Do you LIKE your family?
 

I was having a conversation with my friend and it came up that I don't particularly like my family. She thought this was very strange and thinking about it I wonder why. Just because we are blood related means we have to like each other? That seems odd to me. If your personalities clash there is nothing you can do about it. Some people in my family I would never talk to in regular life but I am expected to like them merely because we share blood? I mean I don't really have a hate-on for them, we just don't understand each other because our personalities are so different.

So, I was sorta wondering if this is just me - Do you LIKE your family? If you weren't related to them would you still hang out with them? Thoughts?

I like most of my family, but there are a couple of them that I just don't mesh with. Even when we get together for holidays or whatever, I usually just say hello and goodbye to them.

My immediate family I am very close with though since they helped shape me to who I am today, so we have plenty in common and enjoy each other's company.

I actually really like my family, sure I mean they like to piss me off, but my general family is great, I have something like 30+ First cousins on my mother's side, so whenever there is a B-Day, they book out usually whole restaurants or banquet halls, just for a B-Day. Its pretty intense, the only thing I don't like is that they are French, even though most of them can speak English, I really can't speak French...

I also think it's good that our personalities clash, thats what makes it all the more fun and interesting. :)

It has taken me over 30 years to be on good terms with my younger brother - we've actually become "friends" in the past five years. My father I like, I'm an adult, and have gotten over and past a childhood that wasn't always pleasant. My mother is a bit controlling, she couldn't control me when I was under her roof, she cant do it now, so we don't see eye to eye on much of anything. My sister, I have no use for whatsoever and if I never spoke to her again, I wouldn't be upset about it.

There really is no other family. My mother has a brother, younger by 15 years, who I think has 3 kids, but we haven't seen them since I was quite young, and really don't care to. My father has 3 sisters, the youngest sister is about 18 years older than he is - all the first cousins are my parents age... last time i saw them, was at my aunts funeral -- and the next time I choose to see them, is at the next funeral.

In regards to my immediate family...My sister and I clash so badly, it's ridiculous. I do not really like my sister, nor any of her practises. My mother is self-absorbed to the point where she thinks the world revolves around her (no kidding). We can never agree on anything, since she always thinks that because she has more experience she is ALWAYS right. I like my father as much as one can when we have nothing in common. He and I are friendly, but there are a lot of things we disagree with.

My soon-to-be-mother/sister-in-law are judgmental to the core, catty, and we clash HORRIBLY when it comes to politics/religion (hardcore Republicans and Christians, though hypocritical). However, nwlinkvxd's father, although hick-ish, is friendly and not so judging...I think.

I have always been pretty distant from my outside family, because we don't live close to them. My mom's side of the family lives at least 4 hours+ away, and my dad's side of the family is at least 2.5 hours+ away.

I love my family, I spend a lot of time with them whenever I can. Although I HATE my grandparents. I wish they would die. I think they're useless pieces of flesh who are using up resources that could be going towards something better.

Man, this sucks that people really don't like their immediate families. I really sympathize for you who had/have such an unfortunate time growing up. My best friend is that way (his mom even tried to kill him once) and I always feel so bad about it.

My family has a tendency to take in those who are in such situations. My best friend considers my parents more like HIS parents than his real parents, and my parents also took in one of our babysitters for like 5 years when she was kicked out of her house (for coming home 5 minutes late...)

My mother was the one all my friends went to to talk to, she took in lots of people and gave out lots of advice... However she never quite understood me... then again, I was a difficult child...

wtf, Wow, thats harsh...
If that happened to me, I really don't know what I would do, how could you live with someone, who was willing to do that, I would feel so betrayed...
I'd probably end up returning the favour....
Just Wow...
Must have a pretty stronged souled friend.

Yeah, she came at him with knife once. She does have serious mental issues though. She once beat herself up and blamed my friends dad for it (after they split).

He is a great guy though. He even meets with her periodically in hopes of patching things up, but nothing ever works. He won't even let her know where he lives, they just meet at his sister's house.

Anyway, back to the topic, this means I completely understand how family members cannot mesh completely, but it is still hard for me to understand it since my situation is so opposite of that, so I really look forward to hearing the rest of the replies. Whether it is more of a hatred feeling or just not caring about them.

I had this happen to me- it made me lose all respect for my mother, and for a long time, I didn't like my dad either, because he denied it. I have never fully forgiven my mother for all the shit she used to do.

My parents took in one of my brothers friends, and I think they wanted to take in more kids, since they had lots of help from non-family when they were younger, but they never had the opportunity.

If I didn't have my family, I think I would seriously feel misplaced. Most of my immediate cousins are younger, but the 3 or 4 older than I get along and actually hang out together outside of family events, and the younger ones that are growing older are fun as well. I don't confide in my parents as much as I used to, and I've told them " I love you MORE when I don't live at home".

Oh, heck ya. My dad is a great guy. He's funny as Hell too. I like hanging out with my dad. Mom is wonderful. I like her too. My wife is my best friend. My in-laws are alright. I don't know that we would be together were it not for the marriage, but I have grown to like them.

But I understand what you are saying. I have an uncle whom I dislike. He's a jerk, but because he is family, I am kind to him. He lives far away, so it is rarely an issue. My Grandma is a self-centered, manipulative bitch. Don't like her. I had a sister whom I detested. But since she died last year, so I get the last word in now. "Hey, sis - I WIN!"

