All's fair in love?
 

Is it really?

I have too many friends who have no qualms about going after guys or gals already in relationships, reasoning that if they do end up stealing someone away from someone else, well, that person wasn't happy in their relationship anyway and they were doing that person a favor.

They encourage me to do the same, but I dunno, to me people already in relationships are off-limits, that stuff's sacred, y'know?

Thoughts anyone?:confused:

I agree, they are off limits. If they were unhappy, they should have enough courage to leave themselves and not rely on having an instant replacement.

-Robert

If someone in a relationship can be "stolen" away, do you really think that whoever the new person is will make that person be less fickle and more trustworthy?

Amen, though I can see the other side's point of view, too. It just depends on what you want from a relationship, I guess.

A wedding band is sacred, a girlfriend or boyfriend is not. I am quite frustrated with the current trend in dating. You know, serial monogamy and forced fidelity. It is a waste. First they are strangers, then friends, then boyfriend and girlfriend, which really means they are going steady, but no one says that anymore because they know no other way. Whatever happened to dating in America?

All is not fair, nothing is fair in life, but a boyfriend is just an obstacle to overcome, nothing more.

First of all, you need to know if it's love. If you really like someone who is in a relationship, is it because of physical attraction? More importantly, is it because it's someone you can't have? That tends to happen a lot. Our biggest *crushes* are with people who we don't have.
If you sort out your feelings for this person, you will discover how much you love them. But with true love, you will accept the fact that they are in a relationship and that they may be really in love and happy with who they are with.
You may also realize that trying to interfere with someone else's life/will can cause problems. The old saying "if you love them, let them go." If you love them, you will let them live their life and let their Soul walk its path. If their path leads to you, it's meant to be. If not, you should know that there IS someone else out there that IS meant for you and they will come along when you least expect it. There is no rush or force for true love. It will happen if you just let the desire go. Desiring someone only pushes the possibility further away. Concentrate on yourself and who you are first. Once you have that confidence, that person will come along. Just like that one Ellen DeGeneres movie where the moral was "stop looking- the person will come along when you aren't waiting for them." It's so true, take it from me. I've had the pleasure of first-hand experience.

Sure, all is fair in Love. If there is only one person involved.

if they can be stolen away the first time around, it can also hapen to you too when you get together. as long as you fully accept the consequences of it potentially happening to you then, go ahead..

I think they are off limits. How would you feel if you were in a really happy relationship and some guy/girl came and seduced your S.O, even though they knew you were happy together? If you wouldnt want it done to u...then dont do it.

I think the only people who are off-limits are the ones who won't let themselves be seduced. Anyone who's ever really, really, truly been in love knows that you don't get suckered in by every Jim or Jane on the street who sends a sly glance your way.

Unless your mate was forcibly abducted (or was held against their will after agreeing to leave and thinking better of it), they didn't want to stay with you. How can you blame the lack of interest on their part on the person with whom they left?

You make a good point there 2kids1headache. However I still think its shady and wrong to do that to someone.

People already involved are considered to be off limits to me. If they were that unhappy they would not be in their current relationship. Save yourself the trouble and search for the single fish.

I dont think they should be actively pursued...but I'm not against the idea. An unfortunate side effect of this, is when the other person reacts in jealousy, and then the person who is trying to be stolen away is less attracted to the jealous person.

Never touch another mans' rhubarb. Dont make me straight Jackie Chan someones ass.....Cheating or trying to get someone to cheat/leave, is not my style and never will be.

Respecting boundaries like that is a sign of honor and respect. More than that, it's just courtesy, and that is rare enough these days. I think the world would be a much better place if more people held your views.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

I agree with Jimmy the Hut.

If you actively seek out to "steal" someone else's bf/gf, you're just showing yourself to be a complete jerk.

Have some respect. Grow up. And even a little Scripture! "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (and this from a confirmed atheist).

Mr Mephisto

while it is screwed up, look back at history and you'll see world events shifted and changed all because someone wanted a piece of ass.

I've no respect at all for people who do this. They're scum, simple as that. If you have any respect for relationships, don't try to get in the middle of them. And if you have none, then you don't deserve one in the first place.

