Girlfriend Cheating? Help me decode this...
 

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me... I think this has been going on for some time now, but I don't have concrete evidence yet. This is pretty close, but it's not 100%. Tell me what you would think by what I'm about to explain and the emails I found below.

I've been living with my girlfriend for about 2 years now.

December '04, I went to her work's Christmas party with her. A couple girls had just come in that she works with and asked her a question about this guy Chris that she works with. She said something along the lines of "How would I know" and their response was "Well, you're dating him, so you should know".

Mind you, this is before I was even introduced to them as her boyfriend and they didn't even know I would be there (I wasn't planning on going from the start). After they realized I was there with her, they were like "Oh we're just kidding" and she says that they were just messing with me. I didn't know what to think at this point, but have been suspicious ever since.

Now, in the past month or two, she has been acting a little strange. She has asked me a couple times if I really love her and started some fights about nothing. She's also told me that she wants to know where the relationship is going and that she wants a ring eventually (which I'm not even considering yet as we've been together only a little over 2 years).

So last week, Wednesday, I'm searching for something i found on MSN's search. I end up coming across an email from Chris to her. Seems somewhat harmless until I got nosy and found another one. This guy is pretty illiterate, so I can't decide what all of it means.

Let me know what yall think:

Here's the first email on Tuesday:
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Subject : please come and see me!

hey babe

Well, I am about to get my wisdom teeth out in 1 hour from now 8:00 a.m. I hope I can see u very soon. Call me whenever you get a chance. Buh bye girl!


Chris
oxoxo

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Here is the second email on Wednesday:
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What happened? U were going to call me before you got outta work? or maybe comeover to chill? I will forgive you. Well, I just feel that now that you and your boy are fine now. You wont be moving out and all? I mean that's great if you 2 are fine. I just don't want to be chasing something that I will get to do. As in like ya know! I don't want to look like a jackass for trying to hook up with you. I just wanted to know what you feel and what you would like to do? I hope I am making sence with this.

Chris

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She replied to this message with: I will try to come over on Friday since I am not working until 3.
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That friday, she left the house at around 8:30 AM to pay my mortgage payment and didn't get back home until about Noon. I asked what she was doing and she said she went to her second job to quit, but they convinced her to stay. She only worked Sundays at this job, and yesterday she came home about 3 hours after leaving for work saying that they fired her (which she didn't want that job anyways).

Then before she went to work the other day, she left a conversation on the screen with this message. It doesn't bug me, but I'm wondering if she's talking about the guy Chris that's been emailing her:

"lol i dont know any hot guys! well other than dave and the guys i work with"

She has never told me once that she has hung out with this guy Chris, or brought up his name in a conversion EVER. From these emails it looks like she's been hanging out with him. Where he asks her if she was going to come over to chill, by that, I almost know that she knows where he lives or has been over to his house.

Do I have the right to be suspicious now? I think I do.... What do yall think? I'm going to confront her in the next couple days about this and just have the emails on the screen and tell her to explain.

yes she is.....(obviously I don't know for sure, but you presented enough evidence to make a very, very strong case).

talk to her, but without the email, you don't want to get into that mess.

It almost seems like she is wavering between the two of you and kinda leadin' both of you on.

You don't need this headache.

Good luck.

I honestly cant make heads or tails out of those emails....but I will ask you this...you've been with this girl 2 years but yet thats not long enuff for a ring? How long do you think you should be with someone before you can "commit". Why would you be with someone two years that you had no intention of commiting yourself too? and finally, why should you expect someone that you've been with for two years, who knows you dont want to commit to think you actually ever will?

I dont understand that, its a totally foriegn concept to hear someone say (paraphrased as the way I see what you're saying)....we've ONLY been together a little over two years, I havent considered major commitment yet cause its not long enuff but yet I know this is what she wants and I continue to ignore it.

TRUE DECODER ANSWERS FOUND HERE....









ask her.

One other thing... The other night, she made a comment about something, and I turned it into a joke saying that she cheated on me. She says "I would never cheat on you. I'm not that kind of person". I asked her if she was sure. She said again that she never has or never would cheat on me.