Unfortunately the only member of my immediate family that's left alive is my sister, who I dislike the most. Oh, I don't hate her, but she's damn hard to get along with. I think I'd have an easier time getting along with some of my distant cousins who I barely know, if I had to - they may be in their 50s and have completely different values and lifestyle than me but at least they have some notion of common courtesy. LPM, your sister sounds a lot like mine - selfish, domineering, completely self-absorbed and a radically different personality type than my own. It's like this - my sister lives for the surface world of appearances. She cultivates the acquaintance of bitchy, washed-up females who wear too much makeup and backstab her. She shows a lot of cleavage and uses men like they're toys, put on earth to run errands for her. She constantly calls me with the crisis de jour and demands that I drop everything to meet her needs. She made my boyfriend clean out a rotten refrigerator in her garage the first time she ever met him. I suspect that she may be bipolar...I never know what to expect when she calls. She could be screaming and crying hysterically, or so amped I have to hold the phone three inches from my ear. Even when she's in a good mood and being nice, she is so overwhelming that after a few minutes I'm exhausted and want to run and hide. Despite all this, we have developed some sort of friendship for the first time in our lives, just within the past five years or so. Nonetheless, I find her very difficult to like, although I do love her.

Whew - I needed to talk about that!

Squishor, YES. My sister uses guys (when she was 15, she dated a 25 year old; shes 17 now and is dating a 21 year old), all she cares about is clothes and money and makeup, and she is constantly failing (I've mentioned several times here that she has a 1.5 GPA, on school probation for truancy, cannot graduate from high school, etc). I don't think she is bipolar, but if I even politely tell her to pick up her crap, she tells me to stop nagging or to shut the hell up.

Ugh.

In the future, I will keep your story in mind when I tell her to piss off when she comes begging for help at my door.

As much as I love my family and we get along, I wouldn't have chosen any of them for friends, well, maybe my dad, but just maybe. I like my two sisters and my brother, but we have very little in common-all 4 of us are so completely different from each other, we don't even look related, let alone act the same.
A cousin is getting married in two months. She has invited everyone in our family. Her parents, my mom's brother and his wife, have never met my kids (who are 13), have spoken ill of me and one of my sisters, at least, and have snubbed every milestone of my parents, including their 50th anniversary party. I am not going to this wedding, which pissed off a sister of mine. Why would I spend money on dressy clothes for two of us, a shower gift and a wedding gift and then use up an evening to go to a wedding of someone's whom I last saw about 16 years ago?
I don't like my mom's siblings, I have no use for any of them and I would only go to their funerals out of respect for my mom. My favorite relative, my dad's brother, died in 1980; only he and his cousin, whom I also love a great deal, remain from that family.

I like everyone in my family. They're all human and have their faults, but I still like/love them anyways. They're all people that I like to spend time with. I have 5 sisters and a brother, and my family is very tight. I am the second youngest with my oldest sister being 19 years older than me, but despite the age differences between all of us, we all still hang out a lot with each other.

I have no relatives from my dad's side, and only know one person from my mom's side. That person being her sister, who currently lives with my parents. I like her, but she is really private and I am never at my parents house long enough to talk to her, so I don't really know her.

I had two grandfathers I liked quite a bit, but they're gone now. I like my mother and her siblings (my aunt and two uncles). My sister's kids are great despite the influence of the shallow hypocrite they popped out of. I used to like my sister. She must have had some qualities that made her worth a damn, I just haven't been able to find them lately. I don't have a relationship with my father. I don't dislike him, I just don't talk to him and that seems alright by both of us. What's left of the family, I have very little to do with.

I like most of my family despite the fact that we're all very, very different. I can't say I would've chosen them as friends as they're very different than all my hand picked compadres. However, being related to them forced me to be around them, which changed my opinion of them considerably. I'd choose them now, but only because I know now what I know of them.

I love my family like crazy. I guess I can understand a life of not liking your family, but it makes me pretty sad for anyone who has to live it.

If you're under, say, 23, and your answer to the question "Do you like your family" is "no", then my advice is to give it time. My parents were pretty hard to be around when I was a teenager. As I grew up, they got to be better and better friends.

While I don't always agree with my parents on everything, I know that at the end of the day they will always have my best interest in mind. That counts for a lot in my book. My little brother and I have been best friends ever since we realized that we make a better team than adversaries (the rivalry basically wore out when I turned 16 or 17, when we moved to a new city and lost our dog to pancreatitus in one month). I love my wife without condition and I will always do everything I can for her. I respect her and trust her beyond what I thought was possible. My daughter is everything to me.

Then there is the rest of my family. My mother's mother, a wonderful 77 year old irish nanny, is the most passive aggressive person that's ever lived. I love her dearly, but her problems are a real downer when I try to help her with anything. Her husband, who passed in '94, was my idol. 'Pop-pop' as I called him was an Army officer, and also a scholar, philosopher, historian and more. He taught me a great deal of the morals I live by today. Unfortunatally, my last memory of him is when he was being taken apart by Alzheimers. He knew who I was, but he wasn't sure enough to talk to me as he once did. My athers parents were interesting. My paternal grandfather was a carpenter and furnature salesman in the smallest town I've ever seen. He was a very simple and loving man. Despite the fact that he was a genius, he remained uneducated becuase of the passive nature of the town. My paternal grandmother was an alcoholic and a very unkind person.

I like and care about pretty much everyone in my family. However I doubt I'd really have much to do with them if they weren't family, since I don't share common interests or anything with most of them.

I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with you on this point. I am only 20 but I KNOW that I dislike some members of my family and I KNOW that I will always dislike them. These things I have known since I was... oh about 16. This is not about teenage immaturity. This was about treating another human being with the respect that they deserve. Some members of my family were unable to do so and as a result I KNOW that I will always dislike them. Somtimes it isn't about age but about experience.

Thanks for everyone's replies though. It seems that there are fewer people that like their families than that don't.

