Broke up with girlfriend
 

7 month relationship and it was my first. I have learned a lot and would like to share my life experience.

It started off great, I had cherished her with everything I had to give and share. She is the person who is very important and of the same time, worth every second of my life to spend with. But communication was something we lacked in as in, we would talk about the problems we've had yet nothing changes because it would be the same problem.

This problem was caused because of my insecurities with her. She is the perv type and who is willing to try sexual activities such as a threesome. I had once asked her about that question and she said she would try it. I was disappointed inside because I thought she would love me and only me and not share with anyone else. She was willingly to try anal with me to her extinct and I love it, it turns me on.

But I get jealous a lot sometimes when she is either talking to another guy friend or just any actions she does with a guy friend always had me thinking that she's flirting, being as a pervert she is. She said I had put her on a pedestal and that she further played on her insecurities. I told her that everything I did was for the princess and after we've talked about it, I told her that everything I do is for the princess and I.

But the problem still persisted within me when she's just doing something fishy that I notice and I think that she's hiding something behind it. Why do I think she's hiding? She has hidden things from me before such that she had a cut in her vagina and she told me days after. I got upset because that's a health risking factor and that it could have been worse. Luckily when I found out, we went to the doctors to have it checked up on and it was nothing serious, in fact, it was normal.

There was a lot of problems that needed to be fix and details of course, I want to fix my problems and she unwilling to give me another chance only because she breaks down terribly and doesn't want to again. I want to do whatever it takes to try and change myself for the better but it's been turning my will down because she has given up on it and she wants me to move on as well. The last time we had talked, she told me she still loves me yet she wants us to move on. So upon that, I took chances and wanted to make up for her, made origami flowers and tried to seek for her but I made it worse. Now, she told me I can text/call her but not talk about getting back into the relationship.

This is really keeping me down from chasing her as I really want to. I want to let her know my patience is uncrackable and my love for her is so true that I want to change. I want to change myself FOR myself, this is who I am. Should I keep talking to her? We're in a middle of crisis since we have exams and assignments in few weeks. I'm scared that I give her too much space and not call/text her anymore, that she'll completely move on which I don't want.

She still has few of my clothes and a bracelet I bought for her, as well a DSi XL. I don't know if she still wears or plays the DS but I'm not going to ask for them back unless she wants to give them back to me. I as well own a jacket of hers and that's about it.

I don't want my will to be broken down, I need her and this relationship. If she tells me that she will get back into the relationship but to compromise/fix ourselves. I will completely go bonkers and turn super saiyen. I will completely change AT ALL COSTS. I will add more to my story but I will have to go for now.

---------- Post added at 02:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 PM ----------

Should I leave her alone for now? Is IT bad for me to keep persisting this relationship? as it's hard for her to focus on school so she needs to move on.

That doesn't sound like love, it sounds like obsession. Walk away. Nothing good will come of this.

Dude, I don't know how old you are. If you're still young, seeing as this was apparently your first relationship, that may explain and somewhat excuse your behavior.

That said, if you're an adult, this is seriously unhealthy. To the point that, if this was my sister we were discussing, I would be debating whether I should loan her a revolver or just sleep on her couch with a 12-guage. I'd be leaning heavily towards "both."

Walk away now. Let her, and the relationship, go. Pray this girl has no brothers.

Dunedan,

ChickenMuffin seems to be a college kid in his late teens. His earlier posts were discussing his first sexual encounters....

Chickenmuffin!

My first relationship was like yours. A lot of insecurities. There's a couple of things you should realize--You don't need to change for a person, people are jagged rocks that wear on each other, and over time end up meshing. Nobody and nothing is perfect.

I think you should take a deep breath, and stop thinking about her and trying to win her over. I know exactly how you feel right now. Do the "Do things for yourself" and "pursue hobbies" and "work out" thing for ONE WEEK. Just ONE WEEK, do something you REALLY ENJOY and HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS. Stop thinking about her.

It will work out.

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:10 PM ----------

In other words, back off a little.

my man Muffin.

firstly, sorry this didnt work out for you. its a bummer when things turn out this way. Everyone falls in love for the first time, and its always really hard to let go the first time youve been dumped.

what you need to do is chill the fuck out.

no one needs an ex to be nagging them about a relationship they just got out of. constantly asking if its ok if you two got together wont give you the yes answer that you're looking for. what it may get you is a police restraining order.

walk away. now.

no person is worth dedicating every part of your being and every part of your life to them. it seems like you have indeed put this person on a pedestal and are refusing to look at the negatives in this relationship. this my friend is called denial. the sooner you realise this, the better.

stop the calls, stop the SMS and emails. She needs her space to digest the last 7 months. if she thinks its worth a shot, she'll call you.

at least you've tasted what unhibited love feels like. dont let this relationship get in the way of giving 100% next time.

