What to say to people you don't want using or borrowing your things?
 

I live in an apartment with 3 other people including my sister. I like my roommates. Problem is the people upstairs, well one person in particular. He comes down whenever he wants to, acts rude, eats our food, borrows my dvds and games without asking or sometimes does ask but asks in a way that you have to let him borrow it. I really don't like people borrowing my dvds or games since I like collecting them. I'm weird like that. I told my one roommate who is friends with him that I don't like what this guy does and he doesn't know what to do. I don't want to seem like a selfish bastard. What can I do? Keep all my shit in my room? I have very little space left in my room as it is.

That NEEDS to stop. Say something to him about it. Stand up for yourself and your stuff.

Sometimes, being slightly rude is the only way to stop some things. That person is the one being selfish, not you. If you do not want people borrowing them, just explain that you do not allow anyone to borrow them and why. If you feel that isnt enough, maybe compromise saying occasionally if you really want to see a movie or play a game you can do it here? In the end, your living in an apartment, this guy isnt living in your apartment, and if its like my apartments you may not even be living next to this guy in a year or two.

Ok this is going to be crass but put your stuff in your room and put a lock on the door. If he asks say no. You have a right to have your stuff treated the way you want bu since you do not live in a place you can control take control of what you can.

Get a nice little loking file cabinet for your games and DVD's, put ex lax in a sheet of brownies and leave them out where you know he'll see and eat them, and put high-voltage electrodes on the doorknob and doormat.

Other than the file cabinet suggestion, the only real solution is to talk to him.

I always get real upset when I read posts like this.

If you were having a problem with a roommate that's a different situation, but this guy, at least as I understand it, lives upstairs. That simplifies things a bit.

It's your shit. You bought it with your money. You take care of it.

Hide your stuff? Lock it up? IN YOUR OWN HOUSE? For chrissakes, you don't have to have a conversation with him to explain your position and express your feelings. Just tell him to fuck off. It's really that simple. You got a quote from Timothy Leary in your signature. Do you think Timothy Leary would put up with this fucktard and his fucktarded ways?

He sounds like a knuckle dragger, so, he might not understand verbal cues as complicated as "fuck off." You might have to resort to visual aids. Fortunately, there's one that's been around for a while and even Neanderthals can understand it.

I can understand Jesus' desire to handle the situation as tactful as possible - I tend to either be the guy who's stuff gets used or I'm the user...

Chances are, he has no clue what he's doing and assumes he's on good enough terms with you to borrow your things witout asking - unless he's taking your things in full knowledge that you don't like it there's no reason to handle the situation in a hostile manner.

Sit him down and talk to him like a person.

do exactly what your signature says.

I don't loan things out to people unless I don't expect to get it back, that means my most prized possessions never get loaned out to anyone. I consider myself generous, I'll make a copy or let them watch or use it in my presence.

That said, it keeps me from loaning things out.

I've lost waaaaay too many things over the years to too many people from high school to college to adulthood. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to repurchase the same item over and over and over again.

Touigh titty said the kitty when the milk ran dry.

What to say to people you don't want using or borrowing your things?

No.

Exactly...................

Think for yourself, question authority. Make a stand and learn to say No.

As a (normally) non-confrontational person myself, I can see why you're asking. But you do need to tell him.. there's no way around that. Just try to be nice about it.

Tell him not to touch your stuff because you don't want it leaving your living area without you. If he continues, go with MrSelfDestruct and get a lockable cabinet or other type of storage container (which isn't portable). At least doing that for even a few months will prove to him that you are serious.

I guess I'm confused about how this living arrangement is set up. Does this guy live in a separate apartment above you or is it all one house in which you have separate rooms? If these are separate areas, change the lock and use it constantly.

When I was in second grade a little girl wanted to use my smock to wear when she was painting. It was an old shirt of my father's, and my mother had just given it to me that morning to take to school. I did not want some other child to wear it and drip paint on it when I had not had a chance to use it yet. I said no. I really got in trouble by my teacher, but I stood my ground.

If you don't want him borrowing your things just say NO. If he takes things without asking read him the riot act and tell him it must never happen again. If he does it again go completely ape-shit on him. If you want a happy compromise, you could lend him things with him lending you something in return. If he wants to borrow a DVD then he must lend you a video game, DVD, whatever. Sort of like him leaving a deposit. If he doesn't return your item he doesn't get his back. Whether you want the item or not make him give you SOMETHING in return for the lending. Of course the most efficient option is to just say no.

As another person like Jesus and Gopher, I try to avoid confrontational issues at all times.

Sometimes however it's not possible to avoid. I'd imagine that if you just locked your stuff up, he'd just ask where all you shit went and he needs to borrow it. Thus, you've only delayed the confrontation, not avoided it.

I kind of like the idea of borrowing something of his each time he asks for something of yours, but just saying no is probably the best idea.

Just say NO. And then proceed to beat their ass as per standard operating procedure.

Locks are a good thing. I had to build a dvd case with locking doors on it to keep my roommates out when I lived in a townhouse. When you live with other people and things are out in the open consider them community property. Everything else, keep locked up and don't give them the key.