Is everyone alone? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

StarCrossed · 05-01-2005, 10:56 AM

I just got out of a serious relationship. Feeling like i was abandoned by someone who was everything to me, that leads to the question, out of billions and billions of human beings, in my view, it seems like i am ultimately alone. I know my family loves me, and so do my, few, close friends. In a society revolving around profits and money, lets face it this is a dog eat dog world and its very cold. I have had some good childhood friends; where are they now? Even though i dont want to think about it, eventually my parents will be gone, or me before them, which ever comes first. Yes, if they pass, they will be in my heart, but they will be gone; out of my life, just like the girl who supposively loved me with all her heart, just like the friends that have come and gone. Besides my family, everyone so far, has just been aquaintences. No relationship is guranteed to last, so if you have that certain someone in your life, they or you could bail out of each others lives at any moment; whether its by choice or the heavens calling them. When you get to the core of it all, really its everyone for themselves. I have too much compassion for this cruel world. Maybe in another lifetime, the ways of the earth will be more caring. Thanks for your ears.

cellophanedeity · 05-01-2005, 11:03 AM

Poor StarCrossed... welcome to Existential Angst.

But, you can't stay sad. Even in this world of loss we need loving people like you to help make this place nice while we're here. The impermanence may be terrible, but it's something that just happens.

Try to be strong through this. You'll come out more self-satisfied, which is all we really have in the end.

VitaminH · 05-01-2005, 11:40 AM

You must be vigilant my friend. It's hard, but key to remember that whatever happens is generally for the better. May not seem like it right at the moment, but as you go along and look back you will see the good that came from it.

Never forget, that the second you quit and sit down and just stop fighting the currents of life is the second that life looses all of it's flavor.

f6twister · 05-01-2005, 02:24 PM

We all go through periods where we wonder if we are destined to be alone. You are going through a rough time right now and not only are your feelings normal, they are the same as I had before I met my wife. My dad died in 2003 which really sent a reality shock through my system. Sadly, we can never tell how long we will have someone. My dad's dad died when he was in his early 70's, my dad died at 55. Friends are not necessarily forever and neither are relationships. I guess I'm trying to say that we all go through periods of alone time. Given some time, you will find a new relationship and new friends. You can't replace your family so just enjoy their company while you have the chance.

abaya · 05-01-2005, 02:34 PM

Man, I've been there.

And if it's any help, the feelings do not last forever.

You're right in one sense: no relationship is guaranteed to last. With that massive reality check on yourself, though, you must realize that if you don't work to become happy with who you are alone, you might just get wrapped up in another relationship and put everything you have into that person. Believe me, I've done it, and I have to constantly work to remember who I am, apart from any relationships... to keep my own momentum and life going so that if I do lose my loved ones (either by breaking up or by them dying), that essentially I will be able to recover myself, heal, and move on to make other relationships.

'Cause it don't do ya no good to believe it's okay to be alone, and to surround yourself with loneliness... even though no relationship truly can last forever (unless we all starting living forever), that doesn't mean they aren't worth the investment while we have the time with that person. I dunno, maybe it's cliche... but it's the whole death-as-a-part-of-life thing that I've been trying to get used to lately. The more we are scared of death, or of losing someone, the less we are able to just let go and be in the present, for all its joy and pain.

Do not be afraid of being alone... settle into the grief for now, let it take hold and run its course for a while... I know, it just SUCKS. There's no way around it. But throughout, let yourself become who you are without people's influence on you, for a while... learn to value yourself, learn that you are your own best company. THEN, with that solid foundation, go out and show the world how beautiful you are.

Hope this was helpful, some part of it at least...

william · 05-01-2005, 02:58 PM

I agree w/abaya - learn who you are first. People will always come and go, but you are stuck w/yourself until the end. I really learned about this in the military. People that you think are great friends move, get transferred, whatever. Always say we'll keep in touch. Doesn't happen - people are just too friggin' busy these days. So they move on; you move on. It's a part of life. Learn to be happy w/just you. Take the time w/others as a bonus. Makes life that much more fun.

stonegrody · 05-01-2005, 08:24 PM

Those are some great responses. I myself have been feeling the same way lately and it's very hard to see past it. Everyone in here has made very good points and gave good advice. Don't let it get you down too much.

