Longing
 

Have you ever longed for something/someone so much that you couldn't think about anything else and felt like you'd burst if your longing wasn't satisfied?

Do you find such an emotional state pleasant, unbearable, or both?

How do/did you deal with this kind of absolute longing?

I have felt it...and I did not find it the least bit pleasant.

I moved to America in April, and my wife and I got married in May. We had known each other online for about 3 years, and been romantically involved for about 2 of that.We had met a few times, I had been to America twice and she came to Finland, my native country, once, before I moved here.

Separating was always hard. It completely devastated us both, but our resolve in our relationship was strong. I remember during the summer of 2002, she was in Finland with me for two weeks, we had the most wonderful time. She had mononucleosis though, so she was sick for most of the time, but I didn't care, I just wanted to be with her. After I dropped her off at the airport, it got really bad really quickly for me. Driving home was hard, holding back and swallowing the tears, and when I finally got home...her smell was still there. Especially in the bed, her pillow, some used tissues on the floor next to the bed, dishes, laundry...things, ya know? I could NOT be there....me, a 6'2" guy, 25 years old, couldn't be there! Not without her... I left everything, dishes undone, everything, for about 5 days. I took off, went to the countryside, spent time with my brother and other family members. I could not sleep in that apartment for almost a week after she left.

I would have done most anything to be with her. It was overwhelmingly painful, and all I could think about was her.

Longing for someone a bit can be pleasant. It can keep your heart warm. But there is a point where it goes from warm to bleeding, and I'd rather not experience that again.

I long to feel things that I did in the past. To recreate moments that have long gone.

It is not so much one person or a place. It is just the emotion that went with it. It is hard to explain really.

Somedays it really brings me down and I will cry a lot remembering how things used to be. Other days I am fine. But it seems that I am always haunted by a longing of some sort.

There was this one time in particular when my ex-fiance and I were in Virginia Beach. We were out on this huge pier and there was this storm coming. The sky was black on one side of the ocean and the pier was the center point between the storm and the calm. A huge rainbow streched over the ocean on the dark side. I cannot explain how beautiful this was and how filled with emotion I was. Being there and sharing that with him, a person I loved more then life itself, was so incredibly intense.
Now years later I have moved on and I think and long for those feelings and that intensity.

Just to go back one more time and redo it all.

I find that longing makes it really hard sometimes to move forward in life......it is not healthy to linger so much in the past.

I don't ever really deal with any of this pain. I just accept it as part of life.

Another thought provoking thread from Lurkette...very nice.

It's a paradox for me. The last soul wrenching bout of longing I had was in the early days of dating my wife. It was horrible. The emotional trampoline I was on became unbearable at times. And yet, there are times these days when I miss it.

To explain...at the time I knew I was in love but my wife was "not ready for a commitment." She wanted to continue dating other people. Oh...it sucked.

I was so smitten it was pathetic. The things I used to do to try and win her over.

Now that my life and emotions have returned to a steady baseline, there are times I really miss the excitement, the sheer depth of raw emotion I used to feel. I think the challenge for both of us now is finding a way to keep our marriage as vibrant as our courtship. We're having a problem doing that, but that's a different subject for another thread.

See my location.

Every day, every minute I think of her. The only way I am able to deal with it is becuase we talk every night. I miss her terribly, my world feels empty without her.

I also long for things from the past, but I have no regrets. Friends that have gone that I'll never see again, but I know in those cases that the past is finished, and I always have to look forward.

I suppose I keep my mind off of it by keeping a busy schedule, with a full load of classes, and a full load of work, but I still find myself thinking of her all the time. My only comfort is that I will see her again, and when I do, it will be wonderful.

I find myself more often than not longing for a better world for my fellow man (how corny does that sound?). I've had some great experiences growing up (and I'll be the first to say that I'm still growing up), and I want others to share my good fortune. When I do get down, I have a line from "West Wing" that perks me up:

Are you in a tough spot? Yes. Do I feel sorry for you? I do not. Why? Because there are people way worse off than you.

Hmm. First time, I repressed it. Wasn't an easy thing, and it kept cropping up in the most random places... seeing people from behind and thinking they were someone else, having to stop myself from crying at a certain smell or a certain song. Eventually I just redirected the energy into anything I could that might satisfy the longing at least a little. That worked better and I gradually came to accept things how they had to be. I don't remember ever feeling it was unpleasant, though, because the alternative was not feeling anything. I just thought that it was getting in the way of my life.

Second time was when I started dating my first (and current) boyfriend. I went away for a weekend and was shocked to find myself missing him after only hours or days apart. It's hard to describe what I wanted, but it was intense, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. So that would definitely fall under the category of pleasant.

I think whether it's a good state to be in or not depends on whether you think the longing can eventually be satisfied.