Yea, I know, I was expecting the opposite response.

I adore my family, i lucked out by some cosmic shift or something i am sure.

I respect and love and just plain LIKE my family.
My sister and mom are two of my best friends, my dad, while at times distant, is loving and kind

They have welcomed my husband into the family with open arms.

We care about each other, and are involved in each other's lives, while remaining respectful of boundaries, there is love, i always feel home when i am with them.

as i said, i lucked out.

Sweetpea

For the most part, I like my family in small doses. Living 1,000 miles away makes that easy.

I agree with this. I had a very hard time relating to my family when I was younger, but then I grew up. We get along just fine now. I'd say that until you're at least 25 or so it's probably too young to make conclusions. Especially if you're the youngest in your family, like I am.

my immediate family is all i got. i don't have any other family that i know of. and while there are times where i just don't like them, for the most part, it's only ever been temporary.

I love my family very much. My brothers and I couldn't be more different, but I know they have my back at all times. They are great, and generous, and good men. My parents did a good job, and I've enjoyed the fruits of their labor (raising us) all of my life.

My parents are from a different world, where gender roles were greatly different, and racial stereotypes were more prevalent than they are today. My father is pretty laid back, and he's been that way most of his life. My mother has grown more conservative and more paranoid as she gets older, and I feel like she's turning in to someone else, almost like Alzheimers or something is taking away my old mom and leaving somebody else. My dad takes care of her, and would never, ever stop taking care of her.

I like my family. My brothers are fun and smart and loyal. My parents are weird, but lovable, and I'd hang out with them too.

If you're under, say, 23, and your answer to the question "Do you like your family" is "no", then my advice is to give it time. My parents were pretty hard to be around when I was a teenager. As I grew up, they got to be better and better friends.[/QUOTE]


I agree with this also, you will also find as you get older that you become more and more like them (gasp).

All I can say about my family is, two out of four of us -- my dad and my sister -- didn't really want to be there, and they made life tough enough that I stayed in my room most of the time I was home. Safer there.

I can't say I hated anybody, but my father was self-involved and unsympathetic _and_ didn't understand me (if he had, I think he'd still have been unsympathetic); he really didn't want to have much to do with children. My sister, after age 10, spent most of her time out of the house and kept her life private. Now, when we're both within spitting distance of 50, we get along well enough together in the same room but she _still_ won't say a thing about what's going on in her life. My brother-in-law's much more open to me than she is.

So it wasn't much of a family. Dad died, and I didn't miss him because he'd never really been a part of my life anyway. Yeah, he'd provided, but made sure that we paid him for it in guilt and in suffering abuse passively (it was okay for him to yell or get emotional, not us).

Mom was okay, but she's always wanted to pretend we were one close, happy family, even though we weren't. After my sister and I were adults, she continually tried to gather "the family" together for every possible occasion, and then we'd all sit in a room and stare at each other while she tried to keep a conversation going.

I like them.

But we couldn't be more different. This makes things hard sometimes.

Having said what I did about my sister, I just want to add that I liked my mother very much. We had great fun together and could laugh about anything. She was more of a best friend than a mother. As for my father, well, he had his problems but we definitely had a strong affinity for each other and spoke the same language despite the wreckage. I liked my grandparents too (on my mother's side) even though they were kind of relics and my grandmother in particular let herself get "old" by stopping learning about new things. My grandfather was a wonderful, kind, patient man with a big heart.

Oh, and I really liked my great-grandmother, who was about 4 feet tall and sailed over from Galway when she was just 16!

My cousins, and maybe like one aunt, yeah. I like them. My mom? no. I don't like her. Lately she has been a pain in my fucking ass.

My life with my family has been quite a staggered one in a sense. We have drifted apart somewhat due to my sister going through an incredibly tough time (previous boyfriend, raped her, and was convicted on 17 counts of grevious bodily harm and aggravated assault, deprivation of liberty etc) has put major stress on the family and has suffered somewhat. But I can say i like my family, its just the closeness is no longer there any more.

I get along well with my immediate family. I was at war with my little brother until about 2-3 years ago. He was a terror when he was younger, stealing our stuff for drug money, he once had a pair of scissors held to my mom's throat, ready to kill her because he was caught going into her purse. He was blacklisted from the family for awhile, but he's really cleaned his act up recently.
My Dad and I don't really talk that often, I'm still bitter that he left us penniless when my parents separated. I had to work washing dishes until 1 in the morning while finishing high school to help my Mom make ends meet. Since my brother had a near-fatal brain aneurysm last year we've started to patch things up though.
My Mom... well, she's always been the person I've admired most, and that's all that needs to be said.

I barely talk to my extended family, I think that's because most of my 15 cousins grew up in the country, fairly close to each other while my family grew up in the city. The only occasions I've had to see any of them recently have been weddings that I couldn't attend beause of work. My brother and I are the only two in the family who are unmarried by 21, and neither of us can really relate to any of them anymore.

I like my immediate family, and my mother's side of the family very much. My father's side is harder to like, there are only a few on my father's side I actually like, the rest just drive me bonkers. They think they are so above us in stature and shit, ugh....fuckin' prissies. I just wanna say to them "get a grip!"
But my mother's side, my gosh, I love and like them! I can't get enough of them sometimes. :P My cousins feel like my brothers and sisters, and my aunts and uncles are like extra parents, I love spending time with them! They all live on the other side of my city, so I don't see them a lot, but I'm so excited cause its Easter Weekend coming up, and I'll get to see them! Yay! :D

I like most of my family. My mom is a great person, very giving and accepting. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff, she's really religious and I'm not, but we get along well anyway. My dad and stepmother are very self absorbed; they are great for each other. I like my dad, but he really pisses me off sometimes. For the most part I enjoy being around him though; he is a great conversationalist and we can sit in his backyard for hours just shooting the breeze. My sister is probably my best friend, so I obviously like her. Before he died, my brother was very, very difficult to be around because of his schizophrenia, but I still liked him. He drove me crazy as hell, but I still loved him.