I dunno, I fucking hate girls, my advice is to push her in front of a train, but that's just because my current experience makes me feel that way.

...

One week? That's it? And you forgot the heavy drinking and isolation part.

I mean... I'm on several years with this plan. Your strategy isn't working.

It's good advice, but let's be realistic. You don't just shut it off, Trautman.

...

Errrrrrnnn! Wrong answer for this dude. False hope. Our boy is young, dumb and full of spunk... he mentioned threesomes and anal sex in the second real paragraph of the OP. He's clearly like 98% of all young males out there: confusing sex with love. Don't cater to his manic inebriated-on-sodomy brain with the idea that he can have her back if he just waits long enough. He shouldn't be waiting. He should simply get some and go again like every other horny youth trying to figure out life, love and the miscellaneous mysteries of the universe through the throbbing sensory organ in his pants.

He needs to get out and be among them... meet new girls, have new experiences. As with all things in life, experience is the only thing that counts.

This cost is way too high for any human being. Don't let go of yourself to please another. It will only end more miserably. Anyone who's once tried this will vouch for that.

This was your first experience and it may be somewhat normal to feel this way for a little while. Let her go completely so you can begin to move on. The pain you're feeling will ease over time but you must be willing so that the process can start.

.. Thanks guys, it stung my heart good. I still have photos and videos. Everything.....

Erase them. Or maybe just keep them until one of your new partners finds them while snooping and breaks up with you. Wash, rinse, repeat.

She does have a brother, why should It even matter?

Is he bigger and/or older than you? He's saying you sound like a stalker and might get your ass kicked by someone who doesn't want their sister being stalked.

Plan (as usual) has the best advice, as he always does in the "A female doesn't want to talk to me, what should I do about these [feelings/emotions/heartworms] in my chest" threads. Listen to plan9, he speaks the Truth (tm).

Delete the photos, NOW. Photos will do nothing but fuck up your head every time you look at them. Memories are bad enough, photos are worse.

His brother is older, but I am mutual with him. Is it wrong to ask for my belongings back? I gave her few of my clothes, ipod, DSiXL(gift), bracelet(gift), webcam

Dude, just write that shit off.

I am struggling with taking this seriously, but I will bite:

ChickenMuffin,

This is the best thing that has ever happened to you ONLY BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU! It doesn't have to suffer by comparison.

You can't get your stuff back. Let this be a lesson to you not to give extravagant gifts to a 6 month girlfriend.

She's just being nice to you because she is a good person, not because she wants you to hang on. You suffer from Wet Pecker Syndrome. The only solution is New Pussy (TM).

Soma! UsTwo! POST!

...

Cimarron, the correct term is New Pussy (TM).

[insert bit about OkCupid / PlentyOfFish]

/thread

9er, not everyone has been as fucked over by The World as you.

Chickenmuffin, my suggestion is to go find a chick that looks exactly like her, nail her and dump her.

Or you could just, you know, move on. I've been in your shoes, brother, and even if she came back, you probably don't want her. It sucks now, but go find yourself a new hobby - NOT internet porn, or you'll turn into that Crompsin dude that 9er mentioned - and do something different for a while. You've got the luxury of being young and the opportunity to find someone else fairly easily. Revel in that luxury.

Please point out where I've dispensed bad advice in this thread.

I didn't say you did. There are two equally valid schools of thought here. I'm simply choo-choo-choosing the one that doesn't involve alcohol, strippers and "Crazy White Boy" tattoos.

Then again, I am the Ralph Wigum of relationship advice.

I'll repeat what others have said:

1.) Write off the losses.
2.) Go do something you enjoy, with company. Clear your head of this mess.
3.) ????
4.) PROFIT

In all seriousness, spend time away from this situation. It will help.

Wow. It has been made apparent by this thread that we need to party together more often.

It's like you don't even know me. I haven't told you nearly enough stories. Oh, the stories.

"fucked over by The World" must have a few in it.

ChickenMuffin, if you're sincere you can avoid this.

I'm trying but honestly, deep inside of me that I know she still has some feelings. Actions speaks louder than words, and I have yet to shown any acts of changes until she acknowledges. Despite the mood I'm in, don't get me wrong as I'm not trying to mend back the relationship but as well help learn and change into a better me. There was absolutely nothing wrong about her(not a complete checklist of course) but it was me, I'm a critical thinker.

