Concerned about pothead friends
 

Here's the story. One of my good friends is a 24/7 pothead. I've known him since 2nd grade. He didn't start smoking pot till college(probably earlier but who knows). It runs in his family actually. His parents and brother smoke weed. I remember one time I went over to his house and we walked in as his dad was was walking our of a room after finishing smoking up a cloud. It was one of the funniest things I ever saw but I digress. Anyway my good friend used to be very dependable. Nowadays I'm lucky if does what he says he's going to do in a reasonable amount of time. He has gotten significantly lazier and has developed bad memory. Which brings us to today. This morning I talked to him on the phone. He was going to come over my apartment and pick up a DVD. He's like, "I'll be over in a minute" (He lives up the street from me). Well he never shows up. So I'm like whatever. So I call him later and asked him what was up and he said he forgot and didn't remember till 3 in the afternoon. I was just like WTF? It really bothered me. I feel really bad for him but what can I do? It's his choice to smoke weed. It's just sad for me to see people with potential and who I care about waste their lives away.

The only thing you have the power to do. Let him suffer the consequences of his own behavior in relation to your friendship. In other words, tell him about it. Let him know how you feel about it. If he continues to be unreliable with your friendship, back off and stop relying on him. He'll either change or he won't. You only have control over how you let it effect you. If it bothers you that much, remove yourself from the situation.

be like, "it was really lame of you to blow me off the way you did. I know you forgot, but that's no excuse."

I'd just level with him. So many people are afraid to just talk to their friends. You know him fairly well obviously, I'd say just tell him he needs to move on, and away from it. If he doesn't have a girl, or a hobby, get him one..

LOL. He has a girlfriend and she's a pothead too and has plenty of hobbies. It's not like he sits around and does nothing. He actually makes lots of money too working as a realitor. Thus has funds to buy pot. Now my ex-gf..that's a different story. Maybe I just care too much about my friends. Maybe I should just let them face the consequences.

Sometimes that is the best way, though hardest, to be a friend, is to let them hit bottom, and just be there when they are ready to climb out. You sometimes have to state your peace, then stand back and let your friend figure it out for himself.

There's a buzz word in Shrinkdom called "enabler" -the def'n is one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by helping that individual avoid the consequences of such behavior

You can still be a friend, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

man let him forget about it, Keep the dvd.

It's a sad story, and it's too bad he can't see what he's doing to himself.

I think you just have to let it go. Hopefully he'll come around.

Sounds like he's doing alright for himself despite him being a big pothead. I'm biased on this subject but I'd say let it go and let him be happy hitting the pipe every now and again.

You can let him know that you are concerned, but afterall it is his life, his choice. Focus on the choices you make alone and that will be projected.

Pot is a relatively harmless drug, but it can still be abused like any other drug.


Just tell him he is being an asshole and either learn how to be dependable while high or stop smoking when you're going to hang out.

Go over to his house, give him a slap around, take away his skins, his food, his gear and his money, tell him to buck up or you'll give him more slaps.

Trust me, that works, it's the staple thing to do round here when issues of too much smoking/other drug taking comes up.

Get him to stop smoking for a week (bribe him with booze/a draw) and go from there.

I disagree. It is harmful like any drug when used over time.

Ah but any substance in sufficient amounts over an extended period of time is harmful. Sugar, caffeine, nicotine all of these are harmful over time. But there are degrees of harmfulness. I wouldn't put pot in the same category as cocaine or heroin. Hell alcohol is worse than pot in my opinion.

As a free thinking person you have the right to let your friend know how you feel and that it's not cool when he blows you off. But if he's got a successful job, and he's happy with what he's doing, assuming he is happy you didn't really touch on this, with his life that's his deal. And as long as he's not harming others with his particular vice I think it's okay.

^^^^ same with food, alcohol, sleep, lack of sleep, excercise, negativity, or anything else for that matter.
Not saying drugs are okay, and not saying their not, but the point is with anything you can overdose on and harm yourself. All in moderation.
But it's the choice of yourself that you make.
I'm right with ya, Moobie.

That is, if there are any on his end. It seems to me that the biggest problem here isn't your friends habit, but the way you are letting it effect you and your idea of your friendship with him. Again, if you can't accept your friend, along with his pot smoking, perhaps the best thing for you to do would be not to rely on him anymore. I'm not saying this is about him though. As far as I'm concerned, forgetting to pick up a DVD is hardly a big deal.

I'd say that if this is something that truly bothers you, then the problem is with you, not your friend. I’m not pointing the of finger blame at all, I'm just pointing out that he's not doing anything to hurt anyone. Perhaps you’re accusing him of being neglectful, when his only fault is being forgetful? That’s not really anything to rake someone over the coals for, physically or mentally.

In my opinion, the only thing wrong with smoking pot is that it's not legal. I would never compare it to other harmful drugs. There's no comparison. Now if he were an alcoholic or a heroin, cocaine, or prescription addict etc., and it was destroying his life, as well as effecting your friendship, that would be different. That’s not what it sounds like to me. In my opinion, McDonalds is worse for you than smoking pot. At least the fries, anyway. ;)

I could give a shit about the dvd. I do give a shit of the fact that pot has altered his mind and habits. He has even developed asthma as result yet he continues to smoke pot. He's addicted. You potheads and druggies are always in denial about your addictions. To put in the same vane as food is ridiculous. You need food to survive, not pot.

I don't think I ever said I smoked pot or did drugs. Neither did Moobie or :::Oshnsoul:::. Judgement against others seems to be another area for you that needs looking at. What I said was not ridiculous to say. Indulgence is indulgence. Food, alcohol, drugs, and money can all be abused. I didn't just say food, I said fast food. Still, that's not the point.