Then why hasn't she ever mentioned anything about this guy Chris?

She came into this relationship knowing that I do not plan on getting married, basically indefinitely. I told her that I want my life completely in order before that step happens. I was in my last relationship for 5 years and this was never a problem, and in this relationship, she says she understood and would wait for me to be ready.

All my friends who have been married are currently divorced. Not a single couple has stayed together. My parents are divorced, same with most people I know.

It's more of a headache than anything and I want to make sure that everything is 100% before I move into that step.

this doesent sound like she is on the same page you think she is

right, some people pretend that it's what they want thinking that eventually the other person will come around. This can be about any subject ranging from children to marriage, clubbing and guy's nights out.

It's not fair and it's not right but it does happen as people can and will change their minds.

She just started on this over the past month or so. This issue hasn't ever been brought up before this, but now she brings it up so much that it's really turning into a nag than anything else.

Based on those emails and your other comments, Id be *really* suspicious. Sit down and ask her, and tell her why--but Id leave out the emails unless you absolutely have to.

Anyway you slice it, those emails imply shes up to something with some other guy that you dont even know about--and thats damn suspicious in and of itself. Combine that with the overheard conversation about the *same guy* and you have some pretty solid evidence.

Good luck man, that sucks :(

keep your options open with other people, it seems like youve invested a lot of time in this women and you may be sooner or later finding out it was all for naught (at least on her end).

Is she cheating? Who knows. Maybe. You should talk about that.

In the meantime, here's something that might be behind the trouble:

Lord, what a cop-out that is! Has your life EVER been completely in order? Do you actually have ANY hope that it EVER will be? I know mine hasn't, and I don't. That's just not how life goes!

What you've said here is, "There's absolutely not a flaming chance in hell I'll ever get married... but I want it to look like I'm not totally closed off about that."

And then she said she was okay with that--she basically bought your BS that someday you might get married. And now you're upset that she's on a different page than you? Pretty hypocritical, dude.

I thing you NEED to bring up those emails. Start with the 'well you're dating him' line and bring up the emails you found. Don't let her turn it around with her getting upset about you snooping (most guilty parties would try to). Something is going on and it's been going on for FOUR MONTHS. It's possible that nothing (sexual) has happened but that point is irrelevant. The only relevant issue is that she's been having some sort of a relationship with a guy for FOUR MONTHS and she's never mentioned it to you.

The marriage stuff is a side issue, I don't get why so many posters have been distracted by it. You may be misleading about your long term intentions but it in no way justifies her outside relationships.

I'll agree with this post. Marriage really has nothing to do with what I originally posted.

Does everyone else think it's alright to cheat while in a relationship if they're not married or something?

Either way, from the beginning, I was just giving up what I knew and to see if I was crazy for reading this in a way that makes it look like she's cheating on me.

You're jumping to an awful lot of conclusions there rat. If she is truly on a different page and wants out of the relationship, she should tell him and end the relationship before fucking around with other men, period. intecel isn't the bad guy here (if she is indeed cheating). The right time for one to get married isn't the right time for all.

I feel for you intecel, I'd wager she is fucking around behind your back. Too many things to ignore. Ask her straight up. That's the only way to know.

The absence of a ring does not give the partner the right to fuck around. It would be one thing if it was a casual relationship but you two are living together. I don't think you are crazy, I think she's cheating. You need to lay it all out and find out what she's up to. Keep pressing and keep her on the defensive. Print the messages out, search for any others from this Chris fucker, and get all her replies.

If she's cheating on you give her three days to get every item of hers out of your house. Tell her anything remaining after that time will be taken to the goodwill. Change the locks immediately and don't give her a key. Until she is out she shouldn't be there without you.

Exactly... I don't know how it turned into a personal attack on my views of marriage.

I guess I think differently than most. I don't jump right into anything unless I have an idea that good things will come out of it. Marriage right now means bad things:

A) I don't know if we're good enough to stay together for life *yet*. Things have been good, but I'm not sure yet.
B) Her credit is completely f'ed.
C) I have a house I'm going to be trying to sell at a 25% profit next year.
D) I will need a new house soon after. I need good credit for this.

