Ever wonder why certain friends just stopped talking to you?
 

I have a few friends who have done this with no explanation. I've tried tracking them but am never successful in finding the answer either because they moved away and change numbers or they just don't call back when I leave a message. Why don't they just tell me they don't want to be friends anymore? I think it's rude and cowardly. Anyone here have similar experiences?

This happens alot. People grow up...grow old...grow apart. It would be nice even if they were really busy- even if they could just call to say hi..or that they are ok, or hell even that they dont wanna be friends.

i think this happens because you get mixed up wiht so many things inyour life, or maybe you meet new people and it makes you forget about your true freinds that you had since you were small and stuff. this actually happened tome i stopped calling my freind that i had been friends with since 5th grade and recently i foudn out that he moved to another place, but i have talked to him. so maybe i would see him int he future you never know.

Iv decided that I don't like having freindships with people who take more then they give. So, I stopped calling up people when I felt they weren't as intrested in the freindship as I was and as time past I spent more and more time with a couple good freinds instead of alot of people who I just seemed to associate myself with. Maybe it is less social but when I go out, I have a good time and I hang out with people who I like and who I can rely on.

Sometimes I'll get busy with other things, and I won't talk to a friend.. I don't actively ignore them, but I won't call regularly or anything. Then, next thing I know I haven't talked to them in a year and then it seems weird to just call out of the blue since it seems like I don't really know them anymore. That always sucks.

Yeah, people just move apart I guess.

But I say, if they're aren't interested in keeping in touch, their loss. Lots of people out there. :)

Well - sometimes, albeit a flimsy excuse...one "friend" decides that it may be better to let the other friend go. Sometimes its just better to let things fade away, because the constant knowing of what you can never have is too much for the both of you. If you've never known this feeling, it'll be hard to grasp, but for those who have - you know the feeling well.

It happens all the time. I used to worry about it. Now I don't care so much. My life is so full in other ways and with other people that I don't have time to worry about why someone may or may not like me anymore. As someone has said, sometimes you just get busy and a year goes by and it just seems strange to call them after that long of a time.

Personally, I get distracted, and then a year passes, or two...

I am going to try to reconnect with a handful of old friends. I wonder how it will go? =)

I've lost contact with a lot of friends over the last several years. No real plan behind it, life just seems to get in the way and the things we did together for entertainment don't hold the same appeal as they did.

life happens.

but if they were real friends they would call you back, maybe not in the timetable that you think, but they will.

I used to call all my friends around Xmas, then I gave up Xmas for Lent and I cleared out a number of people from my phone book.

As you get older you'll find that it's more and more common that you lose touch with friends.

You can only spread yourself among so many people. If I were to actively keep in touch with every person I've ever called a friend I'd never have time for anything else. You drift away from some friends, and then you make new ones, that's how life works.

I had many friends stop talking to me after high school. We all had different lives set for ourselves.

I have yet to figure out why. They went off to do their own thing and left me behind. After so many years... I couldn't give a damn.

Hmmmm...

I'll be brutally honest -- I get bored quickly. I'm a fairly witty and occasionally even funny person, and people seem to generally like me. I make friends, but have trouble keeping them, as I am a Gemini, and as a typical one of that sort I get easily bored with people. So, I tend to make friends with someone, find them fascinating for a while, but then at some point they just stop having anything intelligent to say. It's wrong, and cruel, and it's not their job to keep me entertained. But I've tried to change that...it just doesn't work. I force myself to maintain pointless friendships, and in the end the other person gives more to me than I give back.

On occasion I've just flat out done what you asked, and said that I simply see no reason to continue the friendship anymore. This, I have found, does not generally go over too well.

It's not that I am necessarily such a horrible person, but I should only make friends with people who enjoy conversations and creativity to the degree that I do. People who just love to party are the ones I really should keep clear from.

ive lost contact with quite a few friends in my short life but it seems that a lot of them eventually come back into my life in some way via the internet...

