Helping a friend
 

One of my best friends is going through bad times. She's very emotionally unstable, and sometimes get a bit depressed. Im really worried about her, and would love to able to do something to help her out. But I cant seem to understand the way she thinks/feels. Sometimes I fear that she might hurt herself when she is really down :(

She has some trust issues, and Im one of the few people that she really trusts, and this is why she refuses to see a psychiatrist or somethig.

She's 16, if its any help. And I would like to get some feedback from some of the ladies here, if any of you have had this similar problems in the past, and how did you overcome it. thanx (and sorry if this post is poorly structured - i often have problems putting my thoughts down and they come out in disorder
:o)

More details on her sitution would help alot.

Sometimes she feels like she cant trust anyone, and that she hasnt enough friends, or that her family doesnt care about her enough (her parents, as I've witnessed, dont display too much affection towards their kids, not that they dont love them - its just the way they are).

I guess she feels out of place, as if she didnt belong anywhere...

sounds just like what being a teenager is all about...

Unfortunately.


I would reccomend counseling though, researching the issue would definately help, also consider going with her.

Her parents took her once.. She didnt like it, bcos she has a hard time opening up to someone she barely knows.... And she doesnt want to go to one again :confused: :(

screw counselors, they make me uncomfortable too.

you should do something nice for her, like take her on a trip somewhere... get her out of that situation, even if it's for a little while.

let her know that someone cares about her, and there are trustworthy people out there.

Taking an unstable minor across state lines might somewhat less than wise, however.

Have a friend who tried to kill herself several times. I found out that she didn't need or want my compasion or require a "solution" from me, she just wanted to be able to talk to someone who treated her like a person and not some disturbed or delicate thing. Being there for your friend, without judgement or well meaning advice is the best that you can do. I could not empathize with my friend because I didn't Know what she was dealing with and I could not walk in her shoes, but I could hold her hand and let her talk to me.

I know every case is different but helping your friend be comfortable is the best you can do for her at this point and maybe if she gets comfortable talking to you about stuff, she will let you take her to councilling.

Best of luck in a hard situation.

What Neddy said. I've been in your situation before, and I've been in hers too, so I feel qualified to say this. Don't ever try to rationalise with her; she knows that what she's feeling is illogical, and it's only going to make her feel worse that she can't fix it. Just be there, and offer a hand or a shoulder when she needs it.

If it really gets serious, though, it would be extremely wise for her to see a proffessional. You might want to help her understand that a lot of people go through what she is feeling, and that there is no shame in seeking help. You may also suggest that the root of her insecurity is chemical, and that a proffessional may be able to help her with a drug to get her brain back the way it's supposed to be.

I agree that seeing a counselor might be the best option here, but if she doesn't want to go to a counselor, there are other things you might be able to do.

This is going to sound like a totally dumb suggestion, but take her out walking.

Exercise is about as effective as antidepressants at reducing depressive symptoms in clinical trials. Go walking with her a few times a week, and while you're walking she can talk. Maybe it'll give her a chance to get some things off her chest, and all you really have to do is listen. That's what most people want, anyhow, and that's probably the most valuable aspect of counseling: having someone to spill your guts to. Granted, the other valuable aspect of counseling is having an objective person point out where your thinking is harming you, but you may be able to do that as well if you're comfortable with it.

It's not going to cure all ills, but the walking will take the edge of the chemical side of the depression thing and maybe make it easier for her to deal with the rest of her 16-year-old life.