I don't know my mom's family well enough to really say, except for one of her brothers, and he's really nice, and I can say that my grandfather was truly a piece of shit that should have died long ago. The world is better of without him. My dad has a large family, and I like most of them, although I don't know alot of them that well. He has two sisters that I truly don't care for, one because she stayed with her husband who sexually molested her kids, and the other because she is so stuck on herself that I just can't stand to be around her without wanting to vomit. My grandmother is awesome and I love her to death. My grandpa died a few years ago and he was a difficult person to be around sometimes, but I still liked him.

The funny thing is, I'd much rather hang with my inlaws than my family; they are much more down to earth than my dad's family (who I am closest to). I just fit in better with them.

In addition to my husband, the only close family I have are my two brothers. It was a difficult weekend, so today I don't like my brothers very much at all. I really wish my mother was still here so that I could talk to her again. But then she would probably piss me off as well.

Most all of my family is very close to one another. They really share life together. I have one aunt, who is actually my dad's aunt, that my mother and I absolutely hate for very specific reasons. We do not speak of it and we are very civil when we have to be around her, which is extremely rare. The reason for this is my grandmother- my dad's mom, the sister of this woman. She's the sweetest, nicest person on the face of the planet. She'd saw off her own leg and hand it to you before succumbing to blood loss if you asked her for it. All because of her, because of how much of a saint she is, we keep our opinions on the aunt to ourselves, because we know it would hurt her feelings- not because she loves her sister that much, but because our unhappiness would make her unhappy. I love my family.

I love my dad. However, my mom and sister are both materialistic, hyperconservative, hypocritical bitches who waste as much money as they can, refuse to do any manual labor (such as picking up after their animals), they bitch about how they always have to work sooooooo hard, but whenever I'm with them, they lay around on the couch while I'm ordered to do all this work in a house I've only spent a handful of nights in.

My mom and sister have both developed extremely hateful stances toward LPM, and even more so to our relationship. And the exasperating fact about it, is that we have never done anything to wrong them. LPM is a total sweetheart. She is always kind, polite, and very outgoing around my family, and still they're total assholes to her.

My family has developed this sense of superiority where it's literally a male Cinderella complex. I get stepped on whenever I try to bring up my point of view, tuned out when I want to talk about my day, and generally can't get a word in edgewise. I literally had my mother SCOFF at my major and line of work (computer programming) this past weekend, and I said to her face that it was childish, and that it chapped my ass that she couldn't just be happy for me for ONCE in my life.

My extended family, such as my cousins on my dad's side, are really cool. I love all my grandparents, although both my grandparents on my mother's side died when I was younger. My dad's parents are still alive and I make regular drives to go see them and spend time talking with my granddad about books and technology.

Of the extended family on my mom's side (other than my grandparents), I have only met a few people. Most of them are heavy drug-abusers and alcoholics, and all of them live in Oklahoma, whereas we are in California. The extended family on my dad's side are all generally a lot older than me, although I've met all of them, and they're really wholesome people.

I don't base my liking someone on anything, including whether they are family or not. Everybody starts out on my good side, you have to work your way across the line. Yes, people in my family have done just that.

My dad & I got along fairly well, he built a business while I was young so we didn't spend a lot of time together, but I respected him & really do appreciate everything he did for me. Now that he's gone, I'm glad I actually took the time while he was alive to tell him that. My mom is a saint of saints, a great person and I've yet to meet better.

My brother, sister and I all work together. This makes for an interesting family life. I get along pretty good with one and not at all with the other.

My in-laws are about the same story, some I like, others I do not. I don't make any false pretenses around anyone. I don't go out of my way to call anyone an idiot, but I also know who I should keep my distance from to make sure that doesn't happen.

My wife & kids? The best. Couldn't love any of them any more than what I do (although that seems to grow stronger every day).

Families are all strange, you can't pick them unfortunately.

I like my family a whole lot more now that I live seven hours away from them.

I would like to make a comment if i may, i also think LPM is a lovely person, the sheer reason they may take issue with her and your relationship with her is because they both are super JEALOUS that you seem to have found such pure happiness. There are those people out there who are so miserble themselves, that they cannot stand to see someone else be happy or in love. It's only a testiment to what a great girl you've got in LPM that she can be kind to them even though they are treating her in such a way. :eek:

This sounds really similar to my husband's situation when he was younger, all his family brought into his life was drama and pain, he's pretty much cut them out of his life and has been alot happier since he did that 4 years ago. He's moved on from all that pain they brought him and we've created a happy, stable life together with only love and kindess in it, because MY family adores him!

Even though these people are your family, if they aren't bringing anything positive to your life or your fiancee's life, don't think twice about getting some real space from them for an extended period of time, sometimes it's healthy to distance yourself from such situations.

We don't get to pick our familes, sometimes we just get stuck with them and it's so difficult. :|

Sweetpea

Some I like, some I don't. I am 20 years old, and to the people who say "wait till youre 25/older" I doubt that will change anything. The reason I don't like them is not because of how we treat each other, but more about how they treat other people. For example, if one of youre family member's is extremely racist, well I don't think waiting another 5 years will change your opinion of them.