When I was younger, I longed for certain women that way. Pangs of young lust confused for love, and all that. It was obviously bearable, because I bore it. But it was unpleasant. The concept of longing involves wishing fervently for something you don't have -- it's an emotional incompleteness, a powerful wish to be somewhere other than where you are. Longing is a "between" state, then: you either obtain what you long for, or give up; either way, longing ends. It's not supposed to be a life-long thing, and you're going to be very miserable -- and frankly, a stunted personality -- if it is.

To miss something that's gone, to remember an absent friend or lover wistfully, to wish that things had happened differently -- that's something else. That's introspection -- comparing what you wanted to happen, with what did happen. You can learn from that. Sadness, coupled with the willingness to adapt and face the future, is a very powerful and healthy emotion.

been there.

But keep in mind the two most powerul and true sayings:
-"If you love them, let them go." -not literally, per say, but don't go chasing after it. It can steer into a rushed, unexpected turn.
-"absence makes the heart grow fonder"- simple as that.

I am in a long distance relationship.. so I constantly long to be with him, and be next to him. Sometimes, talking to him every day makes it ok, and I can deal...but other times,, talking to him makes it even harder, and makes me want him more and more because he feels so close. I find i cant allow myself to dwell on it. Keeping myself busy is a must, as well as thinking of and looking forward to the next time i will see him.

I am a longing sort of guy I guess. Like Nikki I long for the feelings experienced in the past. I also longed for my former family life with my ex-wife when the relationship went sour. The heart ache I felt then was tearing me apart longing for the life I had while trying to come to terms with the life I was now living.
When I was dating my current wife she left to go to Colorado for a six month work term . I longed even more. After so much pain the source of my happiness was moving far from me for what seemed like forever at the time.

The nostalgic longing brings me pleasure because it allows me to relive events that were pleasant, however I never want to experience the pain of longing for love or comfort again.

Yes. Only way I handled it was retreating to my books and imagination. I had a constant story going on in my head at all times. I'd be talking to my mom and daydreaming at the same time I did it so much. It got to the point where I was daydreaming more than one story at a time depending on my mood I'd change storylines. I went to sleep that way. I woke up thinking about it. I would prop my books on my dresser and read while getting dressed. Prop them up beside the sink while doing dishes. Hold one in one hand while I vaccumed. I escaped from the real world. It messed me up. Along with other things I got into to "escape". Ended up when I came out of my constant day dream I gave up on my longing. Realized it was an impossibility. Still is.

Yeah, I'm dealing with that feeling right now and have been for the past few months.:(

But yet I haven't found a way to deal with it really. I found it to be rather enjoyable at first, but now that I know that I can't have this person that I long for...its quite annoying. I'm not letting it consume me or anything like that, but it just bothers me that I can't have what/who I want. I keep thinking that there has to be SOMETHING that I can do to make him change his mind...but there isn't, and I guess that I just have to accept that and move on with my life...(I'm still working on that part)

:)

I wrote. A lot. Poetry, music, stories.

I set goals for myself that I knew would take a lot of concentration. I learned a song on guitar that I knew was way too hard for me. I started jogging after work to see how many miles I could run in one setting. Things like that.

Every girl wishes to have someone feel that way for her. It looks like yours is very lucky.

I've experienced longing. Right now I'm doing more longing to be able to be a typical 19 year old girl. That's kinda something I can't do though. But I'm still left wondering what it would be like.

I'm feeling that way right now, and I've got TFP to blame for it.

I fell for Minx. She for me. We're a couple of thousand miles apart - and in different countries, to boot!

So yes, I ache to be able to hold her, to share a sunset together or just a look passed between our eyes. To hear her laugh, and be able to share in the experience.

One day it will happen. This I keep telling myself, as it's the only thing that makes it possible to bear what I'm feeling.

Longing for things that have passed on.... for me it's not really a specific person, but the place a romantic relationship would fill in my life. Also my dog, who was my baby, and has been gone almost three years. Some days I wish I could turn back time and change that fateful day, and relieve some of my guilt.

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?
--Mary Manin Morrissey author

Yeah.. a bit too familiar right now. I started my service in the army last July, and I have it left 'til next July.. The beginning was awful, but now that we're used to it, it's a bit easier. The answer is keeping yourself busy, and trying to think about something else. It's not like we don't see each other at all.. we see almost every weekend, but it was hard getting used to it when you once saw each other almost daily.

Lebell -- constantly -- and cry a lot.

(Count the weeks and days until I'll see him again. Surf tfp. Work 2 jobs. Talk nightly. Write a lot. And did I say cry?)

holy crap lurkette... you summed up just about 2/3 of my life in your opening post...
great thread... and food for thought for me... gonna have to think on it some more before i answer... just wanted you to know that i completely understand the feeling... *soft smile*

Well, like a couple people here, there is no way I'm going to be able to rest until Anti Fishstick is back with me. I think about her all of the time, and it has been keeping me up late at night recently.

Also, I don't think I could live without playing music and writing poetry. I need those outlets, without them life becomes unbareable.