Agreed. I have had many many opportunities in the past two years that I've easily passed on because I have something at home.

I don't think you should have to justify your reasons why you don't want to be married yet. My wife and I waited 7 years before getting married and we don't regret it one bit.

You know... I've also considered emailing this fucker back from her email address and try to coax him into telling me something...

Or, email him from mine and tell him he's gonna be hurting if I ever see him... but I really don't want to get arrested over an email heh...

You do however have to justify it to the other person. The decision comes from two people not the dictation of one.

Hey, how about this idea...

TALK TO HER.

If you REALLY want answers, stop dancing around the issue, sit down and have a meaningful conversation.

And don't play around like you did before, making it into a joke. Tell her about the e-mails, tell her about how you felt when her friends said Chris was her boyfriend.

In my mind, that line says it all. If she hasn't been cheating, she's been planning to.

I know it sucks, but I'd bail. I've had to do almost the exact same thing except mine was over a cell phone that I was paying for, and hers came in the form of text messages/voicemail.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

Chris does indeed sound like an utter moron, which I'm sure he is. I also would say that it's a fairly safe bet that she's cheating on you with this jackass, and that you have every right to confront her and use the emails to your advantage.

Also, I too would threaten him or hurt him in some manner as well, be it physical or mental. I'm not normally a violent person, but if my girl cheated on me with some guy who was fully aware she was in a relationship and still pursued sexual action, that is disrespectful, and I don't like to be disrespected by some cunt who thinks he has the right to fuck my girl, and he would pay for it. She wouldn't get any less of a harsher treatment either, but like I said, if the guy knew that she is taken, and still proceeded to go after her, fuck him, but if he didn't know (which isn’t the case in your situation), that's another story.

Don't hurt Chris. Natural selection usually puts people that dumb in front of cars or under pianos.

Has no-one here ever had one of those friends at work or school that is always there to listen to you?
Have you ever had one of those friends you never tell your S.O. about because it's not worth the hassle of the "Why can't you tell me these things?" inquisition?
Never been in one of those situations where you're the 'good friend' and it seems that this person you get along so well with is just being treated like shit by their partner?


Maybe Chris is that guy?
Maybe he thinks she's so open about this because she likes him, whereas it's usually the case that she can't talk to her partner but feels ok just blurbing about the things she doesn't like in her relationship?

Questions like "where are we going in this relationship" sound like the advice so-called 'good friends' give to one another.


On the other hand, if she tells you she's staying over at a girlfriends for some lame reason or that she's 'visiting her mother', then you can throw the trash through his window.

HAHA... that's damn funny...

I can't imagine that she's not cheating. I also notice that you pay the mortgage, and she's either unemployed or underemployed. Nice work if you (she) can get it. You can rest assured she won't want to move out unless she's got somebody lined up to provide a place for her to live.

Personally, I think if you "commit" to this girl, you should be committED.

I also side with you in regard to taking your time. I've actually gone out on a first date and been told (during the salad) that we shouldn't keep seeing each other if I wasn't "serious." This was followed by some moderately intense questioning about the work I do.

I'll dispense with all of the blowjob jokes and simply say that I've seen women (and men, to be fair) that could disguise their true personality for extended periods. Based on my experience, I'd consider two years an absolute MINIMUM requirement in terms of getting to know the other person.

In a community property state, she would have a strong claim to half the profit of the house if you sold it while married. I'm sure that had NOTHING to do with her accelerated timetable, though.

It's always the one without assets who pushes for a "commitment" as soon as possible. Just mention a pre-nup and see what kind of reaction you get.

I'd advise having riot gear handy.

It's relative to the health of their relationship but it is a side issue if you are trying to find out if a partner is cheating. He should be more concerned about IF than he is about WHY. There are many reasons WHY but no reason WHY justifies her fucking some dude.

The reason WHY something happens is useful only for refelction on the past.

If he was that guy he wouldn't say this:

Maybe it's possible they haven't slept together but leading someone on is nearly as bad.