My immediate family is pretty good. My parents are great because we're more friends than parent-daughter relationship. Me and my dad are so alike, so I would definately hang out with him. My older brother, I probably wouldn't. He would be the materialistic, popular person in High School that a school geek wouldn't have wanted any association with. We get along, but I couldn't see us even looking or talking to eachother if we weren't blood related. My younger brother is just like me too. He's in grade 8, yet we play music together (bass/guitar), like the same movies, music, and we go places together. He grew out of the 'annoying younger brother stage' thank god. My older sister.. changed. Me and her used to be close when she lived her, but she moved to MD years ago, and now has a family. I don't think *now* we could be friends. I realize now just how different we are. My extended family is very very small, and I get along with them, but we are nothing alike.

So it's just me, my parents, and my younger brother. That's all I really need too.

I think that what happens when you get past a certain age (say early 20's), you realise that maybe your parents aren't "perfect". They're just people. And then you start to think, would I be friends with them, and of course, do I actually like them? I think I can say, most of my family, I love. As in family love. But I don't like all of my family. Some of them I just get on with because they are family. Others I think are nice people and I like. And others are my friends. It's no big deal, you don't have to like them just because they're family. Generally I think I've been fortunate with mine. On the other hand I have 2 half-brothers (from my dad) who I hate, but they are not what I consider family AT ALL. As I usually, say, they are their mothers' sons. (In portuguese, the funny thing is, this translates as filho-da-mãe, which is actually almost like calling them SOB's lol).

I dont love any of my family, but I like my sister I guess, Im not close to her and dont feel very connected to her, but she's quite a nice person. I have a painful relationship with my mother and an ackward one with my father... I talk to him every other week, and we get on far better than when I was a child - I dont think I will ever forgive some things he did, but I can understand quite a lot about the place he was in - I dont think he is that bad of a person inside, and he has changed... but he wasnt that great a father growing up. And my mother occasionally... she has been quite ill the last 5 years (almost died a couple of times - by which I mean been resusitated in hospital when her heart stopped beating) and I try to, you know, make an effort - but its hard to spend that much time around her.

I do like my family. I really enjoy the company of my mother, brother and father. However, my mother and brother are a little emotionally unstable and so sometimes it makes it hard to enjoy their company as much as I'd like to. My mother has had a lot of health problems lately (turns out it's all epilepsy related) but now that she's on medication for it she's evening out. My brother is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He can be very pleasant and friendly and fun and then turn around and be absolutely nasty. That element of his personality is what I dislike most. My dad, on the other hand, is just awesome. He's a 100% solid guy.

I also like the rest of my family--my aunts, uncles and cousins. Some I like more than others--I have a couple of aunts that I never want to see again. My first cousins on my father's side are all pretty cool and my father's brother (their father) is downright awesome. He and I get along really well and I always look forward to seeing him--he and my cousin came down to see me here at Oregon State last spring and we had a great time.

As far as my other cousins, great aunts and uncles go--they're all very cool too. I've got a whole branch of family in the Netherlands that are downright awesome but I don't see them enough. C'est la vie.

I've been thinking about this a little more and have decided that I actually like one of my sisters. She's almost graduating and therefore we have the same sorta stuff to worry about and therefore to talk about which has never happened with our age difference before. We are fundamentally the same type of people, I think.
I've decided that I also like my dad, although he is chicken-shit.

I'm the 3rd oldest of 10 biological siblings, I have 19 siblings if you count all the steps and halfs, and the only thing I can say about my family is holy shit I'm sorry if you have to put up with any of them. Both of my parents are at least partially insane (completely in my fathers case) and it's passed a lot of very destructive and selfish behaviors along to all of the kids. I'm not currently on speaking terms with any member of my immediate family, and while some would argue that I'm as much to fault as they are, I would agree and stand my position. I hate the accepted misconception that your family is good to you simply because they're your family, mine seems to make a point of abusing those they should care about. So no, I don't like my family, and come to think of it, I don't know anybody else that does either.

The family I was born into, no. I love them all, but they've chosen to disown me and my sister because we don't fit into their narrowly defined sexual roles, so with the exception of Sissy, no I don't like them, and I wish there were some way I could stop loving them because sometimes the conflict feels as if it's going to tear me apart.

On the other hand, the family I've made with Sissy and Grace (my SO) and the way her family has taken us in as welcome membrs has given me a nuclear family and an extended family that I can openly embrace and am proud to be a part of.

I get along well enough with my family that I don't have to worry about them for half the year. I stick close to those who I am related to directly. As for my step-family, I could really care less. Though I would (with almost all of them) defend them over any stranger. They are important to me, but there is still some resentment towards some based on the divorce of my real parents and what has gone on there after.

My family isnt bad. My parents are like the Camdens from 7th Heaven in the sense that they will take in my poor deprived friends and guide them. My friend Julian is a prime example. Hes in the military, he has no family nearby and he doesnt have good relationships with his mom or dad. Well when we first met I felt SO bad that he was eating ucky chow hall food (no wonder our military is fat, the food they are fed is worse than that in some school disticts) that I MADE him come eat a decent meal with my family, and my mom found out about his parents somehow... I think he told her and now he eats there damn near every night! Hes also a real good kid and after about the 3rd time I made him come eat he just started doing the dishes as I was clearing the table. My mom tried to stop him and seriously he told her "NO" and my moms pretty scary when she puts her foot down. (I live in fear of pissing off my mom and it takes a lot, but Ive seen it happen) Now she just thinks its great that she doesnt have to do them. My mother being the little Christian that she is(THANKFULLY shes OPEN MINDED and I get no shit from her other than some nagging about my piercings and tattoos and political beliefs) invited him to church the last time I was home.. now he goes every week with them(what a good little boy. why cant I have him as my bf? damn you school!!) My siblings are alright, we all get along and love one another. We're pretty close too. Even though we live so far away from one another we keep in good contact. My older brother is getting married in a couple weeks :) yay!