Hang in there, StarCrossed.

Sweetpea · 05-01-2005, 08:39 PM

I'm sorry starcrossed.

no one is ever really alone . . . we're all part of this world together . . . but sometimes we do indeed feel more seperated than other times.

Feel the grief . . . but then, pick up and move on . . . don't let this burn you, because there are new and wonderful people out there waiting to meet you in the near future.

Sweetpea

amonkie · 05-01-2005, 08:52 PM

While you may be physically seperated from others... you are never truly alone. Sometimes it just takes a little work to learn to listen to the voices of the others that are with you. Once you do, anything is possible, because they are always with you

dksuddeth · 05-02-2005, 06:38 AM

Starcrossed, it is so important to remember that YOU are the center of your universe. It is YOU who must be happy with YOU, before anyone else can be and always remember that YOU shouldn't be worried about finding someone to have in your life, but that you should be ready and willing to share your life with people who choose to be a part of it, if even for a short time.

Cynthetiq · 05-02-2005, 07:25 AM

I'm going to dissent from the rest here and say something very different.

you are born in this world alone, and you will die alone.

You may have people surrounding you during those times, but they cannot be in your head at those moments. During life we have the opportunity to surround ourselves with other people, family and friends, but ultimately, we will be alone at some point in time and must feel comfortable wearing it. Understand that alone doesn't imply lonliness, it implies strength of one's self.

Master_Shake · 05-02-2005, 07:34 AM

I've always taken great comfort in knowing that none of it matters. As George Carlin once said regarding the nature of the universe:

"It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is, and so are we for a little while."

abaya · 05-02-2005, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

I'm going to dissent from the rest here and say something very different.

you are born in this world alone, and you will die alone.

You may have people surrounding you during those times, but they cannot be in your head at those moments. During life we have the opportunity to surround ourselves with other people, family and friends, but ultimately, we will be alone at some point in time and must feel comfortable wearing it. Understand that alone doesn't imply lonliness, it implies strength of one's self.

Alright, Cyn said what I was trying to say, in a much more succinct and efficient manner!!

Essentially: in your aloneness, allow your self to become strong again.

StarCrossed · 05-02-2005, 12:06 PM

For those who responded, thank you very much for your support and kind sentences. I know there are plenty of positives in life too. I guess, i just would like to see more selfless, respectful, relationships; other than family. I would like to feel a genuine understood respect from all strangers; that way life doesnt feel so isolated, but the real world will never achieve this common ground. I know the glass is 1/2 empty, and i am not viewing life in the right way. But sometimes its hard not to see the harshness in life, and still be happy-go-lucky. I have once been truly happy. But i was naive and young; didnt know better. Personally, i dont have low self esteem. I am a pretty confident person, but i just hate to see, overall, the coldness amongst us as a human race. Hopefully, one day something will happen to me, so once again, i will be blinded and believe. Thanks again ladies and gents, i appreciate your time and insights.

amonkie · 05-02-2005, 02:34 PM

You define your own happiness - you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. You will find what you give, sometimes life just operates on a different timetable than we do.

Kostya · 05-02-2005, 03:52 PM

Ending relationships of any kind is inevitably painful, just as having them is generally so joyous. That no relationship necessarily lasts forever is not a problem as far as I see it, for the fact is, relationships sometimes must end, and the possibility that this can be done is good in this respect.

chickentribs · 05-02-2005, 10:59 PM

Star - life will always have it's peak and valleys. You will walk alone through periods (even if you are in a relationship) and have people close to you in others. Just keep your eyes open for quality people when they show up - don't allow yourself to shut down and miss opportunities that come along. I did that and have regretted pushing some good people away that could have been good friends.

~Lucian~ · 05-12-2005, 06:47 AM

Quote:

don't allow yourself to shut down and miss opportunities that come along. I did that and have regretted pushing some good people away that could have been good friends.

Amen to that. Don't let inevitibility get in the way of you enjoying life to the fullest. and just read my sig underneath.. i mean that sums it up nicely.

tuner · 05-12-2005, 01:46 PM

I think abaya has said it all. After many years of being a loner, I found (and broke up with) a girl last year. I thought it was all fine, then 5 days later she dumped me. I felt like shit back then. I felt like this was my big chance and I had blown it. I literally broke every contact I had with other people where I live for many weeks thereafter. I can't say it was beneficial... After all, having people to hang around with is not that bad.