God i love the internet.

loosing friends happens, like in Stand By Me. it just happens no matter how close you are sometimes.

Many of my friends I have been able to keep in touch with. One I lost touch with partly because her parents hated me and my friends and when she moved back to Africa it was impossible for her to keep in touch. I doubt she's still there but I've moved several times since.

One just quit calling but I think her then hubby was a bit of a problem and controling. Seeing as she was so far away then too it was hard to check up on her.

The rest of my friends from school or college - the really good ones - we keep in touch via occasional e-mail or christmas letters, etc. I don't think any have really fallen away from that group. I'm 30 so it's been a while too even.

I heard from a long-lost friend a year or so back. We talked on the phone for hours catching up. It was really cool. Then my fucked-up ex-girlfriend from the same era (who also knew him) got involved. Suddenly, he no longer speaks with me. WTF??? Now I subscribe her email to every irritating internet freeware that I can. I'm pissed. And I don't get it. What could she have said? He won't reply to anything now, so I gave up.

In other words JP, I don't know!

I moved to a different country about 4 years ago, and I fully understand what you mean about losing touch. After only 2 trips back home in the interval, the number of people I keep in touch with has dwindled a lot. Some of it has to do with no longer having shared experiences to talk about ,
"So, I was out with my friend Dave yesterday"
"Who's Dave"
"He's a friend. We go singing"
"You sing?"
"Well, yeah, all the time. You don't?"
"No"
"Ah....so....how bout that local sports team?"
;To paraphrase a few phone calls I've had.
Friends doesn't mean forever, whatever the greeting cards may say. People change, they drift apart. While it's true that you will always have some friends that stick with you, they are the exception, not the rule. If someone suddenly stops calling/contacting you, well, you can't make someone call you, and even then, if they're only talking to you out of obligation to what you used to have, then you don't need them as friends anyway.

This reminds me tht I have a few friends who I haven't talked to in a while. I'm calling them tomorrow morning.

i have a few really old friends, hardly any new friends cept for board people. and i usually find that each time we hang out, we are gravitating towards an event like that. strange. some of my oldest friends, I don't feel like we have very much in common anymore, except history:(

To me, things arent the same anymore. As you get older, its not about playing and having fun. If you see a friend that you havent seen in awhile, whats the first thing you ask? What have you been up to? Ohh working, going to school, etc... Things are changing and people go and do their own things. Its not that they dont like you anymore, or hate you. Their busy trying to figure themselves out and what they want to do. Getting older sure does suck ass. All i want to do is throw on my "play" clothes, and go play until its time for dinner, or gets dark out.

i got my glove and bat, you wanna get a game of baseball going in the coldesac?

ahhhh those were the days.

Ooook, i am down for that. And if its ok with your mom, you can eat over. Were having stove top for dinner. I wish....

I have only one friend I have lost contact with that I would like to re-initiate the relationship with. I haven't seen him since my wedding. He most likely isn't talking to me because I questioned the wisdom of getting married six weeks after college graduation when he'd never spent any adult time outside of his parents' home (he drove to Penn State every day). Sure enough, he ended up with a divorce inside of a year, and my marriage will be six years old in October.

:(

"The only thing we have in common is history."

I completely agree with this. I've talked to a few old friends but other than talking about the good times, We have nothing in common.

I'm an unselfish friend and grow weary of giving up my spare time for others when they won't reciprocate. I will be good to those who treat me the same and be kind to those who don't. Albeit annoying!

I keep in touch with a few close friends from the past and have good intentions with keeping tabs on my current friends if they move away or if I do.

I have to admit. I'm usually the guy that does just disappear. It’s not a nice thing, but I just get tired (for lack of a better term) of people sometimes. I go through phases. If I'm with someone all the time, I'll need a break. Sometimes that break lasts a long time. Luckily for me, the crew that I hang out with knows this, and don't give me a hard time about it.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who will move away without a word or good bye. It's just that I don't have too much to talk about with my friends, after a while it becomes "Here how's you life? Fine. Ok. Now what?" Repeat this over several times and you will understand why I sometimes don't wanna contact them.