But some say move on, the urges of getting back into the relationship cures me of my sexual needs, but that plays a huge part in the relationship and it was something special we did.

Negative.

I am stone sober. I have been stone sober for two months now and will probably continue to be sober well into ChickenMuffin's next relationship.

And if you disagree with something I've posted, feel free to at least contribute your perspective instead of suggesting I'm drunk and bitter. I may be bitter, but I genuinely don't wish my mistakes upon another young guy. We're supposed to help people out here, right? TFP helped me out.

How much Henry Rollins shit do I have to post before you all start singing in harmony about how it's a bad idea to use somebody else's body to masturbate? As most of the older crowd here already knows... you can fuck anybody in the ass, but that doesn't mean you can build a life with them.

Do I sense some respect/anger issues here? I agree with whoever said this sounds like obsession. You have this ideal of her, and then the real her, and drift between the two.

Don't change for anyone, or try to. It's not healthy.

What he said.

Is that a banned member here or something?

Guy was an asshole.

what this guy said.

...QFT

Not so much an asshole as a stone cold loser. Remember all that whiney emo-shit? I don't know how he did it, but he actually made my monitor tear-streaked.

Chickenmuffin, I think that you really need to take a step back and try to analyze the situation as emotionlessly as you can. Think about what's good and bad about the relationship. Think about what you'd tell a friend in the same spot. Most importantly, don't lie to yourself.

She's also the type that may be very convincing to no end to cover up what my hunches would notice. I do understand that if she tells me the truth that she was checking out guys, and that would further lead into complications because she knows that I wouldn't really trust her anymore. She knows the outcome so therefore, she tries to pertain her innocence as much as possible, I just haven't been open about it because I do sometimes check out other women, I felt as if though everything I've done for her and she would do something small like that in front of me. Well, it's a bit disappointing and I didn't know how to react to it. There is only so much I can take but I have slowly digested all.

Think of it as the ugly catapillar and the butterfly. Crompsin was the catapillar. I like the butterfly better. Although, there's still some ugly catapillar in the butterfly. The right girl and a couple of babies will get rid of that, though. <snicker>

It's not even a good analogy. I just wanted to call him a butterfly. A pink one.

Sparkly too.

Wait... I get it... it's all making sense now.

So when am I becoming a moderator?

Everybody talks shit... then I get promoted.

According to the Oedipal Theorum, you've got to kill me first.

"Here lies The_Jazz:

Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Awesomely hilarious. That needs to be noted somewhere.

All right, boys. Back to ChickenMuffin.

ChickenMuffin,

Your attitude towards your ex-girlfriend creeps me out. You need to walk away, as other have advised here, for your own good and for hers. You have a lot of personal growth to go through before you're ready to be in a relationship again, and I do believe you have a lot of realizations to come to about other people before you should pursue having another girlfriend.

You must realize about this theoretical future girlfriend:

1) Your girlfriend is not your property. She is her own human being, and you should repect that.
2) Your girlfriend is free to check out any man that she likes, and not tell you about it.
3) What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or in this case, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.
4) Your girlfriend is free to fantasize about any man that she likes, and not tell you about it.
5) Your girlfriend's body is her own, not yours. She doesn't have to tell you about every single thing that may be wrong with it.
6) Your girlfriend is free to masturbate on her own when you're not around if she so chooses.

I really feel like the above list is just the tip of the iceberg, though. Your behaviors towards your girlfriend and your attitudes about her and your relationship truly trouble me. You are in a very, very unhealthy place. Let her go, walk away, and work on understanding what's appropriate in relationships and what isn't, please.

snowy,

Your post was exactly what I wanted to say, only far more professional. The post I deleted included references to a basement, a pit, and lotion.

!@#$.... that makes a lot of sense now. Possibly, my biggest insecurity of all and that's one huge of a checklist too. I thought of her as my wife and I didn't want her to run wild. I gave it my all to the relationship and thought that it was too much to bear the things she does that isn't 'right'. But I don't own her and this is her life and I'm just part of it. I do need personal growth, and I haven't much respected her personal space. She has watched porn behind my back through webcam(I heard noises). and I confronted her about it, though I wasn't mean towards it but simply "Heyyyyyy which porn video you watching? Share! Share ! Shareeee<3" Not sure but I thought it was okay to be exposed to each other of these sorts. I mean, we were opened about porn, sex and etc. Don't know why she would hide that from me. I get it now... damn, why didn't I approach you all first when going through these problems. I trusted my own beliefs and values and had went with it, seeing my parents and what they go through everyday and yet they're always there for each other. They know each other and get back up together from problem to problem and this is something I wanted in my relationship, to grow from these problems. Maybe I was too delusional of this phase, maybe it was the simple life back then and now we're in the 21st century. God dammit...

