person and why they are flirting... I know two types of flirts, one is harmless the other is dangerous.

There are some people who just flirt for the sake of flirting, kinda like a dog chasing after a car... If they actually catch the car, they would have no idea what to do and wouldn't do anything. There are others, who it becomes a form of manipulation, or a way to have their ego stroked, that every male or female that tehy come into contact with, has to want them...

I try to flirt sometimes, and do it badly, and speaking from my experiences... Flirting can get really annoying at times because it does get in the way of actually getting to know a person.... It's completely superficial... and it's a good way of hiding behind yourself.

Both my wife and I are incorrigible flirters... we don't even think about it when the other flirts.

That said, Maleficent has put it best...

I see flirtation as a way of expressing interest in someone, as well as a boost to Ego (on both sides). It can be the beginning of something in depth and benefitial, or a harmless vent of sexual tension.....which it turns into depends on both parties involved in the relationship it creates. The key may very well be in how honest we can be once flirting passes the point of pure fun, and becomes an emotional thing.
I suppose much of the flavour of the flirt comes down to "How" we interact, and if indeed there is something behind the play that might make it real in the mind of one or the other. If we see something there, and wish to avoid hurting someone, great care must be taken......or, simply ending the flirt completely.

Just my take.

I am a hopeless flirt, much to the chagrine of the spouse and one other. Will I stop? Hell no! It's all that's been said; an ego boost, fun and as long as I don't look like a desperate old fool, it harms no one as long as lines are clear.
If, as Tecoyah mentioned, there is something behind the play, then it isn't flirting, it's personal interaction, which, too, can be quite fun-it just 'says' more to those involved in it. The key is to be aware of what the actions are doing to the receiver and pay attention to responses.

Well, if you had asked me a couple years ago I would have said yes and keep close tabs. I used to be a very jealous person and fly off the handle if another person even looked or spoke to my SO. I was also a chronic snooper and spied a lot. These are not attractive qualities in anyone. So, I got rid of them.
However, now I am very comfortable in my relationship and know that no harm will come from it. I am one of those people who don't realize when I am flirting. I find it as harmless fun unless it is physical touching.

I find that if a person is jealous it means that there are insecurities either about the relationship or the person who is jealous. At least that is my experience.

Love this analogy. :lol: I never thought of it that way.

I flirt, but outside of work. I know that a flirtation can be a lot of fun in the short term. I have never engaged in a long-term flirtation because the aggregate relationship could morph, and the changes aren't necessarily to the good.

Seeing as I am getting divorced maybe that can change now ;)
(hey Mal - I'll be seeing you in chat)

if you flirt with someone you usually get what you want fromt hem with out having to ask for it and be told no ( nothing sexual)

So you flirt to manipulate people into doing what you want and getting what you need... :)

I enjoy flirting, as does my wife, and our SO. To us, it's fun, exciting, and a way to interact with people. We trust each other a lot, and have always divule\ged who we're flirting with to each other, just to keep things on the up and up. SO, I see it as harmless.

It really all comes down to trust and intentions. My intentions are mutual ego stroking (who doesn't like to know that other people find them attractive, after all?) and the women know it, and I think it's the same with them.

A lot of the time this is how I see flirting... maybe I'm broken???

I think Anxst is also correct in saying that "It really all comes down to trust and intentions." Often I find myself looking for the 'intentions' behind the flirting... I need to be able to trust the intentions of the person I flirt with, and that usually means I need to have a closer relationship (in friendship and trust) even if the flirting is not done for or leading toward a physical act.

I'm not even sure if that makes sense... :confused:

indeed true words here Mal.

It depends on the person.

I am a flirt, my husband is used to it, i however have never cheated and would not dream of it, but lighthearted flirting is in my nature and my husband is fine with it and even finds it amusing.

My husband is not a flirt at all and never has been, so if he were to do it, it would be out of character and would signal something was not right to me.

I think what it comes down to is:

Is it normally in this person's behavior to flirt or not?

And if he/she is keeping this flirting a secret, that would certainly be a warning flag to me... keeping secrets is never good for a relationship.

Sweetpea

i tend to be pretty flirty in person, especially provided with a little bit of liquid courage. so no...i don't see an issue with it. if i'm serious about someone, it's going to show in different ways than a bit of flirting.

My wife is okay with my flirtatiousness, as she knows I am an outgoing person who is (quite) gabby. It doesn't bother her because I show my love for her in big and small ways and she knows I want to be with her, and would never do more than flirt.. and light flirting at that.

two more things...

When we were together about six months, I called her from work on my lunch and told her about an experience i just had.. A customer told me that they couldn't go back to work that day without letting me know they thought I was cute.. upon hearing this, my not yet wife asked (slightly coolly) if I got a phone number to which I replied that he wasn't my type.. she laughed sooo hard, and has never been bugged by my flirting since.

The other thing is that I don't flirt... I flirt back.
To be honest though, if a woman makes eye contact, I assume she's flirting.

I'm so jealous as to how open you all are and how flirting doesn't affect you at all. :(

My GF is very "friendly", she says she is not, but I see it and everyone else that she comes in contact with... Some things she has done before has really hurt me and I dont think I could ever forget or forgive her, even though she did not cheat, her flirting has made me think of her as a totally different person.

maybe i should add that in RL, i'm also a bit of a jealous person. maybe i'm a jealous person in recovery. it's not that my SO's flirting doesn't affect me, but that i'm trying really hard to let it affect me like i want my flirting to affect them.

if she's trying to hurt you by doing this, that's a whole different ballgame. if she's trying to have some fun, and stay true to your relationship...

I would say flirting is usually just for ego and attention.

"If you found out your SO was flirting via email -o"

Did you read his email and find something that made you suspicious?

I agree completely. I tend to ignore people who flirt, mainly because I have no interest in indulging someone else’s ego and two; the only time flirting is truly harmful is when it gets me in trouble with my g/f. Of course, I don’t flirt. I'm not much on it and never was. There are much more mature ways to let a woman know you are interested. Plus, if you have any game at all, women will be more direct than merely flirting anyway.

In the case of an email, if I caught my g/f flirting through the email, I wouldn't end the relationship, but I would give her a good talking to.

I don't see it as always an ego stroke, although it can be...but usually just harmless fun.