There are no secrets in a good relationship past or present. If you love someone and are willing to marry them you should be comfortable with them knowing everything about you.

kudos looking at it from a completely different angle.

Yeah, I think it's wrong either way. She's completely hiding this from me, which I never do to her.

How should I bring up the topic... Should I flat out accuse her as if I know something already happened? Like: Have you ever cheated on me? <her answer will be no> Not even with Chris?

Or should I say that I found a couple upsetting emails and go from there?

This is completely foreign to me...

I would ask her "exactly what is your relationship with Chris?" When she answers "oh we're friends" I'd ask her "are you friends that have sex, are you friends that are dating, what do you mean by friends?" I would NOT hide the fact that I know about the emails (being secretive about your activities is exactly the same as her hiding her activities from you)and then if she says she's been cheating on you I would leave her, if she claims she hasn't then I would ask her why she would choose to remain friends with a guy who's goal is to break up her relationship. I'd explain to her how I felt, why I'm feeling insecure, and ask her to please take your feelings into consideration. You need to talk with her about this like mature adults, fighting about it will get you nowhere. As far as kicking his ass, that will get you 2 things: 1. an opportunity to experience the criminal justice system first hand (being charged with assault) 2. a probation officer after you get out of jail. It's just not worth it.

DO NOT FLAT OUT ACCUSE HER, please. You could go with the upsetting e-mails, but she could easily make it sound as if you're paranoid, and Chris is illiterate. Are any of her friends also friends with you? You might go to one of your girlfriend's friends with something like, "I love (girlfriend's name here), but I think I'm getting paranoid. Should I be jelous of Chris and (girlfriend's name)'s friendship?" That way you put it on the table while avoiding an accusation.

For sure.
I'm sure it's been discussed between them.
What's probably happened is that the guy truly does like her, and after being the one she talks to a lot (one reason for her friends saying that they are 'going out') he's obviously felt the need to express his feelings for her.
I think the guy is aware that he's the 'other man' and doesn't want the guilt of being a cause of a breakup, but it still doesn't stop him from telling her that he's an option.

That, and her questions about where you are heading in the relationship makes it sound like she's either had a small flirt/kiss thing going with the guy or she's on the edge of being unfaithful.

Take stock.
Where ARE you heading with her?
How would you feel without her?
How would she handle the invasion of privacy? The confrontation may just drive her towards the guy after she realises it's out in the open.

Personally, I'd ask her about Chris, saying only that you had been told they were close.
For your own sake, keep your cards close to your chest.

I don't mean to be the pessimistic voice over here, but here goes...

Why are you with her?

1. You clearly want different things - she wants a commitment, you do not. I don't see anything wrong with either of your positions, they're just incompatible.
2. She's lying to you and you're snooping on her. Sounds like an absence of trust and communication.
3. If you're seriously bothered by her credit rating and its effect on your finances, I wouldn't recommend getting married. 1. bad news, 2. not the concerns of a man in love.

If you're not willing/able to address these things with her openly, then maybe she might be better off with someone else, and you would be better off without her. If you want a long-term relationship, it sounds like she's not the one. If you don't, you'd be doing her a favor by releasing her to go find someone to marry.

I am not friends with any of her friends. She really doesn't have too many since most moved for college / army a few years ago, and she rarely ever goes out unless I am going out.

How about asking her about the changes and things she has brought forward, her questions about 'where you are at' in the relationship. I'm not sure that she has cheated, but I think she is doing some serious thinking. I'm thinking she is pondering the 'validity' of the relationship.

I have to agree with Lurkette on this - what are you bothering with all this for? I can tell you - she's cheating. If you care, try to work it out. If you don't, just break it off.

I should just show her this thread......

As I was reading responses, this post was forming almost word for word in my mind. I support the idea of taking your time to becoming sure if you want to marry, but with the evidence presented and your reactions to it, it seems like there are a couple 'deal breakers' already. I say both parties should cut their losses and call it quits.

(Grain of salt: Of course, years ago I was -maybe- cheated on and I never found out for sure. A few relationships later, it took me a couple more years then it should have to propose.)