I agree with all of the above advice given to you (ie, work on yourself, develop your life, your woman is not your property, etc), and would also like to add--you may be tempted to repeat this behavior with your next relationship. My first serious relationship was with someone who came across very much like you do. He took it so far that he threatened to kill himself and I was young and stupid and believed him and then stayed with him for 3 years and was absolutely miserable. I called his bluff and he didn't do it--but he did go on to make more and more women miserable after me. You can change now!

Calling her a perv shows a big lack of wanting to understand her and what is important to her. It shows that your values system is different from hers. This does not make her wrong. There's a lot of judgment coming across in the way that you wrote your original post. If a person you are with clashes with your fundamental values system (ie,you think they are a perv and don't like how they express their sexuality), you are likely not a good match. Remember that next time, and try not to control other people or make them feel guilty for how they naturally are. I got fucked up so badly trying to change myself in that first relationship, letting myself be made to think there was something wrong with me just because I liked to masturbate and kiss other girls. These things are not fundamentally wrong, just different from some.

Thank you guys, thank you all. Only time can tell eh? In my mind, I can't get this out of my head of thinking that there might be a second chance to start all over.

That's not your mind saying that, that's your penis thinking that.

Chicken,

...and you would be wrong. You really aren't getting it.

It is far more likely that she did not give you a second's thought while she spent the weekend humping the cheerleading squad while the football team watched.

Say it with me Chicken, "New Pussy (tm)."

Chicken,

I could not get over the thought of losing my first girlfriend either. As a result, the relationship died a slow, ugly, convulsive death. It's far better to make a clean break and clear your head--especially with the negative and unhealthy thoughts surrounding it, than to keep hoping and dragging the corpse that was your relationship through the mud.

Hope this helps.

-_-'... Seeing how this is a dead end road for me. She had asked me if I wanted my gifts back, should I take them back? I gave her a DSi XL on her 20th birthday and it has meaning to it. I told her that I gave her that gift for a reason and I denied taking my gifts back because I thought in my head if we had more time to self reflect over time because right now, we have school and it'll be done 2 weeks until summer starts. I keep thinking second chances here, and why is it not possible for a break up and then start all over? One of my friend has had that and it turned out fine for him. I believe my girlfriend isn't thinking about me atm but because of school she needs to move on to concentrate.

I mean, in the long run if this chance won't ever come then should I have gotten my gifts back? We had a clean break up, no fighting or whatsoever. But I still want to turn things around, just over time.

Dude, you guys broke up, she is NOT your GF. Move on, for your own sake, MOVE ON. You guys dated for what? 6 months? That's not a long time and it's even less when you are counting from the first time you held hands.

Wanna be a Native American giver? No one does, just let her have them and chock it up to buying presents while thinking with your cock. Don't do that. Wait till after 6 months to buy her a $400 (or whatever I'm pulling that figure out my ass) gift.

It's been a while since I wanted to bitch-slap someone who seems determined not to read. It's like Chicken is the masculine version of Chelle. Sure, the eyes are moving over the page, the words parsed in some cognitive filter that knows that one's a noun and that one's a verb, but then they are hitting this FUCKING BRICK WALL!!!

Chicken, the next post you write needs to say, "Here is my plan for acquiring New Pussy (tm):" If it says anything else, I'm done, man.

It hurts to come on a girl like this, too strong. Am I just on this first timer bullshit spell? Maybe I feel sorry for myself most of the time, like the type that doesn't get much attention from girls and that's why this one girl is special. I need confidence, workout session presumably. Know who I am and understand.
I'm trying real hard, real hard... can't sleep, can't eat. Doing an assignment atm and seeing her online on msn makes me.. weep.

Allow me to summon the spirit of the Great Departed Gucci:

"Someone needs to revoke your penis. You don't deserve it any more."

Did that strike the right note? I think so.

Seriously, MOVE ON. I've already had to deal with one fucktard stalker on the back end of things today. Don't be that guy. Seriously, don't be him. He's a douche, and we all wish he would leave her alone and make everyone's life better. You're not there yet, but that's the direction you're heading. Don't "accidentally" drive by her house. Delete her from Facebook. Delete her from MSN. Take her number out of your phone. Burn all the stuff she gave you. Give her back her jacket. MOVE ON. Spend $200 and get yourself a nice hooker if you have to - if sex is going to help you move on past this chick, then there's nothing wrong with a little financial transaction between consenting adults.

