Self-deprecating, is there a line?
 

I've recently been thinking about self-deprecating thoughts and behaviours.

I see a few reasons for this outlook;

* Tending to undervalue oneself and one's abilities
* To be conscious of your own shortcomings
* Used in humour, a sarcasm or joke - stated but not believed
* Used as a self-limiting belief or used as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

There may be more reasons, but that would be the reason for this post. What is it about these thoughts or behaviours that is useful or damaging? Where is the line between sarcasm, realism and a self-limiting thought or behaviour?

I have noticed in my community, self-deprecating behaviour is seen as being able to have a laugh at yourself, your not taking yourself too seriously. You know your shortcomings and are not ashamed of your own limitations.

So what are your experiences? Is it more damaging or is it a realistic perspective? Is it something to embrace, or something we should steer clear of? Where is the line?

I am probably the wrong person to be answering this question.... because I will be the first person to send off a laundry list of my shortcomings.. there are many, and if people don't see t hem, I w ill happily point t hem out.

I can see some people doing so, as a means to get other people to say - -OH NO you really aren.... insert adjective here.... that's not my motive.... having spent my entire life practically being told by teachers, parents, people who knew me that I wasn't smart enough o r pretty enough or anything enough... that it because easier to point out my shortcomings and laugh about them.. rather than have soemone else do it and have them be hurtful... (humor is a wonderful defence mechanism)

I come across other people in my daily life with way overblown egos, and I'm not sure that's any healthier than my method because I swear that they are delusional... that they can't possibly be as wonderful as they seem to think they are... but it's there fantasy world -- live and let live... but I know others will make them a target and when reality hits them I would imagine t he crash would be pretty hard.

I can understand your outlook mal, but do you think this defence mechanism is realistic for your potential? Or, does it hold you back? I would say I see you as very smart.. yet you don't see that? Is self-deprecating a help or a hinderance for you?

The overblown egos.. yep, I see those too... but this is where I wonder, where is that line?

I am also guilty, I do both... I will happily poke fun at myself, but then there are times I think it honestly holds me back.. I find that interesting.

I'm also guilty, as hell. My ego is doing just fine, making fun of myself suits me much better than beating on my chest and telling the world how wonderful I am. I make smart ass remarks about everyone else, why would I leave myself out?

I have a giant ego and I am self-deprecating.

I know I'm damn good at a lot of things and I'm not afraid to show it, but I also know my limitations and I am very hard on myself for failure of any kind which could have been prevented.

Being able to laugh at yourself is really key, people who can not laugh at themselves, IMO, tend to be assholes and very self-absorbed. Odds are on any given day you will do at least one stupid thing, think one stupid thought, or catch yourself in a logical fallacy.

The problem with self-depreciation is when it reaches a level of expected failure and despair. When you assume you can't do things, you will not do those things.

I've spent most of my life underestimating myself when it comes to pretty much anything. Even after successfully achieving/winning something I still believe that it was due to a random fluke rather than skill/ability.

I know my weaknesses, but sometimes they get to me. Usually when I become bored is when it happens. Once I start concentrating on the negative I just have to go use one of my talents, which reminds me that my flaws are not overwhelming, and also makes me more productive. Its good to know your "shortcommings," but you certainly don't want to let them get you down. I strongly believe it's important to focus hard on your strengths, but you should also know your weaknesses so you can work to improve them.

Took the words right out my mouth! :lol:

I find that my self-depreciation is a pain in the ass during interviews. I know several jobs i should have got by simply handing in a CV, but because i went into the interview in 'i suck' mode, didn't get what i should have.

I know what I'm good at and I know what areas I suck in. My self-deprecating ways tend to be toward my appearance more than anything.
As with Mal, comments directed toward me as a teenager regarding my appearance and lack of success at anything tend to stick even now, though I know I'm not the ugly timid kid with the crooked teeth and acne any more. I continuously have to work at killing those old misconceptions in my own mind.
It took a lot of work and help to forego the mental trappings of growing up-to understand that, although it's all a part of who I was, it is not the definition of who I am now.

I guess knowing yourself is the key here. It's important to know your limits, but it's equally (or more) important to push or test them from time to time. Developing an over-confident approach to life brings with it its own limitations. The key is to honestly and objectively know yourself without the overly subjective ego getting in the way with its own value judgements.

Much easier said than done.

It's also possible to be humble without being negative on yourself. Quietly confident people are able to exude competence without having to shout it from the rooftops, but are also capable of laughing at their own absurdities whenever they surface.

Yea I used to do that on interviews too. Took me a while to overcome all the years I was told to not brag about myself.

I don't consider myself self depricating.

I am a humble human.

There is a happy medium with this, as with everything else. It's good to be able to see what you need improvement on and be able to laugh at yourself and be humble. On the other hand, there is NOTHING more annoying that trying to talk to a person who is never happy with what they've done (likewise, trying to complement or console a mate who is never happy with her appearance).

Self-confidence (not over-confidence) is impearitive for success. No one is going to hire the guy that (openly) thinks he's going to take over the company (l keep it as my secret plan), but likewise they are not going to hire the tiny mouse that can't squeak out anything that he is good at.

I often poke fun at my mistakes, and myself in as humorous a manner as I can. I regard most of my mishaps and stupidities as fodder for a good story to share with my friends and family.

I don’t think it’s appropriate at all in a job interview. The most dreaded interview or evaluation question for me is when they ask, “What weaknesses do you have?” or “Where do you think you need improvement?” Or the behavior type: “Tell us about a time you failed at a project, and how you handled it”.

What is the perfect answer for those types of questions? I’d love to know. I do better on the behavior ones, because I can usually come up with a situation where it wasn’t my own failure, other factors contributed...but I overcame it and succeeded, yada yada yada. Coming up with a weakness/fault that’s all my own – that’s a tough one in a job interview. I think on the last interview I actually said, “I really can’t think of any”. Probably a crummy answer, but I did end up with the job. :D

In an interview, use this as an opportunity to show how you are always learning - "I have done this in the past, but I have improved by...". The hidden question is how do you evaluate yourself and improve.

I use self-deprication a lot to disarm people in business and friendships. Knowing that I tend to joke around with people quite a bit, it takes a bit of the edge off when I pick on myself first. Of course, I should just not pick on others, especially strangers - I just can't seem to behave that way, though...

I veer between moster ego, and scared little boy.

Right now I'm scoring on the low numbers.

Not a good day here - I'd best not answer this thread.

I think the damaging effects come when you cannot function as a "normal" person because your standards of yourself prevent that. I think that most people make fun of their self because they are comfortable with who they are. They don't really hate themselves, they just joke around. I do the same thing, I joke around about myself but I never accept those are truths.

I guess whether you accept the self-depreciating as truth to the point where it "damages" you psychologically, mentally or sometimes physically is where the line should be drawn.

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm very self-deprecating.