The point is, regardless whether your friend has asthma due to smoking cigarettes, pot, or working around asbestos, that's his problem, not yours. That goes for his attitude and frame of mind about the world too. You can be a friend, and mention your concerns, but you can't change him. You only have the power to change your own life, and the decisions you make for yourself, and in regard to others.

Oh my God do I ever feel you on this one.

One of my best friends, who is also my cousin, has started hanging out with one of my other friends, who is a massive pothead. And now my cousin is just as bad. It makes me mad, it makes me sad, I can't fucking stand it. He's dropped out of college, he never does anything but smoke fucking weed all the time. It makes me so fucking mad, if you resolve this, let me know.

Also, Cousin, if you read this, I don't apologize, you know I don't approve. And yes, again, it's not my place to pass judgement, I just care about you man, and I hate to watch you destroy yourself.

Well my friend dropped out of college too after his 2nd year. He works for his parents. He didn't achieve his current success on his own. So technically he's not a sucessfull pothead. I only know one sucessful pothead and he has long since quit smoking weed.

Sucess is sucess, whether his parents handed it to him or he worked his ass off for years to get where he is. Blaming pot for peoples problems is the easy thing to do, why not look to why he started in the first place if you truely believe its ruining his life.

I wouldn't consider being handed sucess as being sucessful. Anyway he actually told me why he started smoking. He started smoking because everyone else around him smoked pot in college and in his band. It's a social thing. A stupid social thing at that. Mind altering substances aren't necessary to being social or life even. You don't wake up one morning and decide "oh I need to smoke weed to improve my life".

if he has all his shit in order then let him do what he wants to do. it doesnt seem like the issue is pot, it seems like the issue is about your relationship. you obviously have a didnt idea of what a friendship is compared to him. express your feelings and see where it takes you guys.

now realistically...YOUR BOTH GUYS, now continue being guys and forget about spacing on picking up a dvd...and this poor memory thing. as long as he remembers he likes women and knows how to remove a cap or pull a tab then everything is fine. :)

As a follow up to several of the previous replies Pimp, I'd add to the suggestion that your friend smoking copious amounts of marajuana could be more of a symptom than a cause of the issues you're seeing in him, which are partially leading to the seeming detioration of your friendship.

You feel that he's wasting a lot of talent and potential by rolling it in Zig Zag 1.0's - but maybe he's just changed. Maybe you both have. Since this is a thread related to herb, I'll (roughly) quote Bob Marley: "Like a friend, let them grow." Sometimes you just grow apart, and the thing with the CD is just another example of it. If that's the way it is, so be it. You won't stop him from doing what he's going to do...the irresponsibility may be part of a phase, or maybe it's what he's growing into. Does he seem depressed in other ways, etc?

Either way, I would encourage you not to blame it on the herb. That's just my opinion.

Did you ever think he might just be that type of person and only now it's annoying you?

This seems like another example of someone who doesn't understand pot use/abuse. I smoked it several times a day every day for over 10 years. Once I found out my wife was pregnant, I finished our stash (she quit immediately) and that was it. There was no want or need for it. I just quit.

Since I'd been blasted almost every day about all the pot propaganda I thought I'd have some great revelation since I'll obviously be able to think more clearly, I would never be forgetfull again and I'd be more motivated, energetic, sleep better, eat less, etc. Well so far it's been 7 months and I haven't seen shit. I'm the exact same person, just drug free. The only difference is that I now have an extra $20/week to waste on stupid shit.

Right now the only thing keeping me from starting up again is that I'm looking for a new job. If that new job doesn't have drug testing, I'll start smoking again and never feel guilty about it ever again.

It was a social thing for me. It took a large variety of various things happening for me to open my mind and realize what was happening to me, and my lifestyle. Anything ANY person would've told me about how I should stop, or slowdown, or anything like that I ignored, I might of even concurred with them about slowing down, but I never did. It took some life changing consequences that didn't just change my outlook on pot, but on life in general to get me to quit. Slowing down would have been sufficient to continue a "normal" lifestyle, but I know myself too well, I had to just quit, otherwise I'd fall back into the same trap.

I wish there was some advice I could give you. Try talking to him about it, don't attack him or alienate him, but in the end it's a decision he has to make.

Mm weed, when time becomes so meaningless, and food so munchable. It's a good thing it's not addictive, because I don't have the money to be a pothead. A puff once or twice a week is all I can afford.

The problems with your freindship most likely stem from problems unrelated to his marajuana use. You discredit him so quickly here on this board and act so defensive when anyone questions if it could be his personality (or yours) instead of the pot causing problems. This does not sound like a positive relationship to me, if you are constantly judgeing him, why would he even want to be in your company?

Wasting his life is his choice and from what you told us, he isn't. He may not be living up to your standards but why should he? Why are you any better then him? Because you are still in school? Let him make his own decisions, having a life isn't getting a diploma or degree or working a succsessfull job, it's living a fulfilling lifestyle.

Before you go off agian on how "potheads and druggies are always in denial about your addictions" I'v only smoked pot a handfull of time and it has always been an enjoyable, social experience. Their is nothing wrong or immorale about my choice to use it.

JesusPimp, what you are losing sight of is the concept of self-control and moderation. Do I smoke pot? Yep. Do I do so sparingly and exercise moderation? Yep. Does it affect my job or my social engagements? Nope. And why, because I do it very moderately. Your going off on the comparision with food missed the point. Can someone be addicted to eating and have it affect their life? Sure, why do you think there are organizations such as Weight Watchers?

There is nothing you can do to change who or what your friend is. You can let them know your opinion and that is it.