1. You are probably right here. I think I've just fallen into that comfortable spot and just decided to hover. I'm 24 right now. She's 21. Neither of us are at an age where we should be looking for marriage yet. She has even brought this up a few times within the past 6 months.

2. I wasn't snooping. I accidently came across this. If this has been happening for 4 months, and I was trying to snoop, I could have put spy software on the computer to monitor her chat and email, which I did not, nor will not do.

3. At 24, now is not the time to fuck up my credit. Maybe once I purchase my next house, but I'm doing this as an investment for my future. I seriously doubt I will ever have a job at a company that will give me retirement benefits, so this is the next best way I see to provide for the future.

I have thought this out for about three years and if my credit goes to shit, so does my life.

not to be an asshole, but if youre as concerned with your girlfriends credit rating as much as the fact that she may be cheating on you, well, you need to read some more shakespeare or something.

you and her are both young too, and you may be confusing love for infatuation and comfort. from most of what ive read, you dont seem to excited about the relationship. i know its difficult, but when something isn't going to work, it isn't going to work. at a certain point you have to cut your loses even if it requires a couple weeks or months of pain and hurt.

Alec, this post ended up turning into an attack on my views of marriage, so I explained the reasons why.

If it is an innocent friendship between her and Chris, you would know about it. She has not told you because she does not want you to know. There are two main reasons that I can think of for this:

1. She is either cheating or planning to cheat with him. She knows that there is something going on between her and Chris that she does not want you to find out about.

2. You are (?way too?) jealous when it comes to her being alone with other men when you're not with her.

The first possibility is based upon your post, the second is based upon my general knowledge about how a lot of guys would feel, not saying that this is the case with you, just that maybe you should consider it.

The only way you're going to find out the truth is to talk to her, don't hide why you have your suspisions, tell her the truth, bring up what happened at the party, your coming across the emails to her from a guy you've never met, ask her why she has lied to you about what she has been doing, and so on and so forth.

Talking to her about this could help to fix problems in your relationship that you aren't even aware exist right now, or it could help you realize that the relationship just isn't working out and that it needs to end, or you could find out that she is cheating.

Great post, good ideas.

Your second thought is not me at all though. She has a couple guy friends that I know of that she hangs out with from time to time. I have no problems with this, as I have girl friends that I go out with every so often also.

I am far from a jealous person. Honestly, if it were up to me, this could have been a completely open relationship from the beginning, where either of us could do whatever we wanted with whoever we wanted, as long as the other party knows and is ok with it.

Since this was not part of our relationship from the beginning, it can't just migrate that way, which is why I have stayed faithful over the years.

When all this is done behind my back is where I have a problem.

Well, this sucks... I really need to jump on this soon.. Like in the next couple of days.. She just called me and told me that she was going out with her friend (a girl) to get dinner. She had already told me earlier that she had planned on cooking for me tonight (I usually do the cooking).

When I asked her where she was going, it's on the other end of town at a restaurant in the same area she used to work.

Now, I'm wondering if she's going there to meet up with him... I need to get over this paranoia, and speaking with her will be the only way.

my theory on what's going on:

she was never fine about you not wanting to get married... she likely thought it was a phase that you'd grow out of or that she'd be the one to change your mind... whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. what matters is that after approximately 2 years, she began to realize that there was no "ring" coming her way in the forseeable future, so she started to weigh her options.

she met this guy chris at her work and they started to develop a friendship and he began flirting with her. personally, i don't think she has physically cheated on you, but it has probably crossed her mind. i think that she's hanging out with chris and keeping him close and interested in her without crossing any obvious lines. the fact that she's hiding all this from you gives you good reason to worry, but it doesn't mean you should make assumptions.

if it were me, the issue i'd bring up would be the friday she went to visit him when she said she went to quit her job... you have proof that she is lying so you can use that to help make your case. and once you expose that lie, it should open the gates and be easier to expose the rest of what she's been hiding... including if she's been cheating on you or not.

once you do open all this up, you'll have to completely reevaluate your relationship with her... despite whether she's cheated or not... so be prepared. and by that i mean... figure out just how badly you want to stay with her and what you are and are not willing to forgive.