My outer family is pretty cool, well my Uncle on my Moms side is a little weird, and his wife and step daughter are a bit pretentious and bitchy.. but we accept them. I love my Uncle and I accept his family. My Dads family is alright.. a few of my cousins are misguided and have made horrible choices and have hurt many of us in the family, but theyre not evil. Theyve just made poor life choices and we cant do anything but support them in making steps in the right direction. All around my family isnt too bad. A little weird, and they put the FUN in dysfunctional, but I love them all. Most of them I would befriend in real life too.

Now, I have to ask. If spending time with your family is generally so painful for you why do you continue to do it? Wouldn't it be better to simply cut all the ties and call yourself free?

Story about Cierah's question: I was the maid of honor in a wedding where the bride's parents were "cut off" from attending. This was because the parents disliked her choice in men so much (for no good reason; the guy was one of my close friends and was by no means someone you'd expect parents to dislike) that they refused his request to have her hand in marriage. He was trying to respect them by asking them directly, but they said no, and from that point on the bride basically divorced herself from them. She disinvited them from the wedding, and when they turned her two sisters on her to persuade her otherwise, she disinvited them as well.

Now, she didn't enjoy doing any of this, but she was convinced that it was the only way to be true to herself and be happy, in the end. Personally, as I watched this all go down, I felt very uncomfortable... maybe because my mother's side is Asian and therefore no one would EVER do something like that and disown their family, no matter how much we disliked each other. There is just too much obligation and reciprocity among us... they took care of me, I should grow up and do the same.

At the time I thought that if I was in that situation, my SO and I would do whatever possible to amend relations with all involved BEFORE getting married, just so as to have peace on that day and to start off on a good foot. If that meant delaying the wedding a while, fine. Why start off life together with such painfully burned bridges?

But that's just me. For my friend, she was willing to sacrifice her entire family to get what she really wanted. Maybe in some weird way that's impressive. How many of us would be "brave" (?) enough to do that? I don't know. What are they going to do when they have kids, I wonder...

Having had all ties to my birth family cut off, I can tell you that from my perspective, it doesn't make me feel free. I in essense did the same thing as the friend in abaya's story. When forced to choose between my SO, Grace, and my family, I chose to stay with Grace and was cut off.

Having been cut off doesn't end the relationship I had with those people for the first 25 years of my life, and their absense leaves a hole that nobody else will ever be able to adequately fill. For the first 22 years of my life, those people were nearly my whole world, and I still love them. Cutting off all ties, to me, doesn't feel like freedom. Those relationships still exist, broken though they may be, and pretending that they don't doesn't help.

Like abaya mother's side, Grace's family is of Asian descent, and I can't imagine her being distant from them due to her having chosen the wrong partner. They have no problem with my being the "wrong" person for her. Regardless of whether I'm the type of person they would have chosen, I'm the person Grace chose, so, by golly, that means I'm part of their family. Like someone said earlier, they're like a tv family, ready and willing to take in strays from other families and treat them like they're at home.

Hmm.

I loved my mother, we got along really well. She died when I was ten, and I went to live with my dad. I don't think he ever learned how to be a parent, and I was a hyper active kid. Obviously, problems developed, and weren't solved until I moved out at sixteen. Now, five years later, it seems we've patched everything up. We're pretty chummy, but I don't think it would be right to say that we have a father-son relationship. We have few shared interests, and he's pretty much realized that I'm in control of my own life, and that we're both happier if he lets me live it.

My step-mother is evil.

I don't think I would normally be friends with anyone in my extended family. I'm a geek, they're all rednecks or ginos. A couple of my cousins are really cool people but again, I doubt I'd do much more than say hi and bye if we weren't family. Weird, that.

I only consider my sister, and the family I've made my real family.

The rest of my family members are all crazy, vindictive, selfish and abusive and I have nothing to do with any of them. All my grandparents are gone, and my father has been gone since 1984. He was an abusive monster while he was alive. His brother has done nothing but basically disown my sister and I ever since he died. Our mother is an alcoholic, pill popping narcissistic untreated BPD sufferer, who will probably stay in deep denial ‘til the day she dies, all the while using Christian immunity for her excuse to never take responsibility for herself, or her daily unhealthy choices.

Wow, pinkie that first line captures my situation exactly, and much of the rest of your post is very familiar, except in my case it was my uncle who was the abusive monster, and it's my parents who've disowned me and my sister. Sometimes I read things like this, and I wonder if having a messed up family is more the norm than the exception.

It is, it really is. I'm 21, and far too many of my friends live in (or out of) dysfuctional families. Some sort of abuse, or genuine craziness, or neglect, It's not one family in a hundered, its ten in twenty.

It's kind of depressing, really...

HAHA - LIKE? my family?

A lot of days. NO. But I love them... they're my family. We get each other... dysfuntionality and all. I think it's that age old, you can pick your friends, but not your family. Yet, they still are family, stuck with 'em forever like it or not ;).

Thankfully I've surrounded my life with people who are nothing like the family I grew up with. God bless us who choose to break the chain of dysfunction!!

You may not be able to pick who your blood relatives are, but you sure can choose not to put up with them! :thumbsup:

I respect and love and just plain LIKE my family.

my familiy is huge so it divides up like this

1/8 i love
1/4 i don't even know
1/4 i hate
1/4 whose money is accepted without thoughts to return with a F*** You
and
1/8 that are socially acceptable and leave me alone

Do I love my family? YES
Do I like them all? NOOOOOOOOOOO
My dad was abusive, my mom's a compulsive gambler, and my sister's addicted to narcotics. Needless to say, my family's a little unbalanced - no wonder I don't remember anything before I was 12.

