Jealousy - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

djm · 09-09-2003, 02:29 AM

How are you supposed to deal with it? You always hear that you're not supposed to be jealous of other people, but I am often jealous (about a girl, to be specific) and it rips me up inside. I hear about people who aren't jealous and I'm just baffled as to how they exist like that. So... any insight?

lurkette · 09-09-2003, 05:30 AM

Are you jealous because you don't trust her? Because you're afraid she'll leave you for someone else?

I used to be quite jealous but that disappeared as soon as I started to like myself. For me it was a feeling of worthlessness that led to a certain (in my mind) knowledge that nobody could really love me so any competition was a threat. I'm glad I got past that, because it's a hell of a way to live.

cowlick · 09-09-2003, 06:45 AM

What are you jealous about? I never experienced jealousy and I just don't get it.
Are you insecure in your relationship with this girl? Maybe you should literally sit down for a few hours and analyze your relationship. Decide a couple of points you want to improve and strive to achieve them.

alkaloid · 09-09-2003, 08:22 AM

Jealousy is a painful emotion and people from different cultures have different ways of dealing with it. I deal by repressing it and making believe that such emotions do not exist.

When you say that you feel jealous about girl, what does it mean?

What do you feel when some guy oggles your girlfriend? I sometimes feel like punching the guy in the face, but I've never done that.

What do you do when your girlfriend flirts with another guy to "make you jealous"? I certainly do not feel good about that. I think it's rude of my girlfriend to do that.

People in many male dominated cultures devised ways of dealing with that: it usually involves covering them up and not letting them leave the house.

skysooner · 09-09-2003, 09:06 AM

Liking yourself is the most critical factor in reducing jealousy. It can be projecting your insecurities on the person you are feeling jealout about. Sometimes it just takes getting a little older to solve it. Girls I used to date would try to make me jealous about other people. This was a game I think they played because they felt insecure about themselves. I ultimately realized I didn't need to date someone who didn't like themselves when I didn't completely like myself either.

Cynthetiq · 09-09-2003, 09:26 AM

i love myself.... so i've not ever been jealous

firebirdta · 09-09-2003, 12:46 PM

I used to be very jealous, and sometimes still can be. Like others have noted, the best way to get over it is to have self-confidence. Once you're confident with who you are, then you shouldn't have any reason to be jealous.

yournamehere · 09-09-2003, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by firebirdta
I used to be very jealous, and sometimes still can be. Like others have noted, the best way to get over it is to have self-confidence. Once you're confident with who you are, then you shouldn't have any reason to be jealous.

Oh - and it helps if your g/f isn't sleeping with everything in pants.

If she is, all the sef-confidence in the world isn't going to change anything - except maybe how soon you realize it's <i>her</i> problem - and walk away.

djm · 09-10-2003, 10:03 PM

Well, the girl in question isn't my girlfriend. It's one of those great situations where you're in love with your best friend. I talked to her last night for a couple hours and I told her how jealous I am of other boys that she likes and I suppose that helped me a little bit. Basically, I have a lot of issues and scars I need to deal with. Expect a thread about all that in a month or so when I come to grips with what demons I'm facing exactly.

09-09-2003, 02:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
djm Upright Location: Seattle	Jealousy How are you supposed to deal with it? You always hear that you're not supposed to be jealous of other people, but I am often jealous (about a girl, to be specific) and it rips me up inside. I hear about people who aren't jealous and I'm just baffled as to how they exist like that. So... any insight?

09-09-2003, 05:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Are you jealous because you don't trust her? Because you're afraid she'll leave you for someone else? I used to be quite jealous but that disappeared as soon as I started to like myself. For me it was a feeling of worthlessness that led to a certain (in my mind) knowledge that nobody could really love me so any competition was a threat. I'm glad I got past that, because it's a hell of a way to live. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

09-09-2003, 06:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
cowlick Insane Location: Seattle	What are you jealous about? I never experienced jealousy and I just don't get it. Are you insecure in your relationship with this girl? Maybe you should literally sit down for a few hours and analyze your relationship. Decide a couple of points you want to improve and strive to achieve them. __________________ "It's a long story," says I, and let him up.

09-09-2003, 09:26 AM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	i love myself.... so i've not ever been jealous __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

09-09-2003, 12:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
firebirdta Crazy	I used to be very jealous, and sometimes still can be. Like others have noted, the best way to get over it is to have self-confidence. Once you're confident with who you are, then you shouldn't have any reason to be jealous. __________________ "Even if you prove me wrong, I'm not going to believe you." - A. McGill

09-09-2003, 08:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
alkaloid Dead Inside Location: East Coast, USA	Jealousy is a painful emotion and people from different cultures have different ways of dealing with it. I deal by repressing it and making believe that such emotions do not exist. When you say that you feel jealous about girl, what does it mean? What do you feel when some guy oggles your girlfriend? I sometimes feel like punching the guy in the face, but I've never done that. What do you do when your girlfriend flirts with another guy to "make you jealous"? I certainly do not feel good about that. I think it's rude of my girlfriend to do that. People in many male dominated cultures devised ways of dealing with that: it usually involves covering them up and not letting them leave the house.

09-09-2003, 09:06 AM	#5 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Liking yourself is the most critical factor in reducing jealousy. It can be projecting your insecurities on the person you are feeling jealout about. Sometimes it just takes getting a little older to solve it. Girls I used to date would try to make me jealous about other people. This was a game I think they played because they felt insecure about themselves. I ultimately realized I didn't need to date someone who didn't like themselves when I didn't completely like myself either.

09-10-2003, 10:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
djm Upright Location: Seattle	Well, the girl in question isn't my girlfriend. It's one of those great situations where you're in love with your best friend. I talked to her last night for a couple hours and I told her how jealous I am of other boys that she likes and I suppose that helped me a little bit. Basically, I have a lot of issues and scars I need to deal with. Expect a thread about all that in a month or so when I come to grips with what demons I'm facing exactly. __________________ Don't call my name out your window; I'm leaving.