I completely agree with this, which is probably why i'm stalling so long... Things had been going a lot better in the past few weeks. It was getting a little flaky there for a while.

She's cheating on you.

Leave her, and don't look back.

That sounds like me when I cheated.
I told the other guy that me and my boyfriend where going to break up(he also worked with me) and that all I needed to do was move out.

I was going to leave my boy friend for him unless my boyfriend did something to prove to me that he really really loved me.

I did not think I would get caught until he found the phone bill and it had a number that he did not know, that I called a lot and the phone bill was really high too.
just to let you know how some bad girls act.
My boyfriend did not leave me cause I asked him "When you think about the future who are you with" Now that was a relationship saver.

Ouch... kinda wish I hadn't heard that...

The funny thing about all this is that about a year ago I made a post asking about how to break up with her. Now, things have gotten a lot better between us and I think she's cheating on me.

I just can't win....

Earlier today, she had offered to cook me dinner (which never happens). Would have been a real treat... She went out with her friend and her friend's boyfriend to a nice expensive restaurant tonight. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to go until I reminded her that she had planned on cooking me dinner.

I think she only asked because she knows I just paid all the bills and am broke until pay day. She just got paid and didn't even offer to pay for my meal if I went. I wasn't about to ask her, but she could have stepped up and offered to take me out to dinner for once.

I'm the one who pays for everything. All the bills, all the meals, everything when we go out.

The funny thing is that she called me at 6:30 PM telling me that they were on their way. It's 10:30 now and she's finally on her way home from wherever she is. Four hours to eat dinner? I don't think so....

She promises me that she was there all night and that it took a while to find a table, but still.... 4 hours?

She offered to buy me mcdonalds on the way home... that pissed me off...

WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU WAITING FOR ????????????
Talk to her already! Confront her!! You seem pretty calm about this.
This isnt going to solve itself.
Its been 2 DAYS!! come on now! step up!!

oh.. and dont forget to let us know when you do this.

Dude, that isn't love, that's TREATING YOU LIKE A DOORMAT! She's MOOCHING! Does anyone else see that? If she pulls that crap, she's just using you. Now, I know I don't know your history, but if you pay for EVERYTHING and she knows it, and knows you're broke, and then goes and spends all her money and doesn't offer to buy you anything... that's just cheap. Cheap like a desperate prostitute cheap. Let some other bum buy her crap from now on!

she's cheating, she's cheating, she's cheating!!!!
the signs are all there man.
reading your thread almost made me sick casue it reminded me so much of what happened to me.
being cheated on is a hard one to swallow. i was with a girl for over 3 years and lived with her for about 2. our relationship had started really changing, sex, her friends she said she was going out with, being late from work, buying new clothes, lots of them. when you are with someone so long you know them and things just weren't right between us. it turns out she was cheating with this guy at work.
when it all came out, it was mainly because i never made the "marriage" commitment to her. personally i think that is a cop out.
if she is doing this now, then it will be really hard to trust her once again.
what would marriage change? you will be just as committed to her afterwards (marriage) i would guess, so what's a piece of paper?
dude, she is cheating and there is nothing you can do about it! sorry to be so pessamistic.
life goes on and there are plenty of better women out there.

Dude, all signs point downhill here. I think you already know what's going on, you just don't want to face up to it. I suspect that she'll get ugly when the shit hits the fan, so make sure your spine is nice and straight when you head into battle. Good luck and godspeed.

I must agree, and if you don't see this, you need to open your eyes man, you're being used simply for your $. If you haven't confronted her by now, it's time to do so. Weakness will never get you anywhere in a relationship, and if you act cowardly, she and future girlfriends/wives will further use you knowing you will allow them to. Be a man and handle it, don't allow her or anyone else to take advantage of you or your resources.

I'm surprised you haven't talked to her about this yet. Are you putting it off because the longer you wait the longer it is before you have to face her answer that may not be the one you want? It will only continue to torment you. When I first suspected my boyfriend had cheated, I immediately talked to one of his friends who confirmed it. As soon as he got home from work we talked about it.

now i feel stupid for being so nice in my previous post. she doesn't even deserve the benefit of the doubt at this point... it sounds like she's getting things in place so she can make a clean break from you when she's ready. at this point you shouldn't even give her the satisfaction... just beat her to the punch and dump her ass.