I suppose I would fall under the category of one of those who has stopped talking to their old friends. I did it because I moved on with my life and they didn't. Most of my friends from high school still live in the same small crappy community, working the same dead end jobs, and thinking that the greatest time ever is gettting sloppy drunk every friday and saturday night. They are satisfied with that, but I am not.

That's not for me.....none of it. I would like to do something a little more productive with my life. Since it's clear that they don't, I no longer have anything in common with them, so I've moved on.

Man, you guys are crule. (Or maybe I am ignorant.)
Even if you dont have much too say, you can still go and watch a movie together, or do somthings that doesnt require constant exchange of information.

I had this happen in highschool. I grew up with four friends and we were best friends all through elementry school/Junior high. When we hit highschool only two of us stuck together after my old best friend and I got in a fight over a girl. I still talk to one of them almost every weekend and i havn't seen the other guys since. I should call them up.

Well, I got dropped like a hot coal a little while back when one of my closer guy friends started dating this new chick, who was jealous of me and told him that she didn't want him hanging out with me until she met me and made her final decision. But she refuses to meet me so that that way he can't hang out. .. and around and round it goes. Fortunately, the guy came to his senses today and came to my movie night and talked to me for the first time in two weeks.

I have been on both ends but most recently I stopped talking to a friend of 10 years. I stopped talking to her because I realized that she was using me & that she was not really my true friend

I called the two other guys I was talking about in my previous post and we are emailing each other alot now. One of them is some where in Vancouver and the other is in Florida right now. I'm glad that the friend I still talked to kept up with them! Thanks for the post, I'm glad I got in touch with them!

I know why my friends from high school stopped talking to me.

1. I moved away from my shit box home town and they all stuck around and went to McDonalds and got "real jobs" and thought that 6 bux an hour was enough to pay for shitty cars and weed.

2. I decided that drugs and parties weren't my thing, so they pushed away from me, because if I didn't go to their "parties" there's no way I could be "cool"

3. I got a great job making like 50k a year that paid for my school and everything, and last I heard; one of them was DJ'ing at a strip club for 50 bux a night.

I guess overall, I moved on and grew up and they stayed put and rotted out.
I suppose they saw me as too good for them or something.

I don't miss them one bit. I've got places to go, and it's not to see them!

I have a couple of friends who I still am left to wonder why I stopped hearing from them. Close friends too! I have racked my brain as to why they would have cut off communcation with me, to no avail. I miss both of them. I can live without them and I have enough close friends to keep me busy, but I still miss them and I still wonder if I said or did something stupid and instead of confronting me they just cut off all communication.

Yeah I pretty much want answers too. Is it worth pursuing or should I just move on?

Why not pursue it?

Assuming no messy friend-trails that it. =)

If your friend isn't talking to you, and you try to contact them and they still aren't talking to you, you lost nothing other than a bit of effort.

If your friend isn't talking to you, and you try to contact them and you start talking again, you win.

My take is that to be a true friend, you have to be prepared to let your friends grow up and go on. I don't mean to sound crude or condescending when I say that, but it's just been my experience. I have friends who were as close as brothers / sisters that I rarely speak to, and it's not because I cut things off. People get involved in their own lives and they move on. I think a part of it is that, especially when we're younger, we partially define ourselves through our friends and grow together. After awhile, you know each other so well you may actually need some space to continue growing or you suffocate each other. You might find that, if you don't completely give up on them, you'll reconnect years down the road - and it's amazing how quickly those all ties can re-heal. I almost guarrantee you that if you corner your friend(s) about not staying in touch, nothing good will come of it.

I think you shouldn't pursue it. If they don't want to talk to you anymore, just forget them, and don't lose your dignity by pursuing them.