Moving back home - brother destroying schoolwork
 

a week ago i moved back home with mum, her partner, and my little brother - i just couldnt cut it on my own, juggle my final year before university and keep my A+ average so i can get into the uni i want to for next year, and keeping a roof over my head. i just couldnt do everything and remain sane.

* my grades were starting to slip
* my job was increasing my hours - stress levels grew exponentially along with coursework requirements

so i moved back in. i knew it wouldnt be easy, but after living on my own, this is impossible. not due to house rules, but my little brother.

rules i can abide by - its simple. being a legal adult, i have freedom to come and go when i want as mum said - whatever it takes to get the marks i need to get university entrance.

its my little brother - im ready to kill him. he's 11, and suffers from ADHD, and in the week ive been back, has sucessfully destroyed my english & maths notes for the past 6months work, both math subject summary books i'd written ready for revision which will start in about 5 weeks time for my final exams (read: used as paper to start the woodheater).

when asked why he did that 'i couldnt find any old newspapers, and the books sitting on your bedroom floor looked useless, so i used them to start the fire'

the greatest part of it - since mum has become a psychologist, she's taken on a real soft approach to discipline, so he never learns to behave. he's become a royal little shit.

what can i do? i cant install a lockable door handle as the type my door has doesnt have a lockable version, and mum doesnt want me hacking up the door to install a deadbolt - she just finished painting the house and replacing doors.

the summaries, and english notes on the texts i'd spent about 100hrs of study into, so when i had to start revision, i had everything ready to go. now im boned, i cant make up that much lost time ontop of my current workload. ive got notes from people in my class, but argh... im losing my mind here.

i cant get any quiet space to study because of him, the library closes too early to do any major amounts of study on a weeknight.

pointers, tips, ideas, anything on how i can live here peacefully, and study effectively until i move out again in january for uni.

Sit down with mum and the royal imp to set limits and rules.

Based on what you said, it will fail. But it is a necessary first step.

Use the failure to justify locks. Being a psychologist, she will have to agree.

Even though the library closes early, find an all-night coffee shop or restaurant and stake out a table so you can have some time to yourself to study. Or find a friend, maybe a classmate, who's got their own place and is willing to let you study and crash there sometimes.

I definitely think a talk with your mother is in order. There need to be limits and boundaries, and if she wants you to get into university and out of her house, ever, she has to see the utility of giving you a brother-free space to study and keep your schoolwork.

It might also be worth it to make backups somehow - disks for computer work, photocopies for notes - and keep them somewhere the brother can't get to, like at someone else's place.

Invest in one of those cheap-o used file cabinets with locks as a temporary solution. As far as long-term solution, I suggest a one-on-one with the mother, and then a group discussion.

If all that fails, then let the beatings commence.

beatings are fun.. could always hang him up by his feet and pinyada his ass :D

Most of the advice has been said here :)
Sit and talk.. say.. 'OI! You want my grades to slip further!!' 'Well keep him out of my room.. he's succesfully destroyed all my important info that I NEEEEEDED!!'

ok ok.. enough from me
catchya

if a file cabinet is too expensive... use a lockable briefcase.

sometimes those fire safes work too.

Sounds like HE's not suffering from ADHD, YOU are!!!

Have a nice little chat with mum. Tell her what will happen if the little shit destroys any more of your valuable notes that you've worked so hard on. She should also be very concerned that he's playing with fire (even if it is to "light the woodheater").

If all else fails, there are many things you can do, albeit a tad extreme (and I am not kidding or exaggerating here). Duct tape and a dark closet for a few hours works wonders when you catch him fucking up. Then there's the old get a running start and boot him straight up the ass as hard as you can method. Also, one gentle nudge with an old fashioned cattle prod or stun gun after he's caught red handed will definitely do the trick, and it won't usually leave marks. Trust me, after using any of these, he'll go well out of his way to stay the fuck away from you if he knows you mean business.

If softie mom says anything, respond with "you both were warned, and I'll do it again (and worse) if you don't keep him away from me and my stuff!" She'll take you seriously, too when she sees you're not joking about your studies.

I am also in agreement with the above posters about locking your things up securely. Keep it at a friend's house if nothing else is available. Briefcases and file cabinets can be broken into with knives and crowbars, and I wouldn't put it past kids today. Get a safe of some sort if possible, (and a fireproof one at that).

Oh, and move out as soon as humanly possible.

i have to agree with the people saying beat him. nothing teaches a little brother to respect (read: fear) his brother and his stuff better than a good ass kicking. you can also start destroying his stuff. could be cathartic.

the coffeeshop idea is a ripper, unfortunately no such thing exists here, but i did sit down and have a serious chat with mum about it. though the ground rule has been set - i touch him, even the slightests of a beating, im out. she says she sees too many kids at the clinic due to physical abuse - doesnt want him to turn out like that. good advice though, just cant implement it. though she will discipline him a bit stronger now, which can only be a good thing.

she's going to talk with a close workmate tomorrow about being able to spend time there to study - which is good, seeing as its only her and her husband living there.

i spoke with my math teachers, and they have been major assistance - one is willing to give me out of hours tuition, free. he's also trying to round together a lockable filing cabinet as mentioned here for me for the rest of the year so it doesnt happen again. he was seriously pissed off when he found out the summary was destroyed, as he was incredibly pleased with the effort i put into it. specialist maths is already tough enough, and as his top student, is willing to get my work back on track ready for revision. he see's me as his chance to get a student with a higher than 46/50 (his best student in 1995) subject score for the hardest maths available at a high school level.

all in all, i think it'll work out if i'm able to study at mums workmates place whenever i feel like. there ill have quiet space. its a strong possibility as mums done a lot for her during her cancer treatment, so lets hope.

if anyone knows of very helpful math sites regarding vector calculus and parametric equations, along with kinematics (assessment next week), i'd be forever grateful, just to be able to get some further notes/examples that i have lost.

thanks for the advice. i read it this morning before classes, and went about what you's had said. rock on TFP'ers!

set your limit firm, man

you might live at home, but you have your rights too.
and yes, get a lock.
and if they ask why, say the damage done is proof enough.

man, I'm a man of patience, but that would push my limits.
those books are expensive.

Put the lock on the door and re-paint it yourself if there is any damage to the frame (there shouldn't be as you will only have to do a simple mortice at the worst).

Good first start. I'm glad you know that the physical approach will only get you ejected. Continue to press for locks.

Move out as soon as you can, of course.

Tell him that if he goes in your room or touches any of your stuff, even useless junk, you will kick the living shit out of him. Even ADHD kids understand pain.

if i get the cabinet from school (should find out today)... and the study space at her workmates place, ill be happy.

and as soon as i get my university placement in january, im out of here. i have accomodation sorted for next year (could move there in 3 weeks when my older brother moves into the new place which im moving to), but its an hour away from here. not viable at this moment.

I'll suggest something simple....Don't leave your stuff on the floor.

for calculus websites, search "caculus help" or soemthing like that in google. I found a whole bunch of sites that provided me with more help than i could ever need! goodluck in school and everything.

oh please, I was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago, it's NO excuse for being a retard. beat his ass till it's purple, or burn his stuff and claim "i'm sorry, i couldn't find any of your homework, and your toys were just lying on the floor looking useless"

A single, swift kick to the nads ought to sort things out :-)