I read William Gibson's "Burning Chrome" yesterday and he says something in there that rings very true to me: everyone wants to be with someone but also be alone at the same time.

05-01-2005, 10:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
StarCrossed Upright Location: 815click	Is everyone alone? I just got out of a serious relationship. Feeling like i was abandoned by someone who was everything to me, that leads to the question, out of billions and billions of human beings, in my view, it seems like i am ultimately alone. I know my family loves me, and so do my, few, close friends. In a society revolving around profits and money, lets face it this is a dog eat dog world and its very cold. I have had some good childhood friends; where are they now? Even though i dont want to think about it, eventually my parents will be gone, or me before them, which ever comes first. Yes, if they pass, they will be in my heart, but they will be gone; out of my life, just like the girl who supposively loved me with all her heart, just like the friends that have come and gone. Besides my family, everyone so far, has just been aquaintences. No relationship is guranteed to last, so if you have that certain someone in your life, they or you could bail out of each others lives at any moment; whether its by choice or the heavens calling them. When you get to the core of it all, really its everyone for themselves. I have too much compassion for this cruel world. Maybe in another lifetime, the ways of the earth will be more caring. Thanks for your ears. __________________ "Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

05-01-2005, 11:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
VitaminH An embarrassment to myself and those around me... Location: Pants	You must be vigilant my friend. It's hard, but key to remember that whatever happens is generally for the better. May not seem like it right at the moment, but as you go along and look back you will see the good that came from it. Never forget, that the second you quit and sit down and just stop fighting the currents of life is the second that life looses all of it's flavor. __________________ "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte

05-01-2005, 02:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	We all go through periods where we wonder if we are destined to be alone. You are going through a rough time right now and not only are your feelings normal, they are the same as I had before I met my wife. My dad died in 2003 which really sent a reality shock through my system. Sadly, we can never tell how long we will have someone. My dad's dad died when he was in his early 70's, my dad died at 55. Friends are not necessarily forever and neither are relationships. I guess I'm trying to say that we all go through periods of alone time. Given some time, you will find a new relationship and new friends. You can't replace your family so just enjoy their company while you have the chance. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

05-01-2005, 02:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Man, I've been there. And if it's any help, the feelings do not last forever. You're right in one sense: no relationship is guaranteed to last. With that massive reality check on yourself, though, you must realize that if you don't work to become happy with who you are alone, you might just get wrapped up in another relationship and put everything you have into that person. Believe me, I've done it, and I have to constantly work to remember who I am, apart from any relationships... to keep my own momentum and life going so that if I do lose my loved ones (either by breaking up or by them dying), that essentially I will be able to recover myself, heal, and move on to make other relationships. 'Cause it don't do ya no good to believe it's okay to be alone, and to surround yourself with loneliness... even though no relationship truly can last forever (unless we all starting living forever), that doesn't mean they aren't worth the investment while we have the time with that person. I dunno, maybe it's cliche... but it's the whole death-as-a-part-of-life thing that I've been trying to get used to lately. The more we are scared of death, or of losing someone, the less we are able to just let go and be in the present, for all its joy and pain. Do not be afraid of being alone... settle into the grief for now, let it take hold and run its course for a while... I know, it just SUCKS. There's no way around it. But throughout, let yourself become who you are without people's influence on you, for a while... learn to value yourself, learn that you are your own best company. THEN, with that solid foundation, go out and show the world how beautiful you are. Hope this was helpful, some part of it at least... __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran Last edited by abaya; 05-01-2005 at 03:05 PM..

05-01-2005, 08:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
stonegrody Brooding. Location: CA-USA	Those are some great responses. I myself have been feeling the same way lately and it's very hard to see past it. Everyone in here has made very good points and gave good advice. Don't let it get you down too much. Hang in there, StarCrossed. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion. Tool - Parabola

05-01-2005, 11:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	Poor StarCrossed... welcome to Existential Angst. But, you can't stay sad. Even in this world of loss we need loving people like you to help make this place nice while we're here. The impermanence may be terrible, but it's something that just happens. Try to be strong through this. You'll come out more self-satisfied, which is all we really have in the end.

