"I love you" should be said the least amount of times necessary.

I believe in expressing my love through my actions than through my words because then it make it that much more special when I do end up staying them.

If someone likes to hear it often . . . then say it often :) And back it up with actions . . .

if it doesn't matter to someone, then don't say it, just do the actions.

It's about pleasing your partner, end of story :)

me, i like to hear it often . . . from both of the people in my life and they like to tell me how they feel . . . and they back it up with actions too . . . that makes me happy. :)

bottom line: be honest, if you don't feel like saying it all the time, then don't.
But if you do like saying it . . . then say it often as you like.

sweetpea

Don... alright, so what's necessary? (I mean, who determines this?) Necessary suggests that it's needed... so wouldn't that mean, the amount of times that the person feels like it is necessary, not your own perception of that? (and vice versa, that would mean for her, she would say it only minimally to you because that's what you need). Just curious...

I gotta say; when I do find my true love, I am going to write her love songs...whether she likes it or not :).

Asta!!

K-Wise, Damn that's sweet.
I hope you find your true love...what a lucky gal she'll be.
This is a provocative discussion that's helping me a lot. I'm a gal who needs to hear it, but my bf has never said it. He does show it more than anyone I've been intimate with though. I've been struggling with it and we need to talk about it, but I want to be clear about my needs in a loving way. Thanks for all the different perspectives, it helps me understand him better.

^ Hey thanks. What a compliment :)

Asta!!

K-wise: I missed that comment the first time around! That is very sweet... I hope you do find your girl sometime soon and that she'll return all the love you will shower upon her!

Manuel, I'm glad this thread has been of service to you... it has helped me understand my bf, too, and opened up some good discussions with him. Let us know how it goes.

Actions are important, but seperate from the intamacy that words and conversation create. For me, a scarcity of sharing your feelings or metered loving expression wouldn't increase the value. Be stingy with who you love, not the love you give once you find that person.

Chickenribs, well put.
Abaya, from what I could see in your posts, we share similarities in our situations (long-distance relationships etc.). Good luck with yours too, I'm looking forward to being more able to express my thoughts with my SO...you let me know how your story goes too.
K-Wise......KISS-KISS honey.

And just so I'm not holding back....I LOVE the TFP!!!

Manuel... yep, we've got a lot in common. Haven't seen you on boards lately, nice to have you back (if indeed you took a break)... feel free to check my previous posts and/or journal if you need empathy, 'cause I've been there and AM there with ya!!

I remember saying 'I love you' a LOT before. Each time we hung up the phone, we'd be together and we would randomly say it, I used to be the person that would say it a lot, I like to express my feelings but there are things that happened in that relationship that caused me to shut down and withdrew myself, but when I was normal, I used to say it about 7 to 10 times a day. Hmm, maybe more.

Good luck with that :) Same goes for the rest of you.

Asta!! :)

I think it is an incredibly important statement, used to reaffirm and establish the commitment you have with your SO.

It should be used as often as it feels "right", guaging that is the difficult part

My husband says it to me all of the time, so much so that it is starting to lose it's meaning. We hardly talk on the phone anymore, but are constantly IMing each other. Every time he has to get offline he says it, sometimes I don't say it back, sometimes I feel obligated to say it back. I would much rather him show me he loves me by doing some random acts of kindness, like flowers or a card, or anything. I am just not sure how to tell him this, it would not be the same if I told him to get me flowers, it needs to come from his heart.

We say it to each other all the time. BUT when we did so about 4 years ago it didn't mean nearly as much. I said "I love you." before I left the house about 4 years ago and when I came back hubby was in an ambulance. Very soon after he was in a coma and I didn't know if I'd get to tell him that again. I was so glad that I had said it before I left.

Now saying I love you every time we talk on the phone or every time we part ways is very important to me. Saying it any other time means a lot too because I'm glad that I CAN say it to him still.

I don't think you can ever tell someone that you love them too much. It's always great to hear, in my opinion. People should say it more, but only if they really mean it.