Yes, it's easy to write it off as dependancy issues, but it goes deeper than that. My sister and I became super-close, which turned out to be due to the amount of drugs she was taking (she'd always been a monstrously-huge bitch). My father was emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive, and was never around (I used to think he lived in the shower-drain) and my mom was enourmously co-dependant.

I love them all dearly, but I don't like them, whether it's for what they're doing/have done to themselves, or for what they're doing/have done to me, and I don't think that's something I'm going to ever "grow out of".

I like them all, I love them all. We all get along, and family gathering are usually a ridiculously good time.

Never any bad blood, just a ton of laughs. I'm lucky I guess.

I love my family, and we get along really well for the most part.

My little brother's a bit of an ass, but he and I get along when we're both in a good mood, which is more often now that I'm not home as much and he's in highschool.

My mum and I get along very well. We go shopping, watch movies, talk, tell stories, comfort... all of those things that mums and daughters are supposedly "supposed" to do. Mind you, we don't always get along, but no one gets along with everyone all the time, right?

My Dad is the best dad ever. At least, I think so :) We go see Dave Matthews Band together every time they come to Toronto. I can talk to him about everything from music to work to sex-type-things. He works shifts, so I don't see him as much as I'd like, but when we do get together we can't shut up!

So yah, I like my family, but I love them more.

My family is very small. Just me and my sister and our parents. They all live far away from me, and I like it that way. I do not hate them, but probably would if they lived close to me. My parents were never there for me emotionally when I was growing up, they always expected me to be like my sister, and always had something negative to say. Nothing has changed, and I am almost 36. My sister was always there for me, but lately she is hard to talk to, so I just listen. My inlaw's on the other hand.... Well, my mother-in-law babysits for me 3 full days a week, helps around my house, has become more of a friend than I could ever imagine, and I love her tremendously. She has the biggest heart, listens to me when I talk, even when about her son. She understands me. The rest of my husbands family is just as nice, they have open hearts, open minds, and opened their homes to us when we needed. I truly feel blessed with his side of the family.

I guess I have been blessed w/my family. I read some of these postings, and I wonder - WTF? Now, I'm talking about my immediate family (Mom, Dad and Bro). Don't really know much of the extended family. But I'll tell you - I guess my family was the exception. My father was paralyzed at age 38 in 1968, stopping a hold-up at a 7-11. Four days before my 4th birthday. He was on what they now call the "fast track" w/FL Pwr as a foreman for land surveyors. Money earning days are over. My mother could have left, but she stood by his side. She went to work. Growing up, I knew of the physical differences between him and other dads, but he did his best to do what he could. He grew up playing football in HS and college (Missouri). Hated baseball. But, not being able to afford the football fees for me, he accepted baseball because it was what I wanted to play. He taught me a lot of basics around the house (plumbing, electrical, etc.). His father, my grandfather, taught me to ride a bicycle. His only regret was not taking me hunting, and I don't hold it against him. He took me fishing. I didn't really think of our family being much different than any others (besides learning how to cook at an early age), until later. My parents did everything they could to make life "normal" for me and my brother. Faced w/such a hardship, my parents showed me about perserverance. Sometimes you only think you have it rough.

I don't really like my family. But it's more so my step dad that I hate. He's not a respectable person. Doesn't respect women, so why should I respect him even when my mom tells me I need to "respect my elders". As for my mom, I like her more, but this house just has so much bad memories for me that I don't really like my family as a whole. My mom gambles, criticizes me, compares me, and not to mention, steals my money. So I can't wait to move out.

I'm a bit jealous of my boyfriend's family. They seem to be much closer knit and he seems to come from such a supportive family. But I'm also gracious that they accept me, almost as If I were part of the family! I'm very glad to know them.

This is going to be one of those posts where I need to vent my true feelings, so watch out.

My parents are some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet, few people have ever matched up to them. Despite our wide assortment of religious beliefs (Dad catholic, mother congregational, sister a unitarian and myself semi-christian/non-religious)we still get along quite well most of the time.

My father will always try to help me out with anything, whether with cars, college or computers. Most of the time I will decline, sadly enough I have a much harder time showing my emotions than my father does and I have a stubborn belief that I can do everything myself. This probably extends from my anti-social childhood, but occasionally I will be reminded to accept my family's assistance (like this thread). In the end We really do love each other, its just that, I think, both of us are too scared to share our beliefs, which always has been a major hurdle in our relationship.

I have gotten along with my mother most of the time and we've shared great stories time and time again. Sometimes she won't be able to remember something that I told her the day before but I can quickly get over that. She's the type of person that will try to help you succeed. If you're looking for a new job, she'll look through the flyers and try to find you one. If you're going on a trip, she'll try to make sure you have everything and maybe help fund it. Truely a caring person. A lot of the time I feel that I don't do nearly enough for my parents in return.

Then there's my sister. She's just like me in the sense that she's very shy about her private life and believes that she can do everything herself. Sometimes we'll share an occasional laugh, but a lot of the time is spent by arguing. She being a materialist and I being mostly an intellectualist/spiritualist, the two cultures really do not mix. Most of the time she's out of the house socializing with her friends, while I'm online, working or reading a book. I guess I'm jealous in some sense that she has more friends than I do. However, she also has some of the worst manners in the family which has always ticked me off ever since she was little (chewing with her mouth open, not picking up after herself, etc). Sometimes I think the world revolves around her. Same could be said of me too though.