Many times relationships can be compromises. Say, you could have a girlfriend, but she is not very high on your ladder. You are in that relationship, because you think that she is as good as you can get. Now here comes some brunette that is higher on your ladder and is after you. Do you go for the greener grass?

Or reverse the situation, if you can grab a girl away from a man, then odds are you are a better prospect than her 'comprimise'.

Relationships are for stability, but stability is not necessarily related to value.

Say you try and steal someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend. How long has this generally worked? In my experience, if someone can be stolen away, they are in a bad relationship to begin with, and they usually need some me time afterwards to get their head on straight enough to make a decent partner for me. It just isn't worth it. There are plenty of people out there that I don't have to stoop to taking someone else's. If they pursue me when I am not in a relationship, that might be a bit different.

I agree with skysooner.

Aside from the fact that it's wrong, untrustworthy, a betrayal, you're scum for attempting it (you are), and so on....

There's the old maxim that you should never go to bed with someone who's got more problems than you do. And if they let you steal them away from an established relationship, they probably _do_ have more problems than you do. They sure the hell don't know what they really want, and believe me, it's tough to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want. Reality changes daily.

i just disagree with the term "alls fair in love" because honestly nothing is. You don't get to chose who you love or why you love them, you don't chose for them to leave you or for them to have beautiful eyes. Love isn't fair at all.

Going after someone in a relationship is just wrong. You are just causing conflict and grief. It is a selfish, dishonorable act that will just lead to misery. Bad mojo all around.

You can choose what you find attractive, and you can choose who you give an opportunity to love. Most people don't choose to make this effort, and float around like leaves, but you do have that power.

We aren't nearly as hardwired as you think.

As for this question, I agree with most of the people above me. =)

I work in a creative engeneering industry. When I design and make things, I try to make them work so well that people find other products annoying to use after having used mine. Live your life the same way. (which is something I'm still working on)

You should respect that someone is in a relationship, but if that relationship is coming to an end, and you are hitting it off with that girl....

One of my friends used to say: "You are not responsible for the fidelity of others."

If someone needs help getting out of an unhappy or abusive relationship, by all means help them. If they're happy where they are, don't try to make them happier, give them some respect and keep your distance.

Sure it is, but all is fair in war too. If I had an SO and someone tried to steal her, i'd beat the living hell out of them. War over.

I'm in love with a girl who is dating my friend.

This doesn't bother me. I love her, regardless of whether she loves me back or not.

And I'm perfectly content with that.

"You are what you love, not what loves you."

I think it's a case by case situation. First, you have to realize whether you're interested in the girl because you want to do a little baby-making practice, or because you want to seriously date her. If it's just for the sex, then get her if you can. If she leaves her first relationship, then chances are that you just helped her spring free from a relationship that would have ended anyways. You can't be seduced unless you want to be. If, on the other hand, you think you want to date this girl and you might fall in love with her, don't do it. As others have mentioned, if you lure her away from a relationship, good or bad (in my experience) it always causes problems somewhere down the road. There's a taint. Relationships that are sinking to the point that you can swoop her away are always surrounded by stress and ickyness. It can cause trust issues, she may blame you later for the break up when her head is finally clear, etc. You usually become the rebound guy.

In my eyes I NEVER touch anyone that is currently in a relationship.

It is bad mojo since if you can simply take this person away from somone that easily, then whats to stop them leaving you the same. Shit.. whats to stop them from just telling you they left the other person but didnt...

In other words I dont trust ppl who let you do that to them.

it's not a matter of ease, it's amatter of respect for other people's boundaries.

pursuing people in a relationship is bad karma, even if you succeed that doesn't mean they were unhappy to begin with. If you want someone who is actually unhappy in their relationship, they should figure it out for themself and make that choice on their own.

and "stealing" someone's gf/bf makes it sound like your friends don't have a lot of respect for the opposite sex. Sounds more like they enjoy the underhandedness of it than the actual person they are pursuing.

With me cheating is one strike and you're out. It is my Golden Rule. I will not accept being cheated on. Under any circumstances. Therefore, I respect others boundaries as well. I do not pursue someone in a relationship because I know that when some other guy comes after my girl, I want to castrate him. So I think about that when tempted by someone who is attached.