I guess you found out what she 'brings to the table' in terms of the relationship. The fact that you are posting questions online shows you can see something does not add up. You've probably always felt it, which is why you are so down on marriage. This girl is not for you. You want someone who is loving, giving & trustworthy. Everybody has a right to that.
Whether you decide to break it off with her or not, you already see the truth.
If the situation made sense, you wouldn't be questioning it. Its messed up.

Well, last night when she got home, she was upset that I didn't go. I told her I didn't go because I didn't have any money. She said that she told me to come, meaning that she would pay. I explained that, when I told her that I didn't have any money, she said OK, which is why I said I'd just pickup something on the way home from work.

She says that she never heard me say I wasn't going because I didn't have any money. I kinda believe her because she was in tears over this.

I'm a nosy bastard now though... She told me her email password when she signed up with her hotmail account. This morning I checked her email. Guess who sent her a message...

-----------------------------------

hey babe call me soon
i wanna chill with you

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A little more fuel to the fire...I want to see her response.

So send the guy an invite to 'this nice private spot you know up in the hills...' with her account.

Take a bag of lime so the body decomposes quicker.

You do realize that reading her emails is very very wrong, no matter what you suspect may be there. That shows the trust in the relationship has already dissolved.
Guess you got what you were looking for.

my ex brother in law did that.....now he's serving life in prison

Yeah, gees, reading her e-mail is a big no-no...JUST TALK TO HER!! Fer Christ's sake...

Take 2 bags then.

;)

intecel....you are a sucker. this shouldn't even be an issue anymore. you'll find someone else.

Would you rather sit her down and have a talk, or secretly read her email and watch your relationship unravel? Do you even want advice from us? I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve at this point...

well stated.

Relationships are a partcipatory sport, not one of sitting back watching...

relationships require work, seems like as this thread continues on you really don't want to put any into it either.

Maybe he just wants to complain and get sympathy. Although my sympathy drained away with the breaking into her e-mail to spy on her, and not talking to her when there's been time and opportunity...
Everyone is saying the same thing, but intercel isn't listening. :|

First of all, he didn't break into her email. She gave him the password. That's implied permission. Would you say he broke into a home when the owner had given him the key? No.

And I'd like to meet a woman who doesn't snoop. Do they even exist?

yes, i know of two of them off the top of my head, JustJess, and my wife Skogafoss.

add another one to the list...snooping is beneath my dignity

I don't snoop. If I thought something was wrong, I would (and have) just ask my boyfriend. There's no reason to snoop if you don't keep everything bottled up and never have a meaningful conversation with your partner.

fuck that, snooping rules. and if you ever get caught, just blame it on love.

Um...I would agree if he actually ":broke in" but she deliberately gave him her password - why would she do that?

Maybe she wanted him to see the e-mails to "force the issue" so they could have "the talk". It's possible. It sounds like they had some communication mix-up especially if she really did want him to go to dinner.

Let's see what happens.

I assume that was a while ago, and she probably completely forgot that he even had the password. She also may have assumed that he had enough respect for her that he would not go into her account without asking her and/or explaining the reason he wanted to do so.

That's a lot of assuming.

There are not enough sarcastic phrases to sum up this thread.

I am patiently waiting for the conclusion to this situation. Let's hear it intecel.

-alec

Well, once on my part, once on her part...

so have you talked to her yet?

Ah yes, but you're forgetting that you're assuming she assumed:

Emphasis mine. :crazy: :D

How long can two people mess with the others mind & how long can two people distrust each other & play games? She says no, she's not cheating, but actions speak louder than words.
She just doesn't want the confrontation with you. Thats why its spelt out for you on the computer.

intecel... it's been 2 days since you posted. how bout an update?

Hmmm...

This is bad news, but coming over to 'chill' means coming over for casual sex. Peace out this chick. You always find after you dump them their reality is much different than the image you had when you were seeing them.

Good luck.