That's why I'm telling you to go hang out with friends. You're sitting alone, by yourself, doing some bullshit assignment, in front of the computer, INSTEAD OF HANGING OUT AND/OR IMPROVING YOURSELF.

I get it man, I really do. We all feel like trash and unwanted at different times of our lives, but you really MUST get out there and do something different or else you're just wallowing in a mud hole.

I'll tell you this right now too. You might want her back. You might even get her back. But you know what? That's for the worse. Because all the mis-trust and all that shit will come back, you'll break up again and you'll end up worse for wear. So please listen to us. Go work out. Go for a run. Go play World of Warcraft. Go fuck some random girl. Go party. Do anything but wallow.

Yeah THAT'S what he needs, another world for him to think he is being social ("But I talk to people everyday!") and for him to whine to other guys who use WoW as an outlet.

Bad KirStang, if he starts playing WoW now, he may never recover. He might still be pining for this girl when he turns 30.

*****

I know I say this a lot, but I miss Gucci, this thread needs him. If you can take a power kick in the ass from the combined might of Jazz, Gucci, and Plan9 then still be emo.... you will never recover. I did all the time in my whiny emo blogs I posted Pre-Cinn.

*****
That's saying a lot seeing how you do most of your posting in TiltedSesspool.

Hey, maybe we can hook Chelle and Chicken up. We could watch them date for 12 months before they both get up the courage to hold hands. We could make a reality TV show out of.

:Shrug: WoW is a pretty good distraction. You focus more on grabbing the dropped magic goods versus being reminded of how heartbroken you are.

Worked for me. :P

---------- Post added at 06:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:20 PM ----------

The point is, Chicken ain't thinking straight and needs a distraction or SOMETHING to put some space between him and thinking about his ex.

I wish I knew you guys in real life, I just text'ed my cousin and he's at work, I need back my family bonds.

being a control freak only works with weak or lame people. I know the feeling of intense loss and heartache. That said, you cannot control her.

If she loves sex like you say she does then you need to learn to trust and let shit go... if you get another chance.

Walk away. Put the photos and videos away. Wait a few weeks and maybe see if she is up to dating again. If not, burn the photos and such and walk away.

Cimarron's post helped me get it.

This is why it's important to have good friends in your life. When you're in a relationship you may not pick up on some of the stupid games or subplots. A trusted friend can give it to you straight without having to worry about the other person's feelings; they can be detached.

ChickenMuffin, no offense to you, but is English your 2nd language? I find some of your phrases confusing.

If it was a gift ("Happy birthday!"), it wasn't meant to be given with strings and a notarized agreement attached. If you lent her some of your stuff ("Did you hear this CD yet? You can borrow my copy so you can hear it."), then you should weigh the value of getting it back vs. the value of getting out of each other's lives.

Like others, I'm noticing a disturbing trend. It's like you were giving gifts to use as leverage, keeping track to hold the upper hand. Are you upset about losing the girl you love, or upset about losing control over a girl?

You shouldn't be reserving an honorable breakup for someone who's willing to return items of value to you. Whatever relationship you're ending, with a boss, GF or CPA, you should end it with integrity. You're responsible for your actions, she's responsible for hers. You can only control your actions, you can't control hers. If she says she wants out, walk away. If it's possible to be mature when getting back the shoes you left in her closet after that day you went hiking, get them, if not, buy a new pair of shoes and write off the expense to experience.

If your speadsheet detailing who's invested more in the other can only be balanced by demanding the return of presents, find yourself a good therapist who you trust to talk about it with.

My vote is with the therapist.

Funny shit on both accounts. The first one is so true.

its your first love. its natural to feel like shit dude, but you gotta move on. ask for your shit back, give her a trash bag full of her stuff and go to a strip club with some friends to get your mind off of her.

EDIT: i'm with 9 on this one, fuck everything (female) that moves so that you realize that vaginas are common enough and that eventually you'll meet that special someone regardless of their prowess/willingness to try new things in the sack.

That sucks. Pretty sure everyone has been in that spot at some point. Read, re-read, and memorize Snowy's post. Chill the fuck out, quit obsessing, maybe sit down with someone and see what can be figured out about some of your insecurities.

Get the DS and everything else back, sell it all on craigslist, and get thee to a titty bar.