As for my extended family, it varies. I definitely get along more with my mother's side of the family than my father's, they are happier, caring and tend to have little cousins that will eat your brains out. Seriously, everytime I would visit my uncle's home, about 5 kids will run over to me saying my name and jump all over me. "Nick, let's play with this trainset," or "Nick, build this robot with me," or "Nick, lets play PS2," etc. I love them all dearly as I can see a part of me in all of them. My mother's oldest brother I can relate to, but we mostly talk about how are lives are going. Sometimes we'll play sports like darts although I was never that big into sports. My aunt I love as well, mainly for the food they always offer me.

Ok, this getting too long and it's already more like a post in a journal. I can't help myself. Must finish. :lol:

My father's side I have mixed feelings for. Some parts of the family are a little dysfunctional, some parts not. My father's sister long ago got into a huge argument with my paternal grandmother (now deceased) and she was blacklisted from the family. Other than that there are some minor things. My paternal grandfather is a very kind and extremely loving individual, however his beliefs are a little on the strange side and has recently moved in with another household and considers them a part of the family. I'm not sure whether I'm happy or sad...

My father's brother I can totally relate to, but the rest of his family I can't really get along with. My relationship with my aunt is almost non-existant, and her two daughters I don't get along with too well especially the youngest who, like my sister, is bossy and materialistic and thinks she controls everything, much like her mother. Sometimes she'll have a nice side though.

Ok that's enough for tonight. I'm a really loving person but I don't show my feelings very often, but when they do you get a post like this. :lol:

[B]I was the youngest in the whole extended family. Was never particularly close to either parent, but I guess closer to my dad. Mother and I argued a lot. Looking back she did the best she could with what she had. Still, when she passed away I wasnt really that sad. Of course she had been in a nursing facility for seven years.

Absolutley, I love my family completley. I consider myself blessed because of this, as many people are not so fortunate.

I like every single person on my mom's side of the family. The ones that I know from my dad's side are really cool too. Immediate family is great too. Everyone has their flaws, but I think when you know someone for long enough (even if it's forced through blood or circumstance), you gain the ability to see what you like or love in them. If I hadn't gained that with my immediate family members, I'd be stuck wondering what the point of all of those big fights we had was. I have a great family. :D

Hate my family.

My Dad can be a real asshole sometime when he's drunk and is unable to make a clear descision because of his dumb bitch he calls a wife influncing him all the time.

My step-mother is one of the biggest bitch I ever known. She constantly bitches about everything I do. She has little control, if any, over her moronic kids.

My step-brother is one of the laziest son of a bitch I ever known. He's only 14 but he still could do alot more. He couldn't do one simple thing right, hell, I remember one time my Dad asked him to move bags of potato onto the Deck. He put it in the garage.

My step-sister is probably next to the biggest bitch. My brother (streak_56) can testify that she can't even walk around the house without getting pissed off at either one of us.

My Mom destroyed the family. Granted, she can go around loving somebody other than my Dad but that doesn't mean she could do it while hurting the rest of my family.

My grandmother can be a little full of shit.

My aunt left her husband, that's cool. It would be nice if she could get a boyfriend that's actually nice. It would be even nicer if she would stop hitting on me whenever she gets drunk.

Most of my cousins are idiots. They often patronize each other, my brother and sister and myself.

Hell, when I was younger, I often thought that my brother and sister are the biggest idiot in the world but now, I've come to find that they're pretty good compared to the rest of the family.

I guess I'd say I like my family. I TOTALLY respect my grandpa and found my grandma very honorable when she was alive. My parents are good people who enjoy helping others and are very loving. My mother is co-dependant, my dad went through a long time where he was suicidal and has been emotionally and mentally unstable most of my teen years. He has since gotten a much better handle on reality and I relate to him well. My brother has a violent history but after only once fighting with me he has learned to respect me and doesn't cross that line now. I guess you could say it's a tense affection for my family. I'm fairly close I guess despite their problems. I am on the guard against their turns in emotion that can be volatile, depressing, or intrusive. I doubt anyone can claim perfect parents. Mine have enough redeeming qualities to be likeable. My husband nearly avoided the alter with me because he discovered what my family was like. He has since developed a tentative repore with my family.

I like some of my family.

My oldest brother is like a father to me. I plan on having him give me away at my wedding. I like him.

My second oldest brother is sick and disgusting. I plan on having nothing to do with him EVER regardless of what my mom wants. I hate him, and no, hate isn't a strong enough word.

My Dad and I are alike in a lot of ways. He's done bad things in the past and I was basically brainwashed to believe he was a monster. Now that I'm older we get along quite well and I look forward to his visits. I like him.

I'm not that close to my extended family except for an aunt, uncle and two cousins, the rest of the family is either dead or has been cut off. I like them.

My Mom. Hmmmm. I think her and i will get along better once I move away. Right now she is EXTREMELY critical of me. She can be downright mean somedays and has gotten worse since streak_56 and I have started dating. I think she's jealous that I have someone to love and support me and to go out and do things with. I've watched her grow into a bitter and resentful woman. I hope to one day get along better with her but if she continues this way I don't think it'll be possible. I don't know about her.

Right now I fucking hate my family. That is all. I really don't understand why I keep giving them so much power over me - the power to make me feel bad. I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself.

well, i could go on and on about how vindictive and selfish my family are but truth of the matter is that they are your family.im close to most of them and im mostly civil with the rest.there are some of them i cant stand but know that i have to live with them.

the cool thing about my family(on a whole, like everyone!) is that no matter how much i dont like them, and no matter if our personalities clash.i know that they'll be there for any one of us.

we may not like eachother but we stick together like a family.i think thats all that counts really.