05-01-2005, 02:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
william Psycho	I agree w/abaya - learn who you are first. People will always come and go, but you are stuck w/yourself until the end. I really learned about this in the military. People that you think are great friends move, get transferred, whatever. Always say we'll keep in touch. Doesn't happen - people are just too friggin' busy these days. So they move on; you move on. It's a part of life. Learn to be happy w/just you. Take the time w/others as a bonus. Makes life that much more fun.

05-01-2005, 08:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	I'm sorry starcrossed. no one is ever really alone . . . we're all part of this world together . . . but sometimes we do indeed feel more seperated than other times. Feel the grief . . . but then, pick up and move on . . . don't let this burn you, because there are new and wonderful people out there waiting to meet you in the near future. Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

05-01-2005, 08:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	While you may be physically seperated from others... you are never truly alone. Sometimes it just takes a little work to learn to listen to the voices of the others that are with you. Once you do, anything is possible, because they are always with you __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

05-02-2005, 06:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
dksuddeth Junkie Location: bedford, tx	Starcrossed, it is so important to remember that YOU are the center of your universe. It is YOU who must be happy with YOU, before anyone else can be and always remember that YOU shouldn't be worried about finding someone to have in your life, but that you should be ready and willing to share your life with people who choose to be a part of it, if even for a short time. __________________ "no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

05-02-2005, 07:25 AM	#11 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	I'm going to dissent from the rest here and say something very different. you are born in this world alone, and you will die alone. You may have people surrounding you during those times, but they cannot be in your head at those moments. During life we have the opportunity to surround ourselves with other people, family and friends, but ultimately, we will be alone at some point in time and must feel comfortable wearing it. Understand that alone doesn't imply lonliness, it implies strength of one's self. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

05-02-2005, 07:34 AM	#12 (permalink)
Master_Shake Addict Location: Pennsylvania, USA	I've always taken great comfort in knowing that none of it matters. As George Carlin once said regarding the nature of the universe: "It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is, and so are we for a little while." __________________ ------------- You know something, I don't think the sun even... exists... in this place. 'Cause I've been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here.

05-02-2005, 12:06 PM	#14 (permalink)
StarCrossed Upright Location: 815click	For those who responded, thank you very much for your support and kind sentences. I know there are plenty of positives in life too. I guess, i just would like to see more selfless, respectful, relationships; other than family. I would like to feel a genuine understood respect from all strangers; that way life doesnt feel so isolated, but the real world will never achieve this common ground. I know the glass is 1/2 empty, and i am not viewing life in the right way. But sometimes its hard not to see the harshness in life, and still be happy-go-lucky. I have once been truly happy. But i was naive and young; didnt know better. Personally, i dont have low self esteem. I am a pretty confident person, but i just hate to see, overall, the coldness amongst us as a human race. Hopefully, one day something will happen to me, so once again, i will be blinded and believe. Thanks again ladies and gents, i appreciate your time and insights. __________________ "Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

05-02-2005, 02:34 PM	#15 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	You define your own happiness - you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. You will find what you give, sometimes life just operates on a different timetable than we do. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

05-02-2005, 03:52 PM	#16 (permalink)
Kostya Little known... Location: Brisbane, Australia	Ending relationships of any kind is inevitably painful, just as having them is generally so joyous. That no relationship necessarily lasts forever is not a problem as far as I see it, for the fact is, relationships sometimes must end, and the possibility that this can be done is good in this respect.

05-02-2005, 10:59 PM	#17 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	Star - life will always have it's peak and valleys. You will walk alone through periods (even if you are in a relationship) and have people close to you in others. Just keep your eyes open for quality people when they show up - don't allow yourself to shut down and miss opportunities that come along. I did that and have regretted pushing some good people away that could have been good friends. __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.

05-12-2005, 01:46 PM	#19 (permalink)
tuner Banned Location: helicon 1	I think abaya has said it all. After many years of being a loner, I found (and broke up with) a girl last year. I thought it was all fine, then 5 days later she dumped me. I felt like shit back then. I felt like this was my big chance and I had blown it. I literally broke every contact I had with other people where I live for many weeks thereafter. I can't say it was beneficial... After all, having people to hang around with is not that bad. I read William Gibson's "Burning Chrome" yesterday and he says something in there that rings very true to me: everyone wants to be with